Posts by Nicholas Sullivan63

Alexander Martinez12 said:I reach out to them a week in advance, but nobody will—or can—make the effort. I didn't mean to imply I’m some chatterbox while everyone else just sits there in silence. It’s just how I am. When I meet someone new, I prefer to be approachable, communicative, and open.
When I’m out—though I don't go out much—I’ll kick off a conversation once the group goes quiet, usually picking a topic I know will get people talking. Last Saturday night, we were at a coffee shop when one friend went to the restroom and just never came back; she went straight home instead. Her excuse? She was terrified of what people would think if they saw her with me. Look, I'm not ugly or repulsive. In fact, I’d say I’m quite attractive.
Then there's the other one who shut me down simply because I earn my own money while they're still being bankrolled by their parents.
It’s starting to mess with my head. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of social friction?😢

No. I tell them I’m trying, but I just keep getting rejected.
To be honest, I have people in my life, but they aren't "real" friends. They aren't the ones you can call at any hour, the ones who will actually show up, or the ones who won't flake on a quick coffee. It turns out they're just acquaintances, nothing more.

Here's another example: a friend and I planned to hit up a club, then suddenly another girl shows up and they both make up this lame excuse about only being able to stay for thirty minutes because they have to get to some birthday party.

I've got an idea 🙂

Why don't you just ask them straight up what's going on? Just be honest with them whenever they're actually feeling up for a chat. Honestly, it might be better to pull one of them aside for a private, one-on-one talk. No pressure, no "interrogation" vibes.
That's the only way you'll figure out what the actual issue is. It might be something you're doing, or maybe you'll realize it's just pure jealousy on their end... maybe you're just so perfect that it drives them crazy...
Anyway, if you do end up asking them, let us know. We're all dying to hear how it goes...

Seriously, did nobody catch what Andrew Davis4 posted? Go back up there and read it again. Like, multiple times.

crimsonheron80 said:Fair enough, that’s your take. People dealing with mental health issues need extra patience and support anyway, and you clearly aren't able to offer that. ☕I’m just surprised you didn't follow that up with some ridiculous poll asking: "Would you rather date: a) someone with a physical disability, or b) someone with schizophrenia?" 😂

Why do they need more love? Maybe they need it more because they're constantly looking for reassurance due to insecurity and stigma. Honestly, I'd love to hear from someone who was actually in a relationship with someone struggling with mental health—where the partner is perfectly fine—to get some first-hand experience... and see how they'd answer that ridiculous poll.
Theory is one thing, reality is another.

Anyway, back to the topic...
would you date someone with mental illness?

My answer is: it depends. It depends on how self-aware they are about their condition, how committed they are to treatment, and obviously, what my role would even be. At the end of the day, I'm willing to give someone all the support in the world if they are THE person for me and if they're putting in the work on their end. If they aren't, I might help them out, but there wouldn't be a romantic connection. The specific diagnosis isn't even the most important part.

Regarding that girl you mentioned as an example, look at how much her mother's illness affected her, especially during her early childhood (and whether she showed signs back then), and how she views the mental health issues present in her family.

@Andrew Davis4
if you don't mind sharing more details about that.

You know, since we’ve already opened this can of worms regarding those primal, caveman instincts and the whole "woman's body is built for childbearing" argument, I have to wonder... is that really all there is to us? Are the people over in Afghanistan or Iran right—where a woman's entire existence is just meant to bear children and stay quiet?
And what if I want to do more than just motherhood? What if I want to dive into physics or philosophy... places where people act like I don't belong? Is it better to live in Western culture, where women are complete equals to men and don't have to sacrifice their careers (even if, let's be honest, the kids take a bit of a backseat sometimes)? Or is there some kind of middle ground out there? Where do we even draw the line?

On a totally different note, sometimes when I see parents—maybe without even realizing it—stifling their kids' growth because they got "hooked" by some advertisement mentioned by Matthew Castillo5, I just want to tell them: look, kids are yours to raise, which comes with certain duties and responsibilities, but they aren't your property...

