Posts by Charles Murphy6

wanderinggardener12, mistake number one here is that if someone starts making threats against you privately at home, you absolutely should have contacted the police immediately.
Second, since you aren't currently cooperating with the school counseling department, you need to draft a formal letter detailing everything you’ve just written and send it in this specific order:
- City Hall
- Child Protective Services
- FBI

You desperately need a paper trail proving your father threatened you because it is fundamentally insane for a parent to call your house at 10:00 PM and start hurling threats... whatever the case may be. They don't have that right, and frankly, they likely know where you live, so please, think about your safety...
I don't want to scare you—it's probably just some frustrated loser who thinks he's a big man over the phone—but you must report everything and demand written confirmation of receipt!!

Nicholas King said:You’re writing this in the first person—and honestly, if you were actually trying to handle this situation entirely on your own, I suspect that might not be the best move, for several reasons, I suppose.

Furthermore, I can't help but think it would have been wiser to contact the parents "officially" right away, rather than passing along the invitation through the child itself.

Exactly—everything needs to be handled through official channels. Being cautious is paramount. Always make calls and insist on receiving follow-up documentation. There is a protocol that must be followed. If the parents fail to respond, the center must be notified because parents are legally obligated to respond to a summons at the school.
You can never be too careful.

Teamwork is supposed to be the foundation of everything—we’re talking schools, specialized training centers, the Department of Education, and even the psychological evaluations meant to tie it all together.
Unfortunately, that level of coordination is almost never actually achieved in practice, which is exactly why we find ourselves stuck in this mess.
And then, if you run into parents who refuse to cooperate? Well, you might as well just pack it in and call it a lost cause.

The law really needs an overhaul. It’s hardly a reward when you have your parents nagging you every single day because of some suspension; you certainly won't be thinking about how much "fun" you're having. If these systems work perfectly fine in Austria and Germany, why on earth wouldn't they work here in America?

The answer is painfully simple—and honestly, it's just pathetic—why wouldn't it work? Because we are America... and around here, everything has to be done the hard way, if anything even gets done at all.

I can't even begin to process this level of sheer, unadulterated nothingness. You really sat there, stared at your screen, and decided that providing absolutely zero substance was the best way to contribute to this conversation? It’s frankly exhausting to witness such a blatant display of emptiness, though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised given the current state of things. If you're going to take up space in my feed, at least have the decency to provide a coherent thought instead of this hollow void. I completely get why everyone is acting like I’ve lost my mind after I laid out exactly how these situations should be handled: you give them a month-long suspension from school and mandate intensive family therapy.

He really shouldn't be allowed to just lash out at anyone he pleases, let alone target someone younger and weaker right in the middle of a high school hallway, but clearly, he thinks he’s somehow above the rules.

Do you think this reprimand will actually stick, or is he just going to brush it off? I honestly can't decide what his future looks like five or ten years down the road. Personally, I’m hoping this slap on the wrist serves as the wake-up call he desperately needs to finally get his act together.

You have to isolate a bully from their environment, even if it's just temporary, because of the toxic influence they exert on the other kids. Right now, he’s acting like some kind of local celebrity, and honestly, it’s infuriating how every single newspaper in town has been obsessively covering his every move.

I’ve made this point before, and I’ll say it again: when things go sideways in our elementary school system, the absolute pinnacle of what they consider a "pedagogical solution" is simply shuffling a kid off to a different school and calling it a day.
Of course, a reprimand isn't some life-altering event for a student; at its core, it’s just a scrap of paper stating they’re in trouble for this or that.
If the school actually manages to function like it’s supposed to, then we can finally start talking about moving forward. There has to be a mandatory protocol where violence is reported directly to the Center and the relevant Department of Education. From there, you take the next step, which is transferring the student to a different school. But which one? That depends entirely on what the psychologists decide based on their official evaluations—whether that means placing them in a specialized program or a school specifically designed for kids dealing with behavioral issues, which, let’s face it, definitely exist within NYC.
The law is written in stone, and apparently, the concept of suspension just doesn't exist in our legal system anymore; frankly, I’m not even sure what we'd actually achieve if we forced some kid to stay home for a month, because at this point, it feels like a completely futile gesture.
As if he’d actually consider that some kind of reward.
The issues we’re facing here run far, far deeper than anyone seems willing to admit.

