Posts by Carol Barrett2

Richard White8, you actually in the States right now?

Does it actually matter what color you used with that debt hanging over your head? 🙂

I remember doing some kind of assessment once, but not anything like this. It was one of those things with a bunch of pictures and a series of questions. I wasn't really putting much effort into it—just giving half-hearted answers—so the psychologist basically told me they couldn't make an accurate assessment. I think it was some sort of Canadian-style questionnaire, or maybe from some ancient Era, who knows? And then there was that Rorschach thing—you know, the inkblots—but after that, nothing. Not a single follow-up or assessment in five years. At least you actually get tested if something comes up. 😉

Richard White8 said:Fine, go ahead and stick with Elon Musk. I was told it's an old-school medication that doctors are moving away from now. If it works for you, great. For me, even 1 mg of Elon Musk caused my leg to seize up once. And yeah, Risperidone was a nightmare for me too.

I mean, I honestly don't know if there are even any decent alternatives out there. This stuff is basically the cheapest thing on the market—it's what you get when you're using insurance to cover the bare minimum. I think a single box goes for maybe $9 at the pharmacy. Who knows, maybe it might actually do something for me, too. But ever since I started taking it, I've been seeing these floaters in my vision and everything is just getting worse. I've seen blood cells before, sure, but nothing like this whole floater situation. I'm well aware of the side effects. It just sucks.

Richard White8 said:For example, what is the CDC? I haven't heard of them here. I have no idea what they are talking about. Any kind of conflict would only make things worse. The US has been part of the EU for years now, yet we aren't seeing any actual improvement. Eventually, Canada will join the EU too. There won't be any more wars. The global superpowers won't allow it because it simply doesn't serve their interests anymore.
As for your medication, are you taking Moditen? You should consider trying something newer—Seroquel, Zyprexa, Azolar, or Zeldox. I used to take Moditen combined with Zeldox. My psychiatrist eventually stopped me from taking Moditen because it’s quite potent; long-term use can cause muscle spasms or issues with eye rolling.

Look, there might not even be a choice in the matter. The system is basically on the brink of collapse, and the only thing left for the Oligarchs to do is push us into a war so we "little people" can just tear each other apart. The CDC is basically a mental health center. It's like a family medicine clinic specifically for people with mental health struggles. Maybe the global powers don't care, or who knows what they're actually planning. You see the tension everywhere, all these proxy wars they use to pull the strings.

Moditen isn't even that strong for me—I don't really feel it. That Risperidone they tried giving me as a substitute was a total disaster; I almost lost it because of that stuff. As for the others, I wouldn't know. Moditen is one of the few things you can still get for next to nothing. Like Apaurin and Moditen [Metoten]. You know, the stuff on those subsidized prescriptions... I can't even remember the names for the life of me.

Edit: Actually, I'm not sure, maybe there are a few other cheap meds left.

