Posts by hollowdrifter5

Justin Garcia7 said:Some people say you shouldn't get attached to anything you're afraid of losing.☕

We feel the sting when we leave a job we actually loved, when a relationship ends, or whenever we lose anyone or anything we were emotionally invested in.

Buddhism suggests that life itself is suffering because we are beings driven by desires—which cause pain—and fueled by emotions that lead to even more attachment.

So, what’s the actual lesson here?

How do we avoid getting attached to people or things? Is it even possible to remain completely detached? Maybe it all comes down to how we frame things in our minds—our perception of what we hold dear. Or should we just let logic override our feelings?

Is the "right" way to be empathetic without letting ourselves become overly emotional?

I’ve noticed something interesting about some elderly, deeply religious folks I've met—people who carry their prayer beads everywhere. They’ve outlived their own children, yet they don't seem to grieve with the overwhelming intensity a "typical" person might. It's almost as if they possess this profound sense of peace, fully aware of how fleeting life is.

But would that mean happiness and laughter are just the flip side of the coin? We know many famous comedians struggle with depression behind closed doors. Should we spend our lives in an emotional "flatline," avoiding the highs and lows? Is a state of total emotional neutrality the only way to truly grasp the Truth?

I’m not sure if it’s actually possible, but honestly, I think trying would be a mistake. What would be the point of living? Just counting down the years?

The only thing I’ve consciously decided to avoid getting attached to—just so I wouldn't have to deal with the heartache—is pets. I don't want a dog just to suffer through the grief when they're gone. But that's something I could walk away from relatively easily without feeling like my entire quality of life had collapsed. Avoiding attachment to people to bypass pain seems, in my view, to carry far more negatives than positives.

For instance, I've noticed something interesting about older, deeply religious folks who carry their prayer beads around all day... they've outlived their own children, yet none of them seem to grieve in the way a "normal" person would. It's as if they are acutely aware of how fleeting life is; there's this certain sense of peace about them.

I suspect the emphasis here is on the religion itself. From what I can gather, religious people in those situations aren't even supposed to question God's will, so by extension, they probably shouldn't mourn too much either. To me, it feels like it stems from fear—fear that if they do complain, something even worse might happen. I might be wrong, but that's the phenomenon I've observed, consistently, whenever I encounter intensely religious people.

Hey everyone,

I could use some help here. I'm trying to take an image that's buried inside a PDF and tweak it enough to create a new, similar version. Is there any way to actually export that out?

Dennis Cook78 said:@hollowdrifter5
Look, everything is fine; I think we just had a bit of a misunderstanding. Honestly, getting hung up on semantics and nitpicking every single word doesn't really get us anywhere. I feel bad that our discussion turned into this because you started throwing labels around. Everything I wrote was intended to be taken at face value, plain and simple. If my point hasn't come across clearly by now, then perhaps I just haven't done a good enough job explaining myself in a way that resonates with you. On the bright side, I'm glad to see that most other people on this forum don't seem to have this issue.
Only you can truly know who you are or what defines your character, and regardless of all the assumptions being made—which, let's be honest, are largely self-imposed—our conversation would become completely pointless if I decided to fire back at you using those same kinds of definitions and assumptions.

If this whole thing is just an exercise in ego or someone trying to assert their "self," then I am more than happy to make the choice to step away from a debate like this.
I tried to walk you through my reasoning, it didn't click, and that's okay. I respect your perspective and wish you the best.👋

I’ve genuinely tried to wrap my head around your perspective here, but you haven't actually addressed a single one of my questions. All you've done—in several different ways, really—is insist that we aren't communicating and then effectively walk away from a debate that hasn't even actually happened yet. 🤷😁

Dennis Cook78 said:It definitely helps when you clarify what you meant, and I appreciate you doing that. I just assumed anyone reading my anecdote within the context of a reasoned debate would realize that was what I was getting at.

The workplace example can actually be very objective in situations where, say, employees are working but haven't been paid by their employer for months. Now, the reasons for changing working conditions under those circumstances might be harder to pin down as purely objective.

As for choosing a spouse, that's a matter of the heart, and diving into those levels of decision-making would probably just be going off-topic.

