Posts by stormyheron20

steeltiger2 said:He’s worried🤷

It isn't the right time, because this is the 10,001st "colleague." Every single time, I end up blowing things out of proportion—at least, that’s how it’s always been until now.

I’m having a hard time following your situation. It's obvious you're incredibly jealous, but I don't think you're doing it without reason. Your boyfriend's behavior strikes me as odd. You might be overreacting to some things, sure, but I get the impression he isn't doing much to help you find some peace. Brittany, how long do you honestly think you can keep living like this, feeling so broken?
Worried how? Did you actually sit down and talk through this, or did you just spiral into gloom and assumptions?
A lot of people have told you the problem is you because you're too jealous. I'll admit your jealousy issues are significant, but I don't agree that they are the sole cause of everything falling apart.
You didn't mention your father; you just implied he wasn't in the picture. If you don't want to go there, fine. I won't force you to answer something you aren't ready to discuss.
The reason I ask about your father is because you mentioned lacking both male friends and a father figure. Since you seem willing to change your flaws, we probably need to understand where all this insecurity and jealousy stems from. I hope you find some way to settle down, and that your boyfriend helps you through it.

hiddenhound3 said:I am entirely certain about one thing—if he truly wanted to be with her, he would be with her instead of you.
It is perfectly obvious that he loves you if he is willing to put up with your jealousy like this. 😬 😛

Do not waste your energy overthinking these matters; it is clear that dwelling on them will lead to nothing but heartache.🙂

He might just be trying to have his cake and eat it too by keeping both her and his coworker in the picture.
Florine, please tell me that whole jealousy thing was just a joke. 😍

Britta, what on earth made you snap like that? How did your guy react?
Stop the guessing games and just lay it all out on the table. It is high time you two had a blunt, honest conversation about this relationship and that colleague who won't leave you alone.

Britney, you mentioned you don't have a father. Did you ever actually know him?

steeltiger2 said:It’s always "shoot first, ask questions later" with some people, isn't it? Honestly, I don't know how they do it. I spend half my life overthinking every single word, carefully weighing my phrasing just so I don't accidentally bruise someone's ego or cause unnecessary drama. I'm constantly walking on eggshells, trying to be tactful. But them? They just blurt out the raw truth and move on like nothing happened. It’s wild. You can tell someone the hard truth, sure, but you do it with enough grace that they aren't left reeling or spiraling afterward. There's an art to it, really.
Do you think they actually have no idea what they're after? Because if that's the case... well, that's just not a good look. Honestly.

Yeah, that’s totally plausible. Honestly, I know I catch some eyes at my office—and trust me, there are definitely some good-looking guys around—but I’d feel like such a phony if I actually went around telling people I was desirable. It’s just not something I care about in life. That's all there is to it. Why would you even go out of your way to whisper something in someone's ear just to mess with their head? The only reason to do that is to stir up jealousy, which is just such an immature way to act. And really, why bother?

Honestly, he’s pushed me so far past my limit with all this nonsense that I’ve actually started thinking about how to go out and arm myself. I mean, seriously—I’m sitting here wondering how to get enough gear so I can actually fight back. If I’m going to protect myself and stand my ground, I need more than just words. What else is there to do? I need some way to defend myself before I lose it completely.
Picture this: your heart is absolutely hammering against your ribs, your head feels like it’s seconds away from an outright explosion, and your blood pressure is spiking so hard you can practically feel the pulse in your temples. Just imagine that kind of raw, white-knuckle tension sustained for as long as it takes to finally burn itself out. Now... just think about what you'd actually *do* with all that frantic, unspent energy.🤷

If he claims to care about you, why is it so difficult for him to choose his words more carefully? The "truth" matters, but the delivery matters just as much.

hollowtrucker77 said:He isn’t actually going out of his way to hurt you, let’s be real about that.
The guy is just doing what he does because that is simply who he is and it's what he feels like doing.
In the same vein, you really ought to be focusing on your own business and doing whatever you feel like doing, rather than constantly subordinating your entire workflow to whether or not it aligns with him or if it’s going to annoy him somehow.
🙂
If you actually sit back and look at what you wrote, it's pretty clear: you're doing something that irritates you, and then you get mad at him, not because he’s reacting to what you’re doing, but because you can't handle the fact that he isn't getting annoyed by it too.
😁
yee-haw

And the reason he acts that way is precisely because he doesn't care how she feels afterward.