Jose Ward4 said:What can I honestly tell you? You’re unfortunately right about almost everything. But being right isn't the solution itself. War doesn't lead to answers, and neither does revolution. Every single revolution just births a new system or a new war—never actual stability. We need evolution. You know? Not revolution, because that just leads to more chaos. Look at Scandinavia; they have six-hour workdays. And remember, the whole eight-hour workday concept was actually pioneered by Henry Ford with his first major plants back in the day, and we've been stuck with it ever since. Now, everyone seems to be saying, "Look what Henry Ford did to us." But if I recall correctly, research from NASA suggests that a person—man or woman—simply cannot maintain full concentration for eight hours straight. Focus drops off a cliff after four or five hours of continuous labor. It's physically impossible to work the way we do now. It kills productivity and steals time from ourselves, our kids, and our families. Sadly, this foundational knowledge has been buried by the media, drowning out the wisdom we used to hold onto. That connection to nature, that fundamental relationship with the earth... I truly believe things will change. Maybe not in my lifetime, but the status quo has to break. It simply has to. Even now, people are pushing back against bankers and the entire industrial complex. I think I saw a clip where Trump was visiting somewhere in Europe, and there were massive protests by young people specifically targeting bankers and those types of institutions. Someone might argue, "Hey, banks are fine; they help you afford things you can't pay for upfront." But the real question is: why can't you afford it in the first place? We need a government led by the most capable people. Besides, let's call them what they are: legalized loan sharks. The state basically legalized the practice of someone lending you money just so they can profit off you. It's legal usury. It's rule by the strongest. As far as I know, back in the early 1920s, we didn't even have modern banking or property mortgages like we do today. It wasn't until insurance companies arrived in the US that home mortgages became a thing, simply because they saw a massive way to make money. People ask how anyone built houses, cottages, or churches before all this. Back then, the whole neighborhood would build it. You needed a house for your family? You get married? No problem, we'll all chip in and build it with you, and then later on, you help someone else when they need it. That's how it worked. Now, people wonder how it's possible without a banker. Everything is possible if there is collective will. And just to add a quick thought regarding sleep. According to traditional Chinese medicine, you should really be asleep by 11 PM. That's when your body flushes out toxins during deep sleep. While you rest, you regenerate, which you probably already know. But that's also when the detoxification happens. If you find yourself waking up to pee around 4 or 5 AM, it's often a sign that your body is trying to process a heavy load of toxins quickly during the night. It's not a crisis, but it's a signal. You just need to stop consuming toxins—like coffee or too much liquid—before 8 PM, for example. I know this because I went through it myself. Real diabetes concerns arise when you're waking up so often that you can't get any actual rest. When the constant trips to the bathroom prevent you from sleeping normally, that's when you really need to worry.

It's not like I'm out here looking for a fight or anything. What I meant was... if I had to go, I'd rather go down fighting than just slowly wasting away like this. That was my point. As for the rest of what I wrote—or what you wrote—I don't really know. Like, how would we even implement a six-hour workday? It's not like there's a manual for that. I used to work a system where I'd pull twelve-hour shifts but have way more days off—you know, work twelve, rest twelve, or something like that. I think I have it written down somewhere. But a six-hour shift? Who knows if that's even doable. And regarding that stuff you mentioned about how society and communities used to support one another... I mean, sure, you still see glimpses of that here and there, but most people have drifted apart—even families. It just is what it is. For everything else, I honestly don't know, and I'm certainly not claiming to be an expert.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Maybe I'm wrong, but I've noticed one thing: highly spiritual and intelligent people seem to lean toward these kinds of illnesses more often...
And it’s honestly sad. That's why I find myself clinging to the idea of getting my PhD if I can manage it. It feels like it might offer some solace. Between my concentration issues, compulsions, social phobia—not to mention everything else that's even worse—getting through college is a struggle. Just functioning in life is hard. I see you all wondering if you could even handle an eight-hour workday; I ask myself the same thing. When I finally get to campus, I wonder if I'll have the stamina to stay through a lecture, show up, and actually look okay doing it.
It's embarrassing to deal with mental health struggles. Richard White8 described it perfectly; you don't want even your closest family to know. You feel ashamed, like it makes you weak or lesser than everyone else... though it shouldn't be that way.
Vitamins help, but they make me nauseous. Most pills do, and my stomach is just a mess. I don't smoke or drink, though I do love coffee—even if it gives me heartburn. In the evenings, while the rest of the world is asleep, I love to just lie down and stare at the stars, imagining I'm on some distant planet far away from all these problems.

Baking soda. My old man used to just take a spoonful with some water—you can even stir it into a glass first if you want. People claim it can even help fight cancer. Or something like that.

