Posts by Larry Ortiz2

Betty Bennett10 said:Yeah, my bad. I skimmed your post way too quickly. Honestly, I have no clue how that investigation actually wrapped up, but still—I don't think there was any actual medical malpractice involved here, though that doesn't mean an inquiry shouldn't happen.

There was definitely medical negligence and failure in this case, plain and simple.

mistybear4 said:If you only had an issue with one single sentence, you could have just asked me to clarify what I actually meant when I wrote it (since things can look totally different depending on which angle you're looking from).

Yeah. But now you've explained it. 🙂

I'll try to explain what kind of selfishness I was talking about...
The problem can arise (and it happens all the time) when someone meets a person at a healthy weight, falls for them, and gets into a relationship because they find them attractive—but then everything shifts and she suddenly becomes twice her size... so now what?
If he complains about it, he comes off as unloving and selfish because he's "only thinking about himself," implying her looks matter more than her personality. But why doesn't anyone ask how she's being selfish by putting him in a position where he *has* to complain, or by ignoring what bothers him just for the sake of "love"? ... And isn't honesty supposed to be the foundation of any relationship?

Then you should have said that's what you were getting at instead of being so brief. 😉
As for that hypothetical scenario you mentioned, you've got a point. Some people only claim to love others when things are going great; most people judge based on appearance and pick partners based on looks. But to me, love stays through thick and thin. You don't just walk away from someone you love because they're going through a rough patch; you try to help them. Just remember, love doesn't keep a scoreboard.

Her boyfriend didn't mind the extra weight, but *she* felt like it bothered him. She felt uncomfortable because she didn't feel desirable to herself... but why?

Exactly. She’s already carrying a heavy load of guilt and self-loathing, and then you swoop in telling her it's fine because she's being "real" instead of "selfish." Her primary concern doesn't have to be her boyfriend, his mom, or anyone else in this world—it's her own relationship with herself. Please, do some reading on Eating Disorders before you chime in. 🙂

I also think that body fat isn't exactly an aphrodisiac. If a woman enters a relationship with me at an ideal weight and then gains weight and tells me, "this is just who I am, I don't care if you like it or not," I'd consider that selfish. It shows she doesn't care about my perspective, and with that attitude, she'd be a thing of the past for me—someone else can deal with her spite.
I also think men who find themselves in that situation but lack the backbone to say anything or change things are just total pushovers.

Maybe they just like curvy women, or maybe they accept people for who they are, or maybe looks and sex aren't that big of a deal to them. 😉
You know that old American saying about a pretty girl; "curvy, glowing, and sweet." 😁

You’d probably just walk away from her too if she got caught in an accident and ended up disabled, or maybe if she hit a serious illness. Typical. 😁
Fair enough, you're right about that. But honestly, comments like yours don't belong in a thread about Eating Disorders anyway. It just brings the whole mood down.

Weight control? Honestly, it’s become such a simple, solvable equation for me now that I probably wouldn't even find myself stuck in that mess if I tried. But hey, for the people who are still struggling with it, they know exactly where to find me when they need some advice.

Look, for the millionth time, this isn't about weight control. It’s not like people with Eating Disorders are just fat, stupid, or clueless about what to eat. That's not how this works. This is a mental issue. A psychological one. Period.

From a guy's perspective, there’s this massive hypocrisy floating around with certain women. They claim they want guys who are straightforward and sincere, but the second someone actually gives it to them straight—without all the sugarcoating—suddenly he's being rude or just "too much." Honestly, plenty of them have admitted to me that they actually prefer the flattery, the sweet talk, and the empty promises. They know deep down none of it is true and that nothing is ever going to come from it, but they just enjoy the ride.

Look, you're being way too much. Save those kinds of "honest" posts for a support group—don't go trying to "help" someone struggling with Eating Disorders here. Honestly, you're just doing them more harm than good.

I'm just not going to do it. I refuse to sit there and feed someone some line I don't actually believe just to boost their ego or fix their mood. It’s exhausting. Honestly? Truth is the only real medicine here. Sometimes you just need a little shock therapy to snap things into place.

Your truth isn't my truth. And honestly? You don't argue about truths—just like you don't argue about taste. 😉
Look, just stick to a proper diet and leave the psychology stuff to the actual experts.
I've said my piece. I really hope this whole argument hasn't completely derailed the discussion. 👋

Chicago Bulls said:Look, I don't care if you have a degree😵 It’s just that you’re acting like it makes you an expert on everything... My point stands: aspartame (especially when mixed with cyclamates) is way worse for you than actual sugar.

