Posts by northerneagle3

feraltrucker5 said:Hey there. 🙂

Look, I really shouldn’t be sticking my nose into the whole mess regarding moving the American chats around because the mods and admins have already laid out their reasoning, and honestly, that should pretty much wrap up the debate. But seriously, people acting like this was some sudden, impulsive whim? Give me a break. Back when I was serving as a moderator for the US section—which was about six months ago, if memory serves—and even before then, we were all hyper-aware of how messy the chat situation had become. We were actually trying to design a space that functioned like a genuine community hub for Americans. The whole goal was to create a spot that would finally replace those endless, repetitive threads where everyone just vents about their own personal drama, and instead, actually get people talking to one another and building some real connections.

Look, I thought we were actually going to have a themed discussion here, but clearly, I was getting ahead of myself.

We haven't managed to pull anything off in that timeframe, and honestly, looking around, it’s pretty clear nothing has changed. But then again, how could it? This whole chat topic has just been overrun by people who couldn't write a single constructive post on a major US forum if their lives depended on it. It’s devolved into nothing more than just another generic, mindless chat room where actual substance goes to die.

Look, I know I’m basically just rambling about things that have absolutely nothing to do with my own life, but honestly, I couldn't help myself—I had to jump in here and give Nicholas King a response to this:

The moderator really needs to start citing their sources. I don't even know where to start with this whole mess, honestly. It’s just one thing after another, isn't it? You think you've finally got a handle on things, maybe even a little breathing room, and then—boom—everything just falls apart like a cheap card tower in a windstorm. It's almost funny if you stop to think about how predictable the chaos is. One minute you're cruising along, thinking everything is fine, and the next, you're staring at a complete disaster, wondering how you even got here in the first place. It's like that old saying about how life doesn't give you much of a heads-up before it decides to throw a wrench in your gears. Just constant, relentless movement toward more confusion. Have you seen what’s actually going on in his subforum lately? It’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck—you can see exactly where this is headed, right? The chat threads are absolutely exploding, honestly, we’re talking hundreds of posts rolling in every single day. And then there’s me, stuck playing digital janitor, having to comb through every single one of those endless walls of text just to make sure nobody’s being abusive, dropping sketchy links, or leaking private info. It’s just one thing after another, a constant mountain of nonsense to sift through.

Look, let's be real for a second—a moderator isn't supposed to be some kind of glorified janitor sweeping up trash all day; honestly, they shouldn't even be touching that stuff. That’s just not the job description. A real moderator should be out there actually steering the conversation, keeping the discussions on track, and putting in the actual legwork to make the subforum better—you know, like curating the topic lists, spinning up new threads when things get stale, merging redundant ones, and all that good stuff. They should be architects of the community, not just the cleaning crew.

Honestly, after you’ve slogged through five hundred consecutive messages in the general chat—just people rambling about what they had for lunch, what show they’re binge-watching on Netflix, or how many times they’ve had to take a bathroom break today—you find yourself completely drained. You’ve got zero mental bandwidth left to actually engage with the rest of the subforum the way you ought to. It’s exhausting. And let’s be real, that constant stream of chatter adds absolutely nothing to the actual quality of this community; that's what the constructive, deep-dive threads are for. You end up burning through all your time and energy on someone’s incoherent nonsense that, once it hits ten thousand posts, is just going to end up in the digital trash bin anyway. It’s a total waste of breath, don't you think?

Honestly, I don't see why it would be an issue. We've got moderators who handle the heavy lifting—reading through posts and keeping the chats in check (and let's be real, they’re usually active in them anyway)—and then there are those who prefer to stay behind the scenes, but that’s hardly a crisis because we have dedicated spaces like the Lounge or the Off-Topic boards specifically for the chatterboxes. There’s absolutely no reason for anyone to feel left out or sidelined; we've made sure there's a spot for everyone to hang out. 🙂

Hold on... because it actually worked... 🙂that chat was exactly where old-timers and new Americans were encouraged to actually bond. At every single meetup, there was always at least one new face from the site present..

