Posts by Lawrence Patel9

The movie is total garbage. They had massive potential, but they ended up with a complete disaster. Don't waste your time 🙂

Pure genius 😁 Top tier. He’s got that charisma and everything else. The guy is truly major league 👍

Basically, you have to fight against what the abyss represents. Once that abyss starts staring back at you, you're already too late.

What can you tell me about the Police Academy Judo Club? How does their quality stack up against a place like Mladost or similar clubs...

Jeremy Torres5 said:copperfox22, your only issue is that you're trying way too hard and giving too much
and you're doing it all at once 🤷
it scares people off
men especially 🤣
I'd take it much slower next time, honey🙂

That's what they tell me too, but what's the point? We're supposed to weigh every single move we make? Screw that. You just give it your all and see what happens...

copperfox22 said:🤣 This logic works fine when you're 16 versus 46... but man, wouldn't it be great if things actually worked out like this 🙏

I occasionally loosen my grip just a bit to see what happens if I let something unusual or unpredictable slip through.

What'll happen? A total mess, that's what. 🙄

Are you absolutely certain you know what you need? That THIS is truly what will make you happy, rather than something else entirely?

I think I am. I've had plenty of time behind me to figure out what might actually bring me happiness in that regard. If you think I have some perfectly etched blueprint or mental image in my head, you're wrong. A few deviations aren't really the issue... I suppose that’s where tolerance comes in. It's the big stuff, the foundations, that worry me more. I don't know, I just find myself spiraling into these thoughts from time to time when I'm feeling down, but it's becoming a frequent habit lately, which has forced me to reflect. Maybe there's an actual issue with me and my poor judgment. 🤷 Perhaps there's some psychological quirk at play here.

@northernwolf3—are you sewing? 😁

Who knows? Maybe you're just someone who overthinks everything and spends too much time stuck in your own head instead of actually being out there. I used to be exactly like that. Always caught up in future plans, always somewhere else mentally. Now? I'm trying to actually live in the moment and make it count. Who knows, maybe tomorrow won't feel like such a grind if I do.

The trick is probably just drowning yourself in things that actually make you happy.

copperfox22 said:This is my first real roadblock. 🙂
I honestly don't know if there are many people out there who would even be willing to deal with my current life situation. Maybe that's already bleeding into how I act without me even realizing it—I might be subconsciously writing people off before they even get a chance.

Maybe that’s the trick. It isn't about lowering your standards, but rather increasing your tolerance.

.

Now, I consider myself pretty damn tolerant. Especially when it comes to the people I actually care about. I’m the type where, if I let you get close, "everything goes"—hyperbole aside, of course. What I mean is, I’m not shallow or half-hearted when it comes to relationships. I either aim for something deep and meaningful, or I don't bother at all.

That's why, when I commit, I go all in.

So now the question is, what happens to those of us who are closer to 30 than 20?

????

Let the smart ones weigh in. 😁

Maybe you're just terrified of getting burned again. As soon as you spot a potential problem, you bail. Even if it's something you could actually work through together. You're slamming on the brakes because you're scared?

copperfox22 said:That’s easy for you to say😁, but how am I supposed to force myself to change my criteria? It isn't about whether I'm looking for someone blonde, short, or tall... it's about character traits, temperament, lifestyle, and ways of thinking. I can't just ignore those things or suddenly develop an affinity for someone who is fundamentally different 😕... I just can't, because mentally, they just don't click with me.

Look, you don't need to change, but let's be real: the older we get, the harder it gets to find someone who actually meets our criteria—and it goes beyond that. Finding someone who fits our actual life. We have responsibilities now. Constant obligations.

Maybe that's the trick. Not lowering the bar, but being more tolerant. When you're 20, you still have time to mold yourself alongside a partner. By 30, you've already built your own version of happiness.

So the real question is: what happens to those of us closer to 30 than 20?

We've already settled on the looks. It's a done deal div>

Quote: Baby blues

copperfox22 said:Should we head to the spa together? 🤣

The recent stuff really wiped me out. I actually started getting interested (I barely let myself let it get under my skin), but then he wasn't 😢

Look, you're basically a California girl at heart. Fine by me. You bring the brushes, I'll grab the paint, and we'll go tag the walls to show everyone exactly what kind of mess we're dealing with.

White lab coats, obviously. We’re in the middle of an epidemic here. 😉

copperfox22 said:And you think you're interesting to them?? This might sound a bit self-centered, but since we're being honest 😬...it actually happens to me more often that I find most of them fascinating, while they don't really do much for me.

- when we actually find each other mutually interesting, it rarely lasts (I have no idea why, feel free to roast me)
- or maybe he seems incredibly engaging to me, but I'm just totally meh to him

I honestly think the issue isn't them; it's me.

Man, now I'm starting to second-guess myself too... maybe there is something wrong with me. How do I figure it out? A therapist? 😁

I don't know what everyone else is saying (well, I could look, but... it would hurt my feelings)

Personally, I've been told I have great hair and eyes. Everything else is pretty much average.🙂

But I don't think we're on the same page. To me, looks are almost irrelevant... I've never been drawn to "models." Besides, I don't obsess over my own appearance for two reasons:

- because my looks have never been an issue when it comes to flirting, trying to start something, or even within a relationship. In fact, it's always been a plus.
- and I don't want to be judged or picked based on my exterior 🙂...I want someone to actually like who I am underneath.

