Posts by Ethan Reyes2

I already posted an ad on the association's forum, but I figured I’d just repost it here as well, just in case...

I have a few items I'm looking to give away, which I really hope will find their way to someone who can actually make use of them:

- diapers, size Medium
- adult incontinence pads, size Large
- bed pads/underpads

In addition to those things, if anyone happens to be in need of things like Regla, etc., I'd be happy to include those too.

The only thing is, I would really prefer to handle the hand-off locally in Chicago. If you're interested, just send me a private message.

Thank you, everyone.
I suppose the only small comfort in the midst of everything she endured over this past year and a half is that she was able to pass away at home, in peace, and with me right by her side. In a way, it saved her from even greater suffering.
They say time heals all wounds, and I try to hold onto that thought to get through this; it just hurts so deeply knowing the hell my mother had to go through.
My heart goes out to anyone else currently navigating the struggle against these kinds of illnesses 😢 I truly wish the very best for all of you.

My mother passed away yesterday

Oh, crimsondrifter2, this is just heartbreaking 🙂
I feel so incredibly bad 😢
And honestly, I feel like I see it all coming. That total lack of empathy... it really gets to you. I sometimes wonder where people find their soul, you know? Like, why would anyone even choose a profession like that if they don't have a shred of compassion for the people they're supposed to be helping? 😢

crimsondrifter2 said:I think I should have spoken up more, maybe pushed back a little harder. But you just sit there thinking, "I can't be rude to the people who literally hold my mother's life in their hands."

I find myself spinning my wheels over those exact same thoughts from time to time... though I mostly stayed quiet because I was terrified that if I made a scene, they'd take it out on Mom. How many times did I have to bite my tongue and swallow my rage? At this rate, it'll be a miracle if I don't end up with a stomach ulcer

@ crimsondrifter2 😢
my deepest condolences

Angela Wright said:I didn't really have a life at all during her entire illness. It felt like I was just on hold for three years.

😢

Thank God for those silver linings, though—those moments of clarity and growing up—because without them, this whole experience would have just been a total coma.

Personally, I can't think of a single positive thing about any of this, 🤷
as I've mostly just run into a mountain of nonsense and terrible experiences throughout the whole process.

1. You can't actually take medical leave to care for a sick parent,
2. If you're driving someone home from chemo or radiation, you're stuck waiting at the clinic for at least two hours,
3. Information regarding the disease, the treatment, or basic patient rights is something you usually find out from friends, neighbors, or some random website, and then maybe from doctors or staff if you happen to know exactly which questions to ask,
4. The level of attention a patient receives seems to be directly proportional to how deep their pockets are or how many little gifts they hand out to staff,
5. Even though my mom paid her dues into Medicare and supplemental insurance religiously for years, she still hasn't received adequate palliative care. She spent ten days in the hospital, and despite being on antibiotics, they basically kicked her out the door. The only other option was that hospital in Novi Marof, which I honestly won't even go there.
6. And don't even get me started on nursing homes 🙄... Mom lasted exactly one week in one that claims to offer "high-quality service." It was so high-quality that they didn't bother giving her water until two in the afternoon one day (and keep in mind, she’s immobile). They missed her medication doses, nobody checked to see if she had even eaten anything that day, and they didn't bother changing or washing her once during that entire week.

Such a heavy, necessary topic...
To be honest, when everything first started falling apart with my mom, I was naive enough to think the chemotherapy rounds would be the hardest part to get through. How wrong I was...

The emotional rollercoaster Mom is riding right now—all kept steady by a constant stream of morphine—it’s enough to drive anyone to the brink. Yesterday, I found myself sobbing like a child, just completely undone.
A friend's mother actually warned me about a month and a half ago that there would come a stage where the disease itself starts speaking through her, letting out all those "demons." It is such an absolute nightmare. 🙂
My mantra has become a constant loop in my head: 'it's just the illness, it's just the illness,' but how do you say that when certain words cut so deep that your vision actually blurs from the sheer weight of the grief, the despair, and the anger?
It truly is an art form, isn't it? Trying to care for a terminally ill family member while simultaneously attempting to keep the rest of life moving forward as if things were normal.

Paul Baker29 said:Just hit the gym and eat clean. Humans aren't designed to sit around all day; we were built to stay active.

Well, there you have it—the absolute pinnacle of wisdom right there.
Movement.
But let's be honest, people are just lazy, sluggish, and always seem to have a million excuses lined up. We all have responsibilities, don't we? I personally deal with a hundred different things every single day, yet I still maintain that you can always find time for some exercise, provided you actually want to.

