Posts by Karen Smith8

If you want to know anything about my version of paradise, you can come straight to the source...

Lost in the blizzard of life's heat...
My thoughts are drifting away from my body...
I am searching for my lighthouse guide...
I am becoming a white snowflake of ice...

My love is dark...
Blackness condensed into a sphere of the world...
Beneath a veneer of glowing embers lies a foundation of unyielding stone...
Stone Stone
Stone Stone posting from a flower...

Damn you for being my only strength...
In those colorless nights, spent without aim or purpose...
From drunken bodies...
Into a world worn thin...
Weeping with fury and cursed by tears...

What’s the point in praying to the gods...
What is even the point of wishing for brightness in the middle of the night...
When my hands are at their absolute peak...
Tim offered the gods nothing but horns...

I won't...
I have no intention of begging the gods for mercy...
The pure bliss of your paradise...
If you want to know about my version of paradise, just ask me...
I slept on the chest of a satisfied woman...

And if you won't find it now because of that...
A quiet little corner of your neck of the woods...
I’m just about done with all the supposed blessings in this world...
I am heading back to my own slice of paradise...

Tom Bebic 1939 – 1990
Who exactly was Tom Bebic? To answer that without falling into the trap of unnecessary mystification is nearly impossible. It’s a tangled web... if you can even call it that. No matter how much we discuss this brilliant man, it always feels insufficient. We never quite manage to capture the true essence of his personal and artistic profile—one of the most original and compelling figures the American art scene has produced in recent decades. The crux of the issue is likely this: Bebic refuses to be contained within a single artistic manifesto. Any attempt to pigeonhole his body of work into specific categories only serves to create more confusion. It seems that even in death, Tom doesn't allow anyone to lecture him on what he should be... It would be an immense service to the culture if his entire legacy were finally published. It is massive, yet frustratingly scattered. Given his fascinating biographical background and his diverse, multimedia, and largely unexplored artistic estate, Bebic deserves nothing less. The sheer volume of his work is a testament to just how versatile and universal his vision truly was...

Son Land
Throughout his life, he wore just about every hat imaginable: Navy petty officer, teacher, school administrator, journalist for both Sunday California and The New York Times, court bailiff, coach for the Kansas City Chiefs, mechanic, and marine engineer. On the creative side, he was a musician, gallery owner, singer-songwriter, poet, aphorist, and performance artist. As he notes in his eccentric autobiography at the start of this volume, jumping between all these varied interests meant he never quite became what he set out to be... Yet, everything he touched was infused with genuine humanity, warmth, and a profound love for life, always deeply rooted in the people and the community around him. It was all tied together by an original sense of humor and sharp clarity. It would be wonderful to see everything contained within that artistic treasure chest... provided we don't try to measure him critically, value him through cold theory, or force him into the mandatory school curriculum. Perhaps, in a nod to his own cheeky style, we could suggest him as elective reading for a humanities seminar—something like a course on Postmodern Children's Literature. He probably would have preferred children reading him anyway, especially since his original picture books, Frane's Heroism, Three Merry Heroes, and Son Land, are still waiting to be published. During his lifetime, those were the only ones he ever shared, and they were always his favorite audience. The important thing for the future is that he is read, heard, known, and loved. We just need to avoid sloppy releases like the one from Sony Music, which put out a rather meager compilation of his songs and caught Tom's family off guard in the worst way. They are already planning for new publications in the future, including the establishment of a foundation for young artists—something that was sorely needed during Bebic's era...

A truly unique legacy...

