Harold Anderson3 said:I’ve been managing a mental health condition for about ten years now, and let me tell you, it’s been a million ups and downs. Right now, I’m doing alright, but who knows what the weather will be like by next spring or summer. Are you from Canada? If I remember correctly, I think you mentioned that. I’m not really sure what the situation is like there regarding mental health care and treatment. If you don't mind, try to give me an objective look at how things are handled over there.
To put it bluntly, you can get pretty much anything you need here, provided you're willing to pay off some corrupt officials to look the other way. 🕺
Maybe I’ll start seeing some progress too—who knows, right? We’re still dealing with constant bickering at home, so there's that. Thank Bog that things are looking up for you guys even if they aren't moving for me yet... though maybe I'll eventually catch a break.
The old man is about to get his old Slovenack pension sorted out soon. I’ve been trying to nudge him toward just getting a debit card, but he’s insisting on having the pension transferred directly to me—though honestly, knowing how much of an addict he is, I doubt he’ll actually follow through. My family has also started wondering if someone should step in and take control of my affairs too, but the old man is too stubborn and prideful to ever admit it, and I’m just stuck somewhere in the middle.
Things are actually getting worse for me. I’ve never dealt with hallucinations before—neither visual nor auditory—but lately, I’ve started hearing these thoughts that feel just like my own voice, except they aren't mine. They’re pretty much all garbage—just constant, nasty stuff, ranging from swearing to full-on insults. The absolute worst part? I’ve started cursing out loud, sometimes even directed at myself. 😢
Jason Kim6 said:Look, Visionary—if you can find it in yourself to forgive, then I guess God has already forgiven you too. At least, that’s what some smart guy once told me. Besides—I used to think you were more depressed than schizophrenic. You’re being way too hard on yourself.🙏
I just can't get there, and honestly, I'm stuck in the mud. As for judging myself too harshly... maybe? But I don't know, I really feel like it's not that. I've got this feeling that it's schizophrenia and depression—and from what I've heard, those two usually travel together anyway.
Jose Ward4 said:Hey, you aren't an oddball, don't get it twisted. Look, please don't take this the wrong way—I'm really not trying to insult you—but I honestly believe that when a person has too much idle time on their hands, they start spiraling into nonsense. You start questioning why you are this way or that way, or obsessing over dark thoughts. Try to find something to occupy your mind. Anything that actually interests you. Believe me, I've been there. It was exactly like that for me, especially right after getting out of the hospital. There are just endless questions. Where am I going? How do I do this? I know it isn't easy, but you really have to break out of that monotony. And honestly, I might be facing some serious financial trouble in a few months myself; things aren't exactly blooming at work right now, so you see, maybe things aren't as bad for you as they feel. There are worse things out there. I'm not ashamed to say that—only a fool wouldn't see the reality of how we live.
Yeah, I get all that and you're right, but I've just gotten stuck in this rut and I honestly don't know how to dig my way out.
I try to look back at my life and piece things together—maybe reasonably well, though my memory is honestly pretty trash. I guess I act like I have schizophrenia just because I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, and well, I still am.
Carol Barrett2 said:So, yeah, I’m fully aware that at various points in my life, I’ve messed people up and caused them pain. Now, I’m not saying I’m a murderer, a rapist, or a thief—nothing like that. I really hope I’m not some kind of villain. But I have hurt people, both others and myself, and I can't even tell if I was in my right mind when I did it. To me, that falls under the category of bad and evil. That's why I say I'm not a "good," sinless person.
Though, if we're being totally honest, I did steal from the government once or twice back when my buddy and I used to go out drinking. So, yeah... I guess I am a thief after all.
Jason Kim6 said:Look... your remorse says a lot about you. You feel regret—that's a good sign, I suppose. Maybe you should go to confession so a priest can give you absolution. Don't dwell on your guilt too much. Jesus said, "Go and sin no more."
That's tough, though. First off, I'm not Catholic, Orthodox, Muslim, or any of those. I'm not even an atheist, really. I just don't know if God is going to forgive me or not. I guess I'll find out when I kick the bucket—just like everyone else, I suppose. It's not like I'm hunting for a VIP pass to Heaven or anything. I just hope other people get their reward. I don't necessarily need one myself.
Carol Barrett2 said:Look, I’m not a saint, but I’m not a monster either. I know that much. I’m owning it—no denials, no hiding here. The real question is just how far gone I am. And yeah, I’m definitely not perfect or sinless—I'm aware of that, and honestly, the Bible backs me up there. I agree with the Book; I have no interest in being some hypocrite claiming I'm pure.
