Posts by cosmictinker21

Gerald Ward61 said:Ugh... way too much math and geometry for me.

Honestly? I just want to enjoy someone's company. 🙂 I've never been one to obsess over the whole "work" aspect of a relationship. 😂

To me, love is about the enjoyment. And all the good stuff that comes with it. I don't do compromises. 😬

I touch on this sort of thing from time to time over at my literature corner... When love is actually there, it’s real—it doesn't recognize boundaries or fences. I suppose some people find mathematical formulas a bit easier to lean on than trying to put actual feelings into words...
Uncompromising integrity—having that sense of wholeness where you actually expect things to be complete, and more importantly, you have the right to demand it. If you don't, you just end up becoming a pushover. Although, I suppose being a pushover isn't always the worst thing in the world... you tend to learn a few lessons once you finally come to your senses... 😍

Gerald Ward61 said:Oh, please... if you're actually into someone, there's no way you won't want them right next to you. And yeah, you can't exactly "own" them either. 😉

But how you actually act on it? That's a whole different ballgame.

Gerald, you basically just read my mind.🙂

I think the real essence of love is when two people remain entirely themselves—autonomous individuals—while working together to build something new, something else entirely. Think of it like two circles existing independently, then overlapping. They can never perfectly merge; that's just impossible between human beings. But within that union, there are segments where they absolutely align. The more those areas overlap, the better the relationship becomes... it leads to deeper understanding, more tolerance, and actual respect. Not to mention the raw depth of the feelings involved...🙂

stormycanyon11 said:Love is essentially a singular force, though it manifests in billions of different ways, which is why we all walk around convinced that our specific version is the one true thing—and honestly, I can't say I blame us, given how unique every individual experience really is. If we can just let love exist, even if it’s nothing more than a persistent, abstract idea, then perhaps there’s hope. There’s an old saying going around that suggests success is merely the grave where love goes to die, a thought that certainly opens up a whole new rabbit hole of debate...🙂

I wouldn't put it quite that way, unless you're implying that love fades because we get too wrapped up in chasing a paycheck, climbing the corporate ladder, or just accumulating stuff while neglecting actual empathy and connection with a partner. Sadly, that seems to be the standard American playbook lately. It's always about having versus being.

To me, when you actually find happiness in a relationship, I don't call that "success"... it's more like a sense of contentment and a deep, steady kind of fulfillment...

Sean Cruz said:My daughter actually planned to have all our loved ones buried in the backyard, just so she wouldn't have to make the trek to the cemetery. 😁 She even promised she'd bring us a little bit of her old allowance every day to keep the memory alive. 🤣

See, your ideas aren't half bad. 😍

this kind of thing reminds me of that old movie about those kids in post-WWII France, "Forbidden Games." You know, where two children meet amidst the wreckage of war and end up making their own little pet cemetery. It was a pretty devastating film...

Sean Cruz said:But you were arguing the exact opposite in your previous post—that he was actually in love with her, and only perceived her that way because she failed to live up to his expectations. That isn't the case here. My point was simply that sometimes holding onto an ideal is better than having sex just for the sake of it. This isn't about a "fixed idea"; it is quite literally the realization of sex, which finally allowed him to see who she truly was. At the end of the day, physical intimacy isn't inherently an act of love; it only carries that meaning when it is actually rooted in love.

Well, that’s exactly my point. It’s pretty obvious the guy was in love with her and expected that feeling to be mutual. In this context, sex is just one avenue for seeking intimacy. But clearly, she wasn't carrying the same intentions he was. He felt that gap, realized it, and saw that instead of the emotional connection he wanted, he just got... well, mechanics. Purely biological. He realized she isn't looking for love, while he is. And he's looking for it from the wrong person—someone incapable of meeting his needs the way he needs them to be met.

Good luck trying to explain that to the people who think life is nothing more than a series of sports stats and weekend hobbies. If it weren't for these drives, there probably wouldn't be nearly as many affairs, flirts, or hunters out there...

Thanks for putting into words exactly what I’ve been thinking and feeling myself. Sometimes my ability to be both poetic and analytical just... deserts me. And honestly, some days, I'm just exhausted.

Sean Cruz said:To be honest, I’m just not feeling this. It feels less like you're speaking from lived experience and more like you're reciting lines from books you've read. It comes across as somewhat detached. Of course, that’s just my take, and I could be wrong.
As for those I’ve loved who have passed away—and I don't just mean romantic partners, but all kinds of profound connections—I still love them. It’s as simple as that.

You're mistaken. This is exactly what my life looks like. I lost someone I loved deeply. They aren't around anymore, so we aren't talking about an "ex"... we're talking about a love severed by death. I still love them, obviously, but it isn't the same kind of love I have for the person I'm with now...

Sean Cruz said:Likewise. 🙂

Once you realize an acquaintance is that kind of person, you can just stop hanging out with them.

Of course. That’s exactly what I’m doing.

