Sex is fine, but my OBGYN says no?!

It’s because they have absolutely no clue what they're actually dealing with. They seem to think these things only happen to other people—you know, like sailors or sex workers. They don't even realize chlamydia, ureaplasma, mycoplasma, HPV, strep, or E. coli exist. They think if they haven't heard of HIV/AIDS, which is rare in the States, or syphilis, which they probably only associate with the Middle Ages, then nothing else matters. They clearly don't grasp that an infection can be caused by their own bacteria; it doesn't even have to be sexually transmitted.

I suppose I might be one of those rare birds who actually made an appointment with a gynecologist before even having sex, just to get a handle on my options for birth control... and since then, I’ve made it a point to go in for a checkup at least once a year.
On the flip side, I have a friend who didn't bother seeing a specialist until she turned 27—and honestly, it sounds like she wouldn't have even considered it if she hadn't ended up dealing with some sort of infection. 🤷
Then there's the endless list of other women I know who find the whole thing too embarrassing to deal with, so they only show up when something is clearly wrong... and let's be real, there is absolutely no way they're stepping foot in a male doctor's office.🙄

I honestly don't get why there’s all this shame involved in just going to see a gynecologist. Doctors are doctors, regardless of whether they’re men or women. You go for your own sake, not anyone else's.👍Just go for it, ladies.

You’re making some solid points here.

Sophia Nelson67 said:I go to my OB-GYN just like I go to my dentist, my primary care doctor, or anyone else... there's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s perfectly normal. Just like an eye doctor checks my vision or my GP prescribes antibiotics for an infection, if there's something wrong down there, my gynecologist handles it. Honestly, to me, seeing a gynecologist is just standard healthcare.

My girlfriend is 17. After we had sex for the first time, I told her right away that she needed to see a gynecologist. She went for her first checkup about a month later and started taking Yasmin shortly after. Her Pap smear results came back recently, too, and everything looks perfectly fine. If you can actually have a mature conversation with your partner, and if she’s someone who takes her health seriously, she’ll just handle these things without a second thought...

I also make sure to get tested for STIs every single time I change partners. Honestly, I do it primarily for my own peace of mind...

vividcobra94 said:I don't get why everyone is being so embarrassed about this; just go see a gynecologist. Doctors are just people like anyone else, regardless of gender. You're doing this for yourself, not for anyone else. 👍 Just go for it, ladies.

In the US, you’ve got your private specialists and then you have those doctors at the local community clinics 😂... the first time I went to one of the clinic doctors to set up my file so she could eventually "manage" my pregnancy (and I can already see exactly how "managed" it will be...), I was never going back. Now I see a private doctor instead, and honestly, it's such a relief! He talks a little too loudly sometimes, but I really don't mind. 😂

When it comes to the state of sexual health and awareness in this country, I place the blame squarely on the Catholic Church and the government that caters to its influence. As it stands, comprehensive sex education hasn't been introduced in our schools, and frankly, it doesn't look like it ever will be.
Because of that, people walk around constantly dealing with chlamydia, HPV, and infections, often seeing a gynecologist for the first time only when they're actually in labor.

I ended up visiting a gynecologist on my own at sixteen, all because I read about the morning-after pill in TikTok. In many ways, that magazine was what saved me, whereas everything else just seems to dwell on the tragedy of how things are handled here.

Sophia Nelson67 said:Around here, you've got your private practitioners and then there are the doctors at the public clinics... 😂First time seeing her to get my records transferred so she could eventually "manage" my pregnancy—though I can already see exactly how that would go... Never again. Now I’m heading to a private specialist instead, and honestly, I'm feeling pretty uneasy about it. She talks a little too loud for my taste, but whatever... 😂

Hmm... are we even on the same page? 😉
I went over to her place, and she totally blindsided me. I told her straight up that I have a boyfriend and that I’d be on birth control, but she just started coming at me with everything she had...🙄 I was 19 at the time. It all started with talk about irresponsible behavior... 😲 And just like that, it was over...

I have a great mentor here, but I just found out today she's retiring... we always had such good talks about everything...😢

Jonathan Morris40 said:My girlfriend is 17. After we were intimate for the first time, I suggested she visit a gynecologist right away. She went for her first checkup about a month later and started taking Yasmin shortly after. We just got her results back from the doctor, and everything looks perfectly healthy. Honestly, if you can have an open, honest conversation with your partner—and if they are someone who takes their health seriously—they will follow through without any hesitation.

I also make sure to get tested for STIs every single time I have a new partner. I primarily do it to protect my own peace of mind and health.

👏 BRAVO!!! That kind of responsibility is truly admirable! 😉

Robin Diaz4 said:I think I might be one of those rare people who actually saw a gynecologist even before having sex for the first time.

me 2 👍

Honestly, I have so much respect for anyone who goes early, though I don't think it's ever truly too late to schedule an appointment after your first time; however, waiting ten years after that first experience 🤷 is really where it starts to look like a lack of basic self-care.
I'm certainly not trying to judge anyone—everyone knows what's best for themselves—but to me, it feels a little bit like neglecting your own body and well-being. 😕

It really comes down to parental responsibility, doesn't it? It’s a heavy thought, but I truly believe that just as parents ensure their kids get to the dentist, they should be doing the same for their daughters—ideally with their mothers, or perhaps a trusted female mentor if a mother isn't in the picture. When a girl hits about 16, she ought to be gently guided by the hand toward a gynecologist. We need to start those medical records and, more importantly, normalize the idea that these check-ups are a fundamental necessity rather than some taboo subject, so she isn't terrified when the time actually comes. During our religious education classes, we touch upon themes of sexuality quite frequently, and I find myself asking the girls if their mothers have ever taken them to a specialist; predictably, it's always fewer than 5% who say yes. Honestly, it feels like a profound failure of care—a mix of deep-seated shame and genuine neglect.