Of course, everything comes down to perspective, and that's exactly why people who overemphasize their own "ego" try to force their view on others—which isn't exactly a great personality trait, is it?

I agree that it’s draining and hard to stomach, but taking a moment to think through it every now and then is actually a good exercise for rational thinking.👍

If defining what constitutes "better arguments" is limited to just the examples you provided, then it's a pretty tough thing to explain, since we're clearly talking about completely different things here.

p.s. multitasking is a struggle...☕

I offered an entirely different example, yet you’re ignoring it to stick to your own preconceived notions and assumptions. It seems like you aren't really interested in listening or weighing someone else's perspective, even in a debate like this.😬

Choosing a life partner is a matter of the heart, and discussing the decision-making process behind that would just be off-topic.

Not necessarily. A partner can absolutely be chosen through rational thought. I don't see how that qualifies as off-topic.🤷

Of course, everything is a matter of perspective, which is exactly why people who overemphasize their "ego" try to force their view on others—it isn't exactly a charming trait, is it?

It sounds like you're just imposing your own view—that having an ego is inherently bad—regardless of what anyone else actually said.

I agree it's exhausting, but reflecting on it every once in a while is good mental exercise for staying rational.👍

Maybe that's a useful exercise for someone whose primary occupation is analyzing every trivial opinion they encounter.

If defining what constitutes a superior argument is limited only to the examples you've provided, then it's hard to explain because we clearly aren't talking about the same things.

For someone who places such high value on logically superior arguments in every aspect of life, this shouldn't be particularly difficult to explain. 😁

Dennis Cook78 said:It’s possible some people act that way because they’re doubting their own inner strength. I definitely agree there are people like that, and if you’ve read any of the recent takes on the impression these types leave on others, it’s easy to see how exhausting they can be.

When we argue something, we generally shouldn't trivialize it. People who rely on mere opinions instead of actual arguments during a debate—especially when they want to be taken seriously—regularly face a justified sort of pushback. Then, they act surprised when they get labeled as "boring," a "know-it-all," a "fraud," or just "that guy who thinks he knows everything."
There is a clear distinction between an argument and an opinion. They should never be treated as the same thing.

Exactly! Context is everything, which is something we've established here. That’s why insisting on "one's own self" is just as pointless as rejecting someone else's perspective for that same reason. Communication has to be a two-way street; otherwise, it’s just a monologue.

The person you’re describing is basically imposing flaws on themselves that they don't even need to have, because there’s absolutely no reason to cling to old beliefs if they run into better, proven arguments. If they keep stubbornly sticking to their "ego system," they end up burdened by that rigidity and have to deal with consequences that aren't always easy to handle. These types of people often brush off their mistakes too easily, which is why they end up repeating them. Downplaying errors is almost always a recipe for disaster because of that cycle.

Life isn't built solely on logical debates, and I wasn't just talking about that. Take, for instance, the gut feeling you have about someone—what kind of argument can disprove the fact that you just don't vibe with them? Or consider deciding to quit a job you hate (what's the counter-argument there?), or choosing to marry someone because you feel they're the right partner for you.

All three of those scenarios involve subjective opinions or decisions where some outsider can't provide a valid argument against you, simply because they aren't looking at things from your perspective.

... needlessly imposing "oneself" and refusing to respect someone else's viewpoint ...

It's just as useless to respect everyone's opinion. Honestly, who has the energy for that? It’s exhausting, pointless, and gets you absolutely nowhere.

The person you're describing is just creating their own shortcomings. There’s no reason for them not to change their convictions if they encounter demonstrably better arguments.

What exactly would constitute a "demonstrably better argument" in the examples I gave?

Dennis Cook78 said:There’s definitely a difference, and if anything, we should be drawing even sharper lines between them since those two traits seem to bleed into one another more and more every day. Have you ever noticed how people who claim they "don't care what anyone thinks" often come off as incredibly self-assured, while everyone conveniently forgets to mention they're actually just being arrogant and obnoxious? It doesn't take much brainpower to tell someone exactly what you think of them, and honestly, that’s usually the go-to move for people with limited intellectual depth. What's funny is that the higher up someone climbs on the corporate or academic ladder, the more people tend to misinterpret that attitude as someone simply being a strong, independent individual with a "real personality."

