Posts by Noah Garcia4

David Vaughn75 said:Honestly, if I were actually more aggressive, I probably would've gotten way further in life 😢

I know exactly where you're coming from. I actually found myself sitting there in my psychiatrist's office, trying to explain that I’m not being aggressive enough. It sounds absurd when I say it out loud, but it’s the most honest thing I've said in a session. I don't know how else to put it, if you catch my drift.

And then there's me, staring at my screen while it tells me I don't fit into either category. 🙄
Why should you even bother stressing over the details? At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is how you feel, and you already know that better than anyone else.
And then there’s that one part where you realize some people are just fundamentally wired to be chaotic; unfortunately, once someone hits that level of irrationality, they stay there, and you just have to accept that reality. ☕

So, you're claiming you aren't being outwardly aggressive toward others, but instead, you're just taking all that hostility out on yourself? ☕

Larry Lewis said:The absolute worst part about dealing with this illness—if you can even call it that—is the crushing necessity to be more enlightened and far more patient than those "healthy" people out there... it’s truly exhausting🙂

Yeah, exactly. That's spot on. ☕

Eric Mitchell55 said:I can't shake this feeling lately... it’s like people are actually a little bit afraid of me. I don't know if it's my vibe or just something in my face, but there's this sense that people are keeping their distance. It's a strange thing to deal with, honestly. 🙄

Absolutely. 😍

That isn't just a feeling you're having; it's simply the reality of the situation.

Separately from your personal experience, it absolutely drives me up the wall when the news reports some tragedy and immediately labels the perpetrator as a schizophrenic.
It’s presented as if that's the headline, 🙄 and then we all collectively act like murderers ourselves. As if we're just being "aggressive." Give me a break.

The vast majority of people who commit murder are perfectly "normal" individuals. I won't go down a rabbit hole discussing the history of warfare or the darker side of human nature right now, but the point remains.

David Vaughn75 said:And honestly, I’m just wondering 🙄 why are you being so aggressive? 😁 😁

Only in the bedroom. 😁

Oh, and by the way, yeah, I am aggressive. I mean it. There was this one poor guy on a forum once where I went so hard on his full name that if you searched him on Google, every single one of those posts would pop right up. Was that aggressive? Absolutely.
Was it crazy? Sure. Did he hold a grudge? You bet.
And did I eventually make things right with the moderators and work to get all that stuff scrubbed from the internet? I did.
So what's the big deal now? Nothing. 🥳

David Vaughn75 said:

I don't know what to tell you guys—some people just live in a complete fantasy land. I’ve been watching this thread spin in circles for hours, and honestly, it’s exhausting. You’ve got people acting like everything is sunshine and rainbows when we all know how the real world works. It’s pretty much always a mess behind the curtain. Anyway, I’m just sitting here with my coffee, watching the chaos unfold. Some of you really need to wake up and smell the reality of the situation before you start making big promises you can't keep. It's the same old story every single time. kaže:
Honestly, I don't even have much to say—just the same old crap, different day, you know? Just spinning the wheels in the same rut like always.Just wanted to let you guys know I’m lurking and reading everything—I see you all.

Preach, brothers—you hit the nail right on the head.

Look, let’s be real for a second—we aren't just your average, run-of-the-mill crowd. We’re operating on a completely different level than the rest of the masses out there. 😬

The thing is, they actually believe they’re the ones looking down on everyone else. 🙂

David Vaughn75 said:Man, if this whole world was actually some kind of perfect paradise—you know, all sunshine and rainbows and nothing ever going wrong—we wouldn't be out here getting sick in the first place. It’s just one of those things, right? If life were actually as flawless as people try to pretend it is, we wouldn't have to deal with any of this mess. 🙄

I'm just saying,🙄

Larry Lewis said:Not much to report from my end—just the same old grind, different day, you know how it goes. Just wanted to let you all know I’m lurking and reading along, my friends.