I'm talking about personality traits here, not physical appearance.

Not a chance. It doesn't even get to that stage. A couple of coffees, a walk, and I'm done. I just bail. Even when things seem to be moving in the right direction—they call me, tell me I'm interesting—it's a hard no from my end. Just pure resistance. I won't budge.

Seems like we're dealing with the exact same issue.

loneowl39 said:Sure, they’re looking for that specific type of person, but let’s be honest—they don't exactly walk around thinking they’re the best-looking people in the room.
It’s funny how that works. You see these women out there chasing after those kinds of results, and they genuinely walk around thinking they’re some kind of supermodel—even when, objectively speaking, they aren't quite there.
I am speaking about one’s own self-perception, not about what someone else happens to be looking for.
Overestimating one's own value—or in this specific instance, it seems—is ultimately a matter of distorted self-perception.
They might look identical on the surface, but don't let that fool you—the difference is massive.

Spot on. Though I've always felt that women who lead with those demands are just masking massive insecurities. Landing a guy they consider high-tier is basically their way of validating the ego trip.

copperfox22 said:It’s not exactly that I’m dodging people or refusing to meet anyone new. It’s more that very few people actually catch my eye, and on those rare occasions when they do, everything starts feeling high-stakes as soon as we move past that initial stage. Either I feel that surge of anxiety and end up fighting myself—sometimes I even manage to push through, only to regret it later 🙄...you know, I wish I hadn't. It would have been better. Because then one of two things happens: either things go sideways, or I walk away, or they just aren't interested in the first place.

For me, it isn't about pining over some ex-partner. That’s long gone; I moved past that ages ago, both mentally and emotionally. The bigger issue seems to be my tendency to pick the wrong guys. 😕

But like I said, sometimes you *do* manage to let your guard down, only for everything to fall apart. Then the next time around, it's even harder for me; I get stuck in this dark, moody headspace... telling myself, "Get it together, girl, stop being so dramatic." And while I'm wrestling with those thoughts, I'm simultaneously nursing this hope that eventually, the "Right One" will show up 🙄...I just really don't want to deal with that rush of excitement again only to have it turn into another dud. 😢

- then you just move on.

The hard part is actually doing that—moving on. Even when you desperately want to.

Maybe the reason you're attracted to the wrong people is also a defense mechanism: with them, you already know disappointment is coming. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy...

And I hadn't even considered it from that angle yet. 😁
I was so certain I wasn't self-sabotaging... maybe I wasn't even aware that I was. 😕

People have always been drawn to the exciting, the elusive, and the unpredictable... I mean, who actually gets a thrill from someone being "nice"? : )

Well, it's certainly not everyone. I know plenty of people who are perfectly content with their predictable, cookie-cutter "good guys." Maybe there's just something wrong with my head 😬—this constant craving for something rare and different 😁.. Honestly, aside from the fact that it would make sense if I were looking for someone just as eccentric as I am... where on earth am I supposed to find them without constantly picking the wrong person? 🙏

I'm exhausted; sleep finally caught up with me, leaving me feeling skeptical and completely drained by all of this 😢

Exactly. They don't interest me, and everything else feels dull by comparison. Not that I'm comparing them—it just isn't there. Honestly, the issue isn't them. It's me.

Walter Peterson said:The lesson is simple: perform some self-reflection. Identify which of your own mistakes contributed to the breakup so you don't repeat them, then decide what kind of partner you actually want—what you'll tolerate and what you won't.

And finally, the primary realization should be that concepts like "soulmates," "perfect matches," or "unconditional love" are nothing more than romantic fairytales.

I moved past all that ages ago. I'm not seventeen anymore. I've been through enough that it all just feels confusing now. There are plenty of reasons. A whole chain of them that formed one big mess. I've analyzed it, dissected it, turned it over, and still, I have nothing concrete to say about it.

All I know is that after everything, nothing is ever the same.

Angela Bennett23 said:Rather than rambling aimlessly, I’ll just echo what my colleague put it: 🙂

It’s more than just a defense mechanism. It's heavier than that. Honestly, who knows if my perspective is even grounded anymore or if it's just been warped by everything that happened. Some things only become obvious after decades pass.

Whatever. People love saying you should learn from everything and that everything happens for a reason, but what was the point? What was I supposed to learn from that? From every other relationship, sure—but not that one. I'm still wondering what the hell the purpose of all that chaos actually was. What "higher lesson" is there in any of this?

I’m my own worst enemy at every turn. It wasn't some massive trauma, just left me alone and completely broken. Hurt like hell. Even now, after all this time, I still think about her and... I freeze up. Every time a real opportunity comes along, I sabotage it. I shut down. I run from anything that feels like a real emotional connection.

Maybe I just haven't met anyone worth the effort, or someone I could love the way I loved her. Who knows. Honestly, I have no clue. And it's been a long time. Longer than we were even together.