2 posts shown.
Honestly, I think you should just let him go. Like, thanks for the memories, but... no thanks. He seems great on paper or whatever, but he’s clearly not the one. If he actually valued you even half as much as you seem to value him (if I'm reading between the lines here), he wouldn't be leaving things to chance—he'd be the one checking in to see if you were headed down to Miami or hitting the beach in Malibu just so he could make sure you guys crossed paths. Stop overanalyzing his every move and how *he* feels about this, and start thinking about how *you* feel. You're stressing yourself out over a guy who basically doesn't have the guts to just say, "Hey, I want to spend the summer with you, sorry not sorry." That's just my two cents, anyway... you do you. ☕
Honestly, I was sitting here debating whether I should even reply to this post or not. But man, I saw myself in so much of what you said. You’re definitely not alone in this. I mean, you probably already figured that out by now, but whatever struggle you're dealing with, there's always someone else out there feeling it too. I learned a long time ago that if you ever find yourself in a room with, say, twenty people, and you feel totally lost while everyone else seems to have it all figured out... you're wrong. Nobody actually knows what they're doing. Maybe one or two people are just way too loud or arrogant to admit they're clueless. I’ve been pretty much alone for a long time too. Not literally—I mean, I'm surrounded by people every day, I've got my family, and I have a tiny little circle, maybe three or four people I actually hang out with regularly—but deep down, I’m on my own. Ever since I can remember, I've had to deal with everything by myself. It's only really recently that I started paying attention to my own emotions, let alone actually talking about them with anyone else. Maybe I’m just naturally cold or something. I don't know. For me, meeting new people is just... hard. Like, I genuinely don't know how to do it. Up until now, most of my friendships were basically forced on me. I was stuck around the same thirty people every single day, so you end up close whether you want to or not. But now that I'm at college, I'm surrounded by hundreds of people I know absolutely nothing about, and I have no clue how to actually get to know them. And I mean *really* know them. Not just those superficial coffee dates where everyone just vents about exams and whatever. I know their names and where they live, but that's pretty much it. I honestly admire—actually, no, I'm jealous of—people who make friends effortlessly and always seem to be hanging out with someone. I just don't get how they do it. Maybe that's just how I am. I wish I were different, though. From your post, it sounds like you're pretty self-aware—you know who you are, what you want, what you're working through, all that stuff. I am too. They say that's the hardest part, but it doesn't feel that way to me. I know exactly who I am and exactly what I want to change. In theory, I even know *how* to change it, but when it comes down to actually doing it, I just fail. Sadly, I don't have the answers, but I'm looking for them. It just feels like I'm wandering around in the dark. If only someone would just turn on a light, because I seriously have no idea how to find my way.