Jonathan Doyle55 said:Unfortunately, we didn't pull it off, and my mother has been diagnosed with metastases. We've been briefed on what comes next, and let's just say it’s not going to be pleasant. Since she lives alone, we're debating whether it's better to arrange for someone to move in with her or if we should place her in a high-quality (humane) facility where she can get proper care until the end, allowing us to visit her every single day.
We went through something similar with my father, but back then, the decision was made to keep him at home. The issue was that we couldn't provide the level of medical care he needed, so I honestly feel like he suffered more even though he was right there with us...😢
Does anyone know or have a recommendation for a good nursing home or facility in New York City? (Specifically, they won't take her at the local hospital because they don't have room for patients in this condition, and neither does the MD Anderson Cancer Center)..thanks in advance..🙏
I am so sorry you're going through this stage...
From my own experience, I can tell you that there probably isn't a facility out there that will fully meet your requirements for
proper care. No matter which one you pick, they’re all going to present themselves in the best possible light during the initial tour. Maybe the smartest move is—if you can manage it—to actually talk to a current resident or one of their family members. That way, you find out what the conditions are really like from a first-hand perspective.
The staff will obviously promise you the moon and the stars, and it’s heartbreaking when you realize pretty quickly that you're dealing with charlatans and the person you entrusted to them is suffering because of their lack of professionalism, negligence, or something similar.
I can send you a private message about the facility where my mom is staying—one I wouldn't recommend to anyone, even though we ended up placing her there because we heard nothing but glowing reviews. Unfortunately, she's in such a state now that moving her isn't even an option.
Ideally, it's probably best for a mother to be at home with her family, but I totally get that it’s not always feasible. Most of us have to work, leave the house, and our homes aren't equipped with the necessary setup to handle patients this ill.
I tried the home route, but when Mom was in those critical states where she needed to be hooked up to machines or given an IV, I found myself wondering what would have happened if she had stayed home instead...