Posts by Thomas Morales752

redharbor9 said:What kind of seminars are we talking about here? Presenting them as "normal"? I don't see how that actually does anything... honestly, that kind of old-school education is pretty pointless...

I sat through one seminar once where they told us, "As psychologists, you have to tell people homosexuality is normal, and then they'll just accept it." What an absurd joke. Logic doesn't work when prejudice hits the emotional side of things—it blocks everything. Besides, those techniques don't even stick long-term...

And at the end of the day... when I think about the group that jumped me on the street yesterday while I was walking home from the grocery store (around 7 PM)... I think the only thing that would teach them a lesson is having laws as strict as they have in China...

I recently attended a roundtable discussion regarding LGBTQ+ rights... and some psychologists seriously argued that we should just explain the research findings to people. Most of us (myself included!) just laughed at that idea. It’s exactly what you were saying about the different components of an attitude, and even our experiences here on the forum show that this approach just doesn't make sense 🙄 though, TV is a massive influence, and having better media representation of gay people could slowly shift public opinion over time—just like how proper information in sex education helps.

p.s. I feel so bad... I really can't wrap my head around people who can't even ignore differences and instead choose to act out like that...

redharbor9 said:How much would this actually matter to you guys... if you were looking at it from the client or patient side?

Honestly, not even a little bit... if someone is professional and does a great job, I really don't care who they head home to at the end of the day...

Now I'm sitting here thinking and I can't recall a single good reason why this should be an issue 🤷, but I'm curious to hear what you guys think.. listening to 😉

Sam Hall59 said:Look, I’m a big fan of just throwing everything into the fire when it comes to solving problems 😁—I mean, who knows? Tonight, some girl actually came up to me because she wanted to meet me (!!!), so I guess meeting people isn't the terrifying monster everyone makes it out to be. 😂

You must have come off as really friendly and easygoing! 😉 It’s all about the vibe you put out there. If you’re nervous or feeling awkward, people can tell—it’s like you’re building a wall around yourself. But if you stay relaxed, you seem way more approachable... just keep doing what you're doing! 👍

Sam Hall59 said:I'm not giving up—not quite. I’ve actually mapped out a little master plan to finally become a functional social human being. Here’s the strategy:

1. Join a club or some kind of organization that actually requires (at least above-average) social skills.

2. Pick up a summer job through a campus employment office that forces interaction
(think telemarketing, door-to-door surveying—basically anything where talking to strangers isn't optional).

3. Get out there—hit up concerts, meet people in the wild, find a crew.

4. ? (If anyone has any actual suggestions for step four, feel free to drop them below.)

That’s awesome... you've got the drive and the strategy... honestly, I’m rooting for you! 😁

Just don't forget what I said about not biting off more than you can chew...

Nothing much on my end... just keep me posted on how things are moving along, any roadblocks you hit... I'll be hanging out right here 😉

Sam Hall59 said:I agree that you have to assert yourself, but how? Like I said before, whenever I try to "assert" myself, I usually end up overdoing it. I seriously need to figure out how to actually participate in a conversation properly.😢
As for clubs, I actually have an idea of something I could join—hopefully, I'll manage to actually speak up once I'm there. :/

That’s why I think trying some subtler approaches helps... like bringing up news stories that tie into the topic at hand. Don't sweat it too much, you'll get the hang of it with practice. It feels awkward now, I know, but I really believe you'll shake off that fear. Just don't give up on yourself.

With the club stuff, just take baby steps and set small goals for yourself... for example, maybe you just listen at the first meeting, then try to chip in a little at the next one. If you bite off more than you can chew, you might fail and feel discouraged, and nobody wants that. You're the best judge of your own pace.

Before you know it, you'll be the one acting like a therapist for all your socially awkward friends! 🙂

But I totally get the big picture here... social phobia was basically the wall stopping you from getting out there and making things feel natural. And look, training your social skills isn't quite the same thing as sitting down for therapy sessions. I've mentioned this before, but it could really be a game-changer for you. It often happens in group settings with people facing similar struggles, where the whole point isn't just digging into the "why" behind the anxiety, but actually taking those tiny, practical steps toward a solution.