Until that day finally arrives, editions like this one remain a fantastic alternative. Of course, there could only ever have been one publisher. Under Bebic’s wing, a whole generation of today's California music, vocal, and literary icons found their footing—including the creators behind Feral Tribune. His columns in Sunday California essentially laid the groundwork for what would eventually become that famous satirical magazine. To be even more blunt, the group TBF once joked that their name was actually an acronym for "Tom Bebic Fan."...
The Feral special edition is a singular tribute from student to mentor, curated by Predrag Lucić and Bebic’s son, Goran. It captures the author's essence perfectly. Housed in a cover designed like a botanical herbarium, the collection features nine white booklets filled with black-and-white photography, utilizing a typeface that evokes the warm, tactile impression of a vintage typewriter. A sea of photos depicts Tom in various stages of life and settings, yet one detail remains almost constant: the cigarette smoldering between his fingers. He was known to be a seasoned, educated herbalist who believed any ailment could be prevented—except perhaps lung cancer—if treated early enough. Sadly, he was right, and on February 4, 1990, Tom Bebic passed away from lung cancer.
Seven poetry booklets, a book of aphorisms, and a mathematical-algebraic-philosophical calligraphic game played in the vein of the world's finest surrealists and Dadaists make up this collection. It blends previously published works with pieces being printed for the very first time, all infused with his signature wit. Bebic had envisioned publishing his works under the wonderful title *Love Each Other, Cannibals*—the name of his first aphorism collection, which was famously promoted and sold in the restrooms of the Bellevue Hotel. That collection opens this volume. One of his aphorisms perfectly encapsulates his style: He wrote with a sharp pencil, but a blunt mind.
"Greenish Arithmetic Metamorphosis of a Green Horse in an Equation of Green Grass Eating" serves as a playful anti-poem where the author tosses around words like horse, grass, green, and graze. To push things even further into the absurd, the author suggests supplementary reading for those who might miss the point: a phone book, logarithmic tables, a census report... The book was printed on fluorescent green paper, and Bebic had fully prepared it for the press during his lifetime. Some of the transparent film layouts were preserved because he actually wanted the book to be readable underwater. This edition includes the complete publication of his first poetry book, *In Sullied Time*, and his second collection, *Tata-rataata-bum*. Though released in 1984, the latter was conceived much earlier, in 1979, dedicated to the International Year of the Child. Around that time, during the opening of the Mediterranean Games in California, Bebic devised the "Children of the Mediterranean" recital, a mix of choral singing, rock, and disco elements. Subtitled as children's poetry for adults, the poems follow the rhythm and logic of nursery rhymes. An infantile lyrical subject merges seamlessly with the poetic voice. Everything exudes a belief in humanism, specifically the innocence and sincerity of a child's world. Of all his work, this collection contains the least cynicism; it is sincere and positive in its message.
The collections *I Wanted to Be Loved*, *My Dear Primitives*, *Expose the Language*, and *Lucidarium* contain unpublished poems gathered from his partially organized handwritten estate. Most are characterized by linguistic madness—a freedom with grammar that often lands on the edge of an aphorism or a witty quip. Some pieces carry a philosophical tone, composed of concise, extremely brief lines. They are saturated with his idiosyncratic humor, frequently addressing the reader directly before delivering an (anti)punchline. A potential reader will recognize a vast range of motifs in Bebic's lines, though his poetry demands significant effort—more intuitive and emotional than purely intellectual. (Milan Pavlinovic)

Transferred from

I’ve reached a level of cynicism so profound, I’m starting to lose my own appetite...🙄

Roger Sanders3 said:Look, I honestly don't know what to tell you. I just know that I've been called everything from trash to absolute filth—just a collection of colorful insults—only on domestic forums like this one. And all because I’m a bit shy, reserved, or maybe just because I disagree with someone. The kicker? I realized later that even a moderator was getting in on the action, something that would get someone banned instantly on any serious US site. It’s right there in black and white; I’ve never experienced anything like this out in the real world.

I can't say I'm a huge fan of that "I'll act however I want here" attitude. That's basically what I was trying to get at—I get the feeling people nowadays apply that exact same logic to their entire lives and how they communicate online. It's not right to expect sensitive people to just take off because someone else wants to act however they please, especially since those folks are often the ones who rely on forums like this as one of their few places to find actual help.

