Sex is fine, but my OBGYN says no?!

Robin Gray8 said:I really think all women should make sure they don't skip their gynecologist appointments—especially those who are sexually active. I’m nearly 50 myself, and I stay on top of my regular checkups. I actually just had one a few days ago. Honestly? It’s always a bit awkward having someone staring right there at you—it’s enough to make anyone want to yawn just to break the tension—but I find it passes pretty quickly. He sees it every single day, so I just try to power through it! Personally, I find it easiest when I'm positioned a certain way, but I always suggest choosing a male doctor. For me, seeing a female gynecologist was just... well, it was a total disaster, and I am never doing that again. It’s much better if a guy goes with you—like my son goes with his girlfriend—it just makes the whole ☕exam process feel less intense. And as for the Pap smear? It doesn't hurt, really. You just have to relax and try to think about literally anything else.👍

My partner won't go with me, though it would definitely be a lot easier if he did.

I had my first exam when I was 14, and honestly, it had absolutely nothing to do with being sexually active. It’s actually pretty sad how many girls I know who have been having sex for years, are well past their teens, and still haven't bothered to go for a checkup. I’m the complete opposite... I’m so paranoid about my health in general that I’d probably show up there every single week if I could. To me, seeing a gynecologist is just totally normal—it's a total must-have, regardless of whether you're sexually active or not.

Okay, this might sound totally ridiculous to most of you, but I honestly feel like my relationship is getting a little too close to having a boyfriend tag along to every single doctor's appointment with me. Yeah, I know, I can already feel the backlash coming... but that’s just how it feels for me. I'm not saying everyone should be doing it like this, it's just my reality...🙂

The first time I ever stepped foot in a gynecologist's office was when I got pregnant at twenty-one. After that pregnancy, I went back once more when I became pregnant for the second time. Aside from my postpartum checkups, I haven't really had a reason to visit a gynecologist otherwise. Since I don't use birth control pills, there isn't much medical necessity driving me there. Still, I honestly believe any girl who becomes sexually active should be seeing a doctor at least once a year. My own mother never once suggested I see a specialist; when I brought it up around seventeen, she just told me it wasn't necessary. She falls into that old-school category of parents who treat sex like a taboo subject—as if you shouldn't bother with a doctor until you actually get pregnant. I refuse to be that kind of parent. I want my kids to feel comfortable talking to me about everything, even if they're years away from needing that advice.

My mom gave me the exact same line—basically telling me there was no way she was going to listen to some gynecologist... she’s super diligent about her checkups, though. So I told her, you know, that I’d actually go too—just so I wouldn't have to keep hiding everything from her anymore.
And honestly? She reacted like I’d just confessed to a murder or something, rather than just saying I’d finally show up for an appointment. So, here we are, playing this endless game of hide-and-seek. I’ll probably head in tomorrow, though.😍

Hmm... I recall my own mother telling me my first visit to the gynecologist was utter nonsense; she couldn't fathom why I would even bother. I simply gave her a look that essentially said, "Do you honestly think I'm going to let you meddle in this?" before grabbing my friend and walking out.
She has finally stopped nagging me about my doctor appointments, though she still occasionally drops hints that I visit far too often—as if she assumes I find pleasure in it, because unless one is dealing with some sort of psychological trauma, what else could possibly be the motivation? But talking to her about it is like talking to a brick wall.
She loves to lecture me about birth control, but we could argue about this until tomorrow morning; once she issues an ultimatum, I issue my own: "This is my body, I will manage it as I see fit, so either accept it and stop criticizing me, or just stay silent. I have no intention of having these discussions with you ever again." And the moment she starts, I shut the conversation down.
Ladies, you must teach your mothers that at the end of the day, you are the ones responsible for your own lives, your actions, and your bodies. Or better yet, learn that lesson yourselves. That way, even if she stubbornly refuses to acknowledge it—which usually stems from misplaced concern and good intentions—you will possess the strength to hold your ground and say enough is enough.

Seriously, start taking more agency over your own lives. Is she going to dictate which brand of diapers your child wears? Of course not.
You are capable of this. 😉

Should I have written this in the singular? 😁

I honestly don't get moms who try to stop their daughters from seeing the gynecologist 😢

When I was 17, I just told my mom I wanted to start taking birth control (it was mostly because my periods were brutal, but she definitely knew I had a boyfriend at the time 😁), and she didn't even blink. She wasn't exactly thrilled, you could tell, but she never tried to forbid it. She just said it's my body and I probably know what I'm doing. I actually went to that first appointment with a friend.
Now, she’s actually the one encouraging me to go for regular checkups, which is hilarious since she’s one of those people who won't see a doctor unless something is seriously wrong! We’ve always been super open with each other, and I’m honestly so grateful we have such a healthy relationship.
So, it isn't just about where you grow up (and even though I live in a small town where everyone gossips 😁), it really comes down to the individual. (Seriously, I still have no clue where my mom picked up this level of tolerance and openness, considering she grew up in an even more rural area than I did 😁)

stormymaker24 said:because if it isn't psychological trauma, what else could it be?

