>>>>This might be a bit extreme, but I am genuinely curious about one thing: why on earth do people nowadays operate under this totally senseless assumption that every single problem is either solvable, or—if it isn’t—that we just shouldn't bother being upset about it? Honestly, that's just life. You hit a wall, you suffer through it, and you deal with it. And no, sometimes there isn't a fix. Sometimes you just have to live with it.
Exactly my point..
And doesn't this constant denial of actual hardship, when it inevitably shows up, just turn us all into neurotic, unhealthy messes????🙄
If you want to dive deeper into this weirdly frantic modern obsession with dodging any kind of dissatisfaction and trying to micromanage every tiny detail of existence, you should really pick up "The Age of Entitlement" by Beethoven... you'll definitely see yourself in there, and it's actually quite an entertaining read...🤣
>>>>Maybe this is a bit extreme, but I am genuinely curious about one thing. Why on earth does everyone nowadays seem to operate under this totally mindless assumption that every single problem is either fixable, or—if it isn't—that we just shouldn't bother being upset about it? Honestly, that's just life. You deal with hardship, and you just have to bear it. And no, you won't always solve it. Ever.
Exactly my point..
And doesn't this whole habit of denying real struggle actually turn us into neurotic, unhealthy messes when things go wrong????🙄
If you want more info on this weird modern obsession where people try to deny any kind of dissatisfaction and strive to control absolutely EVERYTHING, you should check out "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Beethoven... you'll definitely see yourself in it, and it's a pretty good read...🤣
Christian Wells6 said:Since there’s certainly an element of truth to all of this—the whole business regarding fairy tales and those old folk stories—I found myself immediately diving into reading things like *The Girl from Space* and similar titles to my niece. My internal monologue was essentially, forget the prince; they simply aren't worth the investment...🙄
As for N&N, it isn't quite the first time I've encountered the term, though I must admit I am entirely in the dark as to what it actually entails.
Furthermore, I felt compelled to offer another observation. Is there not a certain point where the constant, obsessive tracking and broadcasting of "data"—driven by that specific sort of logic, you know the type—becomes something bordering on a need for clinical psychopathological evaluation? I mention this merely as an example that presented itself. It is precisely the kind of persona I go to great lengths to avoid; they are simply not my crowd. In fact, one could argue that even the most seasoned psychologists wouldn't be able to make much headway here. One's only real option would be to run for the hills, and then perhaps keep running...
So, yeah, the real question is whether we're actually engaging in healthy debate!
In my experience, the toughest ones to deal with are those who project their own issues (or whatever they've been told they have) onto everyone and everything they see...🤣
And that goes for both the professionals and the amateurs alike...🙄
it's not like those "sanitized" versions aren't scary enough already...
if you really sit down and look at classic fairy tales, most of them are actually pretty violent and cruel, so honestly? I’d probably ban reading them to kids altogether...🙄
Wait, Taylor, so you're actually diving into Eric Bern and transactional analysis...
Girls, if you're really curious, you should totally pick up the book "Games People Play"...or maybe check out "What Do You Say After Hello"...honestly, just give them a read because Bern is such a blast to read, but seriously, DO NOT take him too literally. Like, someone was saying over on the Cocaine Nights thread that he "completely missed the mark"...which, I mean, maybe? But yeah, don't be too literal about it.
It’s not a bad starting point for an idea, but it's really just a tiny little glimpse...🥳 😉
I guess I was just a little worried about us heading down that path—you know, chasing that endless "state of pure bliss" thing. Honestly, that feels kind of psychologically unhealthy to me...
I mean, let's be real, life is basically just one long string of inconveniences and frustrations. It starts the second you wake up (like, when you're absolutely exhausted and just *really* want to stay under the covers) and it goes all the way until right before you drift off (you know, those moments when you start spiraling over existential stuff that actually matters to a ton of people, like, "will I have enough left this month to cover my electric bill and rent")...
In my opinion, how much discomfort we can actually tolerate, or how we deal with it, is pretty much the benchmark for our mental health...
Because, seriously, what are we supposed to do about the things we can't control?
What if you're dealing with a chronic illness that you're fighting your whole life? Like, if someone is managing diabetes, "just" dealing with it... man, that complicates everything. Or what if there's some heavy situation in your family that you had zero say in, but you just have to live with it...
At that point, you just have to accept the frustration and find a way to exist alongside it...
