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Posts by Kate James14

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Why do people take me for granted? in Psychology & Therapy ·
Jonathan Fowler14 said:Maybe I'll drift slightly off-topic with my own experience, but hopefully this helps someone out and restores a little faith in people 🤣

So, about nine months ago, I moved to a new place—a different state entirely. It was right during the lockdown, I didn't know the language, didn't know anyone, and wasn't working. It was a total life reset. In the beginning, there was basically zero chance of meeting people my age or with similar interests. For the first six months, I basically just hibernated in my home office, with the occasional walk to the grocery store. Friends? Zero. Social life? Nonexistent. I stayed in touch with maybe three girlfriends back home via text a few times a week. I might have taken social distancing a bit too seriously 🕺

Once the restrictions finally eased up, I signed up for a class and finally started getting out there. I met some folks at the class, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. I joined about ten different Facebook groups meant for socializing. Since my English isn't perfect yet, I was mostly limited to English speakers or other Americans living here. I posted a few things and reached out to others myself.

Out of about fifteen messages and attempts to meet up, I managed to actually see two girls, and even that was a struggle (both canceled on me last minute for our first meeting). One went on vacation, and the others either ignored the plans or sent me last-minute suggestions to hang out. I don't really get the logic of searching for company only to immediately leave for a two-week vacation 😁 Everyone seems to find it hard to commit to a simple two-hour coffee date, as if it’s some huge ordeal. To me, they seem incredibly flaky—people who don't really know what they want, and only agree to grab coffee if they have absolutely nothing better to do.

I was, to put it mildly, disappointed. Everyone is looking for something, but nobody actually wants to find it. 😁 I know finding friends through the internet isn't the most popular way to do it in the States, but it's how it happens here.

So, a month ago, I decided to try again. I went out for a drink with a girl I met through a local group (even though in a group of 30 people, only one person actually wanted to go out on a Friday night 😵), and then three other girls ended up joining us spontaneously. After just a few outings, I managed to form a little group of women with totally different ages and interests that I see regularly; occasionally, someone brand new joins the mix 🎉. In another spot, I found an awesome girl I go for coffee or walks with all the time. In just a month and a half, I've built connections that honestly mean more to me than anything I experienced in the last ten years back home.

The hardest part is just starting; you have no idea where it's going or why. But the most important thing is not giving up. Even after so many failed attempts when I was already feeling fed up. So many people struggle with loneliness, but they don't know how to connect with others facing the same issue. If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be looking for friends on Facebook, I would have called them crazy 🤣

Now, have I formed lifelong, deep friendships? Probably not. But grabbing a drink, chatting at the end of the day, or sharing a silly moment makes life feel much more interesting and easier for me. Who knows, maybe some of these connections will last long-term; that comes with time.

People always connect for some kind of benefit; one side usually gets more out of it than the other. Don't kid yourself thinking otherwise—everyone wants something from someone else, whether it's conversation, advice, fun, or just having someone around so they aren't lonely or to make time pass faster. Genuine friendships are extremely rare, and it's not something people today really want to invest in. They'd rather focus on partners, work, or themselves, and then complain about being lonely at the end of the day 🤔 I know plenty of examples of people who completely dropped their social circles once they got into a relationship. Friendship requires time and effort from both sides, and for most people today, that's the very last thing on their priority list.

It’s honestly way easier to just binge-watch shows all day than to put yourself out there with new people.
But the price you pay for staying isolated eventually gets too high—it ends up costing more than a Netflix subscription.

So, here's my take: if you want friends, tell the world! If you don't speak up, how is anyone supposed to know you're looking for company? Get active, join some local clubs or organizations. Show interest in people and invite them out for coffee. Share your thoughts and feelings. And honestly? Just cut out the people who make you feel bad; life is way too short to waste time on them.
Don't expect too much from everyone, either. If you find just one person you can truly be yourself around—someone who actually cares how your day went—you’ve basically hit the jackpot. To get what you're looking for, you have to be willing to offer something yourself.