I think I see where most people struggle. They are terrified of becoming "irrelevant" or losing their sense of "purpose," and that’s really where the insecurity kicks in. They can't quite wrap their heads around the brutal simplicity of life because it doesn't fit into this manufactured sense of purpose or the endless checklist of goals they feel forced to hit. They're scared of what might happen if everyone finally realized that none of those arbitrary rules actually hold any weight. They worry about what "everyone else" will say.

At the end of the day, we have to stick to the basic rules of civilized behavior; it’s essentially the only social contract we have to live together in a functional society. That’s why I’m not questioning core values like accountability or decency—those are non-negotiable.

What's the bolded part supposed to mean?

You seem to be overlooking the fact that the messenger actually matters. When some random nobody—someone whose opinion carries zero weight—decides they know what's best for me without being asked, I'm not going to listen. I simply don't have the bandwidth or the interest. It would be pretty strange if I viewed myself as arrogant or rude for ignoring them, while simultaneously failing to see that they're just being tactless, overbearing, and way too comfortable. 🤷

Of course, this doesn't apply to my inner circle, but they know me well enough to realize I have zero patience for unsolicited advice.

Dennis Cook78 said:This is my first time starting a thread on this subforum. I’m curious to hear what you all think when you run into people who constantly go out of their way to emphasize that they have a "sense of self," or when they start lecturing others on how they need to find their own "identity." Why bother stressing one's own existence when it should be a given? What's the point of such constant self-referencing? I’ve never quite been able to wrap my head around what someone is actually trying to achieve when they feel the urge to mention themselves in any context other than just being present. Does this kind of behavior grate on your nerves too?

If it isn't just a blatant pursuit of attention, then constantly highlighting oneself in contexts where it isn't necessary is definitely a red flag that there are some deep-seated issues regarding how that person perceives their own identity. In all my time, I have never met anyone who uses "I" in that specific way as a rational expression of genuine self-confidence.

These types of people also seem to have this compulsive need to weave themselves into every single story they tell, just to make sure we don't accidentally miss their "expert" take on whatever topic is being discussed. Usually, in one of these monologues, you'll hear "I" mentioned five times, "me" ten times, and then a dozen or more variations of "myself" or "my own" tossed in just for good measure.

To me, it feels like a sign of extreme insecurity. It's like they try to manufacture confidence by aggressively attaching their persona to every positive argument they make, hoping people will eventually associate them with those ideas. Honestly, they can be exhausting to deal with, which is why I usually just find an excuse to step away.☕

In the first instance, my thought is that the person clearly lacks a sense of self; in the second, I see an interloper trying to force themselves into spaces where they aren't wanted.

Since the phrase "having a sense of self" is usually code for having a solid character, I don't see any reason to go out of one's way to announce it. To me, it feels like something people say when they aren't actually confident that their own character is as firm as they claim.

Dennis Cook78 said:What exactly did I get mixed up?

I feel like I follow what you're getting at, but I don't see how personality traits tie into self-affirmation. To me, "thinking for yourself" means building an argument based on logic and purpose, where the strength of the point shouldn't change just because you add your own personal bias to it. If an argument passes the "sanity test" and holds its own through quality alone, then it stands strong regardless of who happens to be saying it.

That’s why I don’t quite get the need to constantly emphasize one's own identity beyond the normal way we speak; nothing suddenly becomes "more valuable" or "smarter" just because you attach your name to it.

It isn't always just about the weight or validity of an argument, though. Sometimes decisions or opinions are shaped by intuition, subjective stances, or gut feelings that might not align perfectly with a logical syllogism. And frankly, those decisions—when paired with a bit of common sense—are often the right ones. They aren't universal, either, which makes judging someone else's choices difficult since we rarely grasp the full context or the background circumstances behind them.

