Posts by Robin Lopez2

Jose Ward4 said:What do you all think about the idea that back in the day—way before this modern civilization took over, when people were still living in tribes—those folks with intense visions were immediately elevated to the role of head shaman, teacher, or healer? It’s such a fascinating thought. People with the exact same neurological predispositions we see today were viewed through a completely different lens by their communities. Nowadays, we just label it a disorder. If you do some reading, the descriptions are striking. The very individuals who would be diagnosed with schizophrenia today were once considered the backbone of the entire tribe. Truly fascinating stuff.

You don't need a tribe!

I'll say something that might sound "stupid": if I stopped taking my antipsychotics right now, my religious phase would kick back in without any trouble. I'd become the next Zlatko, or hell, I'd be Jesus himself. I'd be even more spiritually powerful than him, just without the whole fraud routine involving nails through the hands, bilocation, or knowing foreign languages without ever being taught—you know, divine gifts and all that! Honestly, if believers didn't adore me, I'd tell them whatever they wanted to hear. When I was on this forum during my psychosis, typing out what now seems like total nonsense, the believers actually liked me and supported me!

Chloe Flores83 said:After my last psychotic break, I started trying to put everything behind me. I told myself, "Okay, it was just an illness, period. Move on." But once I started posting on the forum and replaying the whole movie in my mind, I found myself drawn back to that supernatural feeling again. It keeps pulling me back. I thought maybe hearing about other people's experiences would help me make sense of what happened—to figure out if it was strictly schizophrenia or if there might have been something from "the other side," assuming such a thing even exists. Looking back isn't exactly pleasant, but at the same time, it feels like I'm trying to clear some mental clutter.
For me, stress isn't the main trigger; it's more about having a wild imagination and asking: "What does this all mean?" Well, once I start asking that question, I know I'm in for a rough ride.

Listen to me: There is absolutely nothing supernatural about psychosis. I used to think there was too. I actually tried to strike this perfect balance—using the bare minimum of therapy just so I could try to understand the "third eye" and all that other charlatan nonsense. It didn't work. You can just make up whatever stories you want about what happened to you.

Your brain chemistry is just broken. Your brain works randomly; it knows facts and tries to find logic, which is the worst part because your intelligence stays intact even during the illness. There is no point trying to find order or meaning in it. We have to accept that our brains are just messed up. Dammit, it’s not about lacking dopamine; it’s about having too much dopamine in your head!

George Cook said:Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Thanks. I just went and did a quick Google search—honestly, I’m surprised it didn't occur to me sooner—and here is what I found:

https://www.verywellmind.com/relatio...mptoms-2797525

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/sc...rticle/759866/

That feels like the missing link I've been looking for. 👍

My first diagnosis was PTSD, but three years later, schizophrenia showed up in all its glory. I've been living with both diagnoses for 19 years now.

Joseph Bailey41 said:My experience with Bipolar was pretty similar. Everything felt totally fine until the accumulated stress would just hit a breaking point and I'd start spiraling. Almost nobody knew what was going on; every person with bipolar I've met thought completely differently than I do, and even those documentaries you see... they didn't resonate at all. PTSD didn't even cross my mind for a long time because I always associated it strictly with combat veterans, but once I started reading about trauma, everything finally clicked. Well, except for those paranoid episodes that made me question my own judgment, but even that makes sense now. No one in my family has anything resembling bipolar (which should be genetic), but there's plenty of history with generational trauma, and you can pass that down through epigenetic mechanisms... so, I guess I was kind of set up from the jump.

I'm not afraid of the occult, though I haven't had the best experiences with people who run in those circles (mostly people I've encountered through certain New Age groups or those practicing the techniques of Ž. M. Slavinskog). Personally, I've always resonated more with shamanic practices—without the drugs, obviously; I haven't touched substances in ages, and I don't even drink alcohol. I just have a deep connection to nature and animals. Plus, I love mythology. I'll definitely check out the manifesto, though. These unconventional spiritualities are fascinating to me... unlike the major organized religions, which just aren't my thing. I've never really understood what people find so compelling about them, but hey, to each their own.😁

My late friend's wife has nothing to do with the war, yet she’s struggling with PTSD.

Thanks. Much appreciated.