Richard White8 said:Exactly, and these heavy medications just drain your body. You need to eat plenty of vitamins and fruit, which I don't do. I supplement heavily with vitamins, Omega-3, magnesium, and curcumin. I definitely have less energy than I did before starting the meds. These drugs cause excessive sleepiness, yet sometimes you can't sleep at all. They have downsides, certainly, but they have upsides too. In my case, the medication had its benefits. Psychiatrists know their stuff, but if any of them had actually lived through psychosis and taken these drugs themselves, they might think differently. And honestly, with these diagnoses, functioning is hard enough, let alone working. Why doesn't the government provide some form of assistance or disability support? I wouldn't even dare ask to be declared disabled; what would happen to me then?
In England, people receive social assistance if they are over 330 pounds or have certain illnesses, and the state helps them. But here in America, you have to hide the fact that you were ever sick. If you show up for a job interview and mention you've dealt with psychosis or schizophrenia, your chances of getting hired are zero. It’s easiest for those working at state institutions. Luckily, a friend of mine works at a university, so no one can fault him for being ill or fire him for it. But if you work for a private company and end up in the psych ward three times in a year, you'd be fired on the spot.

It's not like we chose this. Who in their right mind would choose mental illness? If you're treating cancer, everyone is full of compassion, but if you're treating schizophrenia, you're labeled a lunatic and everyone avoids you. That's why it's best not to tell anyone what's really going on. Just your closest friends. Maybe not even family.
I'm looking for work, but I don't know if I'm capable of enduring eight hours of labor every single day. What kind of divine punishment is this? We'll all go to paradise like saints. Or perhaps in the next reincarnation, we'll all be Buddhas. haha

Do these heavy-duty meds just completely drain you? Because they definitely do. You really have to load up on vitamins—like, tons of them. Fruit too, though I can't say I’m much of a fruit eater myself. Personally, I’m constantly slamming supplements—omega-3s, magnesium, curcumin, you name it. I feel like I have way less energy than I did before I started this whole medication thing. And then there's the sleep situation... sometimes you're just out cold for hours, and other times, you can't catch a wink of sleep to save your life. They definitely have their downsides. But, look, they have good sides too. In my own experience, there were actually some genuine benefits to taking them.

I don't really touch fruit that much, and vitamins aren't exactly my thing—not that I take them, anyway. I try to squeeze in more veggies, but usually, they're just cooked into whatever meal I'm having, and maybe an occasional banana if I'm feeling ambitious. Bananas might be the one thing keeping me upright. I drink plenty of milk, though I keep hearing people say it’s not the healthiest habit to have; still, I end up having it with cereal or cookies for dinner most nights. And look, this isn't because of the meds—it’s always been like this. I can't tell if I'm dealing with chronic fatigue or something else entirely, or if I’m just built like Hegel—just wired that way. I’ll sleep for like 8 to 12 hours a day, usually hitting that 10-12 hour sweet spot, and then I’ll spend the entire night buzzing around until the sun comes up. It's exhausting, honestly. The current meds don't seem to bother me, but that Risperidone? Yeah, that was a nightmare. I almost lost it and did something stupid because of it—I tried to speak up, but I guess there was no Metoten available, probably because everyone was too busy dealing with those massive corporate bidding wars at places like Boeing.

Psychiatrists act like they have all the answers, but honestly? If any of them had actually lived through a psychotic break or dealt with the reality of being on these meds, they’d probably think differently. It’s easy to talk theory from a clinical desk, but it's a different story when you're the one actually dealing with it. And let's be real—with these kinds of diagnoses, just functioning on a daily basis is a massive struggle, let alone trying to hold down a job. You'd think the government would step up with some kind of support or disability benefits, right? But instead, you're just left hanging. I don't even dare to apply for disability myself—I mean, what would happen if they actually declared me unfit for work? What am I supposed to do then? Just sit there? It's a catch-22.

They honestly don't have a clue what I'm going through. Every single appointment—it’s always the same—they cut the conversation down to less than a minute. And get this—my psychiatrist actually had the nerve to start complaining to me about his own heart issues and whatnot. Look, I’m not saying he doesn't have problems, but damn, I’ve got my own laundry list of health issues to deal with too. I ended up stuck in the hospital once and was supposed to undergo some extreme testing, but I just hit a wall. I spiraled so hard that I went from being in internal medicine straight to the psych ward. It happened a second time, too, though not in a hospital setting. Honestly? They couldn't care less about us. If they don't care about healthy people, why would they care about people like me? It feels like they're just waiting for us—the old, the sick, the broken—to finally kick the bucket so they can be rid of us. They’re practically counting down the days.