And as for why I don't post much else on the main boards... I can tell you from my own experience. I joined this site specifically because I wanted to meet new people, plain and simple. I posted a bit, hit up the chat, met them, and that was it. I got what I came for. That's why I don't bother posting more. It's also because everything here is just the same damn topics over and over again. 🤷

Yeah, and since we’re already diving into this whole moved thread situation, I want to know if we’re ever going to get an apology for calling that topic "trash." Seriously, that doesn't sit right with me at all. Those were my own words being thrown back in my face—calling my own stuff garbage? It’s insulting. I mean, I’m a dedicated member of this forum, aren't I?

Yeah, thanks, I’d actually love to know that too. Honestly, I was just scrolling through and couldn't wrap my head around why the ban happened in the first place—that's exactly why I ended up lurking here—but then this explanation caught my eye... 🤷

First off, I’m going to draw a line right here regarding criticism. If you’re asking for it, if you actually want my take—then be ready for the truth. I don't do sugarcoating, and I certainly don't do "polite" fluff. Unless someone specifically asks for my input, I’ll only give just enough if I feel it's absolutely vital, and even then, I’ll tread much more carefully.

I get what you guys are talking about, but honestly, I haven't really run into issues with people over this. I think it's mostly because I make it crystal clear from the jump that this is how I operate—that I don't wrap my words in pretty little bows and that I say things exactly as they are. Because of that, the types of people who can't handle a bit of bluntness usually don't even bother asking. And if they do decide to ask, but I already know they're too thin-skinned to handle the answer, I tell them straight up: "Don't ask me, because you aren't capable of hearing it." It’s a simple rule—you stay quiet when you know they can't take it. And, maybe most importantly, I can take criticism myself. No problem at all. I listen, I process it, I decide if it’s accurate, and then I either fix it or explain why I'm not changing anything. Simple as that. 🙂

To me, that’s just fair. It should be a given that if you ask for someone's opinion, you have to be prepared to hear the unvarnished truth. But unfortunately, that’s clearly not how the world works. So, I think it's only fair to announce upfront that I’m not one of those people who softens the blow, and you shouldn't come looking for lies just to feel better about yourself.

I honestly think they’re just wired differently... they come from totally different backgrounds... at least if you ask me.

Look, I’m not saying those issues aren't valid excuses, because I've read enough to realize there’s usually something deeper going on behind the scenes... but my personality just won't let me play along with that mindset. My immediate reaction is always, "Oh, please, just shake it off and move on." Then my rational side kicks in and tells me it might not be that simple, but that initial gut feeling stays—it's more like, okay, fine, you have a problem, now actually *do* something about it. Sobbing about it isn't going to fix anything. Go talk to a specialist, get moving, handle your business. To be honest, the constant stagnation bothers me way more than the actual problem itself.

Oh, come on, that is such a massive overgeneralization... everyone is different, and honestly, I don't think there are two people on this planet who agree on absolutely everything. What I laid out weren't some set of rigid rules, but more like qualities you look for in an icon or someone you admire. When I run into a woman who actually embodies those traits, that’s when I say, "Okay, now *that* is a real woman." Not some spoiled little prima donna who's constantly whining and can't figure out how to function without someone holding her hand.

And frankly, because of women like that, I wouldn't want to be a man. I mean, I'd satisfy my curiosity for a day, sure, but that's about it. Even though I find the way men operate pretty fascinating, I wouldn't trade being a woman for anything. 🙂

slymaker9 said:It is truly unfortunate when such things occur due to a series of unfortunate circumstances; it is a tragedy.😢😲
Even in those specific instances, there usually comes a moment where an exit strategy presents itself, giving them the opportunity to decide exactly how they want to proceed.
It usually comes down to a matter of career choice. People often opt for the path of least resistance—chasing quick money or taking the easiest route available. It’s a decision I simply don't understand.
I feel like they rationalize their professions in a way that is fundamentally at odds with my own personality. I don't particularly empathize with them, if I'm being honest. Perhaps I just feel a sense of pity for them, much like I do for Vlatko Pokos and Simon Gotovac.
I am certain that prostitution will always exist in society.

Interesting thought. How can you be so sure that if you were a man, you wouldn't find yourself gravitating toward men instead of women?🤷

Smart move. Very smart.
This would be perfect in bold.

It is not a separate topic.🙂

The issue isn't that we fail to understand your point; rather, this forum is a place for discussion, where members enrich one another and refine their perspectives if someone presents a compelling argument. To debate a viewpoint, one must first state it and, ideally, explain it.
If you have the inclination and the time, I would like you to explain how this "ideal" woman expresses those same qualities that a man also possesses, just differently..

