10 posts shown.
Daniel Gonzalez4 said:So, I went back and double-checked everything. My overdraft limit is sitting at roughly 1.7 times my monthly salary, while the limit for installment purchases is only about 0.23 times what I make. It’s not like I’m some deadbeat—I maintain my account perfectly, I have maximum credit innovation, and I actually use a whole bunch of their different services. Honestly, the only explanation I can see for this is that they’ve capped me just because I don't actively use those specific features.
George Barrett35, I wasn't saying the service itself is useless—I was saying that with a limit this low, it’s practically useless.
You probably haven't used it, and that's why they lowered it; banks tend to scale back those limits for people who don't touch them just to free up reserves. If you actually want to use the full amount, just give that 1-800 number a call and you could have it cleared in a day or two—or, if you use a small portion of what you have now, the full limit should reset in a few days...
Carol Thompson said:The idea that change is possible comes from, say, professors and veteran clinical psychology experts over at Zillow. I mean, sure, maybe they were all lying when they taught their students... But if I have to choose between trusting an experienced specialist or some anonymous person on an internet forum, I think my answer is pretty obvious... ☕
Science and the profession don't actually hold a unified stance saying it's impossible. The truth is there are several conflicting viewpoints out there. And most of those disagreements are really just happening between the mainstream LGBTQ+ lobby and psychoanalysts... but at that point, we're talking about politics, power dynamics, and so on.
It’s honestly sad to see how many of you here are just pushing your own personal agendas. It feels like this whole thread has devolved into a fight for political correctness and rights rather than offering any sincere, unbiased help to slyraven9.
What you're forgetting is that this disorder isn't diagnosed in just anyone who decides they don't want to be gay or wants to change. 😉
I never said this disorder was being diagnosed in just anybody. Nor does the category of "unspecified sexual disorder" apply exclusively to homosexual orientation; it can apply to any orientation whatsoever.
That's exactly why I suggested slyraven9 should go see a professional to figure out what's actually going on with him...
And finally, even if that is indeed the disorder in question, changing one's orientation might only be one potential solution. As Drew Morgan pointed out, another option could simply be changing one's mindset and emotional outlook.
That's all from me.
Honestly, what a ridiculous category—it’s almost laughable. It seems like everyone uses it nowadays as a sort of catch-all label, much like how politicians back in the day used to point fingers at "internal enemies" to distract people.
Do you even grasp what lobbying actually entails—or rather, what the actual goal of lobbying is? Real lobbying happens in circles where massive profits are on the line—we're talking big money, oil, natural resources, or multinational corporations. I fail to see what the specific interest of a "gay lobby" would actually be. Care to enlighten me?
placidlynx24 said:God, I don't even get this anymore. This place is a damn asylum. Straight guys will beat you up because you're gay, and then gay guys will beat you up because you're trying to be straight... 😕😕 😕
slyraven9, just keep doing what you're doing. Who knows, maybe you'll make it work.👍
Great, so now we're discussing physical assaults.
Look, I didn't really advise him to do anything specific, other than to actually think things through. I don't know anyone who ever caught cancer from thinking too much, so I doubt it'll hurt him—if anything. I just shared my own experiences and perspectives so the kid could see he isn't the only one struggling with this stuff. How he processes it or which direction he takes is entirely up to him—not my business. If it encourages him to realize that he's the one who matters most, and that his own feelings and instincts come first, then I guess I've done my part.
redharbor9 said:It’s totally normal. I already laid out some of the reasons people want kids based on the research, but let’s be real—it's also just how you're wired. It's an instinct.
Thinking that gay people shouldn't or can't have kids is straight-up stupid. Sexual orientation is just one tiny part of who someone is. Expecting a gay person to not want kids is just as delusional as expecting them to not need food or water. It’s basic human nature. Period.
Sexual orientation doesn't even stop someone from having a kid. Period.
Look, it’s science. Romantic love and parental love aren't even in the same league. They hit completely different parts of your brain. Period.