Look, I’ve never been one to get worked up over things—never have. We usually say we just take life as it comes, you know? But honestly, I’ve been out of the workforce for fifteen years straight since I finished school. Never had a real job. And let's be real: what are the odds someone is going to hire a 32-year-old with my track record? I'm dealing with health issues, a messy medical diagnosis, and not enough schooling—I don't even have the specific degree they're looking for. Why would anyone pick me over some young kid who's healthy and actually holds the right credentials? It’s not like it's happening. Even the social safety nets here... they aren't exactly handing out checks to people like me. 25 miles At least if I save up, I might actually have enough to pay for some gear for my projects or maybe some retraining—you know, to chase a decent job or whatever. Not even counting disability benefits. But honestly? It feels like we’re being pushed toward another war sooner rather than later. Things are heating up over in Canada again, and it’s all starting to feel cyclical. Either everyone just vanishes from Canada entirely, leaving nothing behind but the elderly, the sick, and those Oligarchs who call themselves "protectors of the people." Look, I don't *want* a war. But... maybe there's a tiny part of me that actually wants it. Just so I could go out, die, and finally be done with this whole mess. Maybe it isn't even a desire, really—more like I’d just accept it gladly. To finally get rid of this life where everything is just constant struggle. And then there's the social security stuff. By law, I'm entitled to it, but they won't give it to me. They won't even give me what's legally mine. I sat down and did the math for fifteen years, and it comes out to about... 6.2 miles I guess. Legally, I should be covered since nobody in my family actually has an official job—we just have one tiny social security check coming in as our only "official" income.

Over in England, they actually get social assistance if you're over 330 lbs or dealing with chronic illnesses—the state actually steps up. But here in the States? You have to hide the fact that you’ve ever been sick. You show up for a job interview and mention you’ve dealt with psychosis or schizophrenia... your chances of getting hired are basically zero. It’s best to stick to those government agencies. Luckily, a friend of mine works at a university, so no one can breathe down his neck about his health or fire him for it. But if you work for a private company and end up in the psych ward three times a year? You'd be gone in a heartbeat.

Well, they aren't like people in England or anywhere else—not like these local Oligarchs. They know exactly what they're doing by keeping everyone else broke while they hoard everything. It’s a recipe for a systemic collapse, one way or another. And I can't even admit I'm ill because the CDC code is right there in my records—they noted the agency ID in my file, so if anyone looks at my paperwork, they see that CDC mark immediately. They won't hire healthy, young people, let alone us. Working for private employers here is practically serfdom. People are pulling 10 or 12-hour shifts for peanuts, and half the time they don't even pay you—they just keep you stuck in "probation" forever. It's a total scam, so it's no wonder everyone is trying to get out.

Like we actually chose this. Who in their right mind would choose mental illness? If you're fighting cancer, everyone's full of sympathy, but if you're treating schizophrenia, you're just a "lunatic" that everyone avoids. That's why it's better not to tell anyone what's actually going on. Maybe just your closest friends. Honestly, maybe not even family.
I'm looking for work, but I honestly don't know if I'm capable of grinding through 8 hours every single day. What kind of divine punishment is this? I guess we'll all go to paradise like saints. Or maybe in the next reincarnation, we'll all just be cattle. haha

Look, I didn't choose this, though I definitely didn't pass up any opportunities back in the day—if I had, I wouldn't be in this mess. Back in 2008, I might have been able to leverage some of that chaos and pitch ideas to the powers that be to get something out of them, but I didn't want to cause trouble, especially since so much of that stuff is used as weapons. But I was never really "good" at it. After that lead poisoning incident when I was a kid, they kept me in the hospital for half a month under observation, dealing with convulsions, and my folks eventually had to pull some strings to get me out. Who knows how long I've been sick—maybe it started right then. It's the truth; crazy people aren't accepted, and our opinions don't carry weight. They don't listen. And yeah, I'd work, but I couldn't handle 8, 10, or 12-hour days. Maybe 4 hours, maybe 6 max, but no one wants to hire that—they just want to exploit you. It's a curse. I've felt cursed for a long time, but I've just accepted it—this whole life. What's the point in fighting it.