I would define someone who possesses a "sense of self" as someone capable of making their own decisions regardless of how heavy someone else's arguments might be—someone who trusts themselves enough to shoulder whatever risks come with those choices. Such a person is also willing to admit when their own self was wrong, and simply move on.

rustynomad23 said:I wouldn't call them narrow-minded; one can only shift their perspective through intensive education. Perhaps they simply lack the time or the interest, leaving their outlook fixed.

So, you say yours changed? Was it a drastic transformation, or merely subtle nuances?

It wasn't subtle; it was a complete demolition. It’s hard to even put them in the same category. Back when I was fifteen, I spent my time nursing all these grand illusions about how the world worked and what people were actually capable of—everything looked like it was filtered through rose-colored glasses. Now? The glass is gone. Everything is just transparent and colorless. 😁

rustynomad23 said:I am trying to step away from the good versus bad framework.

Naturally, it is positive when information brings something new to light; ideally, we would be able to view it with total objectivity.

It would be ideal if one's worldview shifted throughout their entire life—true lifelong learning.

However, it seems most people remain trapped within a specific framework, having constructed their own prism by a certain age.

One often knows exactly how they will react to a piece of information and how they will filter it before it even arrives. This is most evident in the political and ideological conflicts constantly occurring in society and here on the forum.
I have witnessed situations where people watch the exact same video yet walk away with completely opposing interpretations. 😲

This led me to the idea that we have already created our lens by a certain point; my estimation is between the ages of 15 and 18.

In my opinion, that’s a bad thing. If I were being strictly politically correct, I’d say such people are narrow-minded, or at least have limited perspectives. 😁

I've seen situations where two people watch the exact same video and walk away with completely opposite interpretations. 😲

That happens every single day, and while it just proves how different we all are, refusing to actually question someone else's perspective or wonder if there's logic to it... well, that would be a true limitation.

It made me think that we've already constructed this lens for ourselves by a certain point, likely somewhere between the ages of 15 and 18.

Speaking from experience, my own worldview has shifted multiple times since I was 18. Back when I was 15, I wasn't even thinking about the world; I was mostly just preoccupied with myself. 😁

rustynomad23 said:Broadly speaking, how much do you think your worldview—that specific "lens"—has shifted?

When did it actually take shape? Or is it in a state of constant flux?

To what extent can you influence that perspective today?

Is there any single piece of information that could drastically alter your entire outlook on life?

It’s shifted quite dramatically at times. 😁 I don't claim to be the sole architect of those changes, nor do I really care to. Life forces those shifts, changing me in the process, and I just adapt. You adjust your perspective to match reality; there’s no other way to live without being at war with yourself.

Is there any specific piece of information out there that would drastically alter your worldview?

Certain things certainly have had the power to shift my perspective entirely.

I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to dissect here. When you look at these shifts—whether they happen within yourself or in others—do you tend to see them as positive or negative?

rustynomad23 said:At any given moment, we absorb information that passes through our own unique "prism," shaping our individual perspectives. Even when presented with identical facts, one's resulting stance varies wildly from person to person.

One might call this prism a "worldview," though that term feels somewhat one-dimensional to me. We often encounter people with similar outlooks yet positioned at opposite ends of the spectrum—recent news cycles have certainly highlighted this phenomenon. In my pursuit of a more multidimensional understanding, I prefer the concept of a "prism" that filters data through multiple variables.

What I am curious about is this: at what age does our "prism" fully form?

Is it primarily shaped by upbringing, education, and intellect? Or are there other hidden factors at play?

If we assume this lens solidifies by a certain age, is it actually possible to change it later in life?

If anyone can recommend literature exploring these specific inquiries, I would be most grateful.

Life experience, age, sheer luck, the cultural mindset of your neighborhood, whether you actually have access to information—all of it. Everything shapes how you view the world.

If we assume this worldview hardens by a certain age, is it even possible to shift your perspective later on?

I’m convinced it is. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve caught myself saying, "Actually, looking at it from a different angle now..."

Nicholas King said:Don't you think it might be a little unrealistic to assume that such a massive windfall wouldn't attract certain people—people who might want to offer you, shall we say, protection... or something along those lines 😎?

With that kind of cash on the table, it's pretty much impossible to stay under the radar.

