Posts by Noah Sanchez7

stormylynx23 said:So, I was flipping through this massive medical textbook on psychiatry the other day, and honestly? I felt like I was reading a checklist of my own personal flaws. Every single disorder in there felt weirdly familiar. I’ve actually heard other med students say the same thing—it’s like when you study a specific disease, you’re suddenly convinced you’ve caught it. By the time they graduate, they’ve basically "survived" a hundred different illnesses just by reading about them.

That's why if you actually have schizophrenia, you can't just decide that for yourself. You need an actual doctor to look at you objectively and make the call. You can't just hand out your own diagnoses. It doesn't work like that. If you start reading up on something like bipolar disorder, you'll walk away thinking you've got it too.

True. I just can't accept the idea that something is incurable, or that it can't be fixed or at least steered back toward a positive outcome.
There is always a path that leads to schizophrenia, so there has to be a path leading back out.
If it isn't there, find it!

stormylynx23 said:Scientists and amateurs alike have been grinding for over a century trying to nail down the essence, the causes, and the cure for schizophrenia, yet this absolute genius thinks he cracked the code in a few days.

That whole year you spent holed up inside wasn't psychosis or schizophrenia—it sounds way more like social anxiety or something along those lines. You already mentioned seeing several psychiatrists who never once gave you a schizophrenia diagnosis, so please, for the love of God, drop it and focus on what's actually happening with you.

And where do you get off acting like I didn't use my own willpower or consciousness? That was incredibly rude.

If we’re playing the "stop taking meds" game...
-let's tell heart patients to stop too
-and diabetics
-and cancer patients
-and pretty much everyone else, because your logic regarding antipsychotics is exactly the same kind of nonsense.

Exactly. If they had given me that diagnosis, I'd be living under that label forever, dealing with all the baggage that comes with it—like the fact that it's incurable and requires constant medication.
But since I don't have it? Huzzah!
🙄

Don't act like a child.

stormylynx23 said:Scientists and amateurs alike have been grinding for over a century trying to nail down the essence, the causes, and the cure for schizophrenia, yet this absolute genius thinks he cracked the code in a few days.

That whole year you spent holed up inside wasn't psychosis or schizophrenia—it sounds way more like social anxiety or something along those lines. You already mentioned seeing several psychiatrists who never once gave you a schizophrenia diagnosis, so please, for the love of God, drop it and focus on what's actually happening with you.

And where do you get off acting like I didn't use my own willpower or consciousness? That was incredibly rude.

If we’re playing the "stop taking meds" game...
-let's tell heart patients to stop too
-and diabetics
-and cancer patients
-and pretty much everyone else, because your logic regarding antipsychotics is exactly the same kind of nonsense.

It isn't the same! Does schizophrenia cause physical changes in the brain? NO! So, it's absolutely not the same.
That is exactly what I am trying to make you understand—you aren't sick! Someone suffering from social phobia or panic attacks isn't "sick" either.
In reality, people are only considered "ill" to the extent that they can't perform the functions society expects of them, and that shouldn't be used as a valid basis for labeling someone as sick.
Psychology and psychiatry are relatively young sciences (not counting Buddha), so don't cling to everything you're told, because even they don't truly know everything.
If your doctor had told you a different, more positive story, you wouldn't view your "illness" this way.

Besides, that crowd you consider "normal"—the ones you feel abnormal compared to—is completely unaware of any of this!

Holstein, with all due respect to what you wrote (above), I get the feeling you haven't truly exercised your own will and consciousness. Maybe you have, just incorrectly.
If you had read a bit more closely, you would have seen that I also believed in that at first. I believed it for a full year. And during that year, I was in such a deep psychosis that I absolutely couldn't function. I couldn't even talk to people. I was so disconnected that my voice almost failed me entirely.
And I just experienced that "break in consciousness." The death of the ego. I don't know why you won't believe me.
I fell into an even deeper depression. My movements were limited to trips to the grocery store, and even then, I had to pick the least crowded ones because I’d get lost in big stores like a small child. By the time I reached the register, I had to focus everything I had just to say: "Here you go, sir!" I didn't speak to anyone; I avoided people, all while being deeply unhappy and shaken by everything happening to me.
There were moments when my lower lip would tremble, my muscles would twitch, and I felt like I was going to snap. This lasted for over a year.
I can provide more examples from experience if you need stronger proof.