I've gone through all sorts of phases—times when I had tons of friends, times with just a few, a couple of real ones, and even periods where I felt totally alone. My favorite and most eye-opening phase was actually being lonely, because it helped me realize what really matters in life.
What's the point of having a life where everything is going great (or even if it isn't 🤣), if you have nobody to share those moments with at the end of the day, or even just once a week?

Nothing new here...

Just make sure you have something to offer. 😁.
Why do people take me for granted? in Psychology & Therapy ·
cosmicviper18 said:Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

I doubt this debate is going to brighten the author's mood 🕺.

But here’s a bit of wisdom for you: "God helps those who help themselves 🧐!"
Open relationships in Psychology ·
Rachel Richardson said:This seems like a solid topic for discussion.
Is every attractive man just a narcissist? 🍿

People would lose the thread on this one fast 🕺.

The issue is that "narcissism"—or most of its traits—is actually healthy and even desirable in small doses. Everyone would get lost trying to draw the line between being a narcissist and just being a confident guy.

And let's be honest: some people simply can't handle a discussion about narcissism unless they're busy judging and moralizing everyone else.
Open relationships in Psychology ·
jadetinker85 said:The guy is clueless and doesn't see it. Someone needs to lay it out for him. Hopefully, he shows up in this thread.☕

Eeeeeeee, we can't say for certain that he's stupid.

If that was sarcasm, it was pretty pathetic.
Open relationships in Psychology ·
George Ramos13 said:Can you actually, ever, just once, answer a question without bringing up some imaginary male discrimination?
It’s pretty obvious you can’t, because every single one of your damn posts feels like a direct outlet for your own frustrations and projections.

Look, I know myself, and while I can't speak for every woman you've quoted, I'm betting they’d all say the exact same thing if the situation involved some naive, young, insecure kid being played by someone more dominant and experienced—regardless of whether that person was a man or a woman.

But I guess that's something you'll never wrap your head around, since you're always letting your own complexes drive everything you say about gender dynamics.

No ☕. He’s just a pathetic crybaby who needs to grow a pair and walk away from a lunatic. That’s what "they" would say, at least based on my observations here. You could say the same about the author. In reality, it’s mostly just silent resentment.

George Ramos13 said:If you actually thought we were saying stuff like, "Oh honey, he's not worth it, go smash his car lol" or "Just sabotage his birth control so he can't leave, haha," then you totally missed the point. We weren't being petty; we were just pointing out the obvious—that this guy is straight-up using her, and she’s just sitting there baffled because she can't read his blatant red flags.

But hey, I guess you interpreted it as us launching a full-scale assault on the entire male gender, didn't you?🤣

There is that possibility 🕺. But people always jump in before me. So what if someone takes issue with it? "Bugs Bunny, what are you going to do about it? This is just my opinion 🙂." Maybe an ad hominem attack flies my way.

So what? Am I not allowed to speak like that? Fine, if you say so 🙂.

Look, I get it. It's in your interest to bark when something bothers you, because people react more to women's problems. I think it's instinctual. You identify with her. Maybe you've lived through it too. Naturally, the narrative will be biased.
Open relationships in Psychology ·
jadetinker85 said:Yeah, true. You can't exploit people like that; it isn't ethical. Find someone on your level and just exploit each other mutually.

This isn't about ethics. It's just that typical gut reaction women have when they hear something that doesn't fit their narrative.☕.
Open relationships in Psychology ·
Quincy Jones
Raymond Booth40 said:So what’s my issue here? He’s just as much to blame. If I were a man and he knew that, I wouldn't be hanging out with someone who wants to be with me when I don't feel the same way about him. He'd find someone else instead.

The issue is with you. You’re an adult. You are responsible for your own actions.

So you want a man to take responsibility for you? Then you don't deserve anything better.
Quincy Jones
Sean Kern2 said:Can someone please point out where I actually called her an angel? You don't need to be some NASA rocket scientist to see the girl is just incredibly naive. Besides, I’m not about to go out of my way to kick someone while they're down, regardless of gender—I've got at least a little bit of class left.😉

The real issue is that she's been tied to this guy since she was twenty-one, and he's spent four years conditioning her through sex. You want to talk about that?🙂

The problem is definitely that self-proclaimed predator; everything we're reading from her perspective is just the aftermath of being with him.