Look, I get it, but I don't have any hard proof. How am I even supposed to confirm if I'm intersex? You'd need a full genetic test for that. And honestly, I don't smoke—though I am a total coffee addict, knocking back two massive, overflowing mugs a day just to feel human. I need that caffeine hit to shake me awake; otherwise, I’m basically a zombie because my sleep is a wreck... maybe it's chronic fatigue, who knows. But whatever, I'm just saying—none of us are exactly at peak physical health these days, and that definitely takes a toll on your mental state. Toss in all the other stressors—money troubles, messy relationships, the whole nine yards—and it's a lot to carry.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I believe this kind of situation often develops due to a genetic predisposition triggered by specific stressors. Whether it reaches a breaking point or doesn't manifest at all usually depends on one's environment.
In my case, my entire father's side of the family deals with illness. For the past year, I didn't face major issues beyond some depression, but then everything else started hitting me. To be honest, I probably should have been hospitalized several times more; my intelligence always seems to pull me through, or at least that’s what my psychiatrist claims. When a psychosis hit me—one I hadn't mentioned to anyone before—I ended up lying on the floor under a blanket with nothing but a towel for cover. I genuinely thought the world outside was shaking and that if I got off the floor, I would die. I stayed there for days, taking whatever medication I had just to numb myself enough to quiet the voices, repeating that cycle until I finally found the strength to get up. I was terrified of it happening again.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw a total stranger. Once I pulled myself together and saw how neglected I looked—thin, disheveled, with long hair because I couldn't bring myself to care for it—it became too much to handle. I realized things had gone too far. There was nothing left to do but learn to live with it and try to pull myself together, which is exactly what I've attempted to do.
However, it has returned, and I find myself withdrawing inward. I am deeply afraid of losing my mind. I don't talk about my psychotic episodes anymore; instead, I hide them because I'm scared of being institutionalized or something worse. When it takes hold, I lose control, so I shut myself away where no one can see or hear me, just waiting for it to pass.

Visionary, I also struggle with stomach issues because of my lack of eating, so I rely on various tablets and ointments for my stomach.

And now I’m supposed to start antipsychotics, but I really don't want to. I admit, I haven't been taking them. The reason is simple: they don't even work for my specific condition, and they would just sedate me even further until I become a complete zombie, which I refuse to be.

It’s just like this from time to time... whenever I start talking more, I tend to withdraw. I rarely go out for coffee with anyone; usually, I only leave the house when absolutely necessary.
I just want to be healthy. Is that really too much to ask?

Nah. Most of us just want a little bit of peace and quiet, too.👍

Rebecca Rivera3 said:I believe this kind of situation often develops due to a genetic predisposition triggered by specific stressors. Whether it reaches a breaking point or doesn't manifest at all usually depends on one's environment.
In my case, my entire father's side of the family deals with illness. For the past year, I didn't face major issues beyond some depression, but then everything else started hitting me. To be honest, I probably should have been hospitalized several times more; my intelligence always seems to pull me through, or at least that’s what my psychiatrist claims. When a psychosis hit me—one I hadn't mentioned to anyone before—I ended up lying on the floor under a blanket with nothing but a towel for cover. I genuinely thought the world outside was shaking and that if I got off the floor, I would die. I stayed there for days, taking whatever medication I had just to numb myself enough to quiet the voices, repeating that cycle until I finally found the strength to get up. I was terrified of it happening again.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw a total stranger. Once I pulled myself together and saw how neglected I looked—thin, disheveled, with long hair because I couldn't bring myself to care for it—it became too much to handle. I realized things had gone too far. There was nothing left to do but learn to live with it and try to pull myself together, which is exactly what I've attempted to do.
However, it has returned, and I find myself withdrawing inward. I am deeply afraid of losing my mind. I don't talk about my psychotic episodes anymore; instead, I hide them because I'm scared of being institutionalized or something worse. When it takes hold, I lose control, so I shut myself away where no one can see or hear me, just waiting for it to pass.