But what is the crucial part here? It's the fact that even when your brain is in total chaos, there exists a mind that cannot be stifled or mistaken. That mind is consciousness. Think of it that way.
When I had to pay for something, I would always leave cash on the counter because my hand would shake too much to handle change. I avoided group dinners because I wouldn't have been able to eat soup without my hands trembling uncontrollably. Despite all that, consciousness remained steady and constantly grew. That is the key.
In moments like those, a person is so terrified that they don't even think about facing the situation; they just look for any way to run from it.
I was taking large amounts of speed mixed with alcohol; if you look it up online, you'll see that exact combination is what leads to schizophrenia.
What else is vital? In those situations, you feel completely alone and far from everyone you love. There is no one you can trust, no one to hold onto, and no one who feels like a friend. I was lucky enough to stumble upon a guide, the book "Tib," which advised exactly what I am advising now: do not be afraid, because these are just illusions created by your own mind—THEY DO NOT EXIST IN REALITY. It's like a small child being afraid of shadows in their bedroom.
The book goes further into explaining these hallucinations, but I won't complicate things right now.

I don't consider myself fully healthy yet, but I have pulled myself together enough that I am incomparably better than I was, and I believe it will only get better.

stormylynx23 said:Yeah, sure, you kicked the drugs so now you don't have any hallucinations, but when I quit my tablet, the hallucinations hit me hard

You get the difference????

I get it. Let's make a deal. For both our sakes, let's try to break down the schizophrenia and what causes it—just please don't stop your therapy.

stormylynx23 said:what kind of question

Was it a matter of choice, or were you simply unable to meet the expectations placed upon us as responsible individuals?

stormylynx23 said:Looks like you’re well on your way to snagging a Nobel Prize in Medicine for figuring out a whole new way to treat schizophrenia. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

Thanks for the fingers crossed.

Anyway, answer me this one thing.

From what I can tell, the only thing separating you guys (you and Indonesia) from me is that my whole journey started with drugs. I used to smoke way too much weed—my hands would actually shake if I stopped—but I kept at it, and eventually, the heavy amphetamine use just completely wrecked my mental health.

But that doesn't change the reality of things!

stormylynx23 said:Noah Sanchez7, knock it off. Indonesia has been hospitalized ten times already, and you’re out here acting like she needs an eleventh round.
You're overstepping. So many people have tried to wean patients off antipsychotics—especially those religious fanatics—and they ended up making a massive mess of things.
Nobody actually enjoys being on antipsychotics. You spend your whole life just praying for the day you can finally get off them.

Look, it's great that you're trying to help Indonesia, really, I get it. But please, let her tapering off medication be the very last thing on the agenda, not the first.

And let's be real: you've never actually been in a psychosis. What you described isn't even in the same ballpark. So don't sit there acting like you "conquered" this. You're full of it.

When I was actually in a psychotic break, I thought I was Jesus and Hitler at the same time. I'd pick up the newspaper and see my name in an article from start to finish, and suddenly I’m convinced the cops are tailing me, that they're tracking my phone, that I have telekinetic powers, or that some random celebrity is talking about me on CNN... you get the idea.

Same question for you: was it that you didn't want to, or weren't able to, meet the expectations placed on us as responsible individuals?

What do you mean, Jesus and Hitler? Elaborate a bit. Describe Jesus's psychosis to me. I honestly don't know what more I could want to learn from that.