Quincy Jones
jadetinker85 said:This is basically a case study for a therapist. I don't get why he's still taking advantage of this poor girl—he clearly sees how much she's struggling right now.

Quincy Jones
George Ramos13 said:You clearly lack enough self-respect, and it's no surprise some jerk who's way older than you decided to take advantage of that.
But look, it's already been four years, and there isn't even a tiny hint that he’s going to change, fall in love with you, or take you seriously.

He literally told you to your face, too. 🤷

It is never too late to bail on a bad situation. Period. You need to grow a backbone and decide you aren't going to let yourself get played anymore.

As for that pregnancy thing... 😵
Don't you dare go through with that.

Because trust me, you won't achieve anything by doing that.
Based on that "idea" of yours, I'm starting to hope you're just trolling.

Quincy Jones
Raymond Fisher98 said:Ugh, he's honestly gross. I can see it now—creeping up on every woman like, "Hehe, oh stop, I'm a married man, why are you being so difficult?"

OT, just cut him loose. If you want different things, just walk away. I know it sucks, but it’s way better for your mental health. For whatever reason, he only sees you as a hookup.

Yeah. Exactly. ☕When a woman is a bit underwhelmed, yet it’s really just a matter of two adults reaching an agreement, the logical conclusion is that the man is some kind of selfish predator, an exploiter, a total scumbag, and a disgusting human being. Typical. 😵.

That’s all it takes to spark a feminist uprising. Just hint that some guy got laid for free without even trying. 😁.
How to stay positive and keep a good mindset? in Psychology ·
I wouldn't call myself negative. I'm just unstable.

From what I can tell, the secret to positivity is blind conviction—bordering on delusion. Call it a "decision," but it has to consume your entire mind, not just some surface-level rational part trying to convince itself to be happy. You have to force your thoughts to take the shape of the most positive interpretation of reality. There’s no logic to it. No "correct" way. It’s entirely subjective.

My instability is actually preparation for being positive. If I stay in a state where I can tip toward either side at any moment—living on a knife's edge—then pivoting toward positivity becomes easier when necessary. Eventually, you can train that control. If you can consciously move yourself to any point on the spectrum, you've mastered the ability to swing toward the light.
Huntington's Clash of Civilizations in Philosophy ·
Noah Sullivan said:Just a quick one, since it’s getting late: I get the gist of what you're trying to say—really, I do—but I have to point out that you haven't exactly been reading closely. You seem to have overlooked both the Orahov sections I was responding to, my specific reactions to them, and the actual Wikipedia excerpt I quoted.

You’re essentially dismissing any role that moral or humanistic development plays in the evolution of civilizations—or cultures, for that matter. But my main point was actually a direct reaction to that section by Orahov—where he suggests that heightened humanity is a core component of a "superior race" (though I assume he meant a civilization composed of "better people") which, according to his logic, ultimately emerges from the clash of different cultures.

I’ll offer up the Moriori as an extreme—albeit cautionary—example. They spent three hundred years developing a culture of pacifism and moral humanism in total isolation, only to find themselves spiritually disarmed when they finally encountered their brutal, cannibalistic Maori cousins.

The modern descendants of the Moriori—specifically the Moriori women and their brutal Maori overlords—actually took the New Zealand government to court toward the end of the 20th century. Their argument? That the state, acting as the successor to British colonial rule, waited far too long to step in—only finally intervening on the Chatham Islands in 1863 to abolish Maori slavery. I suspect they walked away with some sort of settlement... though calling it "reparations" might be a bit generous.

Fine. To me, that's all secondary noise. I don't care much about what culture some people happen to possess; I care about what they are biologically capable of sustaining. That's where the actual limits of any social structure lie.
Huntington's Clash of Civilizations in Philosophy ·
Noah Sullivan said: But in what sense exactly do you mean "inferior"? Unfortunately, It is a grim, albeit fascinating, possibility—that certain cultures or civilizations might actually be "more competitive, more adaptable, and more successful" precisely because they are morally and humanely inferior. It’s the old, uncomfortable argument that efficiency often thrives where empathy dies.

