And on top of that, there’s always that looming risk for anyone with a genetic predisposition—they could end up stuck in a permanent psychotic state after just one single use.
If an OB-GYN loses a child during delivery, they’re held accountable. That’s just how it works. But when does any psychiatrist take actual responsibility for their patient? They just hand out pills—one after another—and call it a day. Then, when a patient takes their own life, suddenly everyone acts surprised. "Oops!"
Look, if a baby dies in a hospital, it's a tragedy and a medical issue. Suicide is a similar situation when it happens within a healthcare facility. However, psychiatrists aren't responsible for what a free citizen chooses to do in their own private time when they aren't under direct supervision. And let's be honest, some people commit suicide just to spite those around them—not that anyone should encourage that behavior.
There’s really no need to panic this much, as long as you're staying on top of things with your psychiatrist. Honestly, I think you're just inviting more trouble by skipping your meds.
It’s because you hold yourself to such high standards... We tend to be our own toughest critics. But honestly, that’s beside the point. The OP needs to figure out her own convictions on her own terms. If she feels like she needs more time to sit with it, then that’s just where things stand right now. Besides, kids aren't tools for us to work through our own existential crises or anxieties. They are independent individuals who deserve to be born outside of someone else's script so they can write their own. There’s no reason they should be saddled with a purpose before they've even arrived.
Besides, someone who isn't a parent and decides to stay that way is just as valid as anyone else. They haven't "missed" their life's purpose—people simply have different paths. We aren't born to check off boxes just to satisfy some arbitrary societal stereotype. When people try to force themselves into those molds, they usually just end up on antidepressants and worse.
Look, we aren't jumping into the fire just because we're terrified—and that doesn't make us losers. In fact, fear doesn't define someone as a coward. It can actually be pretty constructive. We need to practice some tolerance here; if someone is afraid of something that looks like a "loss" to the rest of us, we shouldn't force our perspective on them. As much as possible, people should be accepted unconditionally. Just because they make different choices than we would doesn't mean they failed. I'll say it again: they didn't fail. It’s just diversity of thought.
I honestly think Dana Stewart6 isn't some outlier here. She’s just like most people—terrified of the actual responsibility that comes with motherhood, even if nobody wants to admit it out loud. It doesn't seem like she's against having kids per se; from what I can tell, she just doesn't feel ready. And frankly, she needs encouragement. Who isn't intimidated by the weight of parenthood these days? Fear shouldn't be the thing that makes us walk away from our dreams.
Look, I wasn't putting words in anyone's mouth regarding how they feel. These people said it themselves. I’m simply stating that it’s okay to feel however you feel. You shouldn't have to "fix" those feelings with justifications or by denying obvious fear. People deserve peace on this subject and, more importantly, understanding. Trying to force this idealized version of motherhood on everyone—insisting we all just "conquer" our fears to solve the problem—is nothing more than harmful propaganda. And what if she doesn't do it? That's my question. Does that suddenly make her any less conscientious? Not at all. That's my point.
The difference is that doctors actually aren't allowed to do that. They're supposed to know better. But honestly, when you see the kind of future psychologists who'll be out there trying to "cure" homosexuality, nothing surprises me anymore...
Psychologists aren't permitted to try and "treat" homosexuality either, or anyone else for that matter. This could go on forever at this rate. Besides, this whole debate is pretty much obsolete anyway.
I’m just saying, it’s perfectly okay to not be ready. It’s even okay if you never get there—and that doesn't mean you're broken. Every single person, man or woman, is so much more than their biology. We are all diverse, all unique. Your boyfriend isn't some walking guarantee that his visions will come true, and neither am I. Life requires flexibility. But you already know that. You're just stressing yourself out with this idea that you're somehow less valuable because you don't fit the mold. You feel like this shouldn't have happened, but guess what? It did. And it’s allowed to happen again. A hundred more times if it needs to. I don't care what anyone else says.
You’re allowed to feel scared. You’re also allowed to go at your own pace. Age doesn't change that. Besides, what you're feeling is incredibly common; plenty of young women deal with this exact same anxiety (and yes, you are a young woman). Based on what you've shared, it sounds like you aren't emotionally ready for a child right now. That doesn't mean you won't be "ready" tomorrow—nobody can predict the future. And honestly, what if you never want one? Women who don't crave motherhood, whether it's now or ever, are just as valuable and have every right to that choice.