The forum uses various handles:

Robin Lopez2 - that one belongs to me

CiscoSystems12

cisco17

cisco_expo

and

Robin Lopez2 - which is identical to mine, just without the space.

Hey, I was wondering if someone could remove "Lopez2" from my handle so I'm just left with Cisco. I'd really appreciate the help. Thanks.

Chloe Flores83 said:Most people immediately hunt for a rational explanation, mostly because we're wired to be rational creatures. But a long time ago, people used to listen to their hearts. Nowadays, everyone's forgotten how to do that. We don't rely on intuition anymore, even though that's the very thing that brings us closer to God. So, look at it this way: what if all these weird little glitches are actually divine helpers giving us signs? You know, proof that the spiritual realm is real and that angels aren't just fairy tales? Or, if we admit there is a spiritual side to things, maybe they were just mischievous spirits who are thrilled they finally found someone on their frequency? Or maybe it was just some playful alien kids who, despite the rule about not interacting with Americans (since they think we're basically trash), decided to move stuff around with their minds? Honestly, maybe you tapped into that power yourself. Maybe you hit a "pink zone"—that fourth dimension where divine creative energy flows and things can just morph. And you just thought the ashtrays into a different shape. There. Done.

But... if we don't believe in God or life on other planets, then it was just a plain old fainting spell. Definitely a momentary lapse. Amnesia. A Blackout. Just a random glitch. That world without God, aliens, or higher dimensions... just us, alone in an infinite universe. Kind of terrifying, right?

In my case, my mom just walked in from the other room while I was in the bathroom, swapped out the ashtray, and slipped back into her room before I even realized what happened. No aliens, no supernatural forces, nothing. There are perfectly logical explanations for things like this, and it definitely isn't any of that stuff you wrote about!

Angela Stewart6 said:It's like we should set up cameras just like in that famous movie—you know the one—where the woman travels into space and then returns, but the camera footage shows nothing but static. It all happened so fast! In the story, she traveled into deep space and was communicating with her father—who has passed away—but nobody believes her, even though she insists the whole experience lasted eighteen hours. Meanwhile, she was only in the capsule for a tiny fraction of that time. At the end of the film, an expert points out something truly bizarre: how could the recording possibly be eighteen hours long? Does anyone remember the title? It's a very famous one!

Regardless, it is a movie, and my ashtrays are real!

Chloe Flores83 said:Everyone assumes I did it all myself and just forgot, mostly because they can't think of a better logical reason. If this were happening to someone without schizophrenia, sure, they might stop and wonder. But since we've got that label attached to us, people just chalk it up to forgetfulness. Honestly, hallucinations feel like a much more likely culprit.
When you're dealing with schizophrenia, weird things happen, and you often act in ways that seem silly or nonsensical, but never quite "crazy" enough to be tossing clothes everywhere or throwing knives around the apartment, right? That's because during a psychotic episode, you're living in this parallel world where everything makes perfect sense, no matter how disconnected the pieces seem. Plus, some stuff in my place has just straight-up disappeared—like my journal and a few other things—while other stuff just shows up out of nowhere. Go ahead, try explaining that to me... just don't tell me I threw it in the trash and forgot. 🙄

We seriously need to install cameras at home. 😉

Explain my situation to me, ash tray guy: I wake up, turn on my computer, and there's a large crystal ashtray sitting on my desk. I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and while I'm there, I decide I'd rather have my small crystal ashtray on the desk instead of the big one. I finish up and go make some coffee. When I get back to the desk to swap them out, the small one is already sitting there, and the large one is nowhere to be found. For a split second, I actually thought I had swapped them through sheer willpower.

What do you think actually happened with those ashtrays?

Chloe Flores83 said:I can't keep up either, but that whole spirit thing is pretty interesting. Maybe you were visiting me? Someone was definitely moving things around and tossing stuff all over my house. 🙂
But seriously, there have been times where I've found clothes completely crumpled up, turned inside out, or just in the totally wrong spot. Or I'll wake up and find leaves from a vase scattered on the floor on the other side of the room. No big deal, I just put them back in the vase, then the next day they're somewhere else again. One time, a knife fell between the sink and the stove and I couldn't get it out for the life of me. Three months later, I find it sitting right in a drawer. How is that even possible when I live alone?! I figured the GPS light turning on by itself was just a bad connection, but this stuff with the knife and everything else... there's more, too, but I won't ramble too much. Does anyone have an explanation for this, or maybe a similar experience?

