Sex is fine, but my OBGYN says no?!

I used to take care of things myself... before I ever had sex, I just headed straight to the only doctor I knew—the one whose office was right there by the main road with the 🙂 sign—and picked up some birth control pills... what a mother I was. Honestly, I don't think she even realized I’d been seeing a doctor until about three years ago when I ran into some issues (I'm 34 now, but I've been seeing doctors for about 15 years). It also dawned on me how little she actually knows about certain things, so... well, even today, you meet highly educated, married women over 30 who have never once stepped foot in a clinic because they feel "they don't need to"... it's just pure ignorance. I actually know one woman like that; I'm certain her husband has certainly graced plenty of other women with his presence before her, if not just right before her, so for her, he's the first, and she never needed a doctor or any kind of protection. And now, she's planning a pregnancy.

So... ignorance exists in places you’d least expect it.

Personally, if you aren't ashamed of having sex, then there's absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about visiting a doctor... I mean, sure, it isn't exactly a fun experience, but you get through it, and what else can you do? It's nothing special... unless, of course, you'd rather deal with the consequences of being irresponsible. It's that simple.

Otherwise, I have to admit, I wouldn't go to someone I know personally... and I certainly wouldn't see the same doctor my mother sees; they're people too, after all, and I wouldn't want something to slip out in front of my mom if something went wrong with me, or vice versa... those things are part of my private life, period.

Oh, and I even know people who didn't bother seeing a doctor until they were already four or five months pregnant... and then they won't go again until their next pregnancy.

You know how it is; if you aren't a slut, you don't need a doctor. (Forgive my choice of words, but unfortunately, that's still how some people think today.)

lonemoose23 said:I would go to the gynecologist on my own, but I have to wait another year until I hit adulthood if I want to make the call myself.

You don't need to be an adult to go to the gynecologist by yourself; your parents don't necessarily need to know about it.

lonemoose23 said:I just feel awkward about it; it’s not even fear, really. 😉
I’d probably go to the gynecologist on my own, but I guess if I’m being honest with myself, I have to wait another year until I’m officially an adult. My mom isn't some backwards dinosaur; she actually understands how I feel about him and can read me like an open book. We talk normally about these things, though since we haven't been close lately, I haven't mentioned what "happened" 🙂
She would understand, and maybe she’d even suggest going to the doctor if I told her.
It’s just embarrassing because I’m still "young," even though I realize there are kids out there much more reckless than me (a thought that honestly repulses me), but the idea of sitting on that exam table with my mom right there while I discuss my sex life... 🙂

You don't necessarily need to be eighteen to handle this yourself, especially if you're seeing a doctor at a hospital or a private clinic. A friend of mine went to the hospital alone when she was sixteen because she was stressed out, and they took care of her without any issues. As long as you have health insurance, 😁

And your mother definitely doesn't need to be standing by your side at the appointment just because you're seventeen. 😁 You're old enough to handle the exam solo; your mom doesn't need to be waiting in the lobby (or even inside 😱) for you to get it done. 😉
Besides, doctors are supposed to respect privacy, so whatever you tell them stays confidential—regardless of whether you're a minor.
The only exception is if it involves something that puts you in actual danger, then they might have to notify your parents.

And you aren't that young. It's perfectly normal to start having relationships around sixteen or seventeen, and doctors see this all the time, so there's really no reason to feel embarrassed. 😉

@Lisa Nelson70
Thanks for getting back to me. Honestly, I’ve got a pretty good handle on how things work, I just need to figure out how to find the right doctor and actually get there. My mom is basically my compass here—she could walk me through all the details and give me some solid advice—but the thing is, I feel super awkward even bringing it up to her... 🤷 I really need to find the right moment to break the news and have a real talk with her, because once that's done, everything should just fall into place naturally.
My boyfriend is also feeling pretty uneasy about it and he's adamant that I shouldn't tell her yet, at least not right now. 😢

Rebecca Smith39 said:You don't have to be eighteen to go to the gynecologist without your parents knowing.

and Nicole Moore97

I'm looking for total protection, so I'd really need help navigating the whole birth control pill situation. 🤷

I’ve been scrolling through some comments lately, and I can’t help but notice how many women are insisting it’s far too early to take a girl to the gynecologist once she starts her period. They seem to frame the whole thing as if it were some kind of traumatic event.

I have to say, I completely disagree. In fact, I think the anxiety actually stems from treating it like a trauma in the first place.

A doctor isn't going to examine a young girl who hasn't been sexually active the same way they would an adult woman.
Besides, a girl can deal with a mountain of health issues that have absolutely nothing to do with sex.

Personally, I would have been incredibly relieved—and would have saved myself a world of trouble—if my mother had taken me to the doctor right after my first period started.
Mine started when I was 11, and the cramps were debilitating. On top of that, because I was frequently on antibiotics for totally unrelated issues, I dealt with terrible yeast infections.
I went through absolute hell, and it never even occurred to her to take me to a specialist. Whenever I complained, all I got were these old-fashioned "home remedies":
For the cramps, she suggested a heating pad or herbal drops. Since she was against medication, she thought I was too young for painkillers, so I just spent days writhing in pain before finally going out and buying Voltaren myself—when I really should have been asking for more professional advice.
As for the yeast infections, she insisted it was just because I wasn't washing properly. She recommended baby oil and basically left me to suffer. For heaven's sake, those things can be cleared up with a single pill or a specific cream, but how was an 11-year-old supposed to know that?!!!

A gynecologist (provided you choose one carefully) who understands how to handle inexperienced young girls can work wonders. They provide vital information and support for everything mothers might feel too embarrassed or afraid to discuss with their daughters.