Thanks for opening this thread 🙂
My husband was actually scheduled for that surgery, but I was honestly just too terrified to go through with it; the doctor tried to book him right in the middle of winter, and I couldn't stop worrying about him catching the flu or some nasty virus while he was recovering.
Now, we’ve officially decided to walk away from the whole thing because let's be real, it isn't exactly a walk in the park, and after doing a massive amount of reading and seeing everyone's firsthand accounts here, we realized it's just too much.
We've settled on using a CPAP machine instead; sure, it means he'll have to deal with it for the rest of his life, but sometimes you just have to make the tough call.

Maybe I took what Jessica Howard5 said a little too personally. Look, I work in the education system, and yes, I went through a messy divorce😁
And I’ll be the first to admit that I wasn't exactly firing on all cylinders during that rough patch, but I worked as hard as I possibly could—doing the absolute best I could manage at the time—until I finally realized I couldn't keep going and took medical leave just to get my head straight.
Then, I came back completely transformed.😁
But honestly, I don't think people should even be digging into these kinds of topics. You either have what it takes to be a person or you don't. When I look at certain teachers, some seem like they were born for this profession regardless of whatever chaos is happening in their personal lives, while others just aren't cut out for it no matter how much luck they have. There’s just no rhyme or reason to it.
Take my school counselor, for instance; she is absolutely perfect in my eyes. She’s never been married, but she has poured her entire soul into working with kids, constantly attending seminars, and staying active in various child advocacy nonprofits, and she is incredibly effective at what she does.

At the elementary school my kids attend, about 90% of the faculty are women, and if you look closer, roughly 70% of them are either divorced or have stayed single and don't have children of their own...

Look, we really shouldn't be making such sweeping generalizations here. I personally know plenty of divorced teachers who possess an incredible amount of heart and devotion toward their students, yet I also know plenty of married teachers who—well, let's just say they can be a bit high-strung and judgmental.
There isn't some universal rule at play here; ultimately, it all comes down to a person's individual character.

Karen Richardson3 said:That whole issue with those specific consonant sounds isn't even weird if you grew up with a heavy regional accent from, say, the South or rural Appalachia; those dialects often blend those sounds into one single noise anyway.

As for those vowel spelling rules, the way they're handled in textbooks is kind of a mess. The reality is that in actual speech, those multi-syllable vowel combinations almost never exist, and the long single vowels fluctuate so much that people just default to what feels right. It's why everyone trips up on them—it's similar to how people struggle with whether to use "don't" or "do not"; it's one thought, but grammatically, it's two parts.

I've always felt like you really pick up those linguistic habits by reading a ton when you're young. Did you do much reading back when you were a kid?😁

Guilty as charged on the regional accent. Thanks for the sympathy😁.
As for whether reading helps, well, I was a total bookworm growing up—still am, actually—but clearly, the grammar rules never quite stuck. I can't help but feel like I spent all my childhood energy just being the kid assigned to watch the school gate instead of actually learning the mechanics of the language.😁.

Since we're all patting ourselves on the back here, let's get real.😁
I honestly can’t tell the difference between those subtle vowel shifts in my own speech—take my daughter, for example; I’ll be testing her on her spelling from her notebook, she’ll tell me which letter she used, and I’m just sitting there completely lost because I can't hear the distinction myself.
I suppose I’m just both thick-headed and hard of hearing, if I’m being honest with myself.🙄
While I was working at the school, I actually went to see an English professor to try and master it, but even then, I just couldn't make it stick.
Apparently, some people are just wired such that they never quite grasp those specific sounds or hear them properly, and frankly, knowing that provides a little bit of comfort.😁
It's not like I have a handle on those "ee" and "ay" diphthongs either.
I tend to write these little humorous anecdotes about our family, and luckily, my husband acts as my editor.
Every writer needs an editor, after all; again, I’ll say it, having that support is everything.😁🤦