If someone is trying to watch their weight and wants zero calories, they'll go for a Diet Coke, which isn't any worse than the regular stuff.
I don't touch Cola or anything like it, but if I had to pick, I'd always go for the diet version because too much sugar in drinks just doesn't sit right with me. Not trying to speak for everyone here, just my take. 😁

And honestly, thank God we have chemists and biochemists posting here; it’s actually useful to be able to learn something from people who know what they're talking about. 😉

mistybear4 said:Look, I’m not advocating for "conforming to societal pressure," and I never said this trend was justified. I’m just stating FACTS. And the facts show that when people find something "pleasing to the eye," they jump on it.

Sure, but tastes vary. What looks good to one person might look terrible to someone else, and vice versa. Thanks for the essay, really, but there was only one sentence in there that actually bothered me; and you aren't being selfish... you don't think "I am who I am, and I couldn't care less if you like me or not."
Of course I’m going to be who I am (me, her, him, them)—and yeah, I don't give a damn if some random person doesn't like me. Big deal. Someone else will. Should we all rush out for plastic surgery or sit around crying about being ugly just so we aren't labeled "selfish"? 😁
Watch your tone. 😉

First off, she was the first one to notice this issue in her own circle. If I tried to tell her anything contrary to what she sees, it could backfire—she might start feeling stupid because she thinks she's "seeing it wrong."

You're generalizing way too much, and honestly, you're contradicting yourself. 😉

The same thing can look completely different depending on how you view it. That's exactly why you have to look at things from multiple angles. If you only ever look from one perspective, you end up with a totally skewed picture of EVERYTHING.

See? There isn't just one single reality; there are multiple perspectives and multiple angles. 🙂

And please, stop acting like the judge here. I think my responses are very measured. If anyone disagrees, well, goodness gracious, go agree with someone else. Go listen to someone else. Life is all about choices.

Forgive me, but you *are* playing judge. And I can't agree that your response is "measured." It isn't. Not even close. You're indirectly pushing her toward insecurity and a lack of self-respect. For someone who is already mentally unstable, that only makes things worse. In fact, that's one of the primary triggers for Eating Disorders.

We shouldn't waste breath on tastes. Same goes for why someone prefers thicker women, or why some prefer men, or those who like being kept on a leash... there are endless examples. Everyone should just do whatever they want.

So, if you admit that taste isn't up for debate, how does your comment about selfishness even fit in?😉

Look, obviously you have to treat someone as a human being—I never tried to argue against that. But if your "personal opinion" is that being overweight and out of shape is somehow "desirable," then I really have zero interest in engaging in any "deep" conversation with you...

Oh, please. Nobody said anyone should be obese or just completely ignore their health. I was strictly talking about the psychological side of things (and most people dealing with Eating Disorders aren't even overweight). You need self-respect and confidence. You can't let some jerk crush your self-esteem just because you don't fit his specific mold of how you "should" look. 🙄 And that doesn't just apply to weight or looks; it applies to everything.

Selfishness is demanding something from others that you aren't capable of providing yourself... so, if I'm out of shape, where is my moral right to expect a woman not to be?

That’s just hypocrisy. But fine, I agree with you there—it isn't right. I just don't see what that has to do with anything on this thread. 😕

Let me circle back to my original point: "when people find something aesthetically pleasing, they are MOST LIKELY to put in more effort." That is MY opinion, those are the facts surrounding us, that is reality. Everything we wish were true instead of the truth just ends up creating problems for us.

So, since we've already established that absolute truth doesn't exist and that "what looks good" comes in many different flavors, I still don't see how your comment about selfishness makes sense here—especially when it's totally unacceptable, particularly in cases like this.
I don't want to keep arguing with you and drifting off-topic, so
Best, 👋

mistybear4 said:Most guys are visual creatures. When they find someone attractive, they actually put in the effort—even in bed. What you're saying makes total sense... you're being realistic and you aren't being selfish. You aren't just thinking, "This is who I am, and I don't care if you like it or not" (brace yourself, I can already hear the "selfish" crowd attacking you now). 😁

👎 That isn't selfishness; it's self-respect. Why should anyone have to bend to societal pressure or force themselves to be someone they aren't? Are you even realizing that these kinds of mindless, blunt responses only end up hurting women? It’s because of people who think and speak like you that girls end up struggling with Eating Disorders like anorexia and bulimia!
And just to set the record straight, not every man is obsessed with supermodels and stick-thin bodies. There are guys who prefer curvier women, and there are men who aren't shallow—men who actually treat their partners like human beings instead of objects used for their own gratification. They don't expect a woman to stop having her own opinion just to satisfy some "master's" mental or physical whims.

Taylor Brown61 said:Do you honestly think you're invisible? You don't have burst capillaries around your eyes, bloodshot eyes from the strain, or those little cuts on your fingers. You aren't staying awake long after everyone else has crashed. And besides, don't you ever catch that scent in the bathroom or on your hands when you vomit up something milky?