I live alone, so there's a chance someone could actually be stealing food from my fridge—and it definitely isn't my dog, since he can't even reach the handle. But the explanation is pretty simple. I opened the fridge to grab some radishes for a salad, only to find they were gone, vanished into thin air. I know for a fact they were in there. Then it hit me: I came home a few drinks in the other night, polished them off, and completely blacked out. That’s where they went. 😬

You weren't actually drunk; it’s more like the movie just cut to black, and you have no memory of what happened next. I’ve had moments like that myself—I'll find myself telling my sister the exact same story five times in a single afternoon without realizing I've already said it. It didn't even click for me until she finally pointed out how many times I'd repeated myself.

I remember sitting at my desk one day, just staring at my hand gripping the mouse, when this sudden realization hit me—it felt like my own hand didn't even belong to me. Like my entire body was just some foreign object. 😲

It also got me thinking about this idea where we receive our daily instructions through dreams while we sleep. It’s as if we’re all just part of some holographic simulation being played by alien children. We don't actually have free will to do what we want; everything has already been programmed for us. 😬

Chloe Flores83 said:Robin Lopez2: "So, I actually fired a cop once 😬 He’s standing right there in front of me, asking why I'm making such a scene, so I just tip my hat and tell him, 'As of today, you don't work for the Department of Justice anymore. You're fired.' When I saw how terrified he looked, I felt bad and gave his hat back. And that was that."

Heh, honestly, did you really think you were the Secretary of Homeland Security or something? Here's the absolute dumbest thing I ever did—right before I ended up in the ER: I picked up this massive, bright pink trash bag overflowing with papers from outside some building on Fifth Avenue and hauled it over to the National Academy of Sciences. A doorman walks up, and I just tell him I've got a delivery for zvonak Kusić. What kind of delivery? Well, someone at Walmart asked me to drop off a package for an academic, so I handed him the trash bag. Poor guy looked totally frantic; he didn't know whether to take it or not, so he ended up calling someone else for help. This guy just looks at me, then at the bag, looking completely baffled. A package? This literal trash? Hm...☕

Secretary? Please. That's a minor role. I used to be the master of the universe—I could do anything, maybe even control the weather.😬

I haven't seen any posts from anamar yet. I'll be keeping an eye out for their input. kaže:
So, how long were you playing the role of Jesus before you ended up in the hospital, and what was your recovery timeline like? Also, if it isn't too much of a secret—and feel free to just send me a DM—how did you actually carry yourself while acting as Jesus? As for my own experience, I felt exactly the same as I always have. It wasn't that I thought I was all-powerful; it was just that everything was turned up way too high. I had an overwhelming amount of energy, positivity, confidence, and faith in God. It honestly baffles me how a person can function perfectly normally for an entire year while actually being in a state of psychosis without anyone noticing a thing. How is that even possible? What is the line between psychosis and just talking nonsense or acting a bit unpredictable?

The psychosis started creeping up on me pretty quietly at first. There weren't any major red flags right away, though I did have this one weird issue while fishing—I kept convinced that some insurgents were hiding in the brush on the opposite bank, just watching me and waiting for the right moment to open fire. Then things escalated fast. Once I became convinced that I was actually Jesus, everything went from zero to sixty in about fifteen days. It was intense. It all culminated in a car accident I caused while in the middle of that episode. That landed me in the hospital for a month, where I was heavily medicated and felt like I was being surrounded by spies. After I finally got out, I basically spent two years sleeping my life away at home until things leveled out and I could finally wrap my head around what had actually happened to me.

Matthew Castillo5 said:Everything's fine, I respect your stance. I am a believer myself, but I don't discriminate based on faith.

I'm assuming you've been seeing psychiatrists through Medicare at a hospital or a community clinic, and those places are usually slammed even without offering therapy. Plus, most of those doctors aren't actually trained psychotherapists—you need extra certification for that. So, it doesn't surprise me one bit that they haven't brought it up. I'm just saying, it might actually be worth looking into if you ever decide you're ready for it.

I have respect for believers as well.