A child isn't some logistical issue you solve like a parking ticket. A child is a human being with their own rights and needs—and they stay around for a long time once they arrive. A child deserves to be wanted, cared for, and brought into a stable environment. A baby isn't a project you just complete.
You have every right to be honest with your partner about how you truly feel, including those feelings of unreadiness. It's the truth. And you have the right to expect and demand support and understanding from them. If that's missing, it's worth pointing out how much that lack of support adds to your stress. Ultimately, you both need to be able to talk about all of this openly, without any blackmail or judgment. It seems like there's a lack of productive communication between you two. But then again, building that kind of communication takes a lifetime of work, provided both people actually want to do it.
If the anxiety gets too overwhelming and you lose your footing, you might want to consider talking to a psychologist, either on your own or together as a couple.
Kenneth Scott41 said:A lot of you seem to be suggesting that antidepressants typically "kick in" after maybe two or three weeks... but I've been on Zoloft for a full month now and I honestly don't feel any better. If anything, things feel a bit worse. I actually noticed this most clearly when I accidentally missed my morning dose one day; I didn't get around to taking it until about 2:00 PM, and strangely enough, I felt much sharper that morning—without the usual anxiety, fear, hand tremors, dry mouth, or that constant tension in my jaw that usually hits once I take the pill. So, I guess the question is, what's actually going on here?😕I'm starting to have serious doubts about whether I should even bother continuing this regimen, though at the same time, I'm terrified of just stopping cold turkey because I've read about the withdrawal symptoms... things like dizziness, tremors, and the like. Has anyone else gone through something similar?
Everyone’s metabolism is different, from how your brain processes things to how your body handles it on a peripheral level. We all react differently. Sometimes it can take up to six weeks. Any kind of tapering or medication change absolutely needs to be done under a doctor's supervision. 🤣
Concentration is a completely different beast than intelligence itself. Losing your focus doesn't mean you've actually lost your IQ. It just messes with how you tackle tasks—including how you perform on an intelligence test.
Psychology isn't primarily about helping people. In fact, there isn't even such a thing as a degree in "helping people." Every single field essentially operates on its own specific methodology. People might be involved more or less, directly or indirectly, through one method or another—but the core approach is always rational. There is no profession dedicated solely to pure emotional venting. It’s worth keeping that in mind. Even a psychology degree itself barely trains you to help people, if at all. Instead, it trains you in the analytical and critical observation of psychological phenomena and processes, which apply to other living beings just as much as humans. That’s actually useful. So, it ends up being helpful indirectly, I suppose, by its very nature. You need a massive amount of additional training if you want to pivot toward anything else.
Don't pick a major on a whim.
And you can find plenty of "patients" on almost any campus, whether it's psychology, pre-med, or other "weird" (?) majors—sometimes that's even an advantage.
I know this one girl who finished her degree in the Economics Department and then decided to go back for psychology (not at the same time, though). She’s planning to bridge the two by diving into organizational psychology, which actually makes a lot of sense if you think about it...
While the description in the opening post is a bit oversimplified—looking at everything through that "all or nothing," black-and-white lens—it feels like it’s really just describing people who happen to have more or less self-confidence.
In short, I’d say some people just need status symbols to feel important and powerful—kind of like a psychological crutch. Others? They don't need any of that. If you’ve got an itch, you just scratch it.
The real magic of an antidepressant is actually happening at a morphological level within the brain — it encourages the formation of new neural connections (which tend to wither away during depression, causing certain brain regions to literally "shrink"). That’s why you have to stay on them for the long haul, sometimes for five years or more... If you stop too soon, those symptoms can come crawling back because those depleted areas haven't fully "rebuilt" themselves yet.
It’s also exactly why it takes about 3 to 4 weeks (on average) to actually feel anything — you’re essentially waiting for those first new neural pathways to establish themselves.
Sure, neurotransmitter levels spike almost immediately after you take the dose, but the real question is whether there's actually a functional infrastructure for them to work with. That’s where neuroplasticity and staying consistent with the treatment come into play.