Need advice: Sestrin's boyfriend is couchsurfing at our place
in Psychology & Therapy ·
I hear you loud and clear. I dealt with a similar mess back in high school, except I was dealing with my sister. I don't care what anyone says. It’s just common sense. She’s well past those years now. Back when she was maybe sixteen, she dove headfirst into her first intense relationship.🙄 I’m dating this guy my age, and he basically moved in without even asking. He's always over for dinner, crashing on our couch, and hanging out in front of the TV—usually with his entire group of friends in tow. It’s constant. The house is like Grand Central Station.
Old people are their own breed—way too stuck in their ways for my liking. And when a teenager says that, you already know they're just talking nonsense.😁Because of their work schedule, they were out of the house constantly, so they didn't even realize he was practically living there—especially at first. I didn't want to snitch or cause a scene, even though my sister and I were miserable. There was zero privacy and absolutely no intimacy.
Look, we have a massive house, but I am still constantly irritated by them. They are everywhere—the kitchen, the living room, even the bathroom. Maybe people who haven't lived with roommates won't get it; they’ll probably ask, "Why are you being so dramatic?" But it isn't the same thing. It's that shift in how you feel in your own home. For instance, I always had to plan my outfits ahead of time just to shower, lugging all my clothes into the bathroom because I didn't want to run into my sister's boyfriend while I was half-dressed. My morning ritual is having coffee in front of the TV, but no—they’ve already staked out the territory. I want to use my computer, but nope, he’s already glued to it. These are supposedly "small" things, but they are incredibly intrusive. I’ve had to start calculating every single move just to function in my own house. It is exhausting.
She didn't notice one bit. Just like yours: "What's it to you?" 🙂 Nothing. I've just got a complete stranger walking around my house... Of course, she doesn't see it. She's blinded by love.😍 The whole situation just got under my skin. It completely trashed my relationship with my sister. I couldn't stand him—I had an immediate visceral reaction to his invasive behavior. You know that feeling when you realize it’s time to walk away? To just go home? Moving into someone's place overnight like that isn't okay. No. He moved in instantly. Like a parasite.
The elderly folks actually felt for him, seeing as his family is struggling financially and who knows what kind of mess he's dealing with back home.
If I ever had the nerve to confront my sister and ask why they don't just go visit him at his place or somewhere else—just to get them out of the house—I’d always get the same excuses. "His apartment is too small," or "his dad is a weirdo," or my personal favorite: "You wouldn't understand, you've never even had a boyfriend." 🙂 I've thought about it too, and honestly? Even if I had a boyfriend, there's no way I'd be sitting around the house with him all day long.
And now? What kind of luck have I had? After that first guy, two more of her boyfriends "couchsurfed" at our place, if you know what I mean. It's obvious my sister has a thing for guys who just want to move in and live off someone else's dime.
After that first disaster, I learned my lesson. I went straight to my sister and gave her an earful about how much this whole mess is affecting me. Hopefully, she finally realized how livid I am—or maybe she just grew up. Pff.🙄I finally realized something. At the end of the day, I’m the one who gets to pick the room and decide what we're watching on TV. If they like my choices, they can join me; if not, well, they can deal with it. That was the compromise that came out of the argument: I always get the final say.😁 Look, I know it sounds harsh, but believe me: even under those "new house rules," they chose to be obnoxious guests. That's on them. And honestly? All those guys my sister was dating back then probably still think I'm some total loser, but I couldn't care less 😁
.
Bottom line: if I could handle it—and I’m two years younger than my sister—then you, being the older brother, need to step up and just lay down the law. I despise it when parents are too soft and the kids have to play parent, but sometimes it's the only way.
Here is the real advice: don't just sit there swallowing your frustration. Have a serious talk with your sister once it's clear the parents aren't going to help. And start making her boyfriend feel slightly unwelcome—just subtle enough that he gets the hint. Trust me, I've used plenty of tactics... ugh. Look, I'm not trying to lecture you, I just wanted to share what I went through so you know you're not alone in this mess 😁
Old people are their own breed—way too stuck in their ways for my liking. And when a teenager says that, you already know they're just talking nonsense.😁Because of their work schedule, they were out of the house constantly, so they didn't even realize he was practically living there—especially at first. I didn't want to snitch or cause a scene, even though my sister and I were miserable. There was zero privacy and absolutely no intimacy.
Look, we have a massive house, but I am still constantly irritated by them. They are everywhere—the kitchen, the living room, even the bathroom. Maybe people who haven't lived with roommates won't get it; they’ll probably ask, "Why are you being so dramatic?" But it isn't the same thing. It's that shift in how you feel in your own home. For instance, I always had to plan my outfits ahead of time just to shower, lugging all my clothes into the bathroom because I didn't want to run into my sister's boyfriend while I was half-dressed. My morning ritual is having coffee in front of the TV, but no—they’ve already staked out the territory. I want to use my computer, but nope, he’s already glued to it. These are supposedly "small" things, but they are incredibly intrusive. I’ve had to start calculating every single move just to function in my own house. It is exhausting.
She didn't notice one bit. Just like yours: "What's it to you?" 🙂 Nothing. I've just got a complete stranger walking around my house... Of course, she doesn't see it. She's blinded by love.😍 The whole situation just got under my skin. It completely trashed my relationship with my sister. I couldn't stand him—I had an immediate visceral reaction to his invasive behavior. You know that feeling when you realize it’s time to walk away? To just go home? Moving into someone's place overnight like that isn't okay. No. He moved in instantly. Like a parasite.
The elderly folks actually felt for him, seeing as his family is struggling financially and who knows what kind of mess he's dealing with back home.
If I ever had the nerve to confront my sister and ask why they don't just go visit him at his place or somewhere else—just to get them out of the house—I’d always get the same excuses. "His apartment is too small," or "his dad is a weirdo," or my personal favorite: "You wouldn't understand, you've never even had a boyfriend." 🙂 I've thought about it too, and honestly? Even if I had a boyfriend, there's no way I'd be sitting around the house with him all day long.
And now? What kind of luck have I had? After that first guy, two more of her boyfriends "couchsurfed" at our place, if you know what I mean. It's obvious my sister has a thing for guys who just want to move in and live off someone else's dime.
After that first disaster, I learned my lesson. I went straight to my sister and gave her an earful about how much this whole mess is affecting me. Hopefully, she finally realized how livid I am—or maybe she just grew up. Pff.🙄I finally realized something. At the end of the day, I’m the one who gets to pick the room and decide what we're watching on TV. If they like my choices, they can join me; if not, well, they can deal with it. That was the compromise that came out of the argument: I always get the final say.😁 Look, I know it sounds harsh, but believe me: even under those "new house rules," they chose to be obnoxious guests. That's on them. And honestly? All those guys my sister was dating back then probably still think I'm some total loser, but I couldn't care less 😁
.
Bottom line: if I could handle it—and I’m two years younger than my sister—then you, being the older brother, need to step up and just lay down the law. I despise it when parents are too soft and the kids have to play parent, but sometimes it's the only way.
Here is the real advice: don't just sit there swallowing your frustration. Have a serious talk with your sister once it's clear the parents aren't going to help. And start making her boyfriend feel slightly unwelcome—just subtle enough that he gets the hint. Trust me, I've used plenty of tactics... ugh. Look, I'm not trying to lecture you, I just wanted to share what I went through so you know you're not alone in this mess 😁