It's a headache if you don't win, and just as much of a headache if you do. 😬

From what I gather, there are accounts that use specific codes for anonymity, though most places try their best to avoid that kind of setup entirely.

Under normal circumstances, you have to prove exactly who you are just to get an account opened.

I play Powerball pretty regularly, but I’ve never really given much thought to these kinds of technicalities. Honestly, I think I’d be fine with the risk of people finding out I was the one who hit the jackpot.

1. Great for background noise,
2. It's alright, I guess.
3. Boring.
4. Forgettable. Honestly, if I heard this playing in the background, I wouldn't even realize it was there.
5. No.
6. Not bad, could work.
7. It's fine; doesn't bother me.
8. No,
9. It's good.
10. Absolutely—yes.

feralnomad8 said:Basically, the whole thing kicked off because of my family. Things were fine—polite enough, I guess—until that one day. Instead of things just settling back into a normal routine after that, everything spiraled exactly how I described.

Or maybe your expectations of what family should look like have just shifted. You’ve got a healthy kid, a husband who actually stands by you, and all the ingredients for a good life. Honestly, if you stop overthinking it and just focus on that, you'll be fine.

unnamed

Bryan Rodriguez7 said:I see, that makes more sense now. This isn't just a passing phase; she’s in a depressive state, and it has likely been going on for quite some time. I suppose everyone deals with depressive episodes occasionally, and they tend to pass on their own, but clinical depression is a legitimate illness just like any other, and it needs to be taken very seriously. Plus, from what I can tell, she’s dealing with anxiety too, which is why she's using unnamed. You might want to look into social phobia as well.

The medication will definitely help her, that much is certain, but she also has to put in the work herself. Medication is really just a crutch; she’s the one who has to do the healing through a combination of therapy and medicine.

As for the duration, it really depends on the patient's condition. It could range anywhere from three months to three years—and I’m referring specifically to the unnamed that I take myself. I wouldn't dare speculate on the other one since I haven't used it. But honestly, there is plenty of information online; if you Google it, you should be able to find quite a bit regarding specific drugs and the illness itself.

I'm with you there. I'm glad your experience with the medication has been positive, and I'm really hoping hers turns out the same way. She actually started her treatment this morning and mentioned she hasn't dealt with any dizziness or nausea yet.

unnamed
:

Everything is available online anyway—just Google it and you'll find plenty of info on every drug and the condition itself.

I've done my fair share of reading, but I was specifically looking for insight into how these two drugs interact. I wanted to hear from someone with actual, hands-on experience with them (or anything else, for that matter). She won't touch the research herself; psychiatric stuff and symptom lists just send her into a spiral. Right now, she's completely fixated on the idea that she's broken and that this is just her life now.

unnamed

Bryan Rodriguez7 said:Side effects are pretty much a standard part of taking any medication, I suppose.
Effexor generally plays well with other drugs, so from that perspective, there shouldn't be much of an issue. She just shouldn't take it on an empty stomach; taking it after a meal should help mitigate the nausea. It’s probably best to take the Effexor in the morning so it doesn't interfere with sleep, while the Lorazepam tends to have a sedative effect—at least from what I understand, though I haven't personally used it—so she should save that for the evening.
Feeling nauseous or a bit lightheaded is fairly common.

During those first few days on Effexor, you can feel somewhat drugged or just a little lost, but that usually passes quite quickly.
As for the pregnancy, she’ll definitely have to wait if she's starting this regimen.

I guess I'm just a bit puzzled as to how she received this specific therapy for just a single depressive episode. 😕

From what I can gather, unnamed takes hers first thing when she wakes up, and unnamed follows after breakfast.
unnamed

Nausea and mild dizziness are pretty standard.

Alright, that sounds manageable.

unnamed

If this treatment is what triggered it, trying to get pregnant will have to wait.

That’s expected, really. But the hardest part is that the depression itself stems from spending a year struggling to conceive. 😢
unnamed

I just don't get how she ended up on medication for nothing more than a depressive episode. 😕

How so? Are you thinking there might be something else besides meds, like psychotherapy or something similar? 😕

She’s incredibly guarded. She didn't even tell her parents she saw a psychiatrist, just her husband and me. She’s also dealing with a lot of insecurity and general anxiety about everything. That’s why I promised I’d look into other people's experiences for her. Right now, she's terrified of the side effects and how the drugs will hit her. 🤷

I just hope the treatment does the trick. Tell me, if you happen to know, how long do people typically stay on this kind of regimen?

