How do you stay a good person in a broken world?
in Spirituality ·
Hey, I was wondering if anyone here could help me out with a specific term or concept for something I've been dealing with:
After spending a lot of time reflecting on my own behavior, I’ve noticed a pattern. I tend to "infect" people with bad vibes. My frustrations and constant theorizing can drive the people closest to me absolutely crazy, but strangely enough, it seems to only happen with the people I care about most. I know all about "emotional vampires," and honestly, I’ve been a victim of them a thousand times in my life. But now, I feel like I'm both the victim and the predator at the same time. Deep down, I can see how toxic my ego has become. I’m not happy with who I am or how I act. I’m constantly complaining, radiating this depressive energy that I end up passing onto those near me. I'm fully aware of it, and living in this constant battle with my inner self is exhausting. It’s been going on for years, and no matter how hard I try to fight it, things just seem to spiral further downhill.
The weirdest part is that my awareness only kicks in after I hit rock bottom. I want to heal, but I have no clue what will actually help me get back to being the person I used to be. I know it won't be easy, but I've made a firm decision to change. I just realized that I’ve partially passed my own darkness onto my ex-girlfriend, and it's spreading to others. I don't want that.
If anyone can recommend some books—either in English or any other language—that might help me tackle this, I'd appreciate it. This feels like a form of psychological vampirism, and after all the selfish, shitty things I've done, I really want to make amends somehow.
I haven't scrolled through the old threads to see if this has come up before, so please don't jump down my throat. I'm in a really dark place right now, and if anyone can point me in the right direction, I'd be incredibly grateful.
After spending a lot of time reflecting on my own behavior, I’ve noticed a pattern. I tend to "infect" people with bad vibes. My frustrations and constant theorizing can drive the people closest to me absolutely crazy, but strangely enough, it seems to only happen with the people I care about most. I know all about "emotional vampires," and honestly, I’ve been a victim of them a thousand times in my life. But now, I feel like I'm both the victim and the predator at the same time. Deep down, I can see how toxic my ego has become. I’m not happy with who I am or how I act. I’m constantly complaining, radiating this depressive energy that I end up passing onto those near me. I'm fully aware of it, and living in this constant battle with my inner self is exhausting. It’s been going on for years, and no matter how hard I try to fight it, things just seem to spiral further downhill.
The weirdest part is that my awareness only kicks in after I hit rock bottom. I want to heal, but I have no clue what will actually help me get back to being the person I used to be. I know it won't be easy, but I've made a firm decision to change. I just realized that I’ve partially passed my own darkness onto my ex-girlfriend, and it's spreading to others. I don't want that.
If anyone can recommend some books—either in English or any other language—that might help me tackle this, I'd appreciate it. This feels like a form of psychological vampirism, and after all the selfish, shitty things I've done, I really want to make amends somehow.
I haven't scrolled through the old threads to see if this has come up before, so please don't jump down my throat. I'm in a really dark place right now, and if anyone can point me in the right direction, I'd be incredibly grateful.