I just hope I haven't caused too much wreckage or done too much harm in my time. As for doing good? I don't know. I'm not exactly a philanthropist, nor do I particularly remember being one. But let it be known that I've made a genuine effort to avoid hurting people on purpose. That said—realistically—I have done wrong by others in my life.
😢 = Unfortunately
So, yeah, I’m fully aware that at various points in my life, I’ve messed people up and caused them pain. Now, I’m not saying I’m a murderer, a rapist, or a thief—nothing like that. I really hope I’m not some kind of villain. But I have hurt people, both others and myself, and I can't even tell if I was in my right mind when I did it. To me, that falls under the category of bad and evil. That's why I say I'm not a "good," sinless person.
Jason Kim6 said:You have schizophrenia just like I do. You've just let certain things get stuck in your head. This isn't schizophrenia. If you were actually evil, you wouldn't be worrying about being evil.
Look, I’m not a saint, but I’m not a monster either. I know that much. I’m owning it—no denials, no hiding here. The real question is just how far gone I am. And yeah, I’m definitely not perfect or sinless—I'm aware of that, and honestly, the Bible backs me up there. I agree with the Book; I have no interest in being some hypocrite claiming I'm pure.
I just hope I haven't caused too much wreckage or done too much harm in my time. As for doing good? I don't know. I'm not exactly a philanthropist, nor do I particularly remember being one. But let it be known that I've made a genuine effort to avoid hurting people on purpose. That said—realistically—I have done wrong by others in my life.
So, looks like I’ve got schizophrenia—and honestly, it feels like I’m just a bad, miserable, toxic person. The worst part? I don't even realize I'm doing it. It's all on me.
And honestly, whenever I bring up my issues with Kafetina, it’s like I’ve reported them to someone on their end, because they just tell me I’m making things up. It’s the classic move—when they can't actually argue against my points, they just claim I’m imagining things, hallucinating, or being paranoid. Which is funny, because I’ve never had hallucinations, and I don't think I'm even remotely paranoid. But hey, is it really paranoia to think that government agencies these days are basically recording and tracking everything from our phone calls to our internet history?
Jose Ward4 said:Look, what I’m trying to tell you all is this: NOBODY has it. Absolutely nobody. It all boils down to our parents and whether or not there's some money involved. Just to give you some context, I ended up in the hospital back on August 1st, 2017, because I started hearing voices. How do I even explain that? It hit me in a 48-hour window—just suddenly, like someone was standing right there next to me, talking away. Honestly. Now, here I am, cooking dinner while fighting off those voices. And I wonder, where did it come from? A few weeks before I was admitted, things got too heavy to handle, so I started taking lavender on my own—not the medical kind, mind you—mixing it in two or three times a week. Back in the day, people used lavender to ward off the plague, just so you know. I was combining it with my meds. Basically, I was taking my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the sensation... it's like you aren't alone anymore. You feel incredibly peaceful, zero anxiety, just this strange sense of security. Okay, enough about that. Anyway, I was stuck in the hospital for a month. For the first 20 days, they had me on benzodiazepines—you know, those pills with the number 5 on them—and I was actually functioning perfectly fine for those 20 days. I was talking, walking around, no incidents at all, even on the benzos. Then, during the last 10 days, the psych ward switched me over to Haldol. Now that I don't have my folks around anymore, it honestly isn't even hard to walk away from my old life. I find myself thinking about leaving the pills behind more and more. Sometimes I get these visions of my dad or my mom—real visions. Like a commune or something. Bob. That's just my take on it: everything is tied to the choices we make when we're with our parents and when we aren't. Even while they're still alive, it's about having enough money—not a fortune, obviously, but enough to eat and dress. That’s just how I see it. It all comes down to fear.
It all boils down to dealing with aging parents and just trying to find some semblance of love.
Spot on. Personally, I’m broke and dealing with my own set of issues with elderly relatives—not to mention I’m not exactly in peak health or holding down a steady job. Honestly, finding employment feels like a pipe dream at this point. Between being older and dealing with chronic illness, it's clear that when you hit a wall with money and people, things start to unravel. Maybe for a few, maybe for everyone.