This is exactly one stereotype I’ve noticed in quite a few people: the idea that if your visit to the OB-GYN isn't traumatic, you aren't normal—or as you put it, you probably enjoy it🙄. Gross.

As for not going at all, I have a friend (my best friend), she's 32, smart, educated, sexually active, and yet, she's never 😕.

I bring it up to her sometimes and she just goes, "Ugh, fine, I know, I know, okay, I'll go, I know," and then she doesn't🤷. She's 32 years old.

Honestly, going to the dentist is way more traumatic for me than anything else! 😬

Going to the gynecologist isn't some traumatic experience for me. It’s not like I’m out there looking forward to it, but it's certainly not something to be ashamed of. It's just a body, right? It's not like I have horns growing out of my head or anything that warrants being embarrassed about. 🙂

Carol James32 said:I know this might sound foolish to most of you, and I’m fully prepared for the backlash, but I honestly feel that bringing my boyfriend along to doctor appointments is a bit too intimate for my personal comfort level. I realize not everyone feels this way, but for me, it just feels like a step too far.🙂

To be honest, I don't exactly enjoy dragging my own around to the doctor's office either. 🙂 I know he’s feeling pretty uncomfortable right now—especially when he gets absolutely pierced by the stares of twenty different women while sitting in the waiting room. 🤣Honestly, I'd much rather just head out on my own, or perhaps grab a friend to go along if she's interested. 😉

Amanda Alvarez35 said:Personally, I find a trip to the dentist to be far more traumatic than anything else.😬

I completely agree with you on that point.🙂

driftingangler24 said:Going to the gynecologist isn't a trauma for me; it’s not like I enjoy it, but I don't feel embarrassed either, since there's nothing about my body that warrants shame.🙂

Exactly.🙂

amberheron64 said:My mom told me the exact same thing—that there was no way I was seeing a gynecologist.. she goes regularly, though. So I just told her that I’d start going too (just so I wouldn't have to hide it anymore)
And she reacted like I told her I murdered someone, not that I wanted a checkup. So now we're playing hide-and-seek. I'll probably head in tomorrow.😍

😲😲😲

I honestly cannot believe mothers today—I mean, hello? It's the 2010s! How can they be stopping their daughters from seeing a gynecologist?
Stopping a girl from seeing a doctor isn't going to stop her from having sex or catching an infection, but skipping those checkups can lead to massive problems if something actually goes wrong.
It's not just about right now; it's about future fertility, pregnancy, and general health down the road.
Nobody stays sixteen forever.
Sadly, so many women don't realize what they've missed until they hit their thirties.

I have a little girl who's 1.5 years old.
Once she gets her first period, she'll be heading to the gynecologist.

This whole situation is just like the dentist. It's like saying, "Why bother going if you still have teeth?" until everything starts rotting. Then you're dealing with cavities, plaque, and crooked teeth...
Unbelievable...

Amanda Alvarez35 said:Honestly, going to the dentist is way more traumatic for me.😬

I’m right there with you. The dentist is definitely my nightmare too.
😬

I was diagnosed with meningitis when I was only 10 years old 😢
so it wasn't until I was 16—just on my own initiative, really—that I actually went to see a gynecologist.
Now, look, I don't mean anything bad by this, but if there’s an issue with my mom, she’s going to be the first person I take it out on—mostly because she used to forbid me from even looking into things, and honestly, she’s still trying to hold me back today.

mistydrifter55 said:I have a little girl who is 1.5 years old.
Once she gets her first period, she’ll be seeing a gynecologist.

Still, it feels a bit premature to send a child to a gynecologist just because they started their period. Take the case of Girl 20, who started at age 10—should she have gone to a doctor right then? I personally think waiting until about 15 is reasonable; anything before that seems unnecessary.

driftingangler24 said:Still, it feels a bit early to send a kid to the OB-GYN just because they started their period. Take Girl 20, who started at 10. Should she have gone to a specialist back then? I honestly think 15 is a better age; before that, it doesn't seem necessary.

