Posts by Jerry Scott2

Jonathan Wright6 said:Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

Here’s some actual advice before the game: Grab an extroverted friend and head out to a spot where people actually go to mingle—somewhere decent, not some dive bar playing old-school country music. It’s easier to do this as a duo, especially if you have a beer in hand. Just stay relaxed. Go in with the mindset that you don't have to meet anyone today. You can try this ten times if you have to; there's no rush. And stop staring at people. Just have fun. When you're actually enjoying yourself, people naturally gravitate toward you. That's just how magnetism works.

Jonathan Wright6 said:Hey there, I’ve got a bit too much on my plate right now, so I’ll answer everyone in order. Thanks so much for all the support, but like unknown said, if only it were easier to find a light switch to turn off the darkness in the room 😁

@unknown

I’d also say my friendships and connections feel kind of "forced." Basically, you hang out with one friend, and after a month or two, you end up meeting several more—not because you went out looking for them, but because they’re always running in the same circles as your friends. They're people you eventually get to know through others. If I were to just head downtown by myself at night and try to meet strangers, I haven't done that yet, and honestly, I wouldn't even know how. It’s not that I have an issue going out alone or checking out clubs; it's just that I struggle to flip that switch into "fun mode" and actually strike up a conversation with someone.

@Branimir

I don't think I'm whining online; I'm looking for advice. You probably have a girlfriend or some close friends you can talk to about your problems—someone who actually understands you. I don't have that. It's just me and the internet where I can share my story so people can offer advice to help me figure things out, because trying to solve everything solo is the hardest part.
Even alcohol isn't the answer. I don't see the point in getting drunk. I'd much rather enjoy a glass of decent Cabernet than get wasted on whiskey or cheap shots while listening to terrible music from a culture we all know too well. Thinking "I know best, I don't need anyone," just leads to arrogance, insecurity, and immaturity. I don't need that. I’m already arrogant, blunt, rude, stuck-up, and cold enough as it is.

@Jerry Scott2

Yeah, that's exactly it. I've always needed a little nudge or some sort of motivation to get moving, though sometimes even that doesn't work. But I am trying to change. As much as my schedule allows, I've been reading psychology books and reflecting on my situation. There are things I want to change, and some I don't really care about. I definitely need to work on my social anxiety when I go out, and there's a lot of work ahead of me. First, I need to build up my self-esteem and develop a bit of a "fuck everything" attitude. You know, stop caring what people think about whether I'm attractive, tall, short, or whatever. I already know all that... I know what I need to do. But that first step is the toughest, having to force yourself to do it all. Looking back, my obsession with work is almost a way of getting even with the people who hurt me. It's my way of proving they were wrong about me and that I achieved everything I wanted despite them. I'm not exactly a kid anymore 🙂 I'm 25.

Thanks again for the support. I know I ultimately have to walk this path alone, but I still need a little help along the way. That's why I decided to post here—to get a different, more objective perspective on my life.

Talk soon...

I get it. But you’re operating on the assumption that everyone is constantly dissecting your every move. You're wrong. You might spend some time dwelling on others—though I doubt it's as much as you think—but trust me, when you feel like the center of someone else's universe, you're actually the last thing on their mind. By the time you finally prove them wrong, they'll have already forgotten there was even an argument to begin with.

unknown, man. It’s like reading my own mail. Look: you aren't alone. You aren't the only one. There are more of us.

Sorry if this takes a minute.

I'm not exactly solo; I have a family that's everything to me, and some solid friends left over after most people drifted away... but new people show up eventually. Still, that usually isn't enough for me. I'd like to meet more people, but it doesn't come easy. I always need a push. Honestly, I don't try too hard anymore. I stopped trying to fake it. I just am who I am. There's no point in performing; forced acting never pays off in the long run. So why bother?

Here’s my advice (full disclosure: I'm a total amateur, and I often wish I could talk to an actual pro):

1. Don't sell yourself short. You're fine. We all are. Everyone is unique.

2. Don't overrate others. Behind those loud, happy social circles, there's usually a bunch of lonely people hiding from that feeling. You hide behind walls; they camouflage themselves in crowds. Most of it is superficial, even if it looks like they're having a better time than you.

3. Wanting change is fine, but look: if you're a good person as you are, imagine what happens if you fail at changing. Imagine if you don't actually *need* to change. You are who you are, not who you wish you were. Accept yourself and you'll start enjoying life. Maybe that's the issue? Do you not love yourself because you think you aren't good enough? You are. Once you accept yourself, you'll naturally tweak the small things—we all do that throughout our lives anyway.

(What I mean is—I deal with the same problems and thoughts now that I did 10 or 20 years ago. Did I do anything wrong? Could I have changed without losing myself? Is it even worth getting worked up over?)

I'll keep reading. Are you not exactly a kid anymore? A career climber? People often run from self-dissatisfaction through work. Escaping into a career is still better than escaping into drugs or booze, so people use it to cope.

Friendships matter even if they don't last forever. They matter for the time they exist. They enrich us. They give us purpose. What's the downside when a friend calls you to hang out? Just vent to a buddy; you'll feel better.

Women and looks. If you're as ugly as you say, you're probably already unattractive to most women. Not all, just most. To the right one, you'll be plenty charming with that look of yours. You just have to carry it with dignity instead of being ashamed. There's only one Brad Pitt; what are the rest of us supposed to do, stay single forever?

Work. You and your job. It reminds me of that movie with Mel Gibson where he gets shot in a store and everything goes sideways. The job goes, the house goes under the mortgage... No job in the world is truly stable.

Wait, you're consciously putting work and money first? Then why complain? Everything's going great for you, right? You're kidding yourself.

I used to want to be the best at my job, too. I didn't turn out that way. I spent too much time and energy on girls, friends, and grooming. Now I look at the "best" (the people I wanted to be) and I don't envy them; I'm actually glad I'm not them. Very few of them have anything else besides their job. And I mean real substance. Sure, many have families and go out a few times a week, but it feels like they aren't fully present.

You're afraid a woman (who you haven't even met yet) will hurt you, cheat on you, or leave you.
Look, if I were you, I'd work on that fear. It's stupid. If you could survive a major car accident that left you unable to work, would you stop investing in your career? You remind me of those girls who say, "A breakup hurt me so bad I decided I'm never getting married." Give me a break.

Rachel Jones11 said:On Thursday, May 20th, at the Pixies video lounge... they're playing that legendary London concert everyone from the radio stations to the Blur fans keeps raving about, plus all their music videos.

Which "legendary London concert" are we talking about?

Jose Watson66 said:Listening to Live in Minneapolis, MN (4.13.04)... they invited me up on stage...

Yeah... they're good... really good... ugh... still hate the whole reunion concept though... but...

HOW???

WHERE???

Smell is one thing,
smoke is something else entirely.

Smoke causes damage; a bad odor just might be an annoyance.

And "annoyance" covers a lot of ground. It’s not just smells—it’s noise, someone talking too loud in a coffee shop, or some jerk honking their horn for no reason. It’s any kind of disregard for others, whether it's being reckless or overly intrusive... whatever you want to call it.

Tolerance!!!