Even Baudelaire touched on this in his poetry—writing about a woman who simply couldn't live up to his expectations. He was looking for some sort of ethereal muse to match the intensity of his own longings and emotions. But then again, he was a poet, so he didn't exactly hold back when describing his disappointment. He was head over heels, which is a different emotional beast entirely than just being in love.

The point of the poem is simple: after sleeping with a "loose" woman, you're left with nothing but a bitter aftertaste. She isn't some "ideal" anymore; she’s just exactly what she is. Sex is just sex, and that’s the reality it leaves you with. There’s zero mention of love or falling in love here.

Of course not. So, I don't think it works as an illustration of love. As a concept, sure. I was thinking more along the lines of other heavy-hitting verses.

I'll give my body up to cancer
in the soil of fatty breasts, where snails dwell
forgotten, I will sleep in the dark
like a seahorse hidden in the deep depths...

Uh, just off the top of my head, I might have butchered the wording...

This is just sarcasm regarding the meaning of life.

And me, in my romantic frenzy, still believe that love is one of the most precious things in existence.🙂

Gerald Ward61 said:Right, it's not mandatory, but it's not exactly random either... 😁

I don't know... but hey, waking up next to someone you actually love isn't a bad way to start the day. 🤣 😍

Am I right, manixman? 🙂

Personally, I've always found waking up like that to be pretty nice...😍

Sean Cruz said:Why shouldn't sarcasm have a place in a love story? You seem to be suggesting that "true" love only exists while a relationship is actively functioning—whether it's a marriage or otherwise. So, what happens when your partner passes away? Does the love just vanish? I'm genuinely curious. Personally, I’ve always been a bit of a cynic, and I find irony and sarcasm to be perfectly natural ways to express myself. If you can't wrap your head around that, feel free to be offended.

I suppose I could be offended by someone using sarcasm as their primary way of navigating reality. Sounds exhausting...

I honestly can't imagine how I'd feel if my partner died. Lost, obviously. Devastated. But eventually, that love evolves into a part of your lived experience, a deeper understanding, and later, memories that shape who you are. That person would still be woven into my life through thoughts, feelings, and shared moments. It wouldn't be "active" love anymore, though. Real love is the legacy they leave behind within me and my life...

No one has all the answers. That's why we spend our whole lives learning...

Sean Cruz said:I couldn't agree more. I wouldn't want a woman like that anywhere near me—not even as an acquaintance, let alone a friend. 😱 🙂

Fortunately, I don't have anyone like that in my circle. Not as a friend, certainly not. As for acquaintances, you just learn to steer clear once you realize what they're about. It reminds me of how Baudelaire wrote those verses about a woman who simply didn't live up to his expectations. He was probably looking for some sort of ethereal muse that matched his own intense longings... but since he was a poet, he went ahead and described that disappointment with such sheer intensity. He was just incredibly infatuated, which is a completely different emotional beast than actual love...

Yeah, women like that are honestly just exhausting. Look, I don't claim to be any kind of fashion expert—that's way out of my league—so I’ll leave the aesthetics to the pros. But I can't help but cringe at the constant verbal sarcasm. It really has no business being in a love story... much like those necrophilic undertones you see in someone like Anaïs Nin.

We're talking about love as a fixed idea here. That's hardly off-topic.

Sean Cruz said:Sure. But once that person passes away, we immediately go hunting for new "meat"—pardon me, I mean looking for new "love." After all, you can't love someone in a grave; they aren't growing or evolving with you anymore. They're just being eaten by worms. 😍

That’s a pretty interesting observation. Almost worthy of Baudelaire. Is that your usual move?

Anyway, the point of this thread is exploring love as a fixed idea. Honestly, I feel for people who can't tell the difference between actual love and the fictionalized, idealized version we crave. I don't know the backstory regarding your friend, but the OP's reasoning has been laid out pretty clearly. What's actually bothering you? This is just a discussion about the concept of romanticized love. Everyone here is just sharing their thoughts, regardless of whether others find it disagreeable. I'm not trying to diminish your perspective or anyone else's... I'm just stating mine...

This is exactly what I needed to hear... It’s like a balm for a bruised ego. Honestly, if you haven't mastered the art of being alone first, you're basically flying blind. You need that solitude to actually think for yourself, make your own calls, and figure out what you actually want out of life without someone else's thumb on the scale. That’s true maturity—being able to show up and give something meaningful because you’re a whole person, not just half of a broken one. Because love? Love isn't just some cinematic fever dream or this overwhelming, gut-wrenching cosmic explosion we see in movies... it's not just an endless ocean of emotion.

Love is a continuous process, not just a single moment frozen in time. It’s something you have to nurture, water, and protect like a delicate plant in a garden. At its core, love is about creating space for the other person to grow alongside you, so that two separate individuals can intentionally build something real together.