A friend of mine was just prescribed a combo of Lorazepam 1 x 1 mg and Effexor 37.5 mg for a moderate depressive episode. I'm curious if anyone here has experience with this specific pairing and what kind of side effects we should be looking out for.

She was told that the Effexor might cause some nausea, but apparently, that should taper off after three or four days. 🤷 Has anyone else dealt with something similar?

Supposedly, if the nausea gets too intense, the treatment is stopped. Does that usually mean actual vomiting, or just an overwhelming sense of being sick?

On top of that, she was warned not to try getting pregnant right now—which is frustrating, because she was actually right in the middle of trying. 😢

Megan Sanders3 said:Talking to my mother is basically impossible—I can rarely catch her when she isn't intoxicated... I've tried everything, from being gentle to being blunt, but nothing sticks. I even went as far as telling her I’d call Child Protective Services, but then the threats started—she told me I'd never see the kid again and that my stepfather would physically come after me. My boyfriend has already stepped up; he's fully embraced her and knows that I'm nothing without that little girl. He's ready to help out with the costs if she moves in with us, but man, reporting my own mother to the state feels heavy. She's still my mom, after all, so I'm just desperately searching for some middle ground where I can get custody peacefully and they can actually act like parents in her life.

You should probably reach out to Child Protective Services and just see what your actual options are. Staying in an environment fueled by alcoholism and drug use isn't just difficult—it's a disaster waiting to happen for a child.😢

Megan Sanders3 said:A lot of people have mentioned feeling a sense of relief—like a weight being lifted—once they finally open up about their struggles to someone else..
I’ve always dismissed that idea as pure foolishness; you're essentially handing people a roadmap to your vulnerabilities, and most folks will just use that intel to manipulate you... But honestly, I feel like I’m hitting a breaking point, so I suppose I’ll try laying it all out here, if only because maybe it truly might help..

I don't have any friends left, so I find myself typing this out to strangers on the internet... It probably sounds pathetic, but I made a promise to myself to give this a shot, just in case.. So, here goes..
I'm 24 now, but the downward spiral really started when I was 12. Before that, life was actually decent—I had friends, and my parents were relatively normal! But since we were refugees, the old folks decided it was time to move back to where we lived before the war broke out. They kept telling us how wonderful and beautiful that place was, so I actually looked forward to the move...
That optimism didn't last long; the town was a ghost town, really. Most people there were either tiny children or stuck in that awkward 25-to-25 age bracket. There were only two girls my age in the whole village, and I used to hang out with them until my brother started seeing one of them—then suddenly, I was persona non grata... It didn't bother me much at the time, though, because I preferred playing soccer with my brother's crowd..

In sixth grade, I managed to make some girlfriends, though we mostly just saw each other at school since they lived in the next town over. A couple of years passed, and by eighth grade, my parents let me stay over at a friend's house occasionally, and vice versa. But then my best friend developed a crush on my brother. I thought it was great and tried to play matchmaker, but that blew up in my face. She ended up turning the entire social circle against me, leaving me completely isolated...