To me, all women are valid. Some deserve my respect and others do not, but every woman is genuine and expresses her femininity in her own unique way.

This might seem slightly contradictory to what I wrote above, Sean Cruz, but does every woman truly have a full range of choice? Or is it partially determined by genetics, upbringing, social environment, and circumstance?

We are not identical; we are all different. Regardless of what the Declaration of Independence or any other document states, we were created with diversity, and no piece of paper or person can undo that.

Alright, I'm back. 🙂

First off, I think we’re just talking past each other because we’re using different definitions here. When I say I respect or don't respect someone, I’m talking about whether I consider them "real"—you know that feeling when you see a woman and just think, "Yeah, she’s the real deal, hats off to her." That’s what I mean by "real" women. But if we’re strictly looking at the biology of it, then obviously every woman is real, and I totally agree that while we all have our similarities, we’re all incredibly different individuals. 🙂

So, here’s the thing... how exactly is a woman supposed to express traits that any man could carry too? It’s such a ridiculous question when you really sit down and think about it. Look, I’m about to go off on a massive generalization here, so consider this your fair warning... 🙂
Look, let’s just talk about the love for a child for a second. It’s a universal thing—both the father and the mother absolutely adore their kid. But if we’re being honest here, a mother’s love just has this different kind of tenderness to it. A man? He’s usually more grounded, more rational about how he handles things.
Men tend to see everything in black and white, like they’re stuck in some binary code where things are either right or wrong and there's nothing in between. It’s exhausting. We deal in a million different shades of gray, which actually makes us way more tuned in to what's happening around us—not that we just blindly accept it, but we actually process it. Because we’re more in touch with our emotions, we think on a much broader scale; we’re out here digging for the root causes and overanalyzing every little detail, while a man will just sit there and take whatever someone tells him at face value without a second thought.
Protecting the family? You ever see a mother bear defending her cub? It’s not even the same ballpark. When a woman snaps, she snaps hard. A man might lose his cool and get into a scrap, sure, but if a mother reaches that point where she strikes someone to protect her kid, she’s capable of killing. That instinct is absolutely wild—terrifying, honestly, but just wild.
Honestly, men are just naturally blunt sometimes, and I actually find that pretty refreshing. It’s simple. But when a woman decides to be honest? Man, she is *really* going for it. There is something incredibly powerful about a woman who actually takes the time to sit with her feelings, deconstruct them, and then looks you dead in the eye and tells you exactly what is happening inside her head. Most guys are "honest" just because they aren't overthinking things—they say what’s on their mind because they haven't bothered to process it yet. It’s just "this is how it is." But for women, honesty usually comes after a massive internal deep dive. We question everything, we dissect every emotion, and when we finally land on the truth, it carries so much more weight because it’s been earned.
I honestly think we’re just wired to feel things on a much deeper level than most people give us credit for. We process emotions more intensely, we live through experiences with this raw, heavy weight that others just don't seem to grasp. It’s like we’re tuned to a different frequency entirely.

Everything else boils down to what society expects from you, and honestly, I don't even compare those pressures to what men deal with. A woman can actually afford to fall apart sometimes; she can ask for help without the world ending. Women aren't forced to be this hyper-independent just because everyone around them expects it. But when a woman consciously pushes back against that pressure—when she decides to be truly self-sufficient, firm, and steady on her own feet—I find that absolutely incredible. Most people would probably dismiss this as some trivial thing, like if a cabinet door falls off its hinges, but look at how most women react: they’ll immediately call their boyfriend, a friend, or the neighbor to come fix it. Not me. To me, a "real" woman is the one who grabs that damn screwdriver, rolls up her sleeves, and gets to work herself, even if she ends up making a complete mess of it six times over. 🙂

Look, let’s be real here—upbringing and all those other circumstances play a massive role in who someone turns out to be. I get that. I really do. I don't hold it against women who just couldn't break free from the mess they were raised in or the situations they found themselves stuck in. But let me tell you something: I have nothing but respect for the ones who actually managed to pull themselves together and rise above it all. Those are the only ones I truly consider "real" in my eyes.