My checkups at the hospital usually last about five minutes tops. There isn't much small talk involved. The doctor asks how I’m doing, and before I can even get a sentence out, he’s already typing away at his keyboard. I just sit there in silence until he finishes his notes, says "see you in a month," and the appointment is over.

I had a real breakthrough during my last session with a private psychologist. We got deep into everything, and honestly, I walked out feeling like I’d forgotten to mention one last thing. I really wanted to go back and close that loop. Unfortunately, he doesn't practice in Indianapolis anymore; he moved to Washington, D.C.

Jose Ward4 said:It’s not that. You just radiate this incredible energy and suddenly you have enough confidence to take on the world. I actually almost got into a scrap with some tough guys at my local dive bar—I was basically daring them to step up. Of course, there were three of them out front and another one waiting in the trunk of their car, so... yeah, it wasn't like some movie scene where you're just acting crazy; it was this overwhelming, unshakable self-assurance. I honestly believed I could charm any woman I met just by being in her presence. You realize something is off, you notice you aren't quite the person you used to be, but you haven't the slightest clue why.

I even handed my resignation to a police officer myself 😬

He steps right up to me and asks why I'm making such a scene. I just take my hat off, look him straight in the eye, and tell him: "As of today, you don't work for the Department of Justice anymore. I've fired you." When I saw how terrified he actually looked, I handed his hat back to him. The rest is history....

Matthew Castillo5 said:Personally, I think staying on your prescribed medication is way more critical for preventing future psychotic episodes than running away from faith or spirituality. Religion didn't trigger your psychosis; trauma did (likely from the war, if I had to guess).

Also, I have to disagree with your take that psychotherapy is useless for people with schizophrenia. Sure, it’s impossible during an acute phase, but once things stabilize, I truly believe working on yourself through therapy makes a massive difference.

I’ve never been a believer, even before my first psychosis. When I was a kid, I joined a religious studies class at church just to hang out with the group. Once the class was canceled and I got home, I told my mom that the priest was lying about everything. I never took communion or completed confirmation—and I never will (even Jesus didn't take communion or get confirmed). I went through a religious phase during my first psychotic break, but now that I'm doing better, I've simply returned to being an atheist, which is where I've always stood.

I have been in treatment since 1999 when my first episode occurred. I have worked with three different psychiatrists, and I am currently seeing my fourth. Not one of them has ever suggested psychotherapy for someone in my specific situation, which is why I say what I do.

And honestly, when you are in the middle of a psychosis, what good is therapy? You feel like the master of the universe; you end up trying to give everyone else therapy instead. 😬

Chloe Flores83 said:My situation was a bit more complicated. I don't know about everyone else, but I felt like I had a "mission." Saving the world, obviously. At first, I didn't want to accept it because, just like anyone reading this, it sounded completely ridiculous to me. But then, step by step, I reached a point where I spent an entire year convinced that I was the resurrected Jesus. Everything seemed to line up so perfectly that it felt real. Even though, like I said, I couldn't believe such nonsense initially, God eventually convinces you that you're someone special. Suddenly, you become the life of the party, everyone wants to hang out with you, and things work out beautifully for a whole year.
Now, what could possibly happen to land me back in the hospital now that I'm a non-believer without a mission? I have no idea. I'll only react if my faith in God returns. Honestly, those were some of the most beautiful times of my life. It’s when you feel like you're actually in contact with a living God—that He is real, rather than just some concept our faith is built upon.

There have been plenty of people who thought they were Jesus, and during my first psychotic episode, I was a "New Age Jesus" destined to die for the sake of humanity, until I realized I was actually invincible. 😬

Right now, I'm running from religion and spirituality as fast as I can, and I feel great. To me, it's all just superstition now, nothing worth mentioning—like how people think a black cat crossing your path means bad luck or how seeing a chimney sweep makes you grab your buttons.

Parts of psychosis can be incredibly beautiful while you're actually in it, but once I come out the other side, those moments seem stupid, and I feel embarrassed by what I was saying back then.