Don't get upset, but you're coming off a little simplistic. I don't have any bad intentions toward you. Quite the opposite.
If you don't understand collective consciousness, you wouldn't even be considered "crazy." But then again, you aren't considering the collective UNCONSCIOUSNESS either. That's the issue. Based on that theory, mental illness (essentially) DOESN'T EXIST. It only exists in relation to what society accepts or rejects as behavior, which isn't a valid basis for labeling someone insane.
I just want us to look together at the factors that lead to psychosis. Meaning, what path does our mind take to arrive at psychosis, so we can examine the cause of that thought process. This goes pretty deep, but if you're up for it, you'll hear it!

I have experienced psychosis, don't doubt that. What you mentioned are pure symptoms of paranoia, which I am familiar with. Let's try to find the line where you cross from paranoia into schizophrenia (a deeper psychosis).

One hallucination I had (during my psychotic episode): I live in a house that has a garage next to it. In that garage sits my late great-grandmother's cabinet with all her belongings. One night, I headed out to a convenience store for some cigarettes. I decided to take the bike that was sitting in the garage.
I went outside and walked around the house toward the garage. Since I don't have a direct view of the garage, I had to walk around the house to the corner where I could finally see it.
It was dark, and as I approached the corner, I started feeling this slight sense of dread. When I reached the garage, this was the scene: my late great-grandmother was sitting on top of the garage with a headscarf on, swinging her legs, silent and without a clear facial expression. Terrified, I ducked into the garage, grabbed the bike, and slowly moved toward the gate. I took one more glance, and she was standing on the garage now, with her back turned to me.

Man, I spent a whole year living in fear because of situations like that. Read my first thread and my very first post on this forum.
But I realized one thing: you can hallucinate whatever you want, the darkest horror imaginable, but always remain aware that none of it is real. Those hallucinations are just products of your imagination and your thoughts. Realizing that was enough to set me free. It just requires constant vigilance and composure (at least in the beginning).

But most importantly, don't believe in the literal reality of the illness ([mental health issues]).

So don't give me that crap about me talking nonsense!

Gerald Parker3 said:The whole chaos just made me realize I’d never actually be able to live up to what being an adult is supposed to look like.
Honestly, I just wanted to stay a kid—to have a life where I didn't have to worry about a single thing.

That makes perfect sense.

The real question here, and it's a big one, is whether you didn't want to or simply weren't able to meet the expectations everyone places on us.

Take some time to think about it, then let me know.

Gerald Parker3 said:This is all pretty weird, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if they were nice to me, but I never experienced anything like this red during my entire stay—which, all things considered, was only about a year in the psych ward.

Here are some of my strangest experiences: old women who pray constantly and would basically rather sleep with the doctors or kill everyone and tear the place apart (predictably), while the female patients mostly engage sexually with other patients.

Still, Noah Sanchez7 is right about one thing: those crazy old ladies are way more normal than the messed-up nurses who scream at them.

This part is crucial. You have schizophrenia, yet you didn't experience the kind of "trips" that stormylynx23 described. So, what exactly is causing your illness?

Let's dig a bit deeper into the nature of your hallucinations. Did you actually see the women praying, or did they just seem religious, leading your brain to imagine them in prayer?
Secondly, regarding the sex, did you witness it directly, or was it more of a feeling—like you were watching the female patients interact with male patients and picking up on subtle cues that it was happening?

Please respond.

stormylynx23 said:Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

What the hell is your problem? Why are you grouping everything together? Look, first off, don't go thinking I have any prejudices against "real crazy people." Second, I'm not acting like some big shot, and I definitely don't think I'm special just because I used drugs; I wasn't an addict just to feel superior. For me, it was just a life experience, nothing more. And I can tell you, I learned quite a bit from it.

Of course, there are people who seem to lack any sense of self, but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about those who *do* have a sense of self, which is how I'm putting you and Gerald Parker3 in the same category.