Sandra Parker3 said:Self-dissatisfaction always stems from reasons that are bad enough (healthyly unhealthy) to matter. Cut down the reasons, cut down the dissatisfaction. Eliminate the reasons, eliminate the dissatisfaction. 🙂
I guess I was trying to say that not all kinds of discontent are bad... or unhealthy... or some kind of benchmark for mental health or stability...
and it's not the other way around either—like being happy is a guaranteed sign of health... that's just silly stuff... don't want to be too superficial, my point is...
Keith Lee2 is just something else... honestly, his whole vibe perfectly captures that sense of male verbal inadequacy and pure desperation...😁 😁
Just look at how women have had to find ways to fight back using nothing but—well, an image...🤣
Man, guys have always had to get pretty creative when they try to shut us up, isn't it funny? It’s no wonder the patriarchy has stuck around this long; it’s really just straight-up FEAR...😁 😁 🤣
Jerry Martinez5 said:Well, you said it yourself—everyone gets what they deserve. If you're actually happy with what you've got, then sure, maybe you don't need professional help.
But personally? I'm not satisfied. That’s the difference. There is just this massive gap between what I think I want and what I actually end up doing.
So... yeah... I don't think I can really agree with the idea that being satisfied with yourself is the only thing that determines whether or not we need psychological help...
I mean, someone could be totally unhealthy but also incredibly full of themselves (just look at some of those politicians in D.C., they’re basically a walking gallery of people like that 😁)... on the flip side, you could be unhappy with yourself without the reasons even being that deep or "unhealthy" per se. But still, I think psychology can definitely help us see ourselves more clearly, understand our needs, and figure out how we relate to everyone else...
I think Sandra Parker3 mentioned somewhere that I haven't actually pointed out one specific issue in this thread, and honestly, she's right... it feels more like a casual chat room at this point..
With all the endless flood of advice on how to find a partner, how to be more seductive, or tips on how to spice up your sex life—whether it's through books, magazines, websites, or even those reality TV shows—it really makes you wonder if we actually need that much guidance for everything. And if we do, would any of it even work?
I guess I’m just feeling pretty conflicted about these so-called sexual therapists.. On one hand, why not? It’s true that a lot of people are pretty much totally uneducated when it comes to intimacy.. But on the other hand, it feels like such an intense intrusion into someone's private life..
I mean, I'm sure most of you have at least caught a glimpse of shows like Sex Inc. on cable, right? So, what's your take on sexual therapy? I'd love to hear from anyone who's actually gone through it...
So, look, it doesn't always have to be about some massive, life-altering trauma. Sometimes it’s more subtle—like if you just happen to have this neurotic pattern where you constantly find yourself stuck with, I don't know, bullies, or alcoholics, or just people who can't stand up for themselves, or maybe folks who aren't being totally honest about who they are 😁... or women getting caught in similar loops with all sorts of characters. I really believe that through therapy, you can actually break free from those repetitive "life scripts." It's possible to truly start over and heal from the inside out...
But, yeah, it takes time. Obviously. Your goal isn't to spend your entire existence on a therapist's couch, and it's definitely not the ideal—you know, like those old Woody Allen clichés where everyone is in session forever—but I think committing to it for at least a few years could make a world of difference...
Jerry Martinez5 said:That’s exactly why I’m asking: can a therapist or psychiatrist actually help someone find a partner? Can we fix the reason we've been single for years just by changing ourselves through therapy?
It depends! I mean, sure, they can help, obviously. But if there’s a serious, real-world physical or mental health struggle involved—like a major illness—they can definitely help you manage it so you can function your best, but there's no magic guarantee that it'll suddenly lead to finding a partner...
For instance... I honestly think people dealing with severe psychiatric conditions have a much tougher time finding a relationship. Let's be real here, most people aren't exactly lining up to live with someone who, say, struggles with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder...
It’s kind of the same thing for people who are physically different—whether they’re living with a disability or a genetic condition that causes physical anomalies...
It's a legitimate question, though. Can these people actually get help with this, and does anyone here have any personal experience with it?...
Times change, and so do the standards for what’s considered okay or even expected when it comes to gender roles... if those roles even need to exist at all, really...
Just a few decades ago, if a woman acted assertive, most psychologists or psychiatrists back then would have probably flagged it as being way too aggressive, maybe even "masculine," whereas today it's just a totally normal part of our social code... like...☕
And honestly, the same goes for men too... being a "macho man" isn't exactly an adaptive way to live, I don't think. It feels like psychology and counseling have actually made some strides here, really pushing for better communication and understanding needs between the genders...