A lot of people dealing with Bulimia don't show any of those signs. If someone is careful enough, it's impossible to tell. Not until things spiral into real trouble.

First off, hey there, Little Red Riding Hood. 🙂

Anthony Wood54 said:We got into a massive blowout over this. He made some comment about a woman in a bikini, calling her fat... honestly, I just hit my limit. I couldn't stay quiet anymore. I don't see people in those kinds of categories—fat or thin—it's just not how I view the world.

You really should have told him. Right then and there. Next time, just lay it out for him—ask him if he actually realizes how many girls and women are suffering through bulimia and anorexia because of societal pressure and those impossible standards being shoved down their throats. Talk to him about that. And then? Then you tell him your story.
Maybe you're terrified he’ll walk out if you put on a few pounds? Look, if that’s actually the case, then he doesn't love you—period. He doesn't deserve you. I personally don't believe that's what's happening here, but hey, talk to me. Tell me about yourself and how things are actually going between you two.

The guy? Honestly, I think he plays way too big a role in this whole mess. He’s 6'2" and barely hits 150 pounds... just skin and bones. It's brutal. And according to him, eating is just "stupid." Back when we were living together, I used to sit there staring at the kitchen counter, completely lost on what to cook because nothing ever hit the spot for him. So, of course, he’d just grab some junk food instead, and well—the scale just keeps climbing.

People aren't built the same way, and their nutritional needs follow suit. It’s like comparing engines; one guy runs fine on a little bit of fuel, while someone else has to pack a massive meal just to stay upright. Everyone's different.
Look, you should have just cooked what tastes good to you. If he wants to eat junk, let him. It’s his business. 😉

By the end of the month, I’m supposed to be moving in with him. That means I have to overhaul my entire diet, and his too... I might actually pull off the whole boiled vegetable thing since that's actually decent to me, but for him? Not a chance. We're talking about cooking two separate meals every single day. Total nightmare.

Dušo, seriously, what century are you living in? 😉
Why on earth would you—with everything you've got on your plate between internships and college—feel obligated to play chef for him too? If he’s not a fan of what you cook, fine. He can grab a spatula and handle it himself. You're the priority here. Just YOU. 🙂

Maybe if I just lay it all out for him—tell him exactly what's up—he might actually change. Maybe he’ll finally stop being so damn demanding and realize that if I want to stay healthy, I have to eat right. It's hard enough trying to stick to a plan without having someone constantly breathing down my neck about it.

That’s actually a pretty solid way of looking at it. 🙂

nataniel said:Peace isn't some flowery, Hallmark card version of tranquility that most people settle for.
It’s not just birds chirping or a babbling brook...

True inner peace is a person's greatest achievement—and their hardest fight. It means finding actual alignment within yourself and with the world around you.

Real peace means conquering your own worst impulses.

...it's that moment when you can flash a genuine smile, knowing you're finally the master of your own soul.

🙂 I'm with him on this one.

Kyle Nelson2 said:Some people just live these totally ordinary, run-of-the-mill lives. For them, the absolute peak of existence—the ultimate high—is nothing more than finding some semblance of emotional fulfillment. That's it. That's the whole game.

Then there’s the other crowd. The ones out there constantly chasing some kind of peace seeking. They're just trying to find themselves—using spirituality, religion, or whatever else they can grab onto to fill the void.
Why?

What exactly is the trigger that drives people toward that kind of behavior? Are those individuals practicing peace seeking actually handicapped because they can't just sit back and enjoy a simple sunset? Or are they just part of the mindless crowd—the plebs—wandering off on some uncertain trek, convinced it’ll eventually land them in some vague, undefined paradise?

And why shouldn't those engaged in peace seeking be allowed to just sit back and enjoy a sunset every once in a while? 😉 Or in anything else, really? I honestly think they’re genuinely content with the quiet, easy life they’ve carved out for themselves. It’s the only way they function. They wouldn't stand a chance—let alone be happy—living any other way.

Quincy:

One answer keeps forcing itself on me. It’s that idea that something hits us hard when we're young—something that just knocks us completely off our axis—and from that moment on, we’re never quite the same again. It's like a car that takes a heavy hit to the frame; you can fix the dents and paint it over, but it’s never going to drive perfectly straight ever again. Is this just some psychological quirk? A byproduct of deep-seated trauma we can't quite face head-on? Or is this whole obsession with peace seeking just one big, collective act of immaturity?

The first Newtonian law. 😁

Peace seeking isn't some sign of immaturity. It’s a choice. A deliberate, calculated choice—exactly the kind that someone actually looking for peace needs to make. 🙂