What you want isn't even weird. The real issue here is our society, not you.
nimblemaker52 said:| Fact is, life's just easier for streamers. Obviously I wish mine was that simple too... honestly, I can't even pick one example to prove it because there are a million valid ones. |
Don't we all just default to the path of least resistance? It’s basically hardwired into us. Human nature is all about hunting for the easiest way out—minimizing stress, dodging pain, and avoiding risk whenever possible. It's how we're built.
Quincy:| So now we're playing this game? Am I just dealing with some deep-seated self-loathing here? Like, am I actually autohomophobic? Seriously? |
I don't see any sign of internalized homophobia in what you wrote. There’s an actual questionnaire used to measure that stuff—I can dig it up and compare the results to a study done here in the States a few years back, if I can find the data. But honestly? Based on what I'm saying, that isn't the issue. I already explained it to you.
Quincy:| Not really. Maybe to an extent, since I’m not exactly everyone's cup of tea. |
Independence has zero to do with self-acceptance or having the guts to stand up for yourself. Self-acceptance—meaning that internalized homophobia—is about how YOU actually feel and process things deep down. It’s not about what you want, what you have to do, or what you think you should be doing. Period.
Quincy:| Look, personally? I don't have a problem with it. |
Just like you said. 🙂
No, regarding parenthood... I know several gay men, and I've never heard anyone say they wanted kids just because they had a specific "desire" for it... maybe that's why I was a bit confused, um... though I didn't think my own desire was somehow abnormal.🙂
And as for what you said about our society—unfortunately, it's the same way everywhere else outside these borders. Regarding adoption, I know there are loopholes in the law and the practicalities involved, and if—and when—I decide to have a child, I'll be more than happy to utilize them :>D
Like I said, I don't think I'm homophobic myself, but I'd actually be open to taking those tests. I'd love to settle the matter; if the results come back great, then wonderful, and if not... well, I won't be too hard on myself.
slyraven9 said:Thanks for the advice, Anne Hathaway. 🙂
It’s almost been two weeks since I started this thread.
I've been taking some of the advice people gave me here, and things are... let's just say they've improved a little bit. First and foremost, I've started finding the female body attractive. I notice breasts—you know, that softness, the curves, how they move when women walk—and butts and legs too. I won't go into graphic detail, but yeah, I'm more attracted to women than I used to be. It isn't quite the same kind of arousal I feel toward men, but it's definitely stronger than before. Even my attraction to men has dipped, which I didn't really expect—not a total wipeout, but definitely noticeable. It's tough, though. It feels a bit like giving an addict exactly what they crave most, but if you've made up your mind that you want to be "normal," you just have to fight for it. I had a few slip-ups at first, but the further I go, the easier it gets. You just learn how to live with it and manage it.
EDIT:
Just so we're clear, it's not like this is possible in such a tiny window of time. If I'm managing it, it doesn't mean everyone can just snap their fingers and do it. I have to emphasize that I've actually been wrestling with this for several months now, like I mentioned in my very first post.
I don't want to presume you aren't trying—I'm hardly an expert—but maybe just... watch what you're doing?
You could look at what you're attempting as a sort of extreme diet; you might lose a few pounds, but you'll end up putting some junk on your body instead. And the worst part is, the weight comes back, but the damage stays.
The big difference, of course, is that effective diets actually exist, whereas a successful treatment to change sexual orientation hasn't exactly been discovered in history.
Maybe some people managed to exercise self-control and avoid homosexual relationships, but I wouldn't even want to imagine what the psychological fallout of that would be...
You're still so young; let your imagination develop, enjoy life, and you'll eventually figure out who you are and what you want... you'll find a way to adjust somewhere along the line.
Again, I'm not a specialist, so take this with a grain of salt, but please be careful. At least try to find some solid literature recommended by someone reliable—something that will encourage actual reflection and healthy sexual maturation.
@redharbor9I was actually hoping you’d weigh in on this... I wanted to pull you into the conversation, specifically regarding what I wrote about that gap between learned social norms—those rigid patterns we're taught to follow—and our raw, primal needs and desires.
