Why do people take me for granted?

Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

If it makes you feel any better, I’m feeling pretty much the same way. I just miss hanging out—really hanging out—and more specifically, I miss finding quality people to spend time with. Why is it like this? How did we get here? It’s hard to pin down, but it feels like everyone has become so incredibly selfish and isolated lately; nobody seems willing to give anyone else a fair shake anymore. If there is one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty, though, it's this: don't you dare let anyone treat you poorly.

This is just how things work, and most people find themselves in the exact same position. Is it any wonder that only our immediate family or perhaps a close friend or partner truly cares? Everyone else simply passes through your life.

Carl Cox3 said:This is just how things work, and most people find themselves in the exact same position. Is it any wonder that only our immediate family or perhaps a close friend or partner truly cares? Everyone else simply passes through your life.

I disagree completely; that is absolutely not "normal," and frankly, it's delusional to pretend it is. We are living in these utterly dysfunctional times, though if I'm being honest, this downward spiral started long before the pandemic ever hit.

It has always been this way. People simply lived in smaller towns and didn't move around much, which gave them the illusion of having lifelong friends. In reality, most people would only have a couple of close acquaintances and their family, if they were lucky.

cosmicviper18 said:Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

I doubt this debate is going to brighten the author's mood 🕺.

But here’s a bit of wisdom for you: "God helps those who help themselves 🧐!"

Carl Cox3 said:It has always been this way. People simply lived in smaller towns and didn't move around much, which gave them the illusion of having lifelong friends. In reality, most people would only have a couple of close acquaintances and their family, if they were lucky.

I have to disagree because that is simply not how history works. What you're describing—this isolationist trend—really started picking up steam around the 90s and hit its stride around 2010. Before that, social lives were actually robust; people had dozens of friends and spent their time hitting up restaurants, catching movies, going to clubs, or just wandering around together. And honestly, your point about people "not moving" just highlights that fundamental lack of understanding you keep displaying (which, let's be real, happens quite often). People used to be significantly more active than the current generation. A massive number of people migrated from rural areas to major hubs like Chicago or NYC, or even packed up and moved across the country entirely. Furthermore, it was once unheard of for someone to still be living under their parents' roof and relying on them for financial support at age 20; nowadays, you see people doing that well into their 40s.🍿

I disagree. Isn't it telling that "I" is the most frequently used word?

Carl Cox3 said:I disagree. Isn't it telling that "I" is the most frequently used word?

Exactly.

The real issue here is sinking into total isolation while wondering why the room is empty.
People seem to have this entitlement—this idea that they deserve those rare individuals who act as the glue for everyone else, whether it’s family or friends. But when those people leave or pass away, the whole social circle just collapses along with them.

That’s the catch—you either spend your life waiting to be rescued, or you become the one doing all the heavy lifting.

The most important question is, how are you actually going to help?

cosmicviper18 said:The most important question is, how are you actually going to help?

The issue is that we carry these expectations of others, which inevitably leads to disappointment, judgment, and feeling insulted by how people act toward us. You have to break that mindset if you want to navigate life more easily.

Most people are in roughly the same boat—feeling stuck and far too preoccupied with themselves and how they appear to everyone else. They waste a massive amount of energy just maintaining that image.

You’ll truly help yourself the moment you decide you want real internal change. That means stopping to take others for granted and making a genuine effort to purge negativity—or at least accept it and detach from it. It brings up all sorts of thoughts, emotions, compulsions, and habits. It's a long, grueling process, but there is a reward, even if nothing is ever guaranteed...😁

So, I guess the only real solution is just staying single forever!

I think I’m a bit too naive when it comes to getting attached and expecting that love to be returned. The reality is, probably only a handful of people actually deserve that kind of devotion—mostly immediate family, and then maybe a few friends after years and years of knowing them. People just drift in and out of your life. You might be super close to someone for a while, but then life happens, circumstances shift, and suddenly you’re barely even checking in on each other by New Year's Day. That's pretty much how it goes for most regular folks. For the wealthy or the big shots, it's usually just this shallow, insincere friendship that they aren't even fooling themselves about. I guess the trick is just to enjoy the moment while it lasts. That way, when things eventually change, you aren't left totally wrecked; you can just move on and find some new experiences instead.

I honestly just hope you find whatever it is you're looking for... whoever or whatever that may be. 😉

While you guys are busy twisting the argument, just ask yourselves: would anyone actually feel less alone having someone like that "closest" to them?
Sorry, but I haven't received a single piece of actual advice here yet!

You have been presented with the facts and the truth. Now, you must learn how to live with them.

I was just as naive a few years ago, believing that people I had known for ages truly cared about me and that we were "friends for life." Then reality hit: I realized that for 99% of people, I was nothing more than a temporary link in a chain—someone they would step over or abandon the moment a better opportunity arrived. It took me a year or two to process the shock, but eventually, I accepted it. Now, I don't expect anything from anyone. I put in the effort as long as they do, too. If things start to cool down on their end, I walk away and move on. Life is far too short to waste energy trying to salvage connections with people who clearly don't value us that much.

I have learned not to take life so seriously. Instead, view it as a beautiful, engaging story that remains independent of others, because you are the protagonist of your own life.
Beyond that, I suggest meeting new people whenever the chance arises, but without becoming overly attached to anyone. New connections bring freshness to life and protect against loneliness.

Carl Cox3 said:You have been presented with the facts and the truth. Now, you must learn how to live with them.