Emily Gonzalez51 said:I couldn't agree more. I’ve only had to call parents twice so far, and I can't say I didn't occasionally wonder, "Who on earth raised this little monster?" But both times, I ended up dealing with these poor, exhausted parents who were working themselves to the bone from dawn till dusk, while their kid's behavior had spiraled so badly it was practically abusive toward them. 🤷

From what I've seen, there are really only two patterns when it comes to family dynamics in these cases. Either you have the heartbreaking scenario I just described—which absolutely floors me as a parent, because I can't even fathom my own child speaking to me that way—
or you run into the second type: the "know-it-all Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Parent." Please, don't take this personally if you fall into that category, because I know there are exceptions, but what I have witnessed is frankly terrifying.
There is this crushing, relentless pressure placed on a child to be "above average" simply because Mom and Dad consider themselves "above average," using those exact, arrogant words.
And you know what the fallout is? At home, these kids are systematically broken down by all sorts of psychological nonsense, and then the moment they step foot in school, they just snap like popcorn.
The one silver lining in all of this is that you actually can get results, provided that teachers, counselors, the principal, and social services all decide to pull together and act as a single unit.
It is truly mind-blowing how much you can achieve just by using the right words to force parents into a corner where cooperation becomes their only option. You essentially back them against a wall until they finally crack—some of them start crying, some actually beg for help, and suddenly, everything starts moving. It’s all about having a well-oiled team, and when that happens, actual miracles can occur.

Jessica Howard5 said:Also, I forgot to say thanks. I used a lot of your advice and tips to deal with my own issues, and I gotta say, it helped a ton. Thanks again.😉

I'm just glad I could be of some help, even if it was only a little bit.🙂

Peter Doyle2 said:Stress!!
That’s the word.
The American education system is just... stressful.
Maybe I was just high-strung—I used to shake and practically drop my phone every time I had to check my grades online, regardless of whether I actually knew the material or was totally unprepared.
Math was always my weak spot, and honestly, those math tests gave me anxiety attacks more than once. I remember one time specifically where I was shaking so hard and sweating so much that my hand cramped up—I couldn't even hold a pencil. And the worst part? I actually knew how to solve the problems.
What makes it so sad is that my teacher saw it too!!!! She saw me in that state.
And she didn't even react.

Anyway. I finished school ages ago, so I moved on with my life and ran as far away from math as possible.
But, strangely enough, I still have this recurring dream: the school year is winding down, I don't have a single math grade, I don't have a notebook, I have no clue what we're even studying, and I start panicking about how I'm ever going to pass this miserable class.
😲
🤣

Our educational system and the way they grade knowledge is just wonderful. Truly. 🙄

You hit the nail on the head😂, it’s the exact same story for me. I still have dreams that I haven't even finished college yet, and don't even get me started on the math...

Way to go, Jessica Howard5.
Just don't let up for a second. You have to keep applying the pressure, relentlessly.
From here on out, every single interaction needs to be in writing if you all stand together as a group of parents.
I’m actually relieved to see things finally starting to shift. And you know why?
Because they’re terrified for their own skins now, and frankly, they deserve it.
I'm not entirely sure if they've officially approved a teacher's aide in your district yet.
If they haven't, then you absolutely have to hammer them on it. The school is obligated to push for that support, and there should be someone sitting with that student during class and even through breaks just to take some of this weight off your shoulders.

Sean Fox said:I wouldn't even say he's "hardcore," I'd just say he's doing his actual job. I mean, the law clearly states his responsibilities, which include reviewing pedagogical paperwork and dropping in on classes every now and then... but then you have those principals who just sit there playing it safe (and I'm saying this strictly based on my experience with a few of them) 🙂: that's the part that absolutely drives me crazy in this job... 🙂😂🤣
I'm probably gonna get fired for talking back to my boss, so I'll let you guys know how that goes and if the system actually works or whatever. 🤣

I have to admit, things are handled properly where I am... which means my school actually falls into the category of a "good school," thank God.