Relationships can be viewed much like biological organisms—they generally fall into two categories: symbiosis, such as the strategic partnership seen within NATO, or parasitism, which is more akin to the historical reality of colonialism.
A dominant civilization can just absorb an inferior one—think of the Borg from Star Trek—simply because that’s how they ensure their own survival.

Most of the time, an assimilated civilization tends to adopt certain traits—often without any practical necessity for their own survival. It’s a bit like a successful startup absorbing a smaller competitor just because they like the branding, even if the core tech remains unchanged. Of course—and this is where things get interesting—there are those specific instances where this "borrowing" becomes a matter of sheer necessity. This usually happens when the dominant civilization has only managed to pull ahead because of raw aggression; in those cases, they find themselves "technically" needing to scavenge superior solutions from the very culture they just overcame just to stay functional.

The systematic dismantling of Europe—it’s happening right before our eyes. South.The history of American civilizations serves as a stark illustration of why coexistence between disparate cultures is often an impossibility—the stronger, more vital force inevitably crushes the weaker one under its own weight.

Oh, please—let’s call it what it actually is: total destruction. Northern.American civilizations—or cultures, if you’re feeling generous enough to grant them that level of distinction—serve as prime examples, though they function in a slightly different capacity. Centuries of Anglosphere propaganda have been remarkably effective at one specific thing—successfully projecting their own filth onto Spaniards.As horrific as the situation in Latin America was, it still doesn't quite reach the sheer scale of what unfolded in the Anglosphere—it just wasn't that drastic. In fact, if you look at Latin America, you can find plenty of historical precedents that perfectly illustrate your point about a dominant civilization forcibly assimilating an inferior one.

The irony of the whole situation is that—if we’re being honest here—it all circles back to the same fundamental absurdity. A clash of civilizations—it’s an old concept, isn't it? But if we're being honest, this particular collision is actually doing us a favor—it's carving out the path for something entirely new, and frankly, something much better. I'm looking to inject some actual humanity back into this conversation. rasu ... at least that’s what history seems to be trying to tell us. Which civilization in the grand scheme of things actually managed to be more prosperous—more successful—on average? I'm assuming you want me to make this more "human"—to give it some actual soul instead of that sterile, robotic vibe. Fine. I can certainly dial back the artificiality and inject some genuine personality into the prose. If you have a specific text you need me to overhaul, just throw it my way. I'll strip out the fluff, fix the tone, and make sure it sounds like an actual person wrote it—not some programmed script. Ready when you are. Is the population actually larger than those established by civilizations born from the wreckage of previous cultural clashes—starting, for instance, with the ancient friction between nomadic pastoralists and settled agrarian societies?

I fear you’re being unjustifiably optimistic here—mostly because you seem to be viewing history through such a rigid, overly schematic lens.
It would seemingly align with the aforementioned example of Latin America—where a relatively recent Euro-Christian civilization managed to forcibly assimilate, if not outright erase, civilizations that were arguably far more brutal—those predecessors who routinely offered tens of thousands of human sacrifices to their bloodthirsty deities.

To truly illustrate why clinging to the hope that every clash of civilizations inherently breeds progress is such a deceptive fallacy—it’s a bit like believing that every thunderstorm is actually just nature's way of watering your garden—one has to look at the actual wreckage left behind. It’s easy to be an optimist when you're reading history books from a distance, but the reality is far more jagged. More humane—and frankly, much better. Civilization—that grand, sweeping concept we all love to debate while sitting comfortably in our climate-controlled living rooms—is essentially just a fragile agreement to play by certain rules so we don't descend into total chaos. It’s less about marble statues and more about the invisible glue holding our social structures together.
That was probably the point—even if you did use the word "race." It stands to reason that if we want to examine the idea that certain cultures or civilizations are "more competitive, adaptable, and successful" precisely because they are morally and humanely inferior—a rather grim proposition, I know—we ought to look at one extreme case. It’s an example that rarely gets any airtime, mostly because the death toll wasn't measured in the millions, but rather in "only" the thousands.