Visionary, I also struggle with stomach issues because of my lack of eating, so I rely on various tablets and ointments for my stomach.

And now I’m supposed to start antipsychotics, but I really don't want to. I admit, I haven't been taking them. The reason is simple: they don't even work for my specific condition, and they would just sedate me even further until I become a complete zombie, which I refuse to be.

It’s just like this from time to time... whenever I start talking more, I tend to withdraw. I rarely go out for coffee with anyone; usually, I only leave the house when absolutely necessary.
I just want to be healthy. Is that really too much to ask?

Look, we have to eat. Seriously, it’s not like I’m talking about one bad day where you skip lunch—I’m talking about going 14 to 20 hours without a bite, day after day. That’s exactly how I ended up dropping down to 138 pounds and landing myself in the hospital, for crying out loud. It all stems from family stuff. We’ve been getting squeezed from every direction—money troubles, health issues, and then just the usual everyday friction and bickering. Honestly, whenever I get into it with my folks, I just can't eat. I end up skipping meals entirely. It isn't some weird way of punishing them, or even punishing myself—it’s not that kind of thing—it’s just that once I reach that point, I’m just completely done. My stomach is totally full, and not in a good way.

Honestly, it feels like we’re all just getting squeezed by life lately—between the stuff Rebecca Rivera3 is dealing with, what you're going through, and my own mess, it's a lot. And don't even get me started on the health side of things. It’s scary how much goes unnoticed—all those illnesses that just simmer under the surface before they actually show up. We aren't exactly firing on all cylinders physically, either. It's just one thing after another.

I mean, I know—or maybe I just heard this story once—about some guy who dealt with these constant headaches for years. Nobody believed him, obviously. Everyone probably just thought he was being dramatic or something, but then it turns out he actually had a tumor. If I’m remembering that right, at least.

Maybe a lot of us are dealing with some kind of hormonal imbalance. Personally, I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on with me—mostly because I think I might be LGBT, and it’s that little "T" at the end that really sticks in my mind. Honestly, I’ve been sitting with that thought for a long time now. At the end of the day, I know my own body better than anyone else, right? I can actually feel the shifts happening—it’s not just all in my head. There are visible changes, too. It's real.

As for magnesium, I’ve heard the buzz. But honestly? I don't bother. It’s just one of those things—between the junk food we eat and the general chaos of modern life, everything feels a bit toxic anyway. That's just how it goes, I guess.

Richard White8 said:Risperidone is genuinely toxic. I was visiting a friend in the hospital when his psychiatrist told him she wouldn't prescribe Risperidone because, in younger men, it causes severe fatigue—basically, it completely crushes you.

Curses don't exist. That's nonsense. You even have university professors who believe in curses and carry chestnuts in their cars for luck. It's superstition. My issue was that I spent four years in a psychosis fueled by curses, voices, and demons. If I hadn't believed in curses, maybe I would have avoided the psychosis, or maybe not. It was inevitable. You can't control it, and you can't be self-aware enough to know you're in a psychosis. Because when you're in a psychosis, everything is real, and there is no other way to perceive it.

It’s not that we "believe" in it—it’s more like life is just constant pressure and stress, and so it happens. But it’s true, I am a curse to them. They just have to put up with me. Honestly, I can barely stand myself. That's why I say I'm a curse.