As for medication, to me, it's a drug just as much as heroin is. You have no idea how much easier things were when I was on it; I didn't feel any pain, and more importantly, I didn't have a single issue in my head. I knew exactly who I was, and I just drifted through life like that.
I quit the heroin, but I still don't know who I am, nor will I ever, and I couldn't care less about the things a regular person cares about (paychecks, loans, a new car, a new TV, a PlayStation...).
So what now? Am I an idiot for not taking it anymore, or am I fine for now, but would become an idiot if they legalized it?

I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Gerald Parker3 said:Someone else.
I remember one time I called them myself—it was after I’d been off my meds for seven months while staying with my mother-in-law, and I was basically suffocating her, so I called 911.
I haven't ended up in a psych ward since then.
I mean, let's just say there were times I was ready to grab some scissors and tear through a calendar.
But look, I have a history; I was admitted to a mental hospital for the first time when I was eighteen, so in people's eyes, I'll always be "crazy."
Personally, I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

Why on earth were you choking her? Was she getting on your nerves? Or maybe she was just too ugly?! 😎
Why didn't she call 911 or the police?

You actually tried to be normal!?
I'm not exactly normal myself, and honestly, I've always been repulsed by the whole idea of "normality." Trying to fit in is just a massive waste of time. Being normal just means being a slave!

Gerald Parker3 said:WRONG. If I stop my meds for seven days, I'm either being rushed to the ER by an ambulance or I'm checking myself straight into a psych ward. What's your take on that?

Really?!

What exactly happens to you that requires emergency services? Are you the one calling them, or does someone else call because they feel threatened?

Gerald Parker3 said:Look, I get it—it’s just bureaucracy and red tape, doesn't really matter. 😉

I wouldn't say that. You're just looking for the shortcut. It's much easier to rely on pills.

Go ahead, whenever you have some free time, write a bit more. I'd really love to hear about your experiences in the USA.

When someone is dealing with psychosis, schizophrenia, or anything similar, they aren't in any state to calmly observe themselves or grasp the core of their own distress. Under the weight of those negative emotions the mind churns out, they just panic and cry out, "I'm losing my mind, help me!" And that’s how every illness goes undiagnosed—it just gets treated with medication instead.

stormylynx23 said:

I don't know what you're getting at with "up99." Is that some kind of code? A typo? Or just one of those random things people type when they've lost the thread? Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue. If you're trying to make a point, you're going to have to be a lot clearer than that. I'm sitting here staring at two numbers and a few letters like it's some kind of cryptic puzzle from a bad spy novel. Help me out here. What are we even talking about? stormylynx23 says:
Look, time just kept dragging on, and nothing changed. It was the same old loop. Honestly, the whole thing felt a lot like being dead—except I was still technically breathing. I was stuck in that weird limbo where you’re physically here, but totally checked out. Let me try to explain what I actually mean by "alive," because it's not exactly what most people think.
A person breathes. That’s the baseline—a built-in drive to just stay alive, you know? To exist. Then you start thinking logically as an individual, building up this mental armor like a shield to protect yourself. Everything you actually do is just a collection of tiny, subconscious habits you picked up along the way—stuff like keeping your balance or learning how to delay gratification. You can wrap all that chaos up into one single concept: the ego.
Well, my ego finally kicked the bucket. I should probably clarify something for those of you making assumptions: before that happened, there were concepts I couldn't wrap my head around and experiences—physical ones, too—that I just hadn't touched yet. But here’s the thing: no matter what role I tried to play or who I attempted to be, I could never actually say, "Yeah, that's me." That realization is exactly why I kept digging until the ego finally gave up the ghost.
Then I went off the rails completely. I just stopped dead in my tracks and started wailing like a lost child: "Oh man, what did I do? What happened to me? Where the hell am I?" It was pathetic. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that those were just old patterns—baggage from some "previous life"—trying to drag me back under. And the worst part? There was no turning back. It’s like walking through a door that slams shut behind you, and you realize you never had the key to get out anyway.
Picture this: you’re hiking through the woods, right? This path represents your journey toward some ultimate truth. Suddenly, you stumble upon an opening. It looks like nothing—just a void. But you get this gut feeling that this is the way. You have to go in. So, you step through, the door slams shut behind you, and you're left standing in total, absolute darkness. The trees are gone. The birds? Silent. There isn't a single sound. You just stand there thinking, "Wait, what is this? Where am I? Is this really what I was looking for?" That’s when the panic hits. It’s exactly like falling into a deep hole and realizing there’s no ladder to climb out. Your brain starts spiraling. Images just start flooding in—flashes of your family, your friends you left behind, even the person you used to be before all this. It’s just pure emptiness, and God, you’d give anything just to see something else. Anything.
Then the misery kicked in. It was this deep, heavy kind of suffering that I can’t even put into words properly. Everything that used to make me feel human—everything that gave me a sense of self just a little while ago—became completely out of reach. Mostly, I mean the social stuff. I’ve always considered myself a people person, you know? So, having a girlfriend, a close friend, just being around anyone... those were things I was desperate for, but I couldn't have them. Every time I thought about it, this thought would just loop in my head: "How can you even try when you don't know who you are? You can't say who you are because you aren't actually anyone. You just aren't." All I could do was sit there and watch everyone else. Just observe their lives. I was just drifting, caught in this endless longing, kind of like a character in a Wenders movie like *Sky over Berlin*.
So, I stumbled upon the Tibetan Book of the Dead recently—which, by the way, is my first real topic on this forum. Honestly? It fascinated me with how much kindness is baked into it. At first, though, it didn't really touch me. It couldn't. I was just looking at it like some perfect piece of fiction that happened to fit my current headspace perfectly. I’d think about it constantly and read it over and over, but I wasn't actually *doing* the work. I wasn't trying to see through the illusions surrounding me or actually follow the guidance written in those pages. I was just consuming it.
I found it while I was drifting through the Sidpa bardo—that whole process of reclaiming a body and being reborn. The visions of my rebirth were supposed to be this beacon of hope, but honestly? I couldn't pick a single one. Every time I thought about starting over, I just felt sick to my stomach. In every possible version of a new life, I could see that same old filth I’ve been trying so hard to shake off. That’s been the whole point of my journey, hasn't it? Trying to escape those deep-seated, messy impulses that keep pulling me back. I was completely torn. On one side, there was this pull toward purity, and on the other, there was the reality of the world around me. And look, I’ll be blunt: I wasn't ready to sacrifice everything I knew. I wanted this world—my world—and to have that, I needed a rebirth, a physical presence here on Earth. But at the same time, I didn't want to crawl back into the exact same cycle I was trying to run from. That endless loop of living and dying is exhausting. So, here I am. Still stuck in the Bardo. As things stand, I’ll probably end up going back. I’ll become a person again. It feels like it’s just inevitable. I think I jumped into this whole spiritual thing way too naive and far too young. Maybe I’ll aim for actual Buddhahood or total enlightenment in the next life instead. One step at a time, I guess.

This is my journey through the subconscious. It’s a trip you have to take if you want to be free. Whether you look at it through a Christian lens or a Buddhist one, liberation is the goal. I tend to frame my own experience using more Buddhist concepts, so fair warning: most people probably won't get where I'm coming from.
This isn't some fake story. Everything I'm saying actually happened to me.
As one of the few tourists out here (traveling through the subconscious and back), I can tell you this: no mental illness is truly incurable. We are all born healthy. We’re all different, sure, but throughout our lives, we’re constantly trying to fit in, trying to be someone. We mold our behavior—and by extension, our thoughts—just to be accepted. At the root of it all is this deep-seated need to belong and be loved, which really just boils down to basic survival instinct.
The most important thing in the world is to realize there isn't a single phenomenon the mind can't grasp. If you internalize that, you'll see there's no such thing as a "broken brain" that can't be fixed. The only things standing in our way are fear and panic. Honestly, sometimes it pays to listen to how kids talk today: just "chill out and vibe," even when the Devil himself is waving a knife at your throat. 👍