So, there you have it—hopefully I made myself clear... if I didn't, just let me know. Honestly, I feel like whenever I talk about my "rights," people over here just hear it as me saying "I appreciate this" or some other soft version of what I actually mean.

Anyway, catch ya later! 😍

slymaker9 said:It is truly unfortunate when such things occur due to a series of unfortunate circumstances; it is a tragedy.😢😲
Even in those specific instances, there usually comes a moment where an exit strategy presents itself, giving them the opportunity to decide exactly how they want to proceed.
It usually comes down to a matter of career choice. People often opt for the path of least resistance—chasing quick money or taking the easiest route available. It’s a decision I simply don't understand.
I feel like they rationalize their professions in a way that is fundamentally at odds with my own personality. I don't particularly empathize with them, if I'm being honest. Perhaps I just feel a sense of pity for them, much like I do for Vlatko Pokos and Simon Gotovac.
I am certain that prostitution will always exist in society.

Interesting thought. How can you be so sure that if you were a man, you wouldn't find yourself gravitating toward men instead of women?🤷

Smart move. Very smart.
This would be perfect in bold.

It is not a separate topic.🙂

The issue isn't that we fail to understand your point; rather, this forum is a place for discussion, where members enrich one another and refine their perspectives if someone presents a compelling argument. To debate a viewpoint, one must first state it and, ideally, explain it.
If you have the inclination and the time, I would like you to explain how this "ideal" woman expresses those same qualities that a man also possesses, just differently..

To me, all women are valid. Some deserve my respect and others do not, but every woman is genuine and expresses her femininity in her own unique way.

This might seem slightly contradictory to what I wrote above, Sean Cruz, but does every woman truly have a full range of choice? Or is it partially determined by genetics, upbringing, social environment, and circumstance?

We are not identical; we are all different. Regardless of what the Declaration of Independence or any other document states, we were created with diversity, and no piece of paper or person can undo that.

Aha, okay, I thought I made myself clear, but no big deal at all! I think I finally see where we're tripping over each other... I'm a bit slammed right now and I want to make sure I lay this out clearly and thoroughly, so I'll carve out some time either later tonight or tomorrow morning to write it all down properly.
Catch you later then. 👍

slymaker9 said:Wait, what exactly makes those listed qualities "feminine"? It seems to me you've simply listed a set of virtues that could just as easily define a man as they do a woman. 😕

They are unisex virtues.

Look, I love seeing those qualities in men too... but let's be real, it's just a different ballgame. Men and women don't operate on the exact same frequency. Sure, the definition of an emotion or a behavior might be the same—like being honest or being strong—but the way it actually manifests is totally different. That’s the distinction I’m making. It’s about how a woman loves when she loves, how she fights when she defends herself, how she... you know, blah blah blah. It doesn't mean a guy doesn't do those things or that he does them poorly; it's just a fundamentally different way of being.

Do people seriously not get what I'm driving at here? 🙂 How many weak, pathetic women do you know who can't even go to the bathroom without a boyfriend holding their hand, or who just weaponize their looks to get whatever they want, or who think they have a free pass to tear everyone apart just because they're having a bad week, or those "helpless" types who claim they can't do anything on their own? Just little, fragile girls constantly waiting for some hero to swoop in and save them. 🙂
When a woman isn't like that, that's what I actually respect. Because she actually has the choice to be that way or not.

slymaker9 said:So, what defines a "real" woman to you versus those you consider "fake, unnatural, or inauthentic"?

In my view, if she possesses both primary and secondary female characteristics, then she is a real woman.

This is also partly an answer to lonegardener.

Lmao, what, am I supposed to go around quoting my specific definition to every single person here? I already laid it out on this board, and even Jamie Jackson3 already quoted it... 🙂

But honestly, if you ask me, being a man or a woman is about way more than just physical traits. But hey, that's just my take... 🙂