(I'm not entirely sure if I'm articulating this clearly, so please bear with me since my background is in a completely different field altogether)
Let me try to be a bit more specific....
My own sense of longing—that occasional ache over not being straight—really boils down to two things:
1.) I want a child, mostly because of the emotional security inherent in that kind of bond. The love a parent feels for a child doesn't really fluctuate much; I have this drive to care for someone, to provide love, and ultimately to receive that same devotion in return. I know everyone's experience is different—for instance, I haven't lived with my parents since I turned 18, and we live states apart now, though we share this unbreakable, almost cosmic connection... It isn't the kind of pain you feel when you lose a partner; it's something mutual, unconditional, and seemingly limitless. That alone makes me want a child, which is why I find myself drawn to women—because, let's face it, no guy is going to give me a biological child, and adoption in America still has its hurdles... I'm sure you're familiar with how that goes.
2.) The reality is that life just seems simpler for straight people, and honestly, I wish mine were that straightforward too. I can't think of just one example to prove it; there are a million equally valid ones.
So, does this mean I don't accept myself? Am I somehow internalized homophobic? Hmm... I don't think so, though maybe to a small degree since I'm not out to everyone. But I view that as a calculated choice—it's simply easier this way. I worry that people might eventually look down on me or treat me differently as a colleague or a peer, and I refuse to give them the satisfaction of diminishing me. In my line of work, I can't exactly find a niche where I won't run into someone like that... whereas maybe a doctor working at a major hospital in New York City could afford to be more open.
There was a time when I considered telling my immediate family, but I didn't get the support I needed from my boyfriend back then. He kept pushing the decision onto me, essentially saying he didn't want to be there when I told them... So, I've concluded that it wasn't homophobia, but rather a lack of courage. Or maybe—and I wonder this myself—is it actually a bit of both?
As for me as an individual, I'm fine with who I am. I know what I am, and I've managed to sort through most of the pieces in my head—even if I've perhaps placed a few of them in the wrong spots. I'm not living under the delusion that I'll suddenly become straight; I know I won't, and I know I'll never marry a woman. I'm certainly not dreaming of some idealized version of the traditional American nuclear family... If I do dream, it’s about finding that perfect partnership and having a child—ideally my own, which is nearly impossible, or perhaps through adoption in an environment that wouldn't judge a child for having two dads.
A few years back during my college days, I put together a paper on emotional intelligence—specifically looking at it through the lens of recruitment and talent selection.
My advisor warned me right off the bat that finding decent literature wouldn't be easy; she figured relying on older studies would just lead to a headache, so I stuck to more recent articles—though, naturally, they were all in English. You can find stuff online, but honestly, you’re better off logging into the university portal to access the academic databases; I always relied on EBSCO, since it's far more reliable than those random websites you stumble upon.
It’s a fascinating field, really—probably still under-researched even by today's standards. Unfortunately, my career path took me in a bit of a different direction, so I haven't delved much deeper into it, aside from the occasional dive out of pure curiosity.
Look, I don't mean to turn this thread into a deep dive on religion or spirituality—that’s probably not what we're here for. Personally, I tend to view what people call God as more of an energy, or perhaps just some force greater than ourselves... I suppose everyone has their own way of looking at it.
Moving on, though—none of us are identical, and our life experiences aren't exactly carbon copies of one another either. I didn't lay out all that personal stuff about myself just for you to try and map it onto your own life; based on your posts, it seems to me you're quite capable of thinking for yourself, so I really just wanted to give you some food for thought.
Here is a little more...
I deal with certain desires regarding the opposite sex—it’s hard to put my finger on it. I know I'm gay, but sometimes I feel this strange sense of nostalgia for things I'm missing out on because of that... specifically when it comes to having children, though there's more to it than that. I wonder if it's just leftover conditioning from how I was raised as a kid, or if it's a genuine, underlying need. Usually, I quickly realize that I wouldn't be able to settle down with one woman for the rest of my life. I actually had the chance to have sex with a woman recently... everything was great, very high energy, a bit of fun, I was definitely turned on, and honestly, I could have gone for it—but I didn't. I wish I knew why I didn't... I just don't know.