Look, you can actually talk to an OB-GYN. They can give you info on so many things. Not everyone has a super open or honest relationship with their mom, and kids often push back when Mom tries to give them advice at that age—especially regarding sex.
You can talk to a doctor about it (and yes, it could be a female doctor).
About sex, how everything works down there, all of it.
Going to the doctor isn't just about lying on a table for an exam. 😉
It’s more complex than that.

I remember being at the age where I already had my period and was checking out boys, yet I had zero clue what sperm even was or how it worked. 😉
Looking back now, I feel like that was... well, let's just say a bit backward.

On top of that, I dealt with incredibly painful periods from the very start.
The only advice my mom ever gave me was to soak some cotton in brandy and stick it in my ear.
And she acted like it actually helped! 🙄🙄🙄
Her whole attitude was basically, "It's shameful, don't talk about it."
Eventually, I just hit my limit. I dragged myself through the pain to the pharmacy, which meant taking a bus ride. I almost passed out on the way.
I know for a fact I sat outside the pharmacy for about an hour; I literally couldn't find the strength to stand up and walk inside.

mistydrifter55 said:I remember being on my period for a while, just watching guys, having absolutely no clue what sperm actually was or how it even worked. 😉
.

It’s really not a big deal. I know a married woman who was trying to conceive, and after two failed attempts, she looks at me all worried and goes, "How am I supposed to get pregnant if 'it' all just leaks out?" 😂😂😂😂

My advice? Lay on your head right after sex to help everything stay put.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

urbanpilot said:my advice: after you have sex, go straight to sleep so it sticks🤣🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣
Exactly!

I know exactly what kind of protective parents we're talking about here. If my own folks found out I was even seeing a doctor for reproductive health, or heaven forbid, that I've been seeing my boyfriend for a whole year now, they would absolutely lose their minds. To my mom, birth control is just some dangerous thing that ruins women for life; she can't even remember the last time she visited her own OB-GYN. In her eyes, you shouldn't be having sex until you're married, and you shouldn't even think about marriage until after you've finished college. That’s the rule, plain and simple. There is zero room for debate. 😂

Megan Collins86 said:I have plenty of friends and relatives who serve as perfect examples of this exact contradiction—they are considered more than mature enough to handle sex, smoking, and drinking, yet somehow, they aren't seen as adult enough to make their own appointments with a gynecologist...
My 25-year-old cousin has never once stepped foot in a gynecologist's office. For years now, she’s been dealing with some really irregular cycles—sometimes her period just disappears for months at a time, only to come back and haunt her every two weeks like clockwork. It’s a mess, honestly. We’ve tried everything to talk sense into her about getting a proper checkup, but nothing sticks. To make matters even more complicated, her mother thinks a doctor is completely unnecessary. They live in a tiny, tight-knit town where everyone knows everyone's business, and her mom is constantly stuck on this idea of "what will the neighbors say?" She’s terrified that if people find out her 25-year-old daughter is seeing a specialist, it'll become the talk of the whole community... 🙄)

It’s actually even more dangerous than skipping the gynecologist altogether; it’s when people start using their friends' prescriptions for birth control. You have these girls who borrow a prescription from a friend to pick up pills, despite never having seen a doctor or undergone any actual medical supervision. They haven't had blood work done, liver function tests, or coagulation profiles... and then, tragically, we see cases where things end in absolute disaster... 😢

So, here is a situation for you—my friend, who’s 24, had actually never stepped foot in a gynecologist's office before. Last year, she decided to start taking birth control pills. I’ll admit, I didn't want to just hand over a prescription recommendation—I probably came across as a bit of a coldhearted jerk for that, honestly—but luckily, another one of her friends was kind enough to share her own prescription with her... She started the pill on the very first day of her period, and since then, she has been dealing with continuous bleeding that hasn't stopped for 45 days straight... 😲 She was in so much pain that she couldn't even get out of bed for about ten days straight. Her boyfriend and I were both over at her place, practically begging her to just go see a doctor. I eventually went ahead and scheduled an appointment for her with my own gynecologist... but now I'm second-guessing myself. Should I actually mention to the doctor that she refused to go on her own and we had to push her to show up?... 🙄 And once again, I’m hearing these incredibly foolish excuses... people just shrug their shoulders and say, "Well, look, some people can handle taking pills just fine, so surely this will pass eventually..." Honestly, it's exhausting to listen to...

To be honest, what really disturbs me isn't just the fact that young girls are popping pills without any guidance at all; it’s the realization that even grown women—women who should actually have a shred of common sense—are doing the exact same thing...

So... would you mind telling me which specific pills you and your group of friends are taking that could possibly cause bleeding for 45 days straight? That sounds incredibly intense...😲😲