Raymond Walker5 said:I’m certainly no expert on schizophrenia (thank goodness!), but since I saw B-complex mentioned, I thought I’d chime in with a little observation. I’ve heard that B vitamins—especially B-12—can be notoriously difficult for the body to absorb, particularly when they come in pill form. I’ve also heard stories from others who felt a massive difference once they switched to a liquid B-complex, especially when standard tablets just weren't doing the trick. The logic seems to be that a liquid version hits the upper digestive tract and gets absorbed much more efficiently, whereas pills might travel through such a long path that absorption becomes difficult or even impossible by the time they get where they need to go.
From what I can tell, you don't see much liquid B-complex available in our local pharmacies here in the States, though they do carry liquid supplements designed for toddlers that contain essentially the same nutritional profile as a full B-complex. I can't recall the specific brand name off the top of my head, but that's just something I picked up while chatting with a pharmacist.
I did notice that I occasionally feel a bit more relaxed after drinking some Juicy Fruit flavored electrolyte drinks, which might just be a total coincidence. Looking back, I realized those drinks actually contain a whole B-complex, similar to how Coca-Cola or other fortified sodas work.
Whether that sense of relaxation was a genuine effect of the vitamins or just a fluke, I honestly couldn't say for sure. I probably wouldn't recommend them as a primary supplement, though, mainly because of some of the additives used, even if most of the ingredients are naturally derived.

Personally, I’ve been thinking for ages that baby food—or maybe even pet food—might actually be better for us old farts than our regular diet. I was surprised the other day when I saw one of those baby purees. Just meat, carrots, garlic, all blended together. But man, they are pricey. I don't quite remember every single ingredient in that specific one. 🍿

Honestly, this Risperidone is straight-up poison. I can't believe they haven't pulled it from the shelves yet—I mean, between patient complaints and all the noise online and in the news, you'd think they’d be more careful. Rebecca Rivera3, tell me about it... that's exactly how I've been sleeping lately. I just drift off for ages and then end up pacing around at night like a zombie. It's like some weird Hegelian loop or something. And don't even get me started on the appetite issues; I'm right there with you on that. If I skip a meal, my stomach goes into full revolt because I end up going 14 to 20 hours between eating. It's a mess. I feel like I'm basically stuck in this endless cycle of hospitals and psych wards. When you look like you aren't eating properly, people start assuming you're losing your mind—they hear voices, they hear buzzing, whatever. Honestly, it's probably why those ancient ascetics ended up the way they did—whether it was their wild ideas or their religions—they were just running on empty.

I mean, look, we’ve all been getting hit from every angle lately. I saw what was written earlier about curses and all that mystical stuff—honestly, I don't know anything about any of that. My family has been convinced for the longest time that we’re under some kind of hex or whatever. But if you ask me? I think I might actually *be* the curse, considering I’m a total nutcase—not that anyone's surprised. 😢

Richard White8 said:Here is some validation regarding psychotropic medication. I have taken Azolar, Moditen, Haldol, and Zeldox. I was on Zeldox the longest—monotherapy, starting at high doses of 2 x 80 mg, then tapering down to 80 mg, then 60 mg, and finally 20 mg. After one year and nine months of continuous antipsychotic use, I have successfully eliminated my auditory hallucinations. Yes.
My diagnosis is F23.2—acute psychotic disorder, schizophrenia-like.
Alongside those, I took Xanax and Prazin. I am still taking those. However, I haven't touched the 20 mg dose of Zeldox for about a month now. Everything is fine; the voices haven't returned. Additionally, I suffered from severe obsessive-compulsive disorder—obsessions with symmetry and repetitive actions performed up to 50 times under the influence of the voices. That has also passed; the compulsions are gone.

This is a success for me, but I am now experiencing depressive episodes that I didn't have before, including suicidal ideation. It is mostly tied to being unemployed. I did not tell my psychiatrist that I stopped the antipsychotic. She considers the current dose to be negligible regardless.

Yes, I have tried antidepressants like Fevarin and Zoloft, but I had to stop them because they caused insomnia.

Also, I was recently prescribed Diazepam because my sleep quality has declined since I stopped the antipsychotic.