It seems to me that what's bothering you is that gap—that disconnect—between what you actually want or need and the behaviors you were taught or accepted as "normal"... I used my own experience to illustrate that point. It might not be exactly the case for you, but it's something to consider.
I'd love to see redharbor9 join the conversation. It feels like no one has approached the topic from this specific angle yet, and given his expertise in that field, he'd likely have some pretty insightful things to say. 🙏
slyraven9, here’s a bit of my own experience—maybe it’ll give you some perspective if you find it useful. I went through a very similar path to what you’re dealing with right now, and honestly, I’ve reached a pretty peaceful place regarding it all. I’m certainly no scientist specializing in human sexuality, but since I see you’re looking for some guidance, I figured I’d share my story as a sort of real-world validation for some of those tips you've been reading.
I was born and raised in a small, conservative town, in a strict Catholic family and all that... to make a long story short, I didn't even really hear the word "homosexual" until I was about 12 or 13, and I probably didn't truly grasp the reality of it until I was 15 or 16. But back then, I had absolutely no clue that I was gay myself.
Looking back at my childhood, though, I can see that I was always gay in some capacity. When I sit down and actually analyze certain moments—even looking at my younger brother and seeing reflections of myself in him—it all becomes clear. (Off topic: it’s a shame we don't live closer, because I wish I had a better way to support him. I’ve known for years that he’s gay too, but since he’s just going through puberty, he might not be fully aware yet. He’ll have to walk this same path, which I suppose is inevitable, though maybe it'll be easier for him since he's 15 years younger than me and everything is just... different and more normalized nowadays).
Now, don't get me wrong—it wasn't like I gave it away by wearing makeup or playing with dolls; that would have been too obvious. It was more about who I was drawn to and where I was looking. I guess over time I just learned how to look at girls because that’s what "normal" looks like in high school. I was quite the sensitive soul, too—I spent three years pining over a girl, writing her love letters and all that nonsense. I was head over heels, had physical contact with girls, and even stayed in a relationship with one for ten months. In my early twenties, I had a fairly active sex life, almost like a stallion in his prime, 😬 but even during all of that, I knew—or rather, I knew but refused to accept—that I was gay. Before that long hetero relationship, I’d had a few homosexual experiences, but clearly, I wasn't "in love" enough to stop running from the truth. During that longer relationship, I finally realized it wasn't right for me, though I couldn't quite put my finger on why at the time. After we broke up, I tried to distract myself by exploring both genders through various short-term flings and sexual encounters. That’s when it clicked: guys really turn me on. As for women, I adore them; I love my female friends because they tend to be more emotionally expressive than the straight guys, and I find it much easier to talk to them. They’re great fun, too, and honestly, they weren't nearly as much of a "drama queen" as the gay guys I was meeting back then—they actually annoyed me more in the beginning than they do now.
I struggled with it, and I struggled for a long time... I went through one gay relationship that lasted about a year and a half, where I mostly convinced myself it was just about the sex. I accepted some of the emotions, sure, but I still held onto this fantasy that I’d eventually marry a woman, have kids, and have that perfect traditional marriage. Cheating or being promiscuous was never really my cup of tea—though, admittedly, things were different when I was single. I felt this frantic need to find *someone*, which I think stemmed from my own insecurities, a lack of self-confidence, and this desperate need to prove something to myself. I suspect most people who act promiscuously do it for those exact reasons.
Anyway, luckily, about ten months after that breakup—once I had finally cleared my head from the previous situation—I fell into a new love. It was incredibly intense: a three-year relationship, two of which we lived together. It was an exceptionally high-quality relationship, despite all the usual stresses that come with daily life. I have plenty of straight friends, and many of them deal with the exact same issues in their relationships—the same stupid arguments, the same stuff... honestly, hardly any problem we faced was unique to us; my straight friends have dealt with almost every single situation we went through.
