Posts by Matthew Jones16

she's definitely gaslighting you

I suppose it’s possible that someone might be doing all of this simply out of love, though I can't say for certain.

I am honestly just so incredibly fed up with all of you, I swear, I truly am!

And how on earth am I supposed to just move on when my parents and my entire inner circle are constantly going to be whispering in my ear about her?

It honestly seems impossible, unless I just decide to cut everyone off and pick a fight with the whole damn family.

quietgull75 said:1. Honestly, my advice? Just pack up and head to another city for a bit—go stay with some relatives out in, say, Chicago or somewhere—just to get some space from everything happening around you.
2. Maybe try switching up your therapist too. Getting a totally fresh perspective from a new doctor might actually help you process all this.
3. If you want my honest take—this whole thing you wrote sounds pretty bad. It’s giving major paranoia vibes and honestly looks like it could be a sign of something serious.
4. Just walk away from that girl. I know it's hard and you won't forget her overnight, but trust me, accepting that it'll never work out is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Well, sure, but my version of a solution is just sitting at my computer playing games (Valve), drinking beer, working out, running, and basically doing that all day long.
When I do that, I function okay, and I don't really have any more problems. But then again, I’d just be sliding right back into that gaming addiction that already wasted a year and a half of my life and totally trashed my GPA...

I barely managed to quit Valve a year ago, and now, I guess the only time I actually feel at peace is when I'm playing Valve.

Everyone keeps telling me I’m paranoid, but I honestly feel like this paranoia was intentionally manufactured for me.

I have this persistent sensation that my entire social circle is deliberately trying to remind me of this one girl—my ex—and they seem to be working together to convince me that I’ve completely lost my mind because of how much I loved her. It feels quite calculated; they constantly steer conversations back to topics we used to discuss, or anything at all that might trigger a memory of her. On top of that, my dad has been incessantly nudging me to call her again, even though I’ve made it very clear that I have no desire to have any contact with her whatsoever. To make matters worse, I suspect there is some kind of malware on my computer, specifically designed to route through her address, which would allow her to monitor everything I do online.
I suppose it might be some sort of datamn~1.exe file that my computer technician installed; I suspect he is actually in on this whole thing, as he already warned his shop to give me the cold shoulder whenever I bring my machine in for service. In any case, I have stated, perhaps a hundred times now, that nobody is reminding me of her anymore and that everyone is behaving normally. But truly, no one around me is acting normally. They keep trying to push me toward a therapist, and this therapist—who is likely just a close friend of my mother's—keeps insisting that I am being irrational. Meanwhile, my mom is constantly threatening to call the police if I ever raise a hand toward her, claiming she'll have me committed to a mental institution. Technically speaking, aside from a few instances where I might have made threats, I haven't actually done anything to anyone, other than punching a wall out of sheer frustration.

It is because I have this overwhelming feeling that everyone around me knows something that I don't.
It feels as though they have collectively ganged up on me, including my friends, my parents, and even people I thought I could trust.

My father actually managed to manipulate me into calling her again, only for her to reject me once more, and then it repeats... making it look as if I am the one stalking her. One of my friends also indirectly encouraged me to start pursuing her. My dad even suggested I take flowers to her, but she wasn't home, and then he had the audacity to congratulate me for bringing them.
When I mention another girl, my dad just tells me to go bother her instead, just to make my ex jealous...
And whenever I try to put effort into a third girl I dated before this whole mess, everyone seems to conspire to ensure I don't invest anything in her.

My dad constantly talks about how he'll kill himself, and my mom keeps saying she'll call the cops because of me and have me locked up in a psych ward.

They play romantic songs constantly. They talk to me about other people's relationships and their loves...

And yet, I am perfectly fine twenty-four hours a day, six days a week, until someone starts bringing up the police or suicide... then I just snap, and I start screaming about the police and death too.

I’ve noticed that certain people describe sexual scenes to me that sound exactly like things I see in adult films. This never used to happen because my social circle isn't usually the type to talk about sex...

The paranoia has been staged for me, but so many people are involved that I can't find an escape. Every so often, someone will slip up and mention how it’s all being orchestrated, or they’ll start laughing while they're pretending, or they'll say exactly what I told that girl right to my face and just laugh at me.

But they really are causing me serious problems. I have dealt with much worse fears in the past; there were periods where I was terrified that someone was going to murder me. Now, I realize that everything revolves around this girl, and that everyone is trying to induce this paranoia in me so that I'll "fall in love with her" again. Which, frankly, isn't even the issue—she does appeal to me, I just ended things with her for very objective reasons...

It is terrifying when people come to me amidst all this nonsense and start talking about killing, grenades, the police, and mental hospitals... and they do this periodically, sometimes even my own parents.

Is that how you treat paranoia???

How is a psychologist supposed to treat paranoia? I honestly think my therapist is actually deepening my paranoia, because every time I visit her, I find myself second-guessing what I should tell her... then I tell her... and then she just convinces me that I'm insane.

Everything settles down when I sit at my computer and play video games. But then some idiot friend comes along and triggers all of this—even via Facebook—so then I go to my parents... and then my dad says he's going to hang himself... and then I just lose it.

Right now, it isn't a problem for me. I genuinely like that girl. But either this is some massive, coordinated joke played at my expense, or she wants some grand romance, or something else entirely that neither I nor anyone else can understand.

because the reality of the situation is quite massive, and I suppose a truly significant number of people are involved in this whole thing