It's funny watching how aggressive people with certain mental health issues can get when they're online.🤣 🤣
though I suppose it makes sense when everything eventually hits you with a wave of depression.🧐

I find myself constantly burdened by this exhausting need to prove I’m not dim-witted just so people don't dismiss me as an idiot. It’s become a standard assumption that if someone acts irrational, they’re essentially lacking basic intelligence.🙄

Larry Lewis said:I can't quite put the feeling into words—it's probably just a bout of the blues.

The main thing is having someone to talk to when things get heavy. Besides, you and I have both basically earned PhDs in dealing with human prejudice and social stigma by now, haven't we? 😉

Anyway, I'm off to watch the game—Major League Baseball tonight. My buddies and I could probably take these guys if we were playing, but hey, the boys are giving it their best shot.
I'll shoot you a private message if you're up for it, because I think you're actually worth having a real, honest conversation with.

Sure, absolutely. I mean, there's a certain grace in solitude, though I suppose even perfectly sane people find themselves isolated every now and then.🤣

Honestly, if people don't tell me I'm losing my mind immediately, I start getting worried that I actually am.

I'm going to go unwind with some Mad Men or Game of Thrones. Spartacus is already over.☕

Oh, please. You still have those people who act like they couldn’t care less about you, pretending to offer this grand, unconditional love, only to vanish into thin air the moment things get real. They just evaporate. Personally, I’ve managed to hold onto quite a solid circle of old friends through it all.

As for what people think—let them. If someone decides to give me a side-eye simply because they’ve pegged me as "crazy," I'm certainly not going to waste my breath trying to convince them to drop their guard. If they insist on keeping that wall up despite my best efforts, then we're at an impasse. I’m not running a rehabilitation clinic for people clinging to their own prejudices.
Some people just vibe with me, and some don't; the feeling is entirely mutual.

Regarding that sense of loneliness, it might just be a symptom of a deeper depressive slide.
You can be standing in the middle of a crowded room in Manhattan and still feel completely isolated, don't you think? ☕

Larry Lewis said:What do you all think—is it that our illness actually makes us more isolated, or is it just some kind of psychological trick playing on our minds? I mean, what the hell is the real reason? Because whenever I’m out walking down the street, I honestly feel like I just landed here from Mars.🙂

Once word gets out that you’re dealing with schizophrenia, the whole town starts treating you like you have a contagious disease. People tend to steer clear once they label you. It’s even worse if you’ve had one of those public outbursts; once you've been branded as someone who might snap, you effectively lose half your social circle before you even get a chance to introduce yourself. That’s just the cold, hard reality of how people operate.
Loneliness is essentially a matter of subjective perception rather than objective fact. Even perfectly well-adjusted people experience those hollow moments, though they’ve usually mastered the art of rationalizing them away through various psychological defense mechanisms. On the other hand, you have certain individuals who simply don't feel lonely at all—not because their lives are objectively crowded, but because their internal compass just doesn't register the void, making the sensation entirely non-existent to them.

Whoa, what’s with the sudden aggression? 🤣☕

So you were actually convinced they were digging graves—basically living in a total delusion 🧐

I’d argue it’s much harder to pretend you’re Jesus if you’re a true believer, the kind who actually lives by their faith.

As for exploring alternatives or mysticism, trying to draw any coherent conclusion is a bit like trying to map the entire Pacific Ocean; the scope is just too massive. If meditation helps you find some peace, then honestly, why wouldn't you do it?
Most people struggling with mental health issues are deeply religious and spend their time praying; whether they're actually receiving divine intervention is anyone's guess, but I'm certain they sleep a lot better after they've said their prayers.
Personally, I hover somewhere in the realm of a borderline atheist. I feel like there might be something to all this, but please, spare me the deep dives into the Virgin Birth or the resurrection; I really don't have the emotional bandwidth for those debates. 😬

It’s pretty straightforward: if someone is battling cancer, of course they’re going to use marijuana to manage the pain. I, on the other hand, can't touch the stuff.
But I can certainly take some Vitamin B or brew a calming herbal tea...
And take my pills. 🙂

Larry Lewis said:Noah Garcia4, there’s honestly nothing better than grabbing a coffee and then wandering around the city hunting for those little chocolate treats—maybe grab another coffee after—though I’m really not sure if our bank accounts can handle that kind of lifestyle lately.🙂

