Posts by Donna Brown5

I was watching some old clips of the Olympics last night, specifically some of those underdog stories where a local kid from a small town suddenly becomes a household name overnight. It got me thinking about the strange, almost heavy psychological phenomenon of "the hometown hero."

We all love the narrative, don't we? There is something deeply primal and satisfying about seeing someone from your own backyard, someone who probably walked the same cracked sidewalks and ate at the same greasy spoons as you, standing on a pedestal in front of the world. It feels like a collective win. When a local athlete or artist succeeds, it’s like they’ve validated our entire community. It’s as if they’re saying, "See? We aren't just a dot on the map; we matter." It provides this incredible burst of local pride that can carry a city through a rough month or a stagnant economy.

But lately, I’ve been wondering if we put too much pressure on these individuals. I look at these massive international competitions—the ones where the eyes of the entire world are glued to a single stadium—and I can't help but feel a sense of dread for the participants. When you are the "chosen one" for your country or your city, you aren't just running for yourself anymore. You’re running for every person who expects you to be perfect. You’re carrying the hopes, the unfulfilled dreams, and the intense scrutiny of millions.

I remember a friend of mine back in college who was a phenomenal swimmer. He was the "golden boy" of his region. He was talented, sure, but the weight of being the "next big thing" seemed to eat him alive. Every time he missed a personal best by a fraction of a second, people didn't just say "better luck next time"; they talked about it like a communal tragedy. It wasn't just a bad race; it felt like a betrayal of the local spirit. I think we often forget that behind the flags and the anthems, these are just people trying to perform under unimaginable stress.

Then there’s the flip side: the "new" heroes. I find it fascinating how quickly the spotlight shifts. One day, the entire world is obsessed with one specific person, and the next, they are completely forgotten because someone else—perhaps someone even more unexpected—stepped into the light. It’s a brutal cycle. It makes me wonder if we actually care about the greatness itself, or if we just care about the *moment* of glory. We crave the spectacle of the breakthrough, but once the novelty wears off, we’re already looking for the next person to cheer for.

Is it possible that our obsession with "heroism" is actually a bit selfish? We use these individuals as vessels for our own need to feel significant. We want to point at them and say, "That’s one of ours," to bolster our own sense of identity. It’s a beautiful sentiment when it works, but it feels like a massive psychological burden to place on a human being.

I'd love to hear what you all think. Do you think the pressure of representing a community can actually hinder performance, or is that "clutch" factor fueled by local pride what makes greatness possible in the first place? And how do we handle it when the person we've put on a pedestal inevitably falls short?

cosmiclynx79 said:Silence is Golden.

It makes sense, if nothing else, given your username...

cosmiclynx79 said:I finally realized this once I started comparing my old college classmates to the people living in my dorm.

Which group do you think fits that proverb better?

darksurfer4 said:Fair point, you've hit the nail on the head regarding all of this.👍

I'm glad we're on the same page.

darksurfer4 said:Look, there are these two or three guys at a local bar I frequent. They talk constantly about traveling; I noticed they often travel to follow sports teams, but there are other trips too. They talk about dinners, whether they're on the road or at home. Of course, all of this costs a fortune, and where the money comes in is where the drama starts. They’ll tell someone they don't want them in the group anymore just because last month that person "only" spent "$50" on drinks. Sure, the guy might be paying for his own flights, hotels, and game tickets, but apparently, that isn't enough; when you're in a group like that, you have to "shell out" big time. You've got people making maybe $50,000 a year—which is a decent salary, mind you—but you're expected to drop at least that much just on travel, games, dinners, and whatnot. In this specific scenario, money is everything; if you can't or won't spend massive amounts, then what are we even talking about? 🙂

With all due respect, if you're dealing with that kind of "transactional" dynamic—where I constantly have to "prove" my worth (in this case, my financial standing) to people who don't actually give a damn about our "friendship" to begin with—then:
1. screw those kinds of "people,"
2. screw those kinds of "friendships," because
3. I'd much rather be on my own than deal with a "fake" crew like that...

