Elizabeth Collins60 said:Hey everyone fighting the good fight!!!!
My heart goes out to everyone losing their loved ones; at least we actually understand each other here.
My dad’s last ten days have been a total nightmare. He’s lost everything—he can’t process anything, can't speak a single coherent sentence. He only recognizes me and my mom. He doesn't know what time it is, what he’s eating, if he’s even eaten, or how to ask for something as basic as a glass of water. Yet, despite all that, he just keeps rambling incessantly about things that make zero sense. He’s constantly trying to get up and go somewhere, and when we tell him he can't, he screams that we're harassing him. It's horrific. I am at a complete loss. He has about five or six brain metastases, each around two inches wide, and it's baffling to me how he still has the energy to keep talking. From what I've gathered, most people hit this stage of "dullness" or total cognitive shutdown, but he's different. He doesn't sleep at night, and rarely during the day, and when he does, his breathing is incredibly erratic. We can't leave him alone for a single second, and my mom is reaching her breaking point. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Thank God he isn't in physical pain, but it's killing me that he knows nothing anymore... absolutely nothing... sending love to you all.
When you're dealing with brain issues, anything goes. The brain is essentially the control center for every single bodily function. All this chaos is happening because those metastases have likely hit specific centers, causing massive short circuits. He’s talking because his speech center is being stimulated; he’s breathing irregularly because the brain is firing off incorrect signals, even if there isn't an actual oxygen deficiency.
I don't really know what to tell you, other than I went through this exact same thing with my mother. That period didn't last forever, though unfortunately, it ended with her slipping into a complete vegetative state. Honestly, I would give anything right now just to hear her say one more thing, even if it was complete nonsense.
You will pull through, even when it feels like you've completely run out of steam. You'll find the strength simply out of pure, unadulterated love for that person. If you ever reach a point where you feel like you aren't providing the care he needs, or if you worry your mother is heading toward a total breakdown, seriously consider looking into hospice care. Eventually, he probably won't even recognize you, and at that point, moving him to a facility might be the best move, because your presence won't mean much to him personally anymore. No one has the right to judge you for that, not even yourself. Your devotion and love are beyond question.
I actually thought about this myself back when she could still walk, because let's be real, there was way more work involved then than it is now while she just lies there in a stupor. Still, my mom still recognizes me and reacts to me; she still gives me a tiny kiss when I lean in, even if it's barely perceptible. When I put our dog near her, she'll barely twitch her fingers or widen her eyes. I decided to lay the dog on her chest every day so she can pet him with her hands. I think it means a lot to her, even though the dog mostly avoids her since she's bedridden—he won't even come up to the bed, even though she's his owner. I honestly don't know what's bothering him😕 .