Kimberly Morris said:Thanks restlesstrucker15, I'll keep you posted.
So, while I was off my meds, things got pretty dark. It wasn't just the depression and anxiety; I was having panic attacks so bad I couldn't even get out of bed. I was losing like 2 pounds a day just from the stress. But the worst part? These intrusive thoughts kept popping up—like, what if I actually hurt someone? It was especially terrifying because it focused on kids. I come from a huge family and have a massive circle of friends and godchildren; I adore those kids and they absolutely love me. That thought alone was just soul-crushing. When I brought this up to my doctor, she brushed it off as "just anxiety" and put me on unknown, which honestly did nothing for me. Still, I can't shake the fear that these thoughts might be early signs of schizophrenia or some other kind of psychosis. What do you guys think?
Is Bluzar still around? Or fadedbear92? (I've been lurking and reading every single one of your posts since day one.)
I dealt with those exact same intrusive thoughts. First thing: don't let them gaslight you. Find a specialist who actually knows their stuff, and if you ever feel like they're just winging it—walk out and find someone else. I was once on a massive cocktail of antipsychotics, antidepressants, and Xanax; my doctors probably still wonder how I even functioned. Not to mention the literal blackouts I had because of it.
Second—go for walks.
Third—talk it out.
Usually, it all boils down to suppressed emotions leaking out in ways they shouldn't. Sometimes fear manifests sideways. Like, instead of being afraid someone might hurt your kids, you end up terrified that *you* might be the one to do it.
Regarding the walking and talking: for me, the longer the walk, the better. And the conversation doesn't have to be about the scary thoughts; that actually made things worse for me. Just talk about whatever. Talk about your feelings, your problems, or even some random stuff from years ago that still bugs you. Of course, you need someone willing to walk with you and actually listen.
I used to walk with my mom, and our talks ranged from deeply personal to totally random. I remember ranting about how stupid people are just because they’d cross the street against a red light. Totally trivial, right? But I just had to get it out of my system.
As for the meds, I can play philosopher all day, but I won't take responsibility if you go asking for a specific pill based on my experience and it ends up being a disaster for you.
I tried Fevarin, hated it, and stopped. Short story, short.
For me, the only antidepressant that actually works is Prozac. Honestly, I feel like my dose needs adjusting (which I've mentioned before), but that's beside the point here.
And look, if I could give you one piece of advice: don't treat this forum like it's some holy grail of medical truth. Yeah, there are smart people here, but nobody is a doctor. Your doctor's word should always carry more weight than anything posted on a screen. For instance, Prozac works wonders for me, but people here trashed it; if I had listened to them, I never would've taken it, and I definitely wouldn't be where I am today. We're all wired differently, for better or worse, so take everything here with a grain of salt.