If you were hitting a wall in your marriage or your relationship, would you immediately think about reaching out to a professional? The real question is, how much faith would you actually have in someone being able to fix things for you?
Keith Lee2 said:Oops, my bad—fixing that now. What I actually meant was how you guys are all just coddling each other's helplessness. Hopefully that keeps the crazies away. 😁
P.S. A guy doesn't exactly need to be a scholar for women to adore him.😬
hehe... someone please give me some comfort here...😁 😁 🤣
Man, that kind of attitude is a total turn-off for any decent woman... just saying.😁 😁 😂
rustymaker5 said:Oh, obviously! 👍 I mean, I’m certainly not one to dodge responsibility... though maybe I just used my daughter as an excuse to make my own life a little easier. 😉 😍
but then you could raise her to reject all those old-fashioned patriarchal myths and those social roles that basically try to keep women enslaved, right?🙂
Angela Rogers2 As stated by: 😍 As far as faulty genetics are concerned, if you ask me, those who live life with such reckless promiscuity ought to simply cease existing.😉 😁
It isn’t quite that simple, is it? 🤷 There was a period in my life, back during my college years, when I maintained a rather casual approach to my romantic entanglements, simply because that particular lifestyle suited my circumstances perfectly at the time. It was a matter of practical necessity, really; between the rigors of my studies and the general exhaustion of academic life, I found myself needing a certain physical outlet on the weekends to decompress. I had absolutely no desire, nor any capacity, to deal with someone pestering me throughout the work week with their constant emotional demands and incessant needs.
Theresa, as you can clearly see—women are far less emotional creatures than people tend to believe. ☕ They tend to be quite rational, which is precisely why we see them opting for "stable opportunities" more frequently than not—though I try not to dwell on such generalizations too often. In essence, they aren't making these life choices based on fleeting emotions, but rather through a very calculated application of reason.
Well, I suppose one must acknowledge that men engage in such behavior as well, though it certainly seems to be a less frequent occurrence on their part.
If I might circle back to the matter of the weekends—it reminds me of a rather peculiar situation involving a close friend of mine. She somehow managed to bumble her way through the enrollment process, partially registering for a year-long program by mistake, which somehow granted her more than just a few days off. Instead of the usual brief weekend reprieve, she suddenly found herself with over a week of unexpected freedom. ☕ It didn't take us very long to realize exactly what was happening, so we naturally moved straight into the coordination phase. We actually went ahead and brought a third person on board as well—strictly a matter of timing, mind you, nothing personal at all. ☕
Then he approached me—after two full years had passed, during which time we had both moved on to much better, far more substantial things—and in one of those completely unplanned, awkward encounters, he posed a question: I find myself occasionally drifting into these rather melancholy contemplations, wondering why, in all my various entanglements, not a single woman has ever made a genuine, concerted effort to hold onto me. It is a curious thing, really, to reflect upon one's own history and realize that the departures were always so remarkably unencumbered.
What exactly should one say to him? Well, I suspect we all already know the answer, though expressing it rarely feels quite that simple. 🤷
There was this one particular guy who used to walk us all home together—about ten of us in total. We’d actually organized ourselves by birth month, which felt quite methodical at the time. I remember walking with him on one specific afternoon that stands out vividly; I had just received a failing grade on my American History exam, and since the parent-teacher conference was scheduled for the very next day, I found myself needing to switch walking groups entirely to avoid any awkward encounters. 😍 He truly seemed to have no inkling that he’d already moved on to someone new by the first of the month, only to find himself being dumped on the thirtieth or thirty-first. It was all quite oblivious, really. 🤷
You know, Ceneric, I’ve often observed that women don't actually engage in much verbal exchange, at least not in the way one might expect. They certainly engage in plenty of idle chatter amongst themselves, of course, but they rarely make an appearance at the bar to actually articulate their thoughts to the room.
Tanya, I have to hand it to you for being so creative... but a lot of what you're saying sounds like a lack of empathy, or maybe just personal bias rather than actual social trends regarding how men and women differ.
Also, since you're presenting yourself as such a powerhouse (a total amazonka, as they say), why haven't you and your friends been out at the local pubs retelling these stories the way guys do? 😁