Jamie Jackson3 said:Listen, childbirth and those specific female struggles don't strike me as things that make life any simpler or more beautiful. I've had two close friends nearly die during labor. Literally. It’s pure fear and pain; I don't see anything "beautiful" about it. Honestly, I’d much rather have the option to have a biological child the way men do, without having to endure all of that. And what woman would agree to pregnancy, everything it entails, and the actual delivery if there wasn't a child at the end to give all that suffering some semblance of meaning?
What you've described sounds like an "ideal" woman, though we all know how reality stacks up against ideals.
I have nothing against your viewpoint, but I find I'd much prefer achieving goals through "masculine means," as that aligns more closely with my temperament. Besides, every gender has its own distinct traits, and your description of the ideal woman applies just as well to men (being steadfast, independent, strong, clear, loving sincerely, protecting the young, sacrificing for family, and knowing one's worth).
P.S.: I think I've heard enough detailed descriptions of childbirth already, thank you; it sounded more like a method of contraception than anything else.😁

No offense intended, but you are entitled to your opinion—just try to keep an eye on the facts:

An excellent point!

No, no, there's zero insult intended here, seriously... we clearly just see these concepts through different lenses, which is perfectly fine by me.. 🙂

To me, the whole process of childbirth—all those intense emotions and even that raw pain—is absolutely worth enduring for the end result. A man doesn't love his child in the exact same way a mother does. And look, NOT am I saying a father doesn't love his kid as much; he adores them in his own way, but there's just this specific kind of bond that comes from something literally growing inside you that makes the struggle worth it. Personally, I'm a firm believer that the most beautiful things in life come from pain, that it teaches us who we are, and honestly, without it, we wouldn't be human at all. Whether it's physical or mental, I don't see that pain as some sort of "female flaw"..
Also, I lean much closer to the male way of thinking, so I'll give you that. I tend to view an "ideal woman" as someone who possesses certain masculine traits. A woman who can feel, believe, and love deeply as a woman, but carries herself with that decisive, logical edge usually associated with men..

Susan Lewis2 said:I suppose I should just weigh in on this topic by saying that dealing with a monthly cycle—or even more frequently if you're struggling with a hormonal disorder—is hardly some kind of privilege, nor have I ever felt particularly fortunate to experience it.
Not every single person has to navigate that reality, and while most women in this group might be younger, we shouldn't overlook the inevitable transition into perimenopause and eventually menopause, which presents its own unique set of challenges that we all eventually face.
The sheer variety of physical issues one deals with simply because of their biology isn't something I would ever classify as an advantage.
Setting aside the broader debate regarding gender equality in the workplace or other social spheres, if we are looking strictly at what nature has handed us, I think that biological burden is the primary reason why I might have chosen to be a man instead.
Just imagine being able to go through your entire life without having to worry about blood flow or cramps every single month; not having to start contemplating perimenopause in your forties or managing the various physiological shifts that come with aging; not having to stress about whether your cycle will ruin a planned vacation; or not needing to rely on various medications to manage the fallout...
Perhaps for some people, these things aren't genetically predisposed to be an issue, so they don't place much emphasis on them, but there are women like me who find it quite difficult, as we are born with these specific complications.
And then there is the financial aspect, such as the cost of visiting a doctor for checkups or purchasing various hormone replacement therapies to regulate everything, not to mention the ongoing expense of menstrual products...

I won't dwell on it any longer, but that remains my main reason for wishing I were male, along with a few other factors that I'll leave unsaid to avoid rambling.

I hear you, and trust me, I don't think it's some minor thing either. It’s not like you can just jump in a pool whenever you want, and personally, I can barely walk comfortably when it hits, so yeah, it’s definitely not a blast.. 🙂
Periods are definitely our "flaw," sure... but let's talk about how many flaws men deal with. From the sheer stupidity of getting an erection whenever they want (I've seen some seriously awkward situations because of that), the pressure to pay for everything (which I personally find unthinkable), to the messiness of male climax (that's a nasty one), not to mention the constant, unnecessary pressure to suppress their emotions, or being labeled a loser if they aren't bringing home enough for the family—often due to their own making—and so on and so forth..

I don't know... I’d probably try living in a man's shoes if I could, but I'd still be a woman at heart.. When I weigh up the struggles of both sexes, it feels like being a woman brings something unique to the table. Maybe I only think that way because I am a woman, but I'm surrounded by guys and I hear about these differences all the time, and I'm honestly grateful for them..

Jamie Jackson3 said:Oh, really? Privileged?🤷 If you could just strip away the messy biological realities and all those absurd social expectations, I think I’d get along with you just fine👍 Like this:👎
That said, who exactly qualifies as real women in your eyes, and by what authority do you define them?
PS: Men also possess instincts and a desire to be sincere (admittedly, perhaps less frequently, but the capacity exists).