I'm rambling, I know! Just really hoping any of this helps you out even a little bit,,,

Sam Hall59 said:I think I need to handle this myself because, being a psychotherapist, I can hold a relatively normal conversation. Like talking to a friend. A therapist isn't going to follow me to campus or hang out when I'm out and about. The problem is strangers. I always freeze up—it used to be much worse, actually. Literally terrifying. I used to have panic attacks when I had to go to gym class, so I'd just skip it because I didn't know anyone there. During my freshman year, I always sat far away from everyone else. I wasn't even capable of asking for a syllabus or what happened during the last lecture. I've managed to get over the fear now, but I'm still inexperienced when it comes to communication. I honestly don't know how "normal," social people talk—what they even talk about... I'll admit, I often find myself eavesdropping on conversations (since I can't seem to join them) and thinking that even if I were right there in the middle of them, I wouldn't know what to say.

I went out for coffee with some colleagues the other day. It wasn't even uncomfortable, just deeply unsettling because nobody acknowledged me. I only went along because they said, "Let's grab coffee," while I was mid-conversation with a girl from your group. I tagged along thinking they were inviting me too. Except, the whole time, they just talked amongst themselves about their lives, their nights out, pop stars, whatever. I would chime in on topics where I actually had something to contribute, and they'd just nod and leave it at that. Nobody asked me a single thing. It was like I didn't exist—and when I did speak... it was just "aha, okay." In those moments, I constantly feel like a parasite. Bad company. It's like I just latched onto them and they couldn't bring themselves to say, "Hey, maybe don't come with us." 😢

Look, grabbing coffee on campus is a killer way to break the ice, but man, it can be tough—especially if the group is pretty tight-knit. You kind of have to push yourself a little, which is hard when your self-confidence is hitting a low point. But, honestly? You might be looking at it a little sideways. I had this friend who dealt with the exact same thing. We'd be in the middle of a discussion, she'd stay quiet and only chime in once in a while, and then she'd get upset because nobody asked her what she thought. Truth is, people aren't going to stop and ask you for your opinion. In a real conversation, you just gotta jump in! One trick I suggest for joining the flow is maybe reading the news. When someone brings up a topic, you can always go, "Oh, hey, I actually just read about that today..."

When you guys are swapping study guides or tackling schoolwork together, don't let the conversation die the second the work is done. Once you're more than just strangers, try heading out for coffee during a break. If you vibe, it might actually turn into a real friendship...

And hey, if you really don't click with the crowd or the stuff they talk about, I highly recommend finding a club based on something you actually enjoy. Even if you don't have a specific hobby, there are general clubs out there, like Every student, where random students show up to debate topics, watch movies, give presentations, and all that good stuff.

Sam Hall59 said:I actually saw a therapist myself, and that’s how I managed to get past my social anxiety—you know, that paralyzing fear of even approaching people or starting a conversation. At this stage, though, I think I have to tackle this one on my own.😢

Seriously, give some of those tips a shot! That’s just my two cents, anyway. If things still feel stuck, maybe try finding a therapist? Just give yourself a fair chance here. And hey, don't be afraid to lean on others if it turns out you actually need the help. Why do you feel like you have to tackle this whole thing all by yourself?

Just caught up on your last post! Honestly, that sense of composure you're looking for? It'll come with time and just feeling more solid in your own skin. Whenever I mess up like that, I try to lean into the irony of it all. Instead of letting a comment fly out too fast, I try to turn it into a joke first. And hey, if people laugh... well, maybe they'll get the wrong idea about you at first, like you don't quite fit in. I can't really say for sure though—you're the expert on yourself! But once you start hanging out with new crowds, you'll be able to shape that image however you want. Have you ever thought about joining a club on campus? Might be a good way to shake things up!

Roger Morgan4 said:Look, if you’ve burned through half the self-help section at Barnes & Noble and you're putting in the work, yet you're still spinning your wheels, there might be a point where you have to admit that reading isn't enough. Honestly, I think it would be best to take Thomas Morales752's advice here and go find a licensed therapist to help you navigate this. It might be worth asking around the forum to see if anyone has a solid recommendation for someone reliable.

Sam Hall59... seriously, this isn't a bad idea at all. I know it might feel like you need to have some massive, catastrophic issue or a specific disorder for it to count, but please, just drop those assumptions. If struggling to connect with people is making life harder for you, seeing a psychologist could be a total game-changer.