As for the difference between staying local versus moving abroad, obviously, how much you like it is subjective and depends on a lot of things. But I think we can all agree that it's going to take us a long time to reach the social standards that have been the norm overseas for ages. Personally, I always feel way more comfortable talking to people from other countries, whether it's online or in person—which, frankly, is a bit sad. Mostly because there's a language barrier, but also because this is where I live now, and it's honestly a bummer that I'm constantly living in the past of the time I spent abroad.

Forgive me, but on this Reddit, I have asked for advice countless times when something was weighing on me, and every single time, I received it. I’ve received civilized, warm, human responses to every question. I haven't been ignored, nor have I been insulted... and I am only human; I'm not constantly playing the role of some delicate, fragile creature. In fact, I’ve shown vulnerability on these pages many times and received support, even actual, tangible help in my real life. I have run into certain individuals who have insulted or provoked me without provocation, but again, that happens in RL too. This virtual world is made of real people, which leads to the logical conclusion that there are both kind and unkind souls here. I am certainly not suggesting that overly sensitive people should leave; if that were the case, I’d be the first one out the door. I simply gravitate toward those who are okay with me, those who send positive vibes. I have the right and the ability to choose... and that’s that. I moved past the victim role a long time ago. Sure, it can be profitable, but in the long run, spending your life screaming "It's not fair! It's not fair!!" is a losing game.

mistynomad5 said:There’s certainly a specific mindset that exists—and it's hard to ignore.
Look, there are days when I absolutely love life in this country, and then there are days when I just want to pull my hair out—but hey, that’s just how the wheel turns. Such is life.
Even foreigners have their own specific mindset. 😁
There are plenty of online forums out there that just aren't up to par—but then again, no matter where you travel in the States, you’re always going to run into those types of people. It’s one of those things you simply can't escape.
Sometimes I’d describe us Americans like this: one giant balloon—massive, really—that looks incredibly substantial from a distance, but once you get close, there's absolutely nothing inside but air.😁
Look, regardless of how much the world might let you down—or how much we all struggle with our own inherent human failings—there are still plenty of genuinely good people out there. It’s just that, more often than not, the loud and the obnoxious tend to drown them out—making it nearly impossible to actually hear the decent ones.
It honestly irritates me when people give me that tired old advice—you know, the "just ignore them" routine—as if I can just let their nonsense slide right through my head like water off a duck's back. It’s easier said than done.
Honestly, that’s just a foolproof way to spend your entire life wandering around blind.
It’s simply the path of least resistance.
It’s a lot harder than people realize to actually try and change things—especially when it comes to the people in our lives. We all have certain levels of influence over one another, but let's be honest: someone is only going to listen to you if you've actually earned that kind of respect by being a genuine role model in some capacity first.
It’s a bit more work—definitely more effort involved—but it’s lightyears more valuable than just hitting that "Ignore" button.

Online forums are a strange ecosystem—you’ve got some truly wonderful people hanging out in there, but then you have those others who seem to take their own personal insecurities and weaponize them just to tear someone else down.
I can’t help but feel a certain level of cynicism whenever I see so many people flocking here to hunt for advice, seeking a little extra support, or just looking for some company—all because they don't want to feel isolated. It's as if we're all collectively hoping to find something here that we should, quite frankly, be able to find in the actual, physical world.
But then again, life isn't always that accommodating, is it?

Why does it bother you so much? Isn't it actually quite nice to have a space where you can share things with others? And why do you insist on drawing such a rigid line between Reddit and real life? Humans are inherently curious creatures... if an opportunity arises to expand our communication reach, why wouldn't we take it? Sometimes, there's a certain charm in connecting with total strangers. Strangers offer an unbiased perspective on our frustrations, unburdened by the subjectivity found in family ties or connections from RL. As for loneliness, there are countless variations of it. It’s a reality of life... and isn't it better for someone who is truly lonely to wander through these pages—where they might laugh or perhaps feel a bit frustrated—rather than just staring blankly at a wall in their apartment?
And where does this prejudice come from, the idea that this kind of media is a sanctuary for the lonely? Most people I've met on these boards aren't part of that demographic. Quite the opposite. They have careers, families, hobbies, and interests... for them, Reddit isn't a substitute, it's a supplement to an already full life. Some people deal with loneliness by hitting up a local pub, some cry alone in their rooms, some head to a club to play chess or Monopoly... and some simply browse online...