Ultimately, within that relationship, I completely accepted myself and the reality of my orientation. I don't struggle with my conscience anymore because I know I'm attracted to men, not women. I don't spend time thinking I'm "not normal" or that it's my fault, or any of those other lies you and most young people go through when facing these kinds of "problems."
And yet, I still face challenges. I blame some of those factors for why my last relationship ended. The issue was hiding—not physically, because we lived together for two years and never had an issue with that. We went out, we went on vacations; our neighbors either thought we were roommates or just ignored it. We didn't make a scene in public or in hallways; we never encountered any negative reactions. For instance, when we were at the beach, it might have looked a little odd to see two guys sharing an apartment, but nobody ever reacted... it was fine. The problems were psychological, at least for me. I couldn't tell all my friends; I didn't hide him from them, but they just thought we were buddies, so they had no idea we were living together. For example, if I hosted a party, most of the invited guests assumed he was just there as my friend. It sucked; I felt like I was betraying him. My sister didn't even know we were living together; she’d come over for Sunday dinner every week, and he’d just head over to his parents' house for lunch. She thought we were just friends—and she still thinks that. I haven't even introduced him to my parents because we don't live in the same city. Basically, only a handful of my gay friends knew, along with a few straight friends. Almost all of his friends knew, and his parents seemed to just overlook it; I met them, but only as a friend, not as his partner.
Why did I mess this up so badly? It’s like I was trying to hide him—or even worse, betray him—almost as if I were ashamed. I don't really know how to put the feeling into words, but it tears you apart. At least, it's tearing me apart. I always told myself I was someone with deep, intense emotions—a lifelong idealist, I suppose—but nothing about it felt ideal. Because when you actually love someone, you should want to shout it from the rooftops and brag about them, right? 😬 I honestly can't describe the depth of that regret any better than that.
I’m writing this part because I want you to see just how much your environment shapes you. So much of how we act is just a manifestation of what we were taught growing up, mixed in with our actual feelings. If you try to suppress those feelings, you just end up acting closeted or repressed. But if you can learn to accept your feelings as valid—not deny them, but actually explore what truly turns you on—then you'll finally know for sure if you're gay or straight. You just have to be strong enough to reconcile your desires with reality in a messed-up society, and face down everything you were conditioned to believe. I can't really offer you much help here, though, since I'm still in the middle of the struggle myself and I have no idea how this all ends. Let's just say I'm hoping that by the time I hit 30—which gives me a few years of breathing room—I'll be clear-headed enough to just live my life and be fully present in a relationship...
If you can learn anything at all from my mistakes and my experience, then I'll consider it worth it...
First off, I have to respond to this... blah
Look, I’m Catholic—raised with a rock-solid faith, Sunday school, Mass, prayers at home, all that stuff. I went through the whole motions and believed blindly for a long time... and while I still believe today, it’s a bit different. I believe in God, but I have my doubts about what people *claim* is God. After all, people wrote the Bible, priests are just men, bishops are just men, and honestly, even the Pope is just a man. 😬
I won't drone on, but if you truly believe in God, then you believe He created you, right? And you believe He somehow guides your life? And that He is perfect and infallible? Okay, now I’m intentionally exaggerating a little...
Main point being, I think it's safe to say everything you just wrote is pretty much nonsense. I’d use a more precise term, but I don't want to get banned.
Furthermore, I’d bet half those priests are actually attracted to men. We've seen all kinds of scandals involving homosexuality behind church walls; some of them just can't suppress their sexuality, and eventually, things explode. Just imagine what goes on behind those closed doors when you consider everything the Church has managed to hide throughout history—and who knows what they're still hiding today...
And from what I know, guys confessing homosexual sins are often advised that celibacy is the only solution. They suppress their sexuality, and in that way, they end up joining the clergy. I don't think that's particularly healthy, though I suppose I believe some people can suppress their urges and stick to celibacy for life, since it isn't equally intense for everyone. Personally, thank God I figured out early enough that I want to sleep with people—at least I was sure about that. 😬