Emotional Intelligence: A blessing or a curse?
in Psychology ·
Reading through these explosive posts, I couldn't help but add my own two cents. 🙂
Jason Sanchez3, I didn't realize that this whole "I'm the victim and nobody understands me" routine was being rebranded as emotional intelligence—after all, I’ve lived quite well with that diagnosis for 33 years, and one learns as they go...
I could easily write a novel about how I’ve felt completely trampled by people—the very same people I poured everything into, the ones whose troubles I wept over as if they were my own. I felt their pain, and I thought their thoughts right through to the end. But that’s exactly where the mistake lies; everyone has their own integrity, and what right do I have to finish someone else's thought in my head? No one ever asked me to let my empathy drag me down. Even the mere suggestion that someone else's misery drains our energy can make them feel like we owe them something they never asked for—resulting in a frustration that manifests as Ingratitude. And what do we do? We expect something in return, and that fact alone brands us as selfish. It's a terrible cycle: we give so much, only to be judged as selfish in return. Then we realize no one understands us, that we're just different... Jason Sanchez3, the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself... understand that part: *as yourself*. To love another, you have to love yourself first. Simple as that.
I'm not sure if you read my post on that other forum where you asked how to bring emotion back into a relationship; I told you then to take time for yourself—strictly for yourself—and that applies here too. Look at where you are in life and try to listen to your own inner voice; it’s been trying to tell you something. I put a lot of love and energy into that post because I truly wanted to help, yet I got nothing from you. Now, imagine if I had actually expected a reaction and started projecting my own assumptions onto you? My goodness, the things I could have thought... maybe you felt I wasn't worth responding to because of my accent, or maybe you just don't like my handle... who knows. But that's the point: I wrote it because I wanted to help, for my own sake, not for your feedback. I liked that story about the newspaper article that made you cry. Just imagine if you were actually there at the scene, watching everything unfold, unable to help because you're paralyzed by grief... while someone else rolls up their sleeves and jumps in at full speed. Think about who gets the credit and who gets the contempt. And of course, even here on the forum, people respond by bringing up psychiatry, leaving you wondering why they're doing that and regretting you ever opened the topic. And once again... nobody understands me.
I've come to realize that when someone "attacks" me, they are really just holding up a mirror to whatever is happening inside me. In other words, if someone has an issue with me, that is strictly their problem, not mine. Why should I second-guess my actions just so someone else will think well of me? Believe me, people love me exactly as I am, because I'm honest and I allow them to solve their own problems—I'm just here to help when they ask. That way, they get confirmation that they are capable and important, and they feel the security of knowing I trust them. Dr. Mikao Usui laid out a few rules for living:
just for today, don't be angry
just for today, don't worry
just for today, be grateful
just for today, work hard
just for today, be kind to those close to you
😘
Jason Sanchez3, I didn't realize that this whole "I'm the victim and nobody understands me" routine was being rebranded as emotional intelligence—after all, I’ve lived quite well with that diagnosis for 33 years, and one learns as they go...
I could easily write a novel about how I’ve felt completely trampled by people—the very same people I poured everything into, the ones whose troubles I wept over as if they were my own. I felt their pain, and I thought their thoughts right through to the end. But that’s exactly where the mistake lies; everyone has their own integrity, and what right do I have to finish someone else's thought in my head? No one ever asked me to let my empathy drag me down. Even the mere suggestion that someone else's misery drains our energy can make them feel like we owe them something they never asked for—resulting in a frustration that manifests as Ingratitude. And what do we do? We expect something in return, and that fact alone brands us as selfish. It's a terrible cycle: we give so much, only to be judged as selfish in return. Then we realize no one understands us, that we're just different... Jason Sanchez3, the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself... understand that part: *as yourself*. To love another, you have to love yourself first. Simple as that.
I'm not sure if you read my post on that other forum where you asked how to bring emotion back into a relationship; I told you then to take time for yourself—strictly for yourself—and that applies here too. Look at where you are in life and try to listen to your own inner voice; it’s been trying to tell you something. I put a lot of love and energy into that post because I truly wanted to help, yet I got nothing from you. Now, imagine if I had actually expected a reaction and started projecting my own assumptions onto you? My goodness, the things I could have thought... maybe you felt I wasn't worth responding to because of my accent, or maybe you just don't like my handle... who knows. But that's the point: I wrote it because I wanted to help, for my own sake, not for your feedback. I liked that story about the newspaper article that made you cry. Just imagine if you were actually there at the scene, watching everything unfold, unable to help because you're paralyzed by grief... while someone else rolls up their sleeves and jumps in at full speed. Think about who gets the credit and who gets the contempt. And of course, even here on the forum, people respond by bringing up psychiatry, leaving you wondering why they're doing that and regretting you ever opened the topic. And once again... nobody understands me.
I've come to realize that when someone "attacks" me, they are really just holding up a mirror to whatever is happening inside me. In other words, if someone has an issue with me, that is strictly their problem, not mine. Why should I second-guess my actions just so someone else will think well of me? Believe me, people love me exactly as I am, because I'm honest and I allow them to solve their own problems—I'm just here to help when they ask. That way, they get confirmation that they are capable and important, and they feel the security of knowing I trust them. Dr. Mikao Usui laid out a few rules for living:
just for today, don't be angry
just for today, don't worry
just for today, be grateful
just for today, work hard
just for today, be kind to those close to you
😘