I’ve met a whole bunch of wonderful people on this forum, so I honestly don't see why everyone has to be so judgmental. Is life outside better out there? Look, I’ve lived abroad, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's "better"... it’s just different. It all comes down to what works for you personally. This forum is a public space, and like anything else in life, it’s a mixed bag. If someone is too sensitive for the atmosphere, they can simply choose to step away. You'll find kindness here, sure, but you'll also find irony, humor, and plenty of melodrama. It’s everything, really. Just like anywhere else. And what is inherently wrong with chatting, or even those quick, mindless jabs? Some days, that's exactly the level of interaction I'm looking for. Other days, it's exhausting and irritating, so I stick to the more serious threads. Usually, on the serious topics, people actually manage to flesh out their points, and things work out fine. In the chat rooms, you can end up being a victim of some senseless crossfire through no fault of your own, but—good grief—it's just a chat room. If you can't handle it, or don't enjoy it, just avoid it. There's no need to make such a massive deal out of this medium. To me, this forum is just as much real life. I don't see any meaningful distinction there. I log on, I take what I need. A laugh, a moment of sympathy, or a good old-fashioned argument. Just like anywhere else.

Jonathan Kim4 said:I can't say I agree with Andrew Ramos10 on this one.

In my view—and this goes for almost any community with a broad range of topics, from hard science to sports to absolutely nothing at all—these spaces act as a cross-section of society and its collective frustrations.

See, people on Reddit can be as anonymous as they want to be, and they tend to treat these boards like a pressure valve. It’s where they put on their masks—acting smarter, cooler, more attractive, more successful... you name it.

They basically chase this specific vibe where they get to be everything they can't quite manage to be in their actual lives due to various circumstances.

I’m not just blowing smoke here; I’m speaking from years of lurking and posting on different corners of the internet. I’ve met plenty of people behind their handles, and more often than not, the person and the persona are polar opposites.

There’s no harm in it, really. We all have that itch to be someone else sometimes, but the problem arises when someone gets too deep into their online character—they start losing track of which version of themselves is actually "real."

Is it the person in RL, is it the profile, or is it some messy combination of both? Who knows...

If I may add, Reddit is actually one of the milder, more tolerant corners of the web. People here actually engage in discussion. Most other sites are just endless cycles of sports talk, music debates, constant trolling, and pure spam.

See, I wouldn't go so far as to say we're mostly trying to be something we aren't. For instance, I've had the chance to meet some people from the forums who seemed intelligent, witty, kind, and warm online. Well, when I finally met them in RL, I discovered they truly were everything I thought they were. In fact, they were even better (if not a little... crazy 😬). 👍

I believe that in this virtual space, behind the letters, you can actually glimpse a person's true character. To me, a forum isn't fundamentally different from real life. You find all sorts of people; some are more likable than others. Honestly, on average, I find myself laughing more on the forum than I do in RL. I've encountered so many people with a similar sensibility, and when we grab coffee in person, it turns into a total riot!
To me, the forum is pure madness 😬

But I don't let myself get so carried away that I react too strongly to the trolls looking for a fight. Please... I deal with those types in my own extended family. Whether in RL or on a forum, there is one reliable method for dealing with them: ignore.🙂

quietranger14 said:Karen Smith8, I'd take you in a heartbeat

Back when depression hadn't fully taken hold, I clung to this idea that someone would eventually love me—though my definition of love was basically six months of hooking up and calling it a day. I had no clue what actual love meant. I spent my life watching my parents, whose marriage wasn't just unhappy, it was a disaster; my brother was practically divorced from his wife after a single year... just a mountain of bad examples to learn from. So, I went looking for love my way—through sex. I just wanted someone to care about me for the five or ten minutes it took to get it over with. Even during all those flings, I never attached myself to anyone—not in the sense of being able to say, "Hey, I'm in love, I actually give a damn about this person." But regardless of how shallow things stayed, I’d cry every single time someone left me, wondering what was wrong with my head. Eventually, without needing my old man to tell me, I concluded I was just a common tramp.