hollowtrucker77 said:Look, I’m sorry, but you’re the one with the actual issue here—it sounds a lot like jealousy to me.
If we’re following any kind of logical progression, the solution should involve something shifting within your own perspective to resolve the friction you're feeling.
🙂
I honestly don't think it's right to demand that someone else change just because you're struggling with something internally.
In my humble opinion, jealousy is basically just a symptom of low self-esteem, so you'd probably be better off working on that instead.
Now, I’m certainly no therapist, so I won't pretend to dive into the deep psychological weeds where an amateur like me could easily get everything wrong.
Just try to flip the script for a second: imagine if he were the jealous one, constantly hovering over you, trying to control when you go out, or telling you that you can't dress up or wear makeup...
We’d all pretty much agree that his behavior is the problem, and that the fix isn't for you to start wearing a housecoat and a veil, wouldn't we?

Dear Sash, that is incredibly poor advice. Britney clearly has jealousy issues, but her jealousy isn't the only problem in this relationship. The bigger issue is her boyfriend's complete lack of consideration.

Jesse Peterson5 said:My mother... life really did a number on her, and now I just sit here watching her, staring at my own reflection like 😢
As for religion... it’s a mixed bag in my family. Some people are believers, some aren't. Me? There's something there, but I can't quite put my finger on it. 🙂 Though, honestly, after the absolute chaos of the last three months, I’m refusing to believe in anything that isn't just myself. 🙂

Bingo.

Any advice? Recommendations? Experience? A solution to the problem?

No.
But I should add that we're in the same boat—my guilt stems from the fact that I haven't solved the problem. Because I simply don't know how.
Your "self" is composed of your fears, your beliefs (or lack thereof), your upbringing... that's why the conflict within you is so intense. It's impossible to separate the self from everything else. Even if you managed to do it, what would be left of you?
And do you have a solid grasp on concepts like good vs. evil, justice vs. injustice, morality, and so on? Or is that where you're getting stuck? I assume it's the latter, given that you've spent the last three months rejecting everything else.

Nicholas Gomez27 said:That whole concept was basically invented just so people could make others feel like crap.

It’s a miserable feeling when I just completely screw myself over—that specific brand of misery where nobody else is at fault, and honestly, I can't even point a finger at myself either...

In those moments, I just snap. I want to lash out, bite, tear things apart.
I end up feeling frustrated in about ≈ 2.356194490192344928846982537459627163147877049531
(hint: three major US corporations)

How on earth did you conclude that conscience is purely a human invention? You honestly believe its only purpose is to manufacture guilt? And nothing else? Conscience isn't a "defect." It’s only labeled as such when it stops you from "blending in with the crowd."
Jesse Peterson5, who in your family actually operates with a sense of conscience like that? What’s your religious background?

Douglas Ortiz94 said:To be honest, I can't decide which is more moronic: having a male or female name. 🙂
Thinking about it, a female name feels even stupider because it makes me look soft. 😁

Anyway, I don't want either. If anyone has advice on how to get rid of redness, please let me know.

Soft or gay—that’s the real question.
Maybe try some oil and massage the area. Just watch where you're doing it; imagine if someone walks in while you're massaging your chest with "John" tattooed on it.
There are plenty of Johns out there: John the Terrible, John Paul II, John Visnjic... impossible to tell which John you were thinking of. Could even be your dead rabbit that was named John. I know you're panicking, but just wait it out; maybe most of the marks will fade. Maybe some microdermabrasion would help?

feralgardener59 said:I bet you'd actually dig Radiohead :P

feralgardener59, are you talking to me, to Zachary Bishop82, or just the voices in your head?
If you meant me, I'm curious what gave you that idea. Heh. Was it because of this:

it screams love, romance, lemonade, spring, wind in my hair

I had a few Radiohead CDs lying around, though I haven't touched them in years. Same goes for FNM. Classics usually dictate my taste, but I picked up some side interests along the way while hanging with my brother and parents. My parents used to listen to French chanson, but also our own local stuff...our homegrown hits plus things like P. Kazalist, certain vocal groups, Arsen Dedic, and Tom Zdravkovic. My brother was basically a slave to punk and alternative music.

Love at first listen—Bach (though everything by Matthew has its own special place in my heart),
The ultimate trap for my sweeter side: Ilic (Eugene Onegin and Swan Lake)—his entire discography screams love, romance, lemonade, spring breeze, wind in your hair... but EO and SL are easily the most intense things in music history.
Faith No More; he had King for a Day and Fool for a Lifetime, which I listened to on loop until I actually felt sick from the sheer intensity. That’s usually my go-to move when I get obsessed with a sound.