Ela, I think there’s been a massive misunderstanding here. It would be absolutely horrific to deny a child with specific physical needs, like bladder issues, access to the restroom.
However, when it comes to kids with ADHD, I have to disagree with the idea that they should just be allowed to wander out of the classroom whenever they feel the need to blow off some steam.
Why?
Because teachers are legally responsible for those students during their class period. What if a kid decides to bolt out of the school building and something happens to them? Look, I might be speaking hypothetically, but that is a very real risk.

When I make this point, I’m specifically talking about those teachers who kick out the disruptive students just to get some peace and quiet—basically tossing them out of the room so their lesson can proceed without interruption.
But they are still held accountable for those kids.
One thing I genuinely respect is when a teacher is having an absolute nightmare of a day and just says to the class, "Look, guys, I'm having a rough one today, something bad happened and I really need you all to bear with me." I'm talking about middle schoolers here.
It’s incredible, honestly, how much empathy they show.
That is completely fair, unlike those people who walk into work stressed out from their own personal drama and let the whole school hear them screaming at the top of their lungs...

Performance reviews definitely exist.
Of course they do. But somehow, they always wind up landing on my desk in administration, where they spend all their time obsessively scrutinizing employment contracts and paperwork instead of actually doing anything useful.
That’s usually where their focus lies. You almost never see them actually step foot inside a classroom. Technically, those evaluations should be handled by specialists from the Department of Education, but let's be honest—that practically never happens.
They only bother showing up when someone is being promoted to a mentor or an advisory role.
My principal is incredibly intense when it comes to teacher performance and oversight. He’ll personally grab the gradebooks and attendance rosters just to micromanage everything we do.
We’ve had people fired—one for physically lunging at a student and even once for leaving kids completely unsupervised.
God forbid he catches a single kid wandering aimlessly through the hallway during class time.

I’ve read through everything—maybe I misinterpreted some of it, but here are the facts as I understand them
1. There isn't actually a provision in the elementary school system for suspending a student for just a week or so; I'm honestly not sure if that was just some proposed legislative idea or what.🤷
The most severe disciplinary action available is transferring them to a different school. Period.
And when I say "different school," I mean a facility specifically designed for kids with behavioral disorders—those students who require constant support from specialized developmental specialists.
2. I find it absolutely impossible to believe that the police would show up at a school, tell a janitor to clear out, and then leave without filing an official report.
That is nothing short of pure incompetence on the part of both the school administration and the responding officers.
I have said this a hundred times already: there should be no action taken without a paper trail.
Last year, the police were frequent visitors at my school because we were dealing with some serious issues.
Parents are summoned immediately, everyone sits down with the pedagogical staff to draft a formal report, and then a request for a family welfare investigation is filed with the Department of Social Services (which usually involves the police as well).
City Hall is notified via emergency channels, and in coordination with the Department of Social Services and the school, they seek to have the student evaluated by an institution like Kukuljevic.
During this process, the student continues to attend classes, though they are under intense supervision.
It is quite common—standard, really—for these students to struggle with psychological or even physiological challenges, which necessitates implementing new teaching methods; parents are required to be heavily involved, and if things spiral out of control, the student is transferred to a more suitable school.
We have dealt with cases involving parents carrying firearms and physical altercations between students, so you have to handle these situations with extreme caution and intelligence.
The police are legally obligated to respond, and frankly, in my area, they are fast and actually do their jobs properly.
For instance, we actually abolished having students on hall duty because they need to be in class, not wasting their day standing at the entrance.
Besides, it’s precisely because of those types of parents that even the security staff at the gate doesn't feel entirely safe.
We are responsible for every single child in our care, and we are painfully aware of that weight.

I see people bringing up detention again.
Detention isn't some catch-all solution for every kid acting out. We certainly didn't just throw them in there without cause. Everything we do is based on specific observations; if issues are identified, we follow those findings. Students are actually transitioned to different schools equipped with specialized departments and educators trained in behavioral psychology—people who truly understand how to handle specific types of conduct.

And please, I am asking you to seriously stop making comparisons to the "good old days" or reminiscing about "discipline that worked." Such rhetoric will be met with sanctions—we won't tolerate that kind of talk here.