Elizabeth Patel67 said:In our religious education classes, we touch on sexuality quite often, and I always ask the girls if their mothers have taken them to see a gynecologist—less than 5% ever have. It feels like such a profound neglect of children's needs.

Now, this is a perfect example of what's missing. People love to claim there's no sex education in our schools, but clearly, that's not the whole story. 😉
Jokes aside, I truly believe this deserves immense credit. !!! 👋 In my view, any responsible adult—and I don't necessarily mean a mother, perhaps a teacher, a mentor, an aunt, or even just a trusted older neighbor—who a young girl feels safe confiding in, really ought to guide her on these matters for the sake of her own health and well-being.

It seems like the women in my neighborhood mostly just smear eye cream on and pretend we’re going to lose our chance at happiness by age 25, rather than 14 or 16. My mother was exactly like that; she lived in a fantasy world...
And regardless, I never felt comfortable trusting her with the details of my early sexual experiences, much as I love her and try to maintain an open relationship...

So, stop with the fantasies (I mean, since when does a neighbor take their daughter to see a doctor in Beverly Hills? What are you even talking about?). We really need comprehensive sex education in schools to fix this whole situation...

It isn't even a debate when we start talking about losing our "safety net," because, frankly, a gynecologist is an essential physician for far more than just one specific reason... I still maintain my own relationship with mine, and I make it a point to visit my doctor every single year without fail. We sit down, we have a proper consultation, and together we’ve managed to tackle everything from treating my PCOS to discussing how much physical activity I actually need to stay healthy... At the end of the day, seeing a gynecologist shouldn't be strictly tethered to whether or not you're sexually active.

Elizabeth Patel67 said:It’s not really about when we lose our "virginity." A gynecologist is someone we need regardless... I still consider myself one, and I see my doctor every year. We just sit and talk; we've managed my PCOS together, and she even pushes me to stay active... Seeing a gynecologist shouldn't necessarily be tied to being sexually active.

Did your mom or another close female relative take you to your first appointment, or did you go on your own?

Personally, I think it's great if a mom takes her daughter during puberty, but those situations are pretty rare. I have a wonderful daughter, but back in my day, I didn't feel comfortable confiding in her about private matters at that age...

So, I agree with both you and Carol Scott98. I'm just pointing out that these scenarios don't happen often in real life, which is exactly why sex education is so vital—especially for young girls who won't talk to their parents during puberty and don't have a cool aunt or older sister nearby to walk them into the clinic. For those girls, it's crucial they understand STIs, the importance of condoms, emergency contraception, and regular Pap smears.🙏

And of course, seeing a gynecologist shouldn't be strictly linked to sexual activity, though in 90% of cases, it is, unless there are other medical issues involved...

Jonathan Morris40 said:My girlfriend is 17. We had sex for the first time, and I told her right away that she should see a gynecologist. About a month later, she went in for her first checkup, and shortly after that, she started taking Yasmin. In the meantime, her Pap smear results came back—everything looks perfectly fine. Honestly, if you just have an open, honest conversation with your partner—and if they’re a responsible person—they’ll follow through without a second thought.

I also make sure to get tested for STIs every single time I have a new partner. And I do it primarily for my own peace of mind.

That is a completely normal, healthy way to handle things. If only more people approached it that way....

Chris Morgan67 said:so you're just making things up (I mean, imagine a neighbor taking their daughter to the gynecologist—what kind of logic is that?). If we actually had comprehensive sex education in our schools, things would be much better.

That neighbor was just a figure of speech, really. 🤣 😂

Carol Scott98 said:when I said neighbor, I meant it metaphorically... 🤣 😂

I see where you're coming from, but I don't quite follow why you think adult women are more informed🤷. To me, they seem even worse about visiting the gynecologist, often acting as if HPV (if they've even heard of it) is some kind of vaccine🤣

Chris Morgan67, the fundamental issue here is the phrase should. It simply isn't happening, just as I demonstrated with my own example, leading us to the inevitable conclusion that those older women are solely responsible for instilling irrational fears within young girls 😉
No one is suggesting that sex education shouldn't exist—in fact, I am the very first person advocating for comprehensive sex ed (specifically the kind found on those forums, if I may say so with all due respect to SMS 😁) to be integrated into our schools, and I am quite certain a significant portion of the women here shares that exact sentiment.

Chris Morgan67 said:well, I think I understand where you're coming from, though I'm a little confused as to why you assume older women possess more wisdom🤷. In my experience, they often seem even more hesitant about visiting the gynecologist, sometimes mistakenly believing that WHO(if they've even heard the term) is some kind of vaccine🤣

I don't necessarily mean that older women are inherently wiser; rather, I was thinking that perhaps a young woman might find it easier to open up to a neighbor or a close friend than to her own mother 🤷
. And honestly, it doesn't even have to be an mature neighbor. For instance, a neighbor 😁 actually took me to my appointment—though she’s only about a year older than I am, so it hardly feels like a massive age gap 😉
. I just wanted to suggest that a daughter doesn't always need her mother to lead the way (especially if she's one of those mothers who, as you noted, believes their daughters should stay "innocent" until they're 25), but rather anyone she feels comfortable enough to trust