darksurfer4 said:It is notoriously difficult to sustain connections that date back to childhood or our younger years. Life just pulls people in different directions; someone lands a high-flying corporate job, someone else struggles to find work, someone gets married, and someone stays single. Paths diverge constantly. Take a friend of mine, for example: he got married, and while we haven't lost touch entirely, we certainly don't see each other as often. I attended his wedding, and when I caught up with him later, I asked why he hadn't reached out to a mutual acquaintance of ours lately. He told me they weren't on speaking terms anymore because he would send messages, but this guy simply refused to respond. My friend—the one who graduated, secured a great salary, has free weekends, and married a beautiful woman—wasn't the problem. It was the other guy, who works seasonal jobs, doesn't have a partner, and seemingly couldn't stomach seeing anyone else succeed. Even my sister dealt with this; she had a close friend who just stopped responding the moment my sister got married. It really tells you everything you need to know.🙄

What you're saying is absolutely true (paths often diverge, unfortunately), but it is possible to keep those friendships from your younger days alive... I know a group right in my neighborhood—three guys who went to high school together (I'm close with two of them, though I only know the third one casually) who also met their partners back then. They still hang out, go out together, and all that. Basically, if people actually want to make an effort, they can; it's always just easiest to come up with excuses instead...

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, I didn't view them that way originally, but it turns out they actually are. My conscience is clear—I know exactly what those petty little grievances were about, though I won't air the dirty laundry here. I offered an olive branch regarding my own initiative, but none was returned from their side. And that’s essentially all you have left after years of supposed "friendship."

For instance—the US National Team is playing over in Cyprus right now; I see five of them in a photo there. Did he reach out? Did he ask me to join them as friends? Of course not. His pride is far too great—he would never be the one to call...

So, as of today, I have zero friends and zero acquaintances. Believe me, I had plenty—I was firmly within that inner circle—but well, I've hit 32, and it's not that I'm not looking for new connections, but I just hope the future looks a bit brighter than this current isolation... It isn't that I dislike being alone, per se, but there is a certain discomfort in being out in public by oneself—that's not quite what I mean...

The next time the opportunity arises, I’m going to ask him straight to his face what the deal is. If he tells me I'm no longer welcome, then everything will be crystal clear...

Friendship is a complicated business. Either you are there for a friend through thick and thin, or you aren't.

These people clearly fall into the category mentioned in that proverb...

I know exactly how you feel because I'm in a very similar boat. I’m a bit younger than you and still have some friends, but we aren't that close anymore since everyone has their own lives, careers, marriages, kids, and all that. It doesn't really make sense for me to go around begging for their time or trying to force hangouts at this stage of life.

At first, I actually thought the issue was me—that maybe I just wasn't "good company" or something like that. But then things started happening where people would completely ghost me the moment I mentioned something simple, like finishing my degree when they hadn't yet. That's when it clicked that the situation was much more complicated than I realized (and honestly, there's plenty of other stuff that's happened in my private and professional life that I'd rather not get into here).

You eventually reach this realization that most of these "friends" were never actually your friends to begin with. Most of them act like subtle emotional parasites, using you and your energy just to fuel their own egos or maintain a sense of control over you. It’s a pattern I've seen quite a bit in my dating life too, though I'm sure it goes both ways regardless of gender.

The truth hurts, I know. A lot of people choose to cling to those toxic relationships simply because they're terrified of being alone. But in my opinion, a true friend will never turn their back on you, no matter how difficult things might get...

Anyway, I might have rambled a bit there, but I couldn't get to the heart of the matter without expanding on it. Just don't shoulder the blame for this. As the saying goes, keep moving forward, whatever happens, and stay strong...

Elizabeth Wilson3 - there's this great little saying in English that really hits home:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

I just caught this thread, but I wanted to jump in since my own post was also taken down (for no real reason, if you ask me).

It’s true that the user > mentioned was way too harsh, and maybe shouldn't have phrased things in such a "demeaning" way—so I get why they got banned. But what really worries me (and I think I speak for other users whose posts were deleted too) is how often I see equally insulting comments calling inexperienced guys "incels," "desperate," "creepy," "abusive," or "pathetic" without any actual basis, yet there are absolutely NO consequences. As I roughly mentioned in my own deleted post—if we are aiming for true "equality" as a society, then it should be treated exactly the same whether a woman insults a man or a man insults a woman. "Subjective impressions" shouldn't be a factor in moderation. Moving forward, I'd just ask the moderators here and on the national forums to do a better job regulating posts involving any kind of gender-based insults, whether direct or indirect...

Thanks