Your profile says you're eighteen, dealing with epilepsy, and your doctor claims your physical pain is "psychosomatic." Your parents' marriage is a mess, isn't it? At least, that's how it looks from here. I haven't scrutinized everything, but five minutes of scrolling through your profile reveals a litany of issues—including this "best friend" who calls you stupid, yet you're still completely infatuated with them.
On top of all that, you're constantly crying, you're depressed, and you're popping pills. What kind of pills are we talking about? Be careful with that, especially given your diagnosis.

Paul Smith16 said:So... lately, I’ve been spiraling into a really dark place. I feel incredibly low, I can't stop crying, and I've been hurting myself—taking handfuls of pills just to numb out. I am truly, deeply sad... I want to stop this cycle, but I feel trapped, like it’s become an addiction I can't break. 😢... What's even worse is how much I seem to lean into this pain. It isn't right, and I know people call this behavior weak or cowardly... But honestly? I’m lost. I don't know what to do next. Please, if anyone has advice, I'm listening... Anything helps.

Are you truly sure you enjoy the pain? To me, you look more like someone trying to drown it out. It's likely a byproduct of family stress, your epilepsy, and that disrespectful "friend" you consider so special. I assume there are even more pieces to this puzzle.
Based on what you've shared, the first step should be attempting to mitigate the suffering caused by these circumstances. Talk to your parents; tell them things aren't okay. Given your epilepsy diagnosis, doctors often recommend some form of psychological support. Tell that so-called friend to stop calling you names, or just walk away from the friendship entirely. Those could be your starting points. Once those are settled, maybe you'll have a clearer sense of where to go next.

The actual concept of integrity isn't about feeding someone enough data so they can eventually judge you based on what they've learned.

It’s not about how others perceive us. It’s about those internal, human principles we hold—personal moral codes we try to satisfy simply for our own sake. To me, deceiving people is repulsive, especially those you call "friends." It violates the very life standards we claim to live by.

You spend all your energy trying to project what you see and feel to someone else, and naturally, the truth within you starts to fade. Along with it, the joy you were supposed to feel begins to vanish too.

Perhaps it fades because you realize there are multiple versions of the truth, leaving you adrift in the sea of paradoxes that life creates.

We spend our entire lives trying to please everyone else instead of ourselves.

No.
We spend our lives trying to please ourselves, but we mistakenly think we'll achieve that satisfaction by making others like us. In reality, we're just feeding our old, reliable selfishness. Selfishness thrives on "values" and fulfilling desires. Humans have an innate need for closeness and social acceptance. And how does society accept us? By us performing to be liked. That's why we resent the world when it rejects us, and celebrate when it tolerates us. Sometimes we even question our own need for this validation, especially when we realize that the reason we were accepted was conditional—based on the act of pretending. Eventually, you get tired of the marketing. You get tired of promoting yourself like a product on a shelf at Walmart, needing an ad, a price tag, and someone to pick you up, consume you, and toss the remains in the trash. Every product has an expiration date. People try to make their lives easier, better, more meaningful, all to distract from the fact that they are just ripe apples. Tomorrow, you're either eaten or you rot. The expiration date is the only thing that stays true. Death is the most loyal companion we have; it never disappoints and it never forgets its appointment.

Every system we inhabit teaches us the wrong lessons.
Just look at the American school system: the primary goal is getting the grade, because that puts you closer to the goal of being "liked" by as many people as possible.

The world is inherently unfair, but we can't change that. Grades are a necessary evil. We know that those who succeed in school have much better opportunities for a smoother existence. And let's be honest about quality of life: it means having enough money to pay a doctor when you're sick, or being able to feed your hungry child, parent, or dog. Academic success doesn't guarantee a perfect life or financial security, but it is certainly a useful card to hold in your hand.

The primary objective is minimized: the goal is simply absorbing various forms of knowledge, ideally with a positive outlook.

If only it were that simple. Why, then, do we have all these philosophers and highly educated, intelligent people who ended up being completely broken and miserable? Or perhaps they just didn't absorb enough knowledge to become cheerful.
Raw knowledge doesn't equal life wisdom. While it might offer some positive elements for certain individuals, it fails to satisfy every abstraction of positive value.

So from a young age, we are taught that everything we do should be centered around struggle and hardship.

I don't follow what you're getting at with that statement. If it isn't too much trouble, please explain.

Think about yourselves... you'll see that you are fine... it's other things that aren't fine.

My dear stormyheron20, if only that were true. For some, maybe. But for others, the trajectory moves in the opposite direction. There are times when you look too deeply into the well of your own consciousness and feel the urge to scream, pulling at your hair in pure madness from the realization that you want to escape yourself, knowing full well it is impossible. Sometimes the issue truly lies within us rather than our environment. No matter how cruel or unjust life becomes, a human being is, by default, condemned to be their own worst enemy. We are our own best friends, certainly, but also our most relentless adversaries.