Back then, I was dating David, who was 18, so I hung out with his group of older guys, which provided at least a little bit of solace... Around that time, my grandmother fell ill and was bedridden. Since my parents were working, the responsibility of feeding her, cleaning her, and everything else fell on me—both before and after school. I was incredibly close to her, so losing her was a massive shock to my system. Following her death, my health took a hit, and I was even being sent to see a psychologist on a weekly basis!!
I broke things off with Darren, but I immediately started seeing Drake. Things seemed to stabilize for a moment, but then my mother spiraled into alcoholism, and my father followed suit. It turned into a cycle of constant, nightly fighting, and my brother and I would often flee the house just to escape the noise..
About eighteen months later, I ended things with Drake and started dating Anthony. When I turned 17, our parents announced they were getting a divorce. We weren't shocked; it felt like it was just a matter of time. My brother was 18 then, so he decided to go with Dad, while I stayed with Mom. At the time, she had a lover, so we moved in with him. I hated it—it was just one cramped room where the three of us slept. I felt like such a burden that I told Mom I wanted to move back to the old house in the village; it was closer to my school, and it would give her some privacy. She agreed, mainly because since I was 13, I’d been doing all the cooking, cleaning, and basic adulting anyway. I moved back, but my mother never stopped drinking. To make matters worse, Anthony became incredibly controlling; he forbade me from seeing the one true friend I had made in high school. It actually escalated to physical altercations twice. I tried to end it, but he wouldn't stop stalking me, knowing I lived alone and had nobody to turn to for help (Dad and my brother were present during one of those fights and didn't lift a finger—they claim they didn't want to get involved in my business).. I fell into a deep depression and started using food to numb the frustration; I ballooned up to 270 pounds..

After I finished school, my mother blindsided me with news that she was pregnant. For a split second, I was happy, thinking maybe this would be the thing that finally makes her quit drinking, but of course, it didn't. She kept drinking, and the baby was born two months premature—but even then, the alcoholism didn't stop. I fought with her constantly about it, but nothing changed. Her partner, my stepfather, is an addict too, so he couldn't care less about the baby or my mother. In the first two years of her life, the little one spent more time in the hospital than at home. Eventually, they asked me to move back in to help watch the baby while they worked. I agreed, partly for the sake of the child and partly to finally get away from Anthony... And it worked. I found a new boyfriend who is from a major city—he's wonderful. We dated for a few months, and then he moved into the apartment where I was living and helping raise the little girl. He’s given up a lot to be with me; back home, he has a house, a car, and his father owns a successful business. He keeps trying to convince me to move back to the city with him. But I can't. Not because of my sister. I love my sister more than anything, and I can't leave her at the mercy of my mother and stepfather. My mom doesn't cook, she doesn't clean—her place is a total pigsty—she's perpetually drunk, and she has zero interest in caring for the baby. And my stepfather? He's gone 24/7, constantly avoiding any responsibility, even though he keeps insisting how much he loves her.

I recently moved out to a house in the countryside—it’s peaceful, mostly—and we had this whole agreement where the little one would spend two weeks with me and two weeks with them. But now, they’re only taking her for a single week at a time, and honestly, she doesn't even want to go to their place anymore. It drives me absolutely insane—this sheer refusal on their part to actually step up and care for her, to just *spend time* with her... and yet, their negligence is basically holding my entire life hostage. I am more than ready to take full custody and raise her properly, the way any child should be raised. Right now, I’m living 186 miles away from my boyfriend because our finances were becoming completely unmanageable—he actually had to move out because of these idiots who clearly didn't realize that making a child is one thing, but actually raising one is a whole different story...

I’m at a total loss. I keep thinking how much easier everything would be if we could just head to Chicago and live as a normal, cohesive family. I know I can never truly replace her mother—and I’m not even trying to—but I want her to feel like she belongs somewhere. I don't want her sitting there during Christmas listening to her father tell her Santa isn't real, or that he doesn't celebrate, or that there's no point in decorating the tree... and then having to deal with him getting drunk because the festivities bother him while she just sits there, forced to watch and listen to it all. My dad keeps telling me to look out for myself—that by keeping her here, I'm just throwing my best years away and carrying my mother's baggage.
But what about the child? Am I supposed to just abandon her and go live my life? Am I actually losing my mind for staying here and putting my own life on hold? I've thought about calling Child Protective Services, but I fear the little one would be the one to suffer most from that. I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point.

What should I do? Does anyone have any actual, decent advice? 🙂

Your dad can say whatever he wants, but considering he hasn't exactly been a model of support for you, he isn't in any position to understand what real care looks like.

From what I can gather, your mother and stepfather aren't exactly stepping up for your daughter, so she’d likely be better off with you—assuming you have the energy, the willpower, and the financial stability to take her in. Have you ever actually sat your mother down and talked about this?

What does your boyfriend think about all this? Have you brought him into the loop yet?