About two or three weeks ago—right before I ended up in the hospital—I decided to take matters into my own hands because I just couldn't take it anymore. I was drinking lavender essence, which has zero medical backing, combining it two or three times a week. Just a fun fact: they used to use lavender against the plague, so there. I was mixing it with my actual meds. Basically, I'd take my prescriptions along with the lavender, and the feeling was just... "you aren't alone." It felt incredible—zero anxiety, just this strange, overwhelming sense of security.
Exactly. I actually went through a breakdown myself because of the pain and some other illnesses, all while battling depression and mania caused by family drama. I spiraled because I was overdoing it on Kafetina back then. Before that, they were basically selling them like candy in blisters without any instructions—kind of how they used to be sold loosely in Canada. Then, an article came out about how some people can't process them properly and how Kafetin hits your head like a drug. In my case, they even flagged Morphine in my urine tests. After I dealt with psychiatry, they suddenly started packaging Kafetina in boxes with actual instructions; I honestly suspect someone mentioned my situation to them, and they changed their distribution in Canada just to avoid a negligence lawsuit or something similar.
Carol Barrett2 said:Same here. I don't crash until about 5 AM and then I'm sleeping until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Honestly, I wish they'd just declare my schizophrenia "resolved" so they'd send me to a board review and I could finally get some disability benefits. It's exhausting having zero personal income, yet I can't work because I'm not well, and I don't have the setup to hold down a steady job on my own.
Just so we're clear, I do what I can whenever I have the energy or the time. I’ll wash dishes and stuff, even though I shouldn't really be working under these conditions. It's wild... there are people living on the streets who seem to be doing way better than I am, and honestly, they're in a better spot than most of us.
Harold Anderson3 said:I’ve been wrestling with depression for over a decade now, though looking back, I clearly haven't been tackling it the right way. Maybe there isn't actually a "right" way to do it, because I'm starting to fear that this depression has woven itself so deeply into my psyche that it's become part of my very character. On top of that, I've been carrying a schizophrenia diagnosis for the last eight years. I just don't have the energy left for psychotherapy; at this point, medication is really my only lifeline, but I've actually been without my antidepressants for more than three weeks now. My sleep schedule is a total wreck—I'll lie awake staring at the ceiling until sunrise, only to crash and sleep through the entire day when I should be getting my most important things done, including making it to my psychiatrist appointment. Have any of you ever hit that wall where even the simplest tasks feel impossible, like just remembering to eat, keeping up with basic hygiene, or actually showing up for a doctor's visit? Keeping up with my college coursework feels even more overwhelming, though thankfully I have enough savings right now that I don't have to worry about finding a job. The loneliness is also absolutely crushing me. I’m honestly wondering if I should look into being hospitalized. My experience at the local state psychiatric facility was a complete disaster; I ended up going there seven different times. I find myself asking how much longer I can keep doing this. 🙂I just don't see a way out.
Same here. I don't crash until about 5 AM and then I'm sleeping until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Honestly, I wish they'd just declare my schizophrenia "resolved" so they'd send me to a board review and I could finally get some disability benefits. It's exhausting having zero personal income, yet I can't work because I'm not well, and I don't have the setup to hold down a steady job on my own.
Look, I don't know much about coffee, honestly. I cut out one cup from my routine, and now I’ve just been sleeping straight through from 4 AM to 4 PM. It’s totally thrown me off. Today, I tried having half a cup of a different blend just a bit ago. Even after that caffeine hit, all I want to do is sleep—it's like my body is just begging for that missing cup. I even gave green tea a shot, but nope, still just sleeping. And it's not like I'm depressed or feeling down or anything... it's just weird. How is it that cutting out one single cup does this to me?
Maybe it was just some side effect from quitting. Are you taking anything else similar to modulate it? I know I probably shouldn't be taking it when the Sun is this intense, but here I am, doing it anyway.
Nicole Barrett76 said:GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
I didn't actually need any medication, because the prescriptions my previous psychiatrists provided were perfectly sufficient for my needs. Was I not simply in search of someone willing to sit with me for an hour, or perhaps even just forty-five minutes, to truly listen to what I had to say?
And yet, during my next appointment, I am handed one of those questionnaires, I accidentally check the wrong box, and suddenly—poof!—I am being sent straight back to the psychiatrist. Is it not simply too much to ask for a little genuine empathy?
It’s absolute madness. Everyone thinks I'm perfectly fine, too. Back at the local family clinic, the doctor basically went wild with question marks and exclamation points over my penicillin allergy and tried to push it on me anyway. 🤦 My old man and I barely made it through that whole ordeal after a nasty reaction to some penicillin. And then they had the nerve to try and give it to my sister, too. 😵