Regarding the physical toll of this illness... well, at first, it hit me right in my waistline, but I managed to fight that off with some regular exercise. Now, though? It’s my digestion that’s giving me hell because the meds I was prescribed recently absolutely wrecked my gut. It’s reached a point where, about three hours after I get out of bed, I’m essentially housebound—I can't go anywhere because I have to run to the restroom four, five, six times in a row, and yet, none of it is even productive, if you catch my drift. I’ve been taking probiotics for maybe a month now, but they aren't doing much of anything. I just keep hoping that if I stick with them long enough, things will finally settle down, because I truly cannot express how miserable this is. You're sitting on a Greyhound bus and suddenly you're sweating and panicking, praying there's a Starbucks or a gas station nearby because you desperately need a bathroom—it's enough to drive a person insane.
As for how much my brain has been fried... hmm... probably quite a bit, I suppose, but what can you do? There isn't exactly a quick fix for that.

Are you seriously suggesting that two hundred people would struggle to cover the cost of a round of coffee? 🤣

I’m honestly craving a little bit of chaos. This relentless sense of normalcy is absolutely draining my soul. 🙄

fadedlynx96 said:What does ambivalence actually look like to you?

Can you give me an example? Is it emotional, logical, ideological, or something else entirely?

The more detail you can provide, the better, because I’ve spent enough time staring down various diagnoses from schizophrenia to full-blown psychosis to know how much this matters.

If there's any way to prove I'm not being ambivalent, I'll take it.

Well, if we're looking for the textbook case, schizophrenia often manifests as loving and hating the exact same person at once.
Though, to be fair, that isn't exactly a rare phenomenon among neurotypical people either.

That’s the clearest instance I can think of.
Oh, and it's also frequently noted that people dealing with schizophrenia struggle with ambivalence when making even the most trivial decisions. I can't think of a perfect illustration for that right now, but regardless, that first point about conflicting emotions is usually what comes up most often.

My actual concern lies with the physical toll this takes. I'm not just talking about how medication might affect my liver or the weight gain that often comes with the territory.
I'm thinking more about the underlying mechanics: if we know schizophrenia stems from an imbalance—whether it's too little or too much—in the secretion and flow of neurotransmitters, then what has that actually done to my body on a cellular level?
Essentially, sure, the meds can be hard on the liver.
But schizophrenia isn't just a psychological disorder; it's a physiological one, too.

Larry Lewis As if I haven't heard this one before.
It’s all just one giant, repetitive loop, isn't it? The Earth spins on its axis, the clock hands circle back to where they started, the moon orbits our planet, and the entire solar system drifts around the sun—even the seasons themselves just cycle through the same predictable patterns over and over again.🙂

When it comes to mental health, schizophrenia is really the only condition I find somewhat intriguing; obviously, I wouldn’t actually want to deal with it personally, but there is a certain complexity to it that catches my interest. If I were ever forced to choose between grabbing a coffee with someone struggling with depression versus someone experiencing schizophrenia, I’d go with the latter without a second thought.

😁 I'll give you a shout later about grabbing coffee. ☕

I was thinking about that specific part where the Bible says Jesus is coming back, right?

As for that other bit you mentioned—seeing those bulldozers—that’s clearly just a hallucination, I realize that now. ☕

Larry Lewis said:Perhaps Jesus speaks through certain individuals—I, for one, am quite convinced of that—so I don't take your little delusions lightly.

Both God and the devil can speak through people—assuming we’re operating under the premise that either exists. In the context of schizophrenia, however, this line of reasoning is just spinning your wheels, given that ambivalence is a hallmark feature of the condition. ☕

If you’re actually self-aware enough to realize you need to shut up about your delusions, you’re already halfway to being sane. All jokes aside, there are plenty of people walking around thinking they’re some kind of deity without ever having seen a psychiatrist. But honestly, we’re two thousand years too late for that :rolf: I mean, how are we even supposed to identify the real Jesus when nobody can even agree on what he looked like? It feels like we should probably just get back down to Earth, doesn't it? Or is that just more metaphorical nonsense? 😂