Chloe Flores83 said:I know I’m playing with fire by skipping my meds, but after being hospitalized so many times, I’m trying to figure out if I can actually spot that moment when the wires cross and everything starts spiraling. Like, can I actually sense when things are going sideways? Should I just accept that something is off and stop obsessing over every little thing before I end up back in the psych ward? Is there a way to catch it early? And what happens if these episodes keep happening? People say it messes with your cognitive skills. In what way, though? What's actually happening to my brain?

If you’ve already lived through one psychotic episode, you know the drill. They aren't identical—one might feel like being a Hollywood starlet while the next feels like you're a sleeper agent for a foreign government—but the underlying mechanics remain the same. Once you recognize the pattern, you can spot the warning signs of a relapse and jump back on your therapy before things spiral. You have to be incredibly disciplined with yourself. The moment you notice even the smallest red flag, you need to act. Psychosis doesn't hit all at once; it comes in waves. When the water is calm, you're still yourself, and that's your window to think clearly and make a plan.

Angela Stewart6 said:Robin Lopez2, while antipsychotics and these other medications definitely serve as the foundation of treatment, they really aren't a silver bullet—you need so much more than just a prescription to truly heal. We’re talking about genuine emotional support, deep understanding, consistent psychotherapy, a supportive environment, and all those other vital pieces of the puzzle.

When you're in the middle of a psychotic episode, you’re convinced you're right, and nothing anyone says will change your mind. Therapy is basically useless until the medication actually kicks in and levels things out. I've been on treatment since 1999, and I haven't spent a single second in psychotherapy.

Angela Stewart6 said:Chloe Flores83, thank God I have a doctor who is truly one of the absolute best in the US! He’s been nudging me in that direction almost from the very beginning—though he takes things quite slowly—but lately, he’s started insisting on it. I am just so incredibly happy to hear that you're feeling better! Is xanax being used as an add-on for you? It makes me wonder if your doctor might be utilizing a different style of psychotherapy than mine does :nezna:

With schizophrenia, psychotherapy doesn't do squat. You just need to keep up with the antipsychotics!

Nicole Barrett76 said:How, then, can we possibly expect a patient to find healing when they are forced to witness someone dying in the very next bed, rather than having those individuals moved to a dedicated hospice facility?

During my last stay at a psychiatric ward, a man died in our room. He was shaking for about two hours before he passed away. They just left him there like that for a while, and the rest of us had to go to the dining hall to eat.

Harold Anderson3 said:That really is a pretty low dose, and honestly, it might even go lower than that depending on how intense your psychosis is.
In my case, I used to get 50 mg injections every two weeks—which works out to about 4 mg a day—and I was taking that alongside Seroquel.

My mom is also on a regimen that averages out to about 10 mg daily—she gets 4 mg through an injection and another 6 mg in tablets—but she definitely needs that level to stay stable.

For you, though, maybe that 1 mg is plenty, especially if you're dealing with a milder form of psychosis.

I started on Seroquel, but it wiped me out; I spent two years basically asleep. Then I tried Modafinil, which was just okay. After that, I moved to Risperdal. I started at 2 mg twice a day, then dropped to once a day, and eventually tapered myself down to 1 mg once I felt better. I always stayed honest with my psychiatrist during checkups about my dosage. Once he saw that I was stable on 1 mg, he officially wrote it into my medical records. I did try 0.5 mg for about a week, but I ended up feeling constantly uneasy, like I was waiting for something bad to happen. I gave up on that lower dose and went back to 1 mg. I feel good on it, and that’s what matters.

I'm currently on 1mg of risperidone daily. Does anyone know what the minimum effective dose would be?

Matthew Castillo5 said:Honestly? That’s a perfectly valid way to look at it. 👍

I agree, though personally, I’d rather just be thrown into a cell so I know exactly where I stand.

On another note, how are those of you on antipsychotics managing your weight? I’m 6'0" and usually hover around 180 lbs, but once I started the medication, I shot up to 225 lbs. About ten years ago, I decided to stop taking Risperdal on my own and managed to get back down to 180 lbs. However, after an inpatient stay at the psych ward and restarting the Risperdal, I hit 225 lbs again almost immediately. It feels like my appetite hasn't changed. Two years ago, I quit smoking and gained another 33 lbs, putting me at 258 lbs. Currently, I'm sitting at 251 lbs and the weight is really starting to bother me. I need to lose some pounds. Is that even possible while staying on 1mg of Risperdal a day?