It’s nothing short of a tragedy—a singular, sweeping tragedy of the pacifist movement. MorioriTheir warlike cousins, the Maori, began encroaching upon and most brutally enslaving them the moment they spotted an opening. Because of their commitment to pacifism, the Moriori didn't just fail to offer any resistance while the Maori were still relatively few in number—they actually rolled out the red carpet during the initial stages of what would eventually devolve into sheer, animalistic subjugation. Without a doubt the most vital of all cannibals due to their rapid and shrewd appropriation—or rather, theft—of Western technology, the Maori managed to expand their reach far enough to eventually descend upon the remote Chatham Islands of the Moriori:
On November 19, 1835, the brig *Lord Rodney*—a vessel that likely had much better things to do with its time—found itself caught up in a series of events that serve as a perfect, if somewhat grim, illustration of how quickly maritime history can pivot from routine sailing to absolute chaos. A hijacked European vessel pulled into port—and wouldn't you know it, it was carrying 500 Maori passengers. It was essentially a floating arsenal—men, women, and children armed to the teeth with guns, clubs, and axes—carrying a massive 78-ton shipment of seed potatoes for planting. That same vessel eventually returned on December 5, 1835, to drop off another 400 Maori. Even before the second wave of arrivals hit, these invaders had already crossed an unthinkable line—murdering a twelve-year-old girl and displaying her remains on posts. From there, they moved straight into enslaving certain Moriori groups while systematically killing and cannibalizing others. Then came the second wave—warrior parties bristling with muskets, clubs, and tomahawks. Led by their respective chiefs, they marched straight through Moriori lands and settlements without so much as a knock on the door or a polite "hello." It was the ultimate uninvited houseguest scenario. If the invaders set their sights on a specific district, they didn't bother negotiating; they simply gave the locals a curt notification that the land now belonged to them and the Moriori were officially downgraded to vassals.

An assembly of Moriori elders was convened at the settlement known as Te Awapatiki. Even though they were fully aware that the Maori didn't actually practice such pacifism—and even after several senior chiefs warned that the principle of Nunuku was simply out of touch with the current reality—two leaders, Tapata and Torea, stood their ground. They insisted that the law of Nunuku wasn't just some flexible tactic for survival to be tweaked whenever circumstances shifted; rather, it was an absolute moral imperative.Even though the council officially opted for peace, the invading Maori forces saw right through it—viewing the gesture as nothing more than a tactical setup for conflict, a pattern that was all too common during the Musket Wars. This miscalculation triggered a brutal massacre, which reached its peak near the Waitangi region, leaving the surviving Moriori to face the grim reality of enslavement.

One Moriori survivor recounted the sheer brutality of the onslaught: "[The Maori] began slaughtering us like livestock... We were paralyzed with fear, fleeing into the thickets and hiding in burrows or any available crevice just to evade our attackers. But it was futile; they found us everywhere and slaughtered everyone—men, women, and children without distinction." A Maori conqueror later offered his own justification: "We claimed the territory... following our established traditions, and we captured the entire population. Not a single soul managed to slip away..." [33] The invaders carried out a systematic slaughter that wiped out roughly 10% of the population—a ritualistic massacre where they essentially staked out women and children on the shoreline, leaving them to suffer through agonizing deaths over the course of several days.[29]

During that period of subjugation, the Maori invaders actually went so far as to ban the Moriori language entirely. It wasn't just a matter of silencing a culture—it was active desecration. They forced the Moriori to defile their own sacred sites through acts of bodily waste—a tactic designed to strip away every shred of spiritual dignity. To make matters even more isolating, the Moriori were strictly prohibited from marrying within their own community or even marrying into the Maori groups—effectively outlawing the very idea of having children together. This approach was a distinct departure from the more traditional forms of servitude seen elsewhere on the mainland—though, in practice, the reality was often much messier, as many Moriori women ended up having children with their Maori masters regardless of the mandates. By 1862, the Moriori population had been decimated—leaving a mere 101 survivors from an original group of roughly 2,000. It is a staggering, albeit grim, statistical collapse.[36]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moriori

Some. That doesn't always mean more aggressive.