Moving around gets the blood pumping, helps process everything we eat, and keeps the lungs working properly through that essential exchange of gases.

It’s about time someone actually spoke up about this.
I can't help but think back to how many hours my mom spent just sitting there, waiting for an ambulance while she was trying to get to her chemo treatments. 😢

Linda Rodriguez38 said:A colonoscopy is an invasive, painful procedure—you don't just go in for no reason, right? You wait until a specialist gives you the referral!
Honestly, I’m totally horrified by all this random advice being thrown around without any actual thought—do you guys even realize how many people have had their bowels perforated because of improper prep?!!
Sweetie, just go see a doctor and tell them everything—that's literally what they're there for! If we could cure diseases on internet forums, medical school would have been shut down years ago!
The girl is dealing with constipation, and look, there are plenty of effective meds out there, including natural options!

A colonoscopy is the kind of screening that can genuinely save a life.
It’s unfortunate that so many people shy away from it simply because it’s unpleasant, but really, isn't that a small price to pay for the chance at an early diagnosis?

stormynomad20 said:So, my mother passed away today. Even though I’ve never really been a believer, I find myself hoping her soul has finally found some peace.

I am so sorry for your loss.😢>

Look, we all tend to spiral into this singular, heavy focus on cancer, completely overlooking the fact that benign growths actually exist 🙂 it could just be some sort of inflammation or a passing virus that’s messing with him and making it hard for him to eat.
The real key is simply making sure we don't ignore the symptoms.

Kate Davis23 said:It isn't so much that he’s having trouble digesting food, it's more that he can't bring himself to eat at all—everything just turns his stomach.
And whatever ends up in his mouth, it either comes right back up or results in diarrhea.
He's constantly asking for food, only to find he can't actually manage to eat anything.

I would say, if we are looking strictly at a loss of appetite, maybe try giving him Megostat.

As for the vomiting and the diarrhea, you really ought to consult with an oncologist.
When was the last time your dad had any tests done? How long ago was that? And was there a period recently where he could eat normally without dealing with all this nausea and digestive upset?

Kate Davis23 said:My dad had his stomach removed about a year ago because of cancer.
The test results are great now, but he hasn't been able to eat for about ten days. Today is actually the hardest day—he just sits there at the table, tries to take a bite, and starts crying. He was dealing with diarrhea and vomiting before, but that’s finally stopped.
Does anyone know of any supplements to help boost his appetite? He says food just turns his stomach and he can barely swallow two bites.
His doctor prescribed some Ensure, but even that isn't really working right.

😢

I think I mentioned this before, but let me say it again...

My mom also had her stomach removed about a year and a half ago due to gastric cancer.

To get an appetite back, you should ask the oncologist to prescribe Megostat, and then you can head to the primary care physician for the actual prescription.
Products like Ensure or Prosure are meant to supplement nutrition, but they were a bit too heavy for my mom. If your dad is having trouble digesting them, maybe try diluting them slightly with water or tea?

redridge13 said:I have a bit of a "legal" question, though I suppose this thread is probably the best place to air it🤷

Has anyone here ever actually used their personal time off to care for a seriously ill family member, and what kind of "proof" regarding the illness or your relationship did you have to present to your employer?

At my old job, those options just didn't exist.
I actually went to my primary care physician to ask if I was entitled to any medical leave to look after my mother, and the answer was a flat no.
Apparently, you can get leave to care for a child or a spouse, but for a parent, you're out of luck.

ironsailor22 said:Everything I’ve witnessed lately only reinforces my belief in how broken the system truly is, and how vital it is that we join forces to fight against this corruption, since pressure and collective strength seem to be the only ways to actually make an impact in this so-called democracy of ours. How one goes about organizing that kind of unity, given the temperament of our people, is something I honestly can't wrap my head around. It seems like everything in this country starts and ends with a few brave individuals, while the masses are only ever stirred by football games, rock and country concerts, or seasonal clearance sales at the mall.

👍

stormynomad20, would you mind walking me through how we could actually manage to get a nurse out here twice a day? 🙂

Anyway, I’ve been picking up the Tramal at the local pharmacy. A single pack containing five 50 mg ampoules, along with the syringes and everything else, runs me about $8.25. So, if you do the math, the daily cost for just the medication itself ends up being roughly $1.75.