I second that COMPLETELY.🙏

Yeah, "privileged"...
basically, if you fall into the category of what most women are, then sure, you get all sorts of perks based on your gender... but if you aren't that type of person and you don't choose to weaponize your sex for gain (which, honestly, isn't my path in life), you still get to experience a massive spectrum of incredible feelings just by being a woman, purely on a human level... take childbirth, for instance. 🙂 if anyone wants me to go into more detail on that, just say the word—I'm happy to dive in.🙂 🙂

Jamie Jackson3 said:Oh, really? Privileged?🤷 If you could just strip away the messy biological realities and all those absurd social expectations, I think I’d get along with you just fine👍 Like this:👎
That said, who exactly qualifies as real women in your eyes, and by what authority do you define them?
PS: Men also possess instincts and a desire to be sincere (admittedly, perhaps less frequently, but the capacity exists).

I second that COMPLETELY.🙏

The ones who are tough, independent, strong, and direct. Women who love deeply, protect the youth, sacrifice for those they care about, and actually know their own worth without needing some external validation. Women who know exactly what they want and have the grit to make it happen on their own terms—not because they *have* to, but because they *can*. They don't crumble at every little setback; they're fighters, they don't lean on everyone else for everything, and they are complete individuals whether someone else is standing next to them or not.

Jamie Jackson3 said:Oh, really? Privileged?🤷 If you could just strip away the messy biological realities and all those absurd social expectations, I think I’d get along with you just fine👍 Like this:👎
That said, who exactly qualifies as real women in your eyes, and by what authority do you define them?
PS: Men also possess instincts and a desire to be sincere (admittedly, perhaps less frequently, but the capacity exists).

I second that COMPLETELY.🙏

A woman...
🙂 Look, I have every right to define whatever the hell I want. This is my opinion, and I absolutely reserve the right to hold it, just like I give everyone else here the right to define things however they damn well please. This forum exists for people to express their own views, which other participants can either accept or ignore. So, take it or leave it.
👍 👋

Sarah Parker3 said:And what exactly defines a "real woman" to you? Are we talking about some weak, overly emotional type who constantly begs for attention and falls apart without it? Because if that’s your standard, honestly, no thanks.

OT: I’d love to experience life through a different lens—just like someone mentioned earlier, I’d love to know what it’s like to be an African American, a Japanese person, or an Australian; or to live as an astronaut, a painter, or a mathematician. I’m perfectly happy being myself, and gender doesn't play into that at all. In this day and age, there isn't nearly as much discrimination as there used to be. If anything, I feel like I run into misandry more often than misogyny lately.🤷 It’s just plain stupid when people on both sides keep pointing fingers and blaming each other for their differences.

Anyway, it would be a fascinating experiment for a while, though I have no idea how long I could sustain it before wanting my own life back.🤷

Excuse me? 😕
Where on earth did you get that idea... 🙂
No, actually it's the exact opposite... 🙂 what you just wrote sounds more like that comment where someone said 'I can't even wrap my head around certain types and they make me ashamed of my own gender'..

Maybe for one day... but not more than that. Though, if we're being honest, I actually feel like women have it much better most of the time.. 🙂

I genuinely love being a woman. I love my strength, and I love those specific instincts that kick in—that drive to pour emotion into someone, to protect them, to be their rock, to be completely raw and sincere... just in that uniquely feminine way. I love how women operate. Sure, some women don't get it right, and there are certain types out there who can't even wrap their heads around basic stuff, which honestly makes me embarrassed to even be associated with them, but the real ones? Man, that’s something else entirely..

wirednomad42 said:That’s exactly my point—that's why I'm constantly spiraling about whether I'll actually pull this off.

I'm looking at her right now. Just sleeping. She's the most beautiful thing ever—honestly, nothing in the entire universe compares to my daughter.
How am I supposed to ignore that weight of responsibility? How can I *not* want to build her some kind of damn empire just so she has something to play with? 😁

Side note—what am I doing to her little psyche by telling her she's gorgeous about 800 times a day? 😍

But hey, you’re a mother, so it’s completely normal to be spiraling like this... 🙂 That's basically what mothers are for...
On the flip side, you're also a rational human being who knows deep down that money doesn't buy happiness. Any kid would choose to sit on the floor playing with paper napkins with their mom over being left alone in some massive palace. You won't go out and buy every single toy she points at because you know you have to teach her how to be humble and grounded. But then again, you'll probably end up buying almost everything else just because you're a mom...