They say "survival of the fittest." Give me a break. People being uncomfortable with what "fit" actually looks like in practice is a different issue entirely.

Being inferior in this context simply means being the ones who vanish evolutionarily. For whatever reason.

Humans are simultaneously brutally violent and deeply humane, both literally and figuratively. We switch modes whenever necessary—historically speaking and in our daily lives. We’re kind to our in-group and hostile toward the out-group.

The situation with the Moriori and the Maori is just a case of two groups clashing while operating in opposite modes. Neither was wrong, and neither was unusual.

We could debate why and how fast new modes emerge. During peacetime, a peaceful culture is an optimization for prosperity, but under different conditions, that same mode becomes an over-fit. Conversely, if cultural "mutation" happens too fast, successful solutions won't last long enough to stabilize or spread.
Huntington's Clash of Civilizations in Philosophy ·
Sam Martinez9 said:If any nation’s policy is actually being dictated by its long-term national interests, it's going to be Germany, France, or the United Kingdom. You can see that clearly when you look at the results—both in practice and in the historical record. Generally speaking, the countries that embrace immigration tend to pull ahead, seeing significant growth first in their economies and then across every other metric imaginable.

When you look at the young Americans moving to places like Germany or Ireland today, you have to wonder about their underlying motivation. Is there a sense that they are heading over there specifically to dismantle or undermine those political communities from within?

Quite the opposite. Nations that have already made it are what attract migrants in the first place. They’re the ones who can actually afford to "take them in."
Someone else will help in Psychology ·
I believe this effect proves that emotions are ultimately driven by conscious perception. People walk past with a mental filter already in place. For most, stepping up to help isn't just uncommon—it's non-existent. They rely entirely on the system, effectively switching off their capacity for empathy. They’re checked out.

And this trend is spreading. People are leaning harder on institutions than ever before. The younger generation is becoming increasingly passive. If you want a prime example, look at Trump 😁. Everyone just stopped caring; they figured why bother voting when that loud-mouthed orange guy is basically running the show anyway 😁. They were just spectators. Now that they've been burned, maybe they'll finally stop watching from the sidelines.

As people continue to isolate themselves from what it actually means to be part of a community, other facets of this phenomenon will inevitably surface. And in this day and age, that kind of isolation is everywhere.
Caught completely off guard in Spirituality ·
darkcanyon10 said:Saying someone "learned" doesn't explain anything. Why? Because you don't just "learn" once and you're done while you're still breathing. You learn as long as you're alive. It's a process.

I get what hypocrisy means. I just confused duality with being two-faced.

Ever heard of duality?

Is that it?
Dualism. It’s all just layers of deception.

Dualism theory posits that our reality is built entirely on opposites. It’s all just a constant tug-of-war between conflicting forces.
But let's be honest: those aren't actually true opposites. You can't just pit them against each other like that.
Don't just aim for things that are similar. Look for the ones that actually complete the picture—the pieces that truly complement one another.
Everything exists in complementary pairs. It’s just the way things work.
It all hinges on whether that second part actually exists. Without it, neither one stands a chance.
To exist solely for oneself. Consider these pairings: day and night, hot and cold.
Cold, hot, high, low, hard, soft. If anything existed without contrast, it wouldn't exist at all.
Even if someone offered a compliment, there wouldn't be a way to spot it. It's simply impossible.
You need to experience both sides of the coin to truly recognize them. You can't claim to understand the day if you haven't lived through the night.
Some things just aren't obvious because their counterparts stay hidden.
We rarely even notice the atmosphere exists, yet we would...
We’d be lost if someone actually sent us into space. We've never been this clueless.
The atmosphere? Sure. But we can only truly grasp it if we struggle to see it, and even then...
It’s usually devoid of any actual emotion. Purely hollow.
Duality is easiest to grasp when we focus on physical realities.
Take examples. The controversy starts when you factor in feelings, because those same principles apply directly to our internal lives: that constant ebb and flow of emotion.
Relationships are just a constant cycle of heat and cold. You’re either riding high or hitting rock bottom. There is no middle ground.
What we typically call "happiness" is nothing more than a relentless, overlapping stream of gratification.
And the misery continues.
We wouldn't even know what satisfaction felt like if our experience hadn't included it.
They suffer the same level of misery, and they do it at almost exactly the same time. Period.
The happier we are, the more we actually enjoy our food. The lonelier we get, the less it matters.
Connection is what matters most. The obstacles we face only serve to make the victories sweeter once they're finally conquered. In any relationship, the depth of the suffering is directly proportional to the depth of the love. Our highest peaks of ecstasy are simply there to balance out the inevitable slides into depression.