I was just as naive a few years ago, believing that people I had known for ages truly cared about me and that we were "friends for life." Then reality hit: I realized that for 99% of people, I was nothing more than a temporary link in a chain—someone they would step over or abandon the moment a better opportunity arrived. It took me a year or two to process the shock, but eventually, I accepted it. Now, I don't expect anything from anyone. I put in the effort as long as they do, too. If things start to cool down on their end, I walk away and move on. Life is far too short to waste energy trying to salvage connections with people who clearly don't value us that much.

I have learned not to take life so seriously. Instead, view it as a beautiful, engaging story that remains independent of others, because you are the protagonist of your own life.
Beyond that, I suggest meeting new people whenever the chance arises, but without becoming overly attached to anyone. New connections bring freshness to life and protect against loneliness.

It’s only high-quality connections that actually help with loneliness. Shallow relationships just make you realize how lonely you really are. When it comes to solitude, quantity doesn't mean a thing—it’s all about quality.

Alexander Adams94 said:It’s only high-quality connections that actually help with loneliness. Shallow relationships just make you realize how lonely you really are. When it comes to solitude, quantity doesn't mean a thing—it’s all about quality.

Spot on.
But building quality relationships takes time.
Time we simply don't have.
I'm lonely too, constantly dissecting why. I've been this way since I was a kid.
I used to chase that feeling. In my younger years, I'd hang out with anyone who would have me, molding myself to fit everyone else just to have company. Naturally, that made things worse.
Then I tried looking for it in romantic partners.
That turned out to be the worst move. Too much pressure on the other person.
I'm in therapy now. I'm still lonely, but I'm starting to understand that quality connections are the only cure.
The problem is, I don't have the time or the money for that.
I work until 5 PM every single day at a job that drains me dry. By the time I'm done, I have nothing left to offer someone if we were to become actual friends.

There's no budget for weekend trips or anything like that.
What's left is grabbing a drink once or twice a month with the same group of lonely, exhausted, guarded, closed-off people just like me.
We have nothing to connect over. We lead similarly empty, draining lives, so we just talk about work, Netflix shows, or what we'd do if we won the Powerball.

I've been stuck in this loop for years, maybe even my whole life. I'm increasingly afraid I'll spend the rest of my life being lonely even when I'm surrounded by people.
If you met me, you wouldn't think that. I talk to people, I listen, and people enjoy inviting me out for coffee or a beer. But for them, it's just entertainment. For me, I'm just killing time, trying to socialize enough so I don't lose my mind.

cosmicviper18 said:Morning, everyone.

I wasn't sure where to host this thread, but whoever is free to chime in and has an opinion on this topic will find it.

I’m seeing more and more people—barring a few exceptions—becoming incredibly rude to one another. It isn't just about how others act, though; it's about my relationship with them. Or rather, their relationship with me. It feels stupid to talk about myself or brag, but I don't think I'm a bad person. I'm just noticing that kindness isn't valued much these days, and as I get older, I can tell that being a good person has only cost me.

I’ve posted here before during periods where I was feeling really depressed, constantly searching for some deep-seated reason for my sadness. The truth? It's the loneliness. It's literally killing me day by day.

It sounds silly, but over time I've just lost interest in people. I don't have the energy anymore to "get over broken connections" or try to fix pieces of myself that other people shattered. Same goes for dating—I went from searching persistently to nothing at all. I've completely withdrawn.

Anyway, the point of all this is that I have very few people in my life who actually care about me. Everyone else is either using me for something or treating me poorly—and I tend to tolerate it until I finally snap. I'm always the backup plan, or someone is trying to set me up with someone they think I'll like. There are so few people who will actually call just to ask how I am.

And every single day, I just feel lonelier and lonelier.
What’s your general take on this? Have we really become a society of wolves?
Why do people take me for granted? And if I have to, what do I need to change about myself to make things better?
I probably already know what you'd say to all of this, but I'm asking for your thoughts and advice anyway. 😉

But honestly, isn't that just how it works? You've got your mom, maybe a sister if you're lucky, a couple of close friends, a partner... and that's really it. You don't actually *need* more than that, and you shouldn't feel obligated to be super important to everyone outside that core group. Let's face it—human connections are mostly transactional, even with family. Most people drift through life with that exact same small crew—just varying in quality. Those people claiming to have hundreds of ride-or-die besties? They're just living a fantasy on Facebook.

boldnomad45 said:Spot on.
But building quality relationships takes time.
Time we simply don't have.
I'm lonely too, constantly dissecting why. I've been this way since I was a kid.
I used to chase that feeling. In my younger years, I'd hang out with anyone who would have me, molding myself to fit everyone else just to have company. Naturally, that made things worse.
Then I tried looking for it in romantic partners.
That turned out to be the worst move. Too much pressure on the other person.
I'm in therapy now. I'm still lonely, but I'm starting to understand that quality connections are the only cure.
The problem is, I don't have the time or the money for that.
I work until 5 PM every single day at a job that drains me dry. By the time I'm done, I have nothing left to offer someone if we were to become actual friends.

There's no budget for weekend trips or anything like that.
What's left is grabbing a drink once or twice a month with the same group of lonely, exhausted, guarded, closed-off people just like me.
We have nothing to connect over. We lead similarly empty, draining lives, so we just talk about work, Netflix shows, or what we'd do if we won the Powerball.

I've been stuck in this loop for years, maybe even my whole life. I'm increasingly afraid I'll spend the rest of my life being lonely even when I'm surrounded by people.
If you met me, you wouldn't think that. I talk to people, I listen, and people enjoy inviting me out for coffee or a beer. But for them, it's just entertainment. For me, I'm just killing time, trying to socialize enough so I don't lose my mind.

Your post is a heartbreaking truth. But if you want to know what's even more depressing? It's how people just accept this as normal—how they act like "this is just how it is," which seems to be the prevailing sentiment throughout this entire thread.