Harold Anderson3 said:I suppose you just have to learn to live with that reality. I’ve been managing my schizophrenia for nearly thirteen years now, and if I’m being honest, the best I’ve managed to achieve is a sort of bipolar-like cycle, where my mood just swings back and forth between deep depression and feeling relatively normal (and occasionally even hitting manic highs). Even with staying strictly on top of my medication, I can't rule out those occasional, milder psychotic episodes either. If those negative symptoms are starting to feel overwhelming for you, it might be worth having a real conversation with your psychiatrist about potentially adding an antidepressant to your current regimen.
And I spend quite a lot of time "living" in the past. Just constantly ruminating on where everything went wrong or what I could have done differently...
Hopefully, things will improve. 🤷
I know that feeling all too well, though I think it's something we can work on improving. I try to tell myself to dedicate about 90% of my mental energy and focus to the present moment, leaving just the remaining 10% to deal with the past or look toward the future. It basically means trying to stay grounded in the "now," while still allowing yourself to remember where you've been and plan for where you're going.
You didn't do anything wrong; things simply turned out the way they did. Of course, it wasn't inevitable—things could have gone differently—but they didn't. It is what it is. You can't rewrite the past, but you definitely have the power to shape your future by how you handle the present.
I think I'll hold off on asking for an antidepressant for now, though, because I know firsthand how incredibly hard it can be to find the motivation to even get out of bed once you start taking them.
Plus, things aren't quite at a breaking point with my depression yet...
Harold Anderson3 said:I know that feeling all too well, but hey, it's something that can be worked on. Try to put about 90% of your focus and energy into the here and now, and then just let the other 10% cover the past and the future. It basically means staying present in the moment, while occasionally looking back or planning ahead...
You didn't do anything wrong; things just turned out the way they did. Of course, it didn't *have* to happen this way—it could have gone differently—but it didn't. This is just where we are. You can't rewrite what's already happened, and you shape your future by how you handle right now.
Everything you said makes sense, Harold, and your logic is totally sound... But the thing is, I've always been such an emotional person, and I tend to follow my heart much more than my head. I catch myself blaming myself for being sick, especially since heavy marijuana use over a long stretch was one of the triggers for my schizophrenia, not to mention that period last year when I decided to stop taking my meds on my own whim. Back then, I was only taking one pill, but now I'm on five plus a depot injection...🙂
Still, I'm still fighting this battle, and I haven't given up hope on finding a better future for myself. So, there's a little bit of positivity coming from my side after all... 🙂