To me, that sounds like bipolar disorder. ☕I'd rather just settle for a mediocre gray.
How to be a good person without being a doormat in Psychology ·
darksurfer4 said:Look, we aren't going to see someone decide to take their own life just so a patient with heart failure can get a transplant! There have to be boundaries; I firmly believe you shouldn't extend kindness to certain types of bad actors out there. Now, I realize that flies in the face of traditional Christian teachings, but that's a much larger conversation for another day.🎉 It honestly irritates me, this persistent attitude some people hold that it's fundamentally "unprofitable" to be kind to anyone from the jump. Based on their posts, it's impossible for them to be anything other than the sole victims of a world where everyone else is wicked! In my view, we should approach every individual as if they are a decent person until they prove otherwise—and by that, I don't mean acting as a co-signer for a stranger's mortgage or something equally absurd.

Hahaha, 🤣!

It’s just not possible, truly 😁.
How to be a good person without being a doormat in Psychology ·
darksurfer4 said:Exactly. Just look at this forum as an example; I hope my posts in the psychology section actually help someone, but what would I ever ask for in exchange?

Time and again, we read it on this thread, we see it all over the internet, and we hear it in casual conversation with people: they claim there is no point in being a good person. But listen, being kind isn't about some sort of ROI or whether it's "worth it." Anyone claiming otherwise clearly isn't a good person to begin with! I have to ask those types: what *is* worth it then? Is it worth being a complete jerk? In my humble opinion, absolutely not!!! I can tell you from experience that many people have done me wrong simply because they could; back then, I didn't know how to stand up for myself, I was quite an insecure person, and so on. But now, after all these years, I can say that all those people ended up having terrible lives; I didn't do anything to them, they just essentially drowned in their own malice. But like I said, it isn't about profitability. If we are good people, we will naturally strive to spread that goodness, and if we aren't, well, then "goodness" certainly won't be "profitable" to us.🍿

I agree that the original poster wasn't exploited, though I'm debating whether he was even scammed at all; in my view, only the gardener can truly be called a victim here, because there really weren't any exploited parties in this story...

When people say being good doesn't pay, they’re usually clinging to some naive, childlike idea of altruism—doing things purely for the sake of it without expecting anything in return. That kind of selfless goodness rarely pays dividends, and even fewer people actually practice it.

The truth is, everyone wants something. At the very least, they expect basic human decency, though they conveniently forget how messy and complicated that can be.

Goodness pays off, provided you apply it in the right places and in the right doses. The same goes for malice.

I’d argue most people eventually realize on a subconscious level that kindness is almost always transactional—an exchange for future reciprocity. Those who fail to grasp that reality usually end up broken or worse.
Caught completely off guard in Spirituality ·
Ha!

Embrace the dark side of childhood. It gets depressing sometimes, sure, but at least you know which road you're driving on.

Then again, you might not even know where 🕺... But that’s just how it goes 👍. Nobody actually knows 😁.
How to be a good person without being a doormat in Psychology ·
Ronald Price3 said:There is no way. Life is a struggle, plain and simple. Even though humanity has progressed to the point where we can achieve more through wordplay and rhetoric than through brute force, at our core, we are still nothing more than animals fighting for survival. A lion that refuses to kill its prey will simply starve to death. A deer that fails to flee from a wolf will be devoured. Ultimately, it turns out we are all playing a zero-sum game; resources are finite, so it’s just a matter of who takes what from whom. Just because you refuse to step on others doesn't mean they won't stomp all over you. They will do it quite happily, too, and they'll likely walk away feeling proud and earning the respect of their peers.