@Angela Wright/">@@Angela Wright
bebot 😍 goodness, I truly hope you both can get discharged from the hospital soon so you can finally settle back into your own home together and just enjoy being in each other's company 🙂

I was just scrolling through the Medikol policy issue threads, and it’s honestly fascinating how some people still seem to worship at the altar of our healthcare system.
It’s a system that works perfectly fine right up until the moment you actually fall ill and find you don't have the strength left to spend your days chasing down doctors.

It’s only those facing debilitating, terminal illnesses—and the families caught in their orbit—who truly see how dehumanizing this whole medical structure can be when things get heavy.
For instance, my mother is just utterly spent from the constant, unrelenting pain; she can barely eat anything at all, just sipping on water while her body wastes away until there's nothing left but skin and bone.
If you showed someone a photo of a prisoner from Auschwitz, they’d be horrified and filled with pity, yet here is someone who looks exactly the same, receiving virtually no attention or genuine concern from the medical staff.

ironsailor22 said:I understand you far too well, because I went through something almost identical with my mother recently.
She had bone metastases that were incredibly painful, and it honestly drove me to despair because there was nothing I could do to help her. Everyone just kept passing me around from one department to another, yet nobody actually did anything concrete to assist her. I feel bitter and frankly furious at a healthcare system where patients like this are essentially left to fend for themselves and their families. No one should ever have to die in that kind of agony when modern medicine clearly has the tools to prevent it, but it feels like nobody actually cares. It’s just awful.

this whole situation is driving me to the brink of madness, too.
just listen to what my primary care physician told me when I asked if there was any way to get my mom admitted for hospital treatment.
'Do you want the honest truth? Would you really want your mother taking up a hospital bed from someone who can actually be helped? For instance, if you got sick and needed a bed, would you want it to be unavailable because someone like your mother is occupying it?'
😲
that’s what a doctor tells me—someone who swore an oath to provide equal medical care to everyone🙄 🙂
suggesting that my mother has less right to that bed, or that easing her suffering is somehow less important than helping someone else? didn't she pay into this system just like everyone else did? shouldn't she receive help precisely when she needs it most? why is it considered acceptable to prioritize certain groups while leaving terminal patients behind? who even gets to decide whose care is worth the cost and whose isn't?
it’s just disgraceful.🤮
I keep telling them that Mom isn't eating anything because of the pain—absolutely nothing. In the 21st century, my mother is going to end up dying from malnutrition.😢

for now, we are juggling Durogesic patches, Tramadol drops, and having a home health nurse come by once a day to give her a Tramal injection. that Tramal is the only thing providing even a modicum of relief, but I can sense over these last few days that even that isn't enough anymore, and there's simply no option to have a nurse visit twice a day.
where do we go from here? 🤷

There isn't a single soul out there who doesn't want to live, regardless of what kind of misery life throws their way.
I still find myself thinking back to a conversation I had with the attending physician in the ICU while my mom was recovering from surgery. She mentioned how, no matter how many people are enduring intense, grinding pain—people who often say they’d rather just die right then and there—when that final moment actually arrives, everyone wants to keep living, no matter what that life looks like.

Every patient is an entire universe unto themselves. Everyone carries a unique story. You have to consider everything: the stage at which the illness is caught, the age of the person, the sheer severity of it, whether there are metastases or not, where those metastases are located, how aggressive the tumor itself is acting, and how the body responds to treatment... honestly, there are a million different parameters to weigh.
And you should fight for life and health as long as it is humanly possible.
But you also have to be realistic.
Because you really need to be clear about what exactly it is we are fighting for.

From the very beginning, the doctors told my mom there was no chance for a full cure because of the nature and location of her tumor. Still, she went through with the surgery to remove her stomach and the affected lymph nodes, though the tumor remained in her body.
Mom went through chemotherapy and radiation as well, which managed to keep the remaining tumor dormant for a while.
But once those treatments wrapped up, the tumor flared up again with a vengeance. It’s no longer operable.
And Mom is simply too weak now for any new rounds of therapy.

So now, in this limited time she has left—provided the pain isn't absolutely destroying her—she finds herself wondering what she was actually fighting for. And I can't say I blame her. She was given a year and a half of struggling to survive. A woman who was independent and active her entire life became everything she never intended to be: dependent and helpless. Those eighteen months she gained through all that fighting were spent almost entirely in pain. She says she didn't truly get to live that life anyway.

That’s why we should be careful with those slogans about how one "must" fight. In my opinion, we need to respect the reality of the illness and weigh what can actually be saved, if there is anything left to save. At the end of the day, everyone decides for themselves, and everyone knows best what the right option is for them.