hey

I don't have much time right now, so I'll make this quick. For nine years, I was completely lost, though I didn't even realize it. When things finally hit a breaking point, I snapped into my first psychosis. Yeah, psychosis isn't exactly a blast, but in a way, it can be a massive "spiritual" experience—if that's even the right word, since I'm not a religious guy. In that moment, I felt like I "died inside." I basically unmade my old life and started over. It was like being reborn. But man, it took its toll. I had the first psychosis, then about six or seven months of recovery, then another psychotic break, followed by months of feeling totally numb while I pulled myself back together. About a year and a half total. It was a full-blown revolution; I did a complete 180.
Looking back at who I was before schizophrenia compared to who I am now, I'm actually glad I broke. I'd rather have gone through that than kept living that pathetic life I had before. Truth is, I didn't really have a choice anyway; that old version of me was unsustainable. I'm glad it was an "explosion" rather than a slow, drawn-out decay. Today, I'm a completely different, better person. I've been reborn within myself (I don't know if people call that reincarnation or whatever).
In my opinion, though, mental illness starts brewing long before the actual tension hits a breaking point.

What you wrote there is a major secret that most people miss. Psychosis often acts as a catalyst for a "rebirth," provided the individual isn't being steered by someone competent. It’s possible for a person to never make it out, because the flow of consciousness simply stops entirely. This should be a fascinating topic for psychologists.
That sudden disruption can be experienced fatally, just as it was for me. I was terrified; I had panic attacks, I was literally shaking, and the sense of insecurity was so intense I wasn't even sure I could manage to get a spoon from the plate to my mouth!
Why?
Because a person's "normal consciousness"—which is built on deeply ingrained perceptions of reality, like "this is mine," "that is yours," "this is me," and "that is you"—starts to shatter.
Everything ceases to be what it once was, and a completely different reality opens up. It is much closer to the ultimate truth, but because a person is encountering it for the first time, they are paralyzed with fear.
We are all "trapped" by our own Ego, clinging to it tightly because it feels safe. In this situation, that safety vanishes.

mellowjackal33 said:I see you—sort of like one of those tiny sea anemones that pulls its tentacles in the second you touch it! 🙂

They gave you good advice: that "unexplained" crying is really just a backlog of unprocessed baggage.

And they were right about this too: you have to face it.

But what’s the catch? How is someone feeling as timid and shy as you are supposed to actually confront all that? It’s tough.

But—there’s hope.

Where does it come from?

Let's try flipping the script: instead of trying to tackle problems through pure logic, try moving through your emotions first.

Just sit with the pain, the shame, and the fear.

Then, hit that realization: you are JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. Everyone is "messed up" in their own way. The point isn't being perfect—it's accepting yourself exactly as you are right now.

Next time you're home alone, stand in front of the mirror and say everything you think about yourself out loud. Even the ugly stuff—doesn't matter!

Repeat it all, then take those harsh thoughts and "embrace" them as uniquely yours. That's part of who you are! You're worthy of love precisely because of it. Smile at yourself and everything you just said—learn to LOVE it.

That practice of self-love and acceptance is where joy starts to grow.

And once that joy shows up, you actually start changing—you finally have the "extra" energy needed to make those shifts.

WHY IS SELF-ACCEPTANCE SO HARD FOR PEOPLE?

Look—I’m asking you to find joy in yourself, no matter how messed up you feel. Once you do that, you'll be able to look anyone in the eye. There's no overthinking it or using "logic" here! You have to realize you are worthy simply because you exist.

Only after that will you have enough joy and fuel to change the things you don't like about yourself. NOT by fighting yourself with brute force, but specifically through joy and self-love. 🙂

Does that help?

Personally, I picture her as a snail pulling in its horns when someone gets too close.
Cute! 😘

Find yourself a guy who will love you even if you aren't the strongest person in the room. Most men just want to be the protector... 😍