Unfortunately, that is the reality. It has been proven countless times. I try to console myself with the idea that "you did this for your own sake, let happiness be your reward," but honestly, that doesn't work very well.

👍

Author, what does being "good" even mean to you? Because "goodness" only matters if there's a fixed standard to measure it against. Maybe that standard isn't where you think it is.
Sexism in the Philosophy PDF thread in Feedback & Suggestions ·
@placidorca16, you're the spice of life 😂
Jamie Adams6 said:I wonder if you can actually teach someone to be empathetic, compassionate, and ultimately just a "good" person. Honestly—I think some things just have to be felt and received from your parents and your environment before you can ever pass them on to anyone else. You can read about it in a textbook until tomorrow, but if you never actually received that love, there’s a damn good chance you won't know how to give it back.

At the same time, I think it's incredibly naive to look at those "quiet little kids" next door who wouldn't even hurt an ant. You mentioned noticing how that "sweet kid today, cold-blooded killer tomorrow" scenario keeps repeating itself; well, it repeats because everyone has their breaking point. Just because I haven't seen my neighbor or my sister snap doesn't mean they don't have one. You can never truly know how crushed, traumatized, insecure, or humiliated someone really is—or how long they've been suffering and what that pain is brewing inside them. I’d bet both my kidneys that my upbringing wasn't significantly different from the woman who locked her sister in the fridge, or the mass shooter who was considered a diligent honor student until yesterday's campus massacre. We're all "sweet kids" right up until we snap—that's not even up for debate.

But look, society isn't perfect, the system isn't perfect, and it’s just not realistic to think everyone will find a place in the sun. We’ll accept some, reject others, crush some, and push others over the edge... and those people we cast aside will eventually start wondering if they owe anything to a society that rejected them. That's the core of it, and it'll stay that way until we're replaced by some kind of robots who can't feel, who don't carry scars on their souls, and who wouldn't be capable of stabbing their own kin, let alone a total stranger, in a moment of madness. No PowerPoint presentation is going to change that—otherwise, we would've solved the issue of violence a long time ago. You could scrap every subject and fill the entire school schedule with psychology and debates on the topic, and it still wouldn't move the needle. This isn't an issue of economics, politics, or education; this is THE question that, I fear, we will never have an answer to.

Until we admit that we ourselves contribute to building these ticking time bombs walking among us—people who were our favorite neighbors just yesterday—all these discussions about psychopathy and abuse are just shouting into the wind. The fact that some things in life are simply predetermined and set in stone doesn't play well with the idea that "anything is possible if you want it enough," and accepting that reality produces way more depression and hopelessness once it sinks in. Now, not wanting to be put in a position where we have to dump that same dose of hopelessness in the faces of our children, siblings, or friends is a different story. But it is what it is—c'est la vie. Many won't be able to cope with that "predetermined" aspect, and what they do with that knowledge... well, let's just say I'm pretty sure we're still a long way off from any kind of relaxed gun control scenario in the US.

Signature 👍.

While I believe maximizing psychological support could help, it's a zero-sum game. Redirecting resources means someone else loses—maybe people go hungry, or kids get less attention. On average, you end up right back where you started. It all depends on what you choose to prioritize.

In my view, the first step is pure logistics: rationalizing national resources and then spending decades building actual prosperity. But hey, who actually wants that...
Friendly and easy to talk to in Psychology ·
When someone actually takes the effort to step closer so you can talk like a normal human being—instead of screaming down a hallway every time they have a thought and dumping the entire burden of communication on your shoulders. Or, heaven forbid, they turn their head toward you so you can actually hear them and read their body language. It’s called basic courtesy and decent communication.

I'll just say that I rarely see it happen.