Before I was "me," life felt miserable. After I ditched those old manipulation tactics, life... well, it stayed miserable, just in a different way. I agree with you that letting the truth come to light is generally better, but there’s a catch. Most people aren't actually prepared to live with the consequences of that kind of honesty. They can't handle direct confrontation, and they certainly can't handle people who demand it. It’s also exhausting to constantly cling to the truth, especially when you start questioning the concept itself—wondering if what you perceive as truth is actually true, or if your very ability to define and value it is flawed.
I think that’s why people present a false version of themselves. It isn't always a calculated attempt to deceive; more often, it's pure fear. They're terrified that if their actual "truth" ever surfaced, the people around them wouldn't like it and would simply walk away.
People claim to "love the truth," but the truth is often raw, ugly, and sharp enough to cut. There isn't always anything beautiful in it. Still, I believe truth is necessary—not out of some romanticized love for it, but because of my own sense of integrity. I value respect, both for others and for myself, and for my own ideas of humanity. Truth is a core component of respect. So, even if it’s harsh or unpleasant, it remains essential to maintaining that standard.

Eric Peterson43, did you start this thread because you're dealing with a specific issue, or are you just thinking out loud?

wiredcrane11 said:There isn't really one definitive answer to this, but I think it's worth having a little discussion about it🙂
For instance, I remember watching a TV special a year or two ago—I can't recall the exact title—where they discussed oxytocin. It’s that hormone our brains release when we fall in love, providing us with the kind of energy that, given the right circumstances, drives us to build a family. People often refer to it as the loyalty hormone.🙂It also gets released during breastfeeding because there are direct neural pathways from the breast to the brain where oxytocin is produced. That explains why mothers feel such an intense bond with their babies and why they light up so much just seeing a baby smile.😁In that same program, they mentioned that the initial phase of being "in love" typically lasts about three years. After that point, other factors take over, and if a marriage survives, it means either that the infatuation successfully transitioned into deep love, or the couple found a different common ground, such as financial stability, raising children, or perhaps even complementary psychological dynamics like BDSM.😁

Well, that is one way to look at it. Another perspective comes from Jung's theories regarding the projection of the anima or animus onto a partner. Once those projections fade, that blissful intoxication tapers off because you finally start seeing the person for who they truly are. The outcome follows the same logic as the previous paragraph.🙂

If you have recently read anything by other psychologists or authors regarding the nature of falling in love, please share... or just tell me about your own experiences.🙂

I view this as a simple matter of cause and effect. The foundation is everything—whether you're talking about a skyscraper or a relationship.
When my own projections dissipate, I still see the same person I fell for. It isn't difficult to "fall in love" when you encounter someone truly remarkable. Even here on this forum, I find myself briefly enamored by exceptional characters when I read their profound responses. Their intellect reveals more than their appearance ever could, though that particular brand of infatuation isn't on the sexual level you’re discussing. Regardless, when I fall in love sexually, it’s the character, the intelligence, and the wit that draw me in alongside the physical. Those traits are far more significant to me than outward attributes; they are what drive my consciousness to conclude: yes, this is the one you need and want. Absolute infatuation follows. Since my attraction is largely built on character, once the projections recede, the person remains the same because their intelligence and humor haven't changed. I suspect the "awakening" you mention happens because most people choose partners based solely on external traits. Those aren't irrelevant, of course, but problems inevitably arise when those superficial qualities were the only foundation the relationship had to begin with.

Kenneth Parker said:The most sensible answer in this whole thread. I can't believe people in the Psychology subforum have started discussing exorcisms, ghosts, and the Devil's work.
If someone is hallucinating, they need medical treatment. If it's caused by a tumor, they need surgery and care. If it's schizophrenia or another illness, there are treatments for that too. The point is to see a primary care doctor first, judging by the posts and the mention of psychiatrists. And they MUST get treatment. Right now, they might just see ghosts in the window, but in a few weeks or months, they could start seeing the Devil in family members or experience auditory hallucinations that lead to something like, "Demons told me to kill myself." I say this because I knew someone with schizophrenia who saw the Devil in their five-year-old son and thought their spouse was poisoning them!
If nothing else, they need treatment—they're dealing with suicidal thoughts.