Was it wise of me to stop the antipsychotic on my own, given that the dosage has been minimal for the last six months?

I decided to try life without it because the symptoms are gone. Furthermore, Zeldox completely dulled my appreciation for the beauty of the world; everything became banal and boring, and it absolutely crushed my libido. I don't know when my libido will return. Is the loss of libido irreversible, or is there hope for recovery?

I’m on Metoten [Moditen] and Diazepam myself. Honestly, if I took 5 mg of Diazepam, I could sleep through a hurricane, but for me, it hits a bit lighter—maybe a side effect—but at 2 mg, I sleep like a log. I still take 1 mg of Metoten even though my dose was halved ages ago, mostly because I'm too lazy to split the pills. It's a pain to halve them perfectly, so I just take the whole thing. I never had hallucinations, but this works for me since Risperidone was a disaster—gave me all sorts of dark thoughts. As for libido, I wouldn't know. I don't hit the gym, so it's no surprise mine is low, along with my general health. And you're spot on—being broke because of unemployment is a killer. One thing leads to the other. I have this compulsion involving ideas—I find myself writing down extra words and phrases, can't seem to shake it. The ideas themselves are positive, but the rest isn't. The anxiety and compulsions are hard because my memory is shot. By the time I go to write something down, I've already forgotten it. The depression and bad sleep have been around forever, and then there's this boredom... it's like nothing really matters anymore, if that makes sense. Except for me, it's not quite as dire—just a "cracked" F23.

Alright, let's go through this step by step.

Harold Anderson3: Exactly. I was told to take B-complex, but I haven't touched it. Honestly, my diet is a total disaster—I live such an unhealthy lifestyle that it’s a miracle I’m even standing. Hardly any fruit, juice, tea, or actual vegetables in my meals... well, maybe some, but nothing fresh. It's mostly fast food, home-cooked stuff, grains, or just cookies and milk—maybe a banana now and then. They say bananas are great for everything from your gut down, right? I probably have zero vitamins. I might be "vitamin-less" rather than just needing a multivitamin. And me and the gym? Yeah, not happening. You need that to regulate hormones and all that.

Rebecca Rivera3: That's how it feels during depression. But once you hit mania—if you even do—everything becomes hilarious, you're overflowing with energy, and you'll be running around trying to tackle everything at once. When I was manic, or whenever I am, I find myself opening accounts on random forums or websites without even bothering to save the passwords. I even made fake Facebook accounts just to play some game, even though I'm basically a tech novice. I don't have anyone in my family who's tech-savvy, but I feel like I could skip an entire generation of knowledge.

Anyway, I just got into a massive blowout with my own people, so clearly, I'm not doing great either. From what I can see, we're all dealing with something. Life's been hitting us hard—financial stress, health issues, messy relationships—so it's really no wonder we're all cracking under the pressure.

What Rebecca Rivera3 is describing could be from the meds, or just pure mental burnout, I guess. Before my psychosis—assuming that's what it was—my thoughts were just racing constantly. Truth be told, I haven't had the exact same struggles she's talking about. It could also be something else entirely, like panic attacks and things like that. It really does come down to how much a person can take before they snap in these situations. It's sad. But like I said, I think it's mostly due to life's problems. I don't think anyone here has mentioned being completely problem-free so far.

That lady who mentioned Omega is also right. You don't just get it from fish and stuff. I read somewhere that hemp oil supposedly has it too.

Man, we're all a mess. Not just us, but everyone around us, and us around them—because it seems like everybody has their own "music" playing, if you don't call it a diagnosis. 🕺

Look, I think Rebecca Rivera3 was just joking, though maybe her sense of humor isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea. Harold Anderson3 is actually making some solid points here, though—I'm not sure if he’s an expert or just knows his stuff, but personally, I'm totally in the dark on this one.

Look, if you're gonna be anything, at least don't just lie there like a complete psychopath.

I think I went a little off the deep end in a few of my recent posts. My bad. Honestly, sometimes I just lose it—it’s one of those things that happens once in a while.