You know, since we’ve already touched on those primal, caveman instincts and that whole "woman's body is built for reproduction" argument, it makes me wonder... is that really all there is to us? Are the guys over in Afghanistan or Iran actually right? You know, places where a woman's entire existence is just to bear children and stay quiet?
And what if I want to do more than just motherhood? What if I want to dive into physics or philosophy—fields where people act like I don't belong? Is it better to stick with Western culture, where women are supposedly equal to men and refuse to give up their careers (even if, let's be honest, the kids take a bit of a hit)? Or is there some kind of middle ground? Where do we even draw the line?...

On a totally different note, sometimes when I see parents—maybe without even realizing they're doing it—stifling their kids' growth because they got sucked in by some flashy commercial that Matthew Castillo5 was talking about, I just want to tell them: look, your kids belong to you in terms of responsibility and duty, but they aren't your property...

slypuma17 said:I hear it constantly because I don't have kids yet, and frankly, I'm in no rush. People love to take every opportunity to take a jab at me; it feels like I can't even breathe without someone making a comment.

I've been in the same relationship for eight years now.
The real question is whether it will ever happen. Right now, our financial situation makes it look pretty much impossible. Beyond that, there's my own rather fragile mental and physical constitution. After a lot of heavy thinking—both on my own and together with my partner—we've reached the conclusion that bringing a child into these specific circumstances would be... well, quite frankly, suicidal.

A relative once looked at me with pure bewilderment because I didn't seem to "crave" a baby. 😁
So, I laid it out for her: yes, you want a baby, and it stays a baby forever. You'd have one instantly, regardless of all the chaos a newborn brings. But then comes the five-year-old, the ten-year-old, the teenager... 😲

People usually say, "I want a baby," because babies are cute and squishy. Sure, that's true, but you have to realize we aren't talking about a Barbie doll here; we're talking about a human being.

...because once the kids arrive, your entire life flips upside down. You spend your whole existence worrying, and you never truly find peace again...

Of course, she's absolutely right. When you're single, you only have to worry about yourself. Once there's a child involved, you're carrying the weight of two lives. And if there are more than one...
Peace is a luxury you no longer possess. Are they hungry? Are they tired? Is it time for the doctor? How are they doing in school? Who are they fighting with? Did they finish their homework? Do they need new Nikes (not to mention a laptop, a phone, and God knows what else)? Then there's the constant anxiety about them walking home from school—will they get mugged? Will they fall into drugs? Or worse, will they one day call me an old fool and tell me where to shove it just because I wouldn't hand over the car keys to a sixteen-year-old? 😲
😂

Of course, the lady is absolutely right. When you're on your own, you only worry about yourself, but once there's a kid in the picture, you're worrying about both of you. And if there's more than one...
You have zero peace. Is he hungry? Is he tired? We're heading to the pediatrician, how is he doing at school, who is he clashing with, did he finish his homework, does he need new Nikes (and a phone, and a laptop, and God knows what else), will something happen to him on the walk to school, will someone mug him, will he start doing drugs... Will he one day call me an old idiot and tell me to get lost just because I wouldn't give him the car keys when he's only 16.😲
😂[/I]

We're on the same page here. Too many people don't get that having a child isn't like getting a pet; it's not something you just fit into your schedule or mold to suit your lifestyle. Kids aren't an afterthought. Your career and everything else becomes the afterthought. Your life changes from the ground up, and you can't go back to your old self until maybe two decades later when they grow up and leave. That is, assuming you actually manage to raise psychologically healthy kids in a stable home.
That "cute little baby" phase can be incredibly exhausting, and honestly, nothing but pure love and sheer willpower can keep you on the path of raising them right.
And we all know what happens later if we neglect them during those first few years—if we just "shut them down," or pretend they'll just grow out of their "impossible" behavior, or subconsciously treat them poorly because we're impatient or exhausted...
You shouldn't raise kids just because it's a duty.