Absolutely.
I can accept that they’re debating ghosts or witches—they clearly believe in that sort of thing—but the fact that this isn't being moderated on a platform like this is honestly laughable. It’s a mistake to allow these kinds of comments to circulate when there's zero proof for any of it. It’s even worse when you consider they might be directing this nonsense toward a kid dealing with a brain tumor. I just hope people don't actually listen to them.

Carl Ruiz4 said:What about vampires? 🙂

It’s Professor van Helsing or definitely Buffy if you're a guy or a lesbian. She’s got the physique for it. It would be a hell of a thing to watch her move through those kung-fu sequences while she tears through vampires just to keep you safe.

I'm lost.

When you don't know what's happening, being lost isn't actually the hard part.

- Certain substances could be the cause (whether you're using them or not).

- A brain tumor.

- Dementia.

- Severe systemic issues, like liver or kidney failure.

- Then there's the list of psychiatric conditions, including schizophrenia—though that isn't the only possibility. You could just be experiencing hallucinations alongside severe depression.

- There’s also the option that someone is intentionally trying to dismantle your sanity.
Maybe someone is just playing games with you, or maybe you're being poisoned. It's less likely, but it isn't impossible. You're the only one who can judge if that's the case, though even you might struggle to be certain since you don't know people well enough to know how far their dull minds might go.

*:

- There is also the option that Satan has entered your house because he wants to eat the cookies you hide in the fridge; you catch him every time, and he flees through the window, leaving nothing but a shadow.
- Or perhaps witches are attempting to kidnap you for sexual exploitation.
- Or maybe aliens have arrived specifically to implant a chip in your brain.
- There's the possibility you moved into a house where the previous tenants were brutally murdered; they can't move on to the next level, so they're stuck in your house, peering at you while you're naked in the shower at night. I'm not sure who one would even report such a filthy act to.

I don't know who you should turn to for help. If it's the Devil, try God. If it's witches, call the Spanish Inquisition, though I'm not sure they're still operational. Honestly, even our old American Inquisition wasn't that bad, so you could reach out to them. They really messed up my great-great-grandfather... he was a wizard, so I actually *do* recommend them.
In the case of aliens, maybe contact the US government or the Men in Black. I don't mean African Americans, but rather the highly efficient Men in Black organization, or FBI agents Mulder and Scully—whom I'd personally call first because I had a thing for Mulder. As for ghosts, I'm not sure who handles reports of sexual abuse; maybe the police? And if you want to kick them out of the house, call Dan Aykroyd without hesitation.

I feel terrible that I can't be of more help in these scenarios, but I can give you excellent advice for the first possibility: the best step would be to see your primary doctor and tell them what's going on. Doctors generally possess much more information regarding your specific situation than some random person on a forum telling you to exorcise demons or devils. Imagine how tragic it would be if someone found out that a person suffering from a brain tumor was once advised by a stranger to go to church to cast out the Devil.

James White73 said:Nothing works—not a decent night's sleep, not any of those pills they try to push on you. I wouldn't even dream of stepping foot in a psychiatrist's office because, honestly, I know exactly how it goes; they just throw a million words at you, acting like some magical combination of phrases is going to make everything feel better, and it’s all just total garbage... sure, they can listen to me talk, but there is absolutely no way in hell they're going to recommend actual treatment, because I am not crazy!

So, are you taking any pills? Which ones?
And a psychiatrist shouldn't be your first stop anyway; go to your primary care physician instead.
Look, neither you nor a bunch of doctors who haven't even run basic tests can actually know what's going on with you. But finding out is possible. Just go see a specialist. If we're talking about something like a tumor, catching it early is everything.

It wouldn't be that difficult to find out, Scott Allen10. Look, you’re the moderator here; you clearly have more insight than I do. I was simply asking a question on behalf of someone else. I'm not breaking any forum rules, but if my inquiry offends you, you're the one in charge—so feel free to make a call. You can lock the thread too, since I've found my answer anyway. It wasn't my intention to clash with a cynical moderator; I just wanted to ask a harmless question. Thanks for your precious time, Scott Allen10.

I was wondering if any doctors on here might be able to assist with brain surgery at a more reasonable rate...

I assume there are professionals here who aren't hiding their credentials, and perhaps some members know which surgeons are known for being more flexible regarding medical costs.
I’d prefer to handle this via DM. I want to protect the privacy of the specialist I'm looking into, and frankly, I’d like to remain anonymous myself. If I get too specific about the situation, I’ll be too easy to identify.
My apologies if I've violated any forum rules. Feel free to delete this thread if I have.

Are there any MDs on this forum? If so, please drop their usernames below. This is urgent, so I’d appreciate anyone taking a moment to respond.