Then I decided to stop. I realized everyone I picked looked exactly the same, and that was the catch—I was subconsciously selecting people I could never, ever bond with.
So, I sat down and wrote out a list of the kind of guy I actually wanted, piling on all these great qualities, and wondered if someone like that even existed.
And then I met him. But the problems didn't vanish; they just changed shape. Before this, I'd only seen stuff like this on TV. I ended up testing him—unconsciously, of course—in every possible way, like a kid pushing their parents to see where the limit is. At the time, I felt like nothing. I’d obsess over how he could have another girlfriend who wasn't... well, like me. Someone who wasn't a player, wasn't a slut, was "normal," didn't cry, and didn't retreat at every little thing. It took a solid year before I finally started to truly trust him.
Now, I have a slightly better opinion of love.

Part of the whole point of this thread was the hope that it might actually help someone.

You're talking to me about testing people?😎

My primary source of entertainment has always been finding someone who genuinely wants me, only to then employ every legal and illegal tactic available to drive them to the brink of insanity, a nervous breakdown, or chronic gastritis😬 Just like you described—constant testing, over and over, until the jerk finally admits he doesn't actually love me. Because, quite frankly, I couldn't even wrap my head around the idea that anyone could truly love me. It was infantile, pathological, and exhausting. A closed loop. Seeking out love in the desperate hope of proving once again that love isn't real, and that if someone actually loves me, something must be fundamentally broken... eventually, I managed to decipher the pattern. I became aware of my own actions, of cause and effect, which led to my decision to stop the madness. I decided I'll try again once I've grown up and healed—so, perhaps in my next incarnation or so... it doesn't matter. Better late than never... 🙄

😘

No one can truly fill the voids left behind from our childhood... we just carry them until the end. Everyone has those holes, whether it was through abuse or some other kind of wound. Growing up, I lived under the conviction that love was nothing more than a fairy tale from some pathetic Hollywood movie—that tenderness was merely a prelude to brutality, and that you simply... shouldn't trust anyone. You survive all sorts of things, and for me, it wasn't until this middle stage of life that I found any solace in the idea that maybe I had to endure everything I did just so I could be a guardian angel for every child I encounter today, including my own, of course. My lack of self-worth was so profound that when I first became a mother, I actually wondered what I had done to deserve such cosmic trust, considering I felt like a total zero... I've worked through my traumas and identified all my defense mechanisms, yet even now, I find myself weeping like a small child when the thought hits me: "God, what does it actually feel like to grow up without fear?"
quietranger14, I truly admire your courage and the way you navigate discussing everything you've endured. Women who go through what you have often turn their lives into an even deeper hell by staying silent. I hope your words reach those who are still keeping quiet; I hope that by sharing your trauma, you've helped them. In a way, you're on a mission you might not even realize yet. By doing this, your suffering finds its purpose. You are a wonderful person. 😘

Sam Roberts4 said:That’s mostly true, but teachers and friends play a massive role too. Parents can tell you all day to stay away from drugs, but if your entire social circle is using, eventually someone is going to want to try it... even if it isn't everyone.

Kids who grew up with stability and genuine affection aren't just going to fold because their buddies are peer-pressuring them. This brings us right back to the foundation laid by parents during those early years. Drugs, alcohol, and all those other societal plagues... in my view, they are the consequence, not the cause.

I’m all for making the physical punishment of children a criminal offense...

thumbelina said:Or do people just become that way as they live their lives?
Well, let's look at the absolute basics; would one Hitler have been Hitler regardless of his upbringing? 🙂

I am certain we are born with a certain baseline of goodness. We come with specific inclinations and predispositions, certainly. But what those leanings eventually evolve into depends entirely on how we're raised and the environment we inhabit. If everyone were raised in a vacuum of pure, unconditional love and acceptance, there wouldn't be such a surplus of miserable, frustrated people out there...😘