Does anyone have any real-life experiences they could share that might help?

And regarding that shallow communication stuff... the whole point isn't about amassing a huge crowd of online buddies—that’s just a nice side effect if it happens. The real goal is giving yourself the tools to handle face-to-face interactions. It's about knowing what to say, how to react appropriately, and learning how to read people's intentions. That's not the end goal; it's just the training ground for building skills you'll actually need in the real world.

Kyle Wright3 said:It’s either there or it isn’t. Or, I guess, if you want to be more precise, it’s called socialization. You pick it up during childhood and as you grow up, maybe? It's incredibly hard to learn later on. You don't just become it.

Look, you might not be able to force yourself to be a naturally outgoing person, but you can definitely sharpen those social skills...

quietbadger242 said:Well

Sociology is basically the study of how we function as a society.

Sure, your parents raise you, but society shapes you just as much. If a kid isn't introduced to the world early enough—say, they never played with their Ronald Reagan figurines or missed out on those big neighborhood Halloween parties where everyone fits in—they can end up feeling a real sense of social anxiety.

For someone like that, finally breaking into a social circle becomes this massive, daunting goal because they feel so disconnected from everyone else. It turns every interaction into a high-stakes "final exam."

Think about that "final exam" feeling: you know all the formulas and definitions perfectly, but then the pressure hits and your mind just goes blank. It’s the same for a socially isolated person; they might know all the right things to say, but when they actually face a crowd, nothing feels natural.

As long as people approach others looking for some kind of immediate social payoff instead of just being present, they’ll never build a healthy connection.

With a little bit of luck, though, the community might actually turn out to be pretty healthy...

I wasn't really looking to dive into the "why" behind everything, but honestly, I totally agree...

What's done is done. Now it's just about facing the world head-on and figuring out how to actually navigate life with other people.

Oh! And Sam Hall59, I just thought of something else regarding actual advice. Maybe try chatting with people through Discord, Skype, or whatever online tools you use? It gives you that little buffer of safety because there’s distance—you don't know them personally, and you actually have time to breathe and think before you respond...

So, from what I gather, social skills training is mostly theoretical stuff... The whole idea is that a therapist coaches the client through it. They give you verbal cues to explain the specific behavior they want you to develop and why it matters, plus they actually model that behavior themselves. After that, it turns into role-playing! You just imagine a real-life scenario. Like, the therapist might pretend to be some stranger waiting in line at Starbucks that you need to ask for the time or strike up a chat with. Then, the therapist gives you props for handling things well and offers constructive feedback to help shape how you act.

If you aren't looking to hire a pro, you could always try hanging out with a friend who’s super outgoing and just shadow them. For instance, instead of staying in, grab a group of friends and head to the movies. Start with small challenges and slowly turn up the heat. If there’s a situation coming up that makes you feel jittery, try visualizing it—just picture how it’ll play out. Really dig into what you're actually afraid of. Like, whenever I have to give a presentation in front of a big crowd, I’m terrified I’ll blank on a fact. But guess what? That actually happened to me recently... and you know what? It wasn't even scary! I just laughed it off and kept going. Nothing bad happened! Just set yourself a little goal, like, "Today I'm going to make small talk with someone," or "Today I'll ask for directions."

The main thing is just figuring out where your weak spots are and focusing right there. Social skills aren't just one single thing—they cover both verbal and non-verbal communication. Is it that you just don't feel the urge to talk to people, or does it just feel awkward to approach someone and start a conversation? Tell us about it! 🙂

Roger Morgan4 said:So, I was completely off base. 🙂

Oh, please... you were just trying to help my first few posts actually sound smart! 🙂

We really need to draw a line between people who are just naturally a bit more introverted and those who are actually struggling to function in their day-to-day lives. When it starts getting in the way of normal life, we’re talking about social maladjustment—which can look a million different ways, obviously... But honestly, you shouldn't brush this stuff off! If left alone, it can lead to total isolation, loneliness, low self-esteem, anxiety, and all that good stuff. Luckily, the fix is pretty straightforward: social skills training.

At the end of the day, social skills aren't some permanent thing you're just born with or without. They're learned! There's absolutely no reason to fake being someone you're not. You just have to work on them a little bit until they're developed enough that you don't feel stuck anymore.