Visionary, you've certainly been through the wringer... I can tell by the comments that those medications are hitting you pretty hard.
To be honest, I’ve tried quitting my meds on my own several times, but I always end up back on them because everything just resurfaces the moment I stop. Even now, I'm three days into stopping my treatment, and I'm struggling. I'm dealing with suicidal ideation and this crushing sense of worthlessness. It’s especially bad since leaving college; it feels like I have nothing to offer and no reason to keep going. For me, it started as recurrent depression, then shifted to bipolar, then schizoid personality, followed by manic depression and F29 psychosis. A simple schizo diagnosis... wonderful. On top of all that, I have plenty of personal issues I can't seem to manage. I go to psychotherapy every two or three weeks. I’ve cycled through so many different APs and Ads, and the side effects were endless. Only Haldol provides any relief, but even that isn't enough. I've been teetering on the edge of hospitalization for a long time now—fighting it, then crashing... the mood swings and all that, you know how it goes.
Hah... I guess there's a bit of everything under the sun with nearly 5 billion people out there. Go ahead then, Jose Ward4, you give it a shot and let us know how it goes.
I don't have much to add... I read the article, and frankly, it veers quite far from actual science. It’s clearly been written by a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. Too often, psychologists who lean solely on the Freudian school or similar frameworks neglect other vital aspects of a person—ignoring our biological reality in favor of just the social side. That link is a prime example of that oversight. Changing one's mindset and behavioral patterns for the better can certainly liberate a person from various functional issues. However, how far a shift in thinking can go, and what can truly be achieved through it, will always be a subject of debate—much like the question of how much diet can actually cure disease. Ultimately, though, very few people have ever fully recovered simply by changing their diet, despite how many have tried.
I read that link Benjamin Hall6 shared, and honestly, it’s pretty brutal. It basically argues that schizophrenia isn't even a disease—just a way we blame ourselves for our own inability to "choose" to be sick because we don't know any other way to function. It's a heavy read.
Of course. For a while, I tried drinking nothing but fresh juices and cutting out all processed junk. While I did feel better overall, the symptoms themselves didn't actually disappear. It’s just like being caught in a massive storm—it's raining, pouring, and thundering all at once. You can try to open an umbrella, but there's a pretty high chance the wind is just going to rip it right out of your hands.
I'm only experiencing negative symptoms right now. It’s tough. I’m holding out hope for something better. Harold Anderson3 has always been my blueprint for how to handle illness, so seeing him struggle makes me feel like there isn't much hope left for anyone else either.
No problem at all, Diego. Just take care of yourself and make sure you stick to your treatment plan—there's really no other way. Other than waiting out this rain and just trying to get through it.
I’m sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you all... especially for Harold Anderson3, who just headed back home and gave up on everything. It really hits close to home for me. You at least put up a fight before letting go, much like I did. Now you're just existing, counting down the days until it's over, wishing tomorrow would just come so you wouldn't have to struggle like this anymore.
Joseph Fowler33 said:I was diagnosed with F20.0 back in 2006. I was on medication for a tiny bit—just a few months—and things seemed to settle down, but then I had another psychotic episode toward the end of 2016. Now, I’m on regular meds, plus I go in once a month for a 100 mg injection from Accenture. And yeah, I was hospitalized in a big city, and it actually helped, because otherwise, I’d be wandering around looking like a total wreck.😵 I didn't actually need to be admitted during my last stay, but it happened by pure chance. Honestly, just a couple of sleepless nights ended up being the breaking point for me. As for a "functional life," I'm not really sure what you mean by that?
You handled that period without meds quite well. By functionality, I mean being able to take care of yourself independently, managing all your responsibilities and duties, staying involved in your community, and not having psychological issues disrupt your daily routine. Let's put it that way...
Joseph Fowler33, thanks for the support... it really helps knowing I'm not the only one going through this. Have you been in treatment for long? Are you able to maintain a normal routine? My ability to function tanked quite a while ago. Lately, I’ve just been living in flannel shirts, haha... if you know what I mean. Were you hospitalized in New York City? Did it actually help at all? If you don't mind me asking, which type of schizoid do you fall under? Life seems to be slipping by right in front of you while you wonder why you're even bothering to live it... and honestly... it would be so nice to just disappear.
I have this urge to end my life, and it isn’t the first time, but somehow I’m still here. I don't kill myself; I’m always just... here. Surviving. Just dragging myself through this miserable existence. If I could actually feel better or get my thoughts under control, I would, but it just doesn't work that way. I am suicidal, plain and simple. I know that much. I don't want to go to a hospital right now, and I won't. I'll wait for this feeling to pass, but if it keeps going, then I'll go.
To me, death feels more like an exit than a disease. Unfortunately, I'm feeling suicidal today; there's just no drive left in me... nothing at all. I am very close to being hospitalized... I simply don't want to live anymore.
Anger can actually be a positive force for motivation. Personally, I find that when I get angry, it gives me a sense of strength and drive that often works better than sadness ever could. Hang in there. Medication can strip away your sense of self; I actually resisted taking anything for a long time because of that, but sometimes you just don't have a choice. We all deal with physical health struggles at some point... it’s really just a matter of scale. Instead of fixating on the illness, try to focus on the positives. These days, so many medical issues are treatable.
Sarah James80, I’m sorry you’re having such a rough day... try not to look at it so pessimistically. We all have our ups and downs. You mentioned that just two days ago you were listening to the radio and feeling everything so vividly... that feeling will return. You likely have more good days than bad. Has your medication been adjusted recently? It seems like managing this illness has become even harder for you lately... I know how exhausting it is when you can't tell if you're experiencing psychosis or a depressive phase. If it helps to hear this, I’ve been cycling through various treatments for a long time and most of them haven't quite hit the mark for me yet. In fact, I live my life exactly how you described living just one single day. For me, most days are like that. Often, I don't even go for walks because even that becomes too overwhelming. It’s difficult for me to watch TV or listen to any kind of sound at all. My medications numb me out quite a bit, too. Because of that, I often find it hard to be around myself, and I struggle with suicidal thoughts as well.
Steve Jobs, thanks for the advice... yeah, switching up a treatment plan is a nightmare. My head is such a mess right now that I can't even tell which medication is doing what anymore. I can't stay still, and I'm waking up multiple times a night gripped by panic attacks. It’s everything from pure fear to intense anxiety and panic, even physical pain. I have all of that... just nothing else. It’s awful.
Everything sounds good, Steve Jobs.... just keep writing whatever helps you stay on track and feel better. Unfortunately, things have been pretty rough for me lately. I've tried switching up several medications, but mostly without much success. If my condition doesn't improve over the next few days, I'll likely end up being hospitalized. It’s been tough...
I don't mean to offend anyone, but this isn't the place to air grievances about family members. Anyway... how is everyone doing?
I'm currently going through a severe depressive episode, and it feels like I might end up being hospitalized. So, if that happens... I just wanted to reach out and say hello.