Gerald Ward61 said:I mean, seriously... kiss it goodbye... 😍

Anyway, they aren't here right now😢
so I've just been trying to drown out the sadness in every way possible. I write, I read, I go out, I party, I work, I take care of the kids and the dog, I hang out with good people... but nothing works. There's just this void... we talk almost every single day, just keeping each other's spirits up, waiting for them to get back soon... I'm sitting here like Penelope waiting for Odysseus... I don't even have the inspiration to write poetry anymore...😢😢😢

Gerald Ward61 said:😍 Just "uh-huh" isn't gonna cut it. 🤣

I mean, what would be the point of me even chiming in if I didn't have an opinion?😢

Besides, who’s actually going to shut me up?😂 I come from a family of chatterboxes, after all...🤷

Other than that, looking at the whole topic this guy brought up, I figured I was probably on the right track. It was presented as a real-world scenario, so I'm just sticking to the facts of the case...

Gerald Ward61 said:What exactly do you mean by "different kind of love"? 😍
...me, I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to finally shut you up... with kisses. 😍

Well, he shuts me up, obviously. 🙂🙂

I honestly don't get why my sister gets so worked up over everything I post... 🤷
I shared my own sad little story about a guy who meant the world to me. He still does, in his own way, but that doesn't mean I'm still stuck emotionally in the past. My heart is where it belongs now, with my partner. And honestly, that's the only thing that actually matters...

I don't know all the specific details that you and my sister are hung up on; I'm just speaking generally, from the perspective of someone who lived through it. It’s something several women close to me have experienced too, and if you ask any therapist or psychologist, they’d tell you exactly what I described is what real love looks like. So, I really can't be blamed for how I see things...

Sean Cruz said:Love doesn't require you to be inseparable—it looks like you're confusing symbiosis with actual affection.
Love is one-sided, regardless of what people like to tell themselves. Even when two people claim to love each other, that doesn't mean the feeling is balanced. In most cases, it simply isn't.

Unrequited love isn't actually love at all.

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m certainly entitled to disagree.

A fantasy is just a fantasy, no matter how much people insist on calling it love.

And you're stepping in here like some kind of judge to tell us what love is and isn't? ☕

I agree that fixation—in the sense of a pathological obsession—is a sickness. When someone relentlessly pursues another person who has zero interest in them, that individual is clearly unwell. However, what I am referring to when I use the term "fixation" in this specific context is something entirely different from the scenario you’ve constructed. Frankly, you seem to have no idea what the actual issue is here.

No, and just like everyone else here, I’m just sharing my own perspective, talking about my own life or others', holding certain stances... but I really do feel for someone living in a fantasy world, no matter how pretty that fantasy might be. Unless, of course, they're genuinely unwell, in which case maybe staying in that delusion is easier for them...

People aren't symbiotic organisms; that much is obvious. An individual remains an individual.
Loving someone is just unfulfilled longing if it isn't mutual and shared, except perhaps in cases like a mother and her child...
The experience will never be identical because everyone has their own unique capacity for emotional depth...

Sean Cruz said:That’s pretty much how it works here, too. She knows there isn't a future there, so she maintains a friendship, but that doesn't mean the affection has faded. You can't just flip a switch on love like it's an on/off button. 😉

It’s not some obsessive fixation where someone is being stalked; they see each other because they both genuinely want to. You can't force anyone to spend time with you if they don't want to, right?

Sure, but the real question is why they feel this need for one another. Love can exist, sure, but is it a mature, partnership-driven kind of love—the kind that grows and builds something together—or is it just maintaining a status quo where both people are only getting half of what they need? Because real love is whole. When it's truly there. All those outside factors—marriage, living on opposite coasts, or realizing a real connection is impossible due to social or religious reasons—those are just obstacles preventing love from actually happening. And unfulfilled love isn't really love. If it was once realized (doesn't have to be physical) and then shifted, it usually just turns into a deep friendship and closeness. A platonic bond. Honestly, most people would probably love to have someone like an angel in their corner to turn to, even if they aren't their primary partner.

At the end of the day, a fixation is just a fixation, no matter what fancy name we give it...

Edward Rivera98 said:It’s like I wrote the whole thing myself...

I’ve been the target of that kind of obsession before (and honestly, I still am), but I’ve also found myself right in the middle of that exact same mess...

Feelings like that are never just a one-way street, because if it’s actually going somewhere, both sides have to be fueling the fire... In our case, it just wasn't meant to work out, so I accepted that pretty damn fast, but it lingered for a bit before eventually morphing into this sweet friendship that we still have today. I've had other guys, obviously, but with him, I was looking for that specific spark—that certain something everyone is always hunting for in a partner—and he really had it all... the whole package... 😁
Well, whatever, it is what it is...

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a bit of an idealist—honestly, it’s pretty nice to just drift through the clouds when you're actually in a relationship that works... but once that turns into a full-blown fixation, or even crosses the line into something pathological, then we've got a problem. It's not just about the potential for things to end badly, though that's definitely a factor, it's more about the fact that losing touch with reality entirely is never a winning move...

The core issue here is that feeling miserable and like a failure after a long time—even when objective logic tells you otherwise because things didn't go your way—is a rough spot to be in. Even if you realize you aren't actually a loser because you experienced something beautiful, it's still a pretty shaky foundation for finding peace... or for ever feeling ready to fully open yourself up to someone else again down the road.