I always used to tell my girl that life was going to slap me around enough on its own, so she didn't need any extra help from me... 🙂 And lo and behold, I ended up getting pretty much everything I ever wanted, which is why now I'm stuck being responsible and frugal and fully aware that I can't just have whatever I feel like grabbing. Life has a way of handing out punishments and rewards that eventually teach you all that stuff...

And as for the whole "you're beautiful" thing... you aren't actually hurting her. If anything, you're building someone with actual self-confidence. And if you ever notice her getting an ego, then you just give her a reality check and let her know there are people out there more attractive than her—even if, in your eyes, there aren't. 🙂

Look, let me tell you... I have an absolutely incredible mother and I don't hold a single thing against her because, honestly, I don't have a choice. We have this amazing relationship today; I look up to her so much, both as a person and as a mom, and I sincerely hope I can be at least half the mother she is. To be fair, my dad isn't getting those same compliments, but hey, I guess that’s just life's way of keeping things balanced..

First off, just the fact that you're even questioning this proves you're going to be a good parent. Bad parents just do whatever they want without a second thought. I'm not saying all parents who don't reflect are bad—some just instinctively have the right attitude—but in my book, it is incredibly vital for a parent to be self-aware and actually understand their role in a child's life..

Now, moving on... yeah, you owe them. You aren't some animal. An animal breeds its young, feeds them, gives them the basics, and then just dumps them out into the world to fend for themselves. A mother's duty is to give her child everything they need to be happy in life. And I am NOT talking about ANYTHING material here. I mean exclusively the knowledge and guidance required so they can eventually secure what they need on their own.

To pull that off, you first and foremost have to be satisfied with yourself as an individual. There is zero happiness to be found when someone completely loses themselves by obsessively devoting everything to someone else. Good organization is also the golden rule. You work, you come home, you give the kid the attention they're craving, you tuck them in, and then—this is key—you dedicate time to your own interests. As a kid grows up, you get more time to yourself. Right now, you're obligated to give more because the kid is little, so you have less time. But once you've done your job—once you've raised a high-quality human being—then you're a free person. On the flip side, if you're failing at it now, you won't have any peace later either, because you won't be able to trust your kid. I remember when I started going out, I saw mothers literally pulling their hair out from stress. My mom, on the other hand, slept like a baby; she went out, socialized, and took care of herself..

As for actual good parenting—it comes down to conversation and setting an example. Every stressful situation and every dilemma is solvable if you actually know how to talk. That means taking your child seriously and actually listening to them. Kids aren't idiots. I can't even put into words how privileged I felt knowing that my opinions, desires, and decisions actually mattered. That people asked me what I thought. Even if I messed up, even if I was just acting like a brat, it led to a discussion. Not that exhausting, soul-crushing kind of lecture that's worse than a physical fight, but a real conversation where I was asked to explain my reasoning, after which Mom would explain hers. I was heard, I was understood, and I was given the right to make choices... everything from stupid stuff like whether I wanted to go to Sunday school to my first outings. It made me feel responsible, and my biggest fear was actually blowing that trust. Especially since I had the example of a woman who was so strong, always there for me, a constant pillar of support, watching her avoid life's pitfalls, seeing how honest and good of a person she was, and how she fought for herself. I wanted to be just like that.

The most important thing in all of this is that, regardless of our tough financial situation or my mom's occasional outbursts, I knew—even as a tiny kid—that my mom loved me, trusted me, and respected me as a person. She treated me like a human being, not some mindless brat, and she made sure I knew my actions had consequences. I never had issues with her..

You're a mother, and it goes without saying that you'll be "weaker" toward your child. Yeah, you'll give everything you have... that's just what moms do. But that's the beauty of it. A mother is always there for her child. The difference is that some mothers stay by their child's side by forcing their own will upon them, while others listen and weigh things out. That's why I say this approach is good. The idea is that you can give them everything, as long as the child understands that they won't get all of that from just anyone in life—only from their mother.. (L)