Sex is fine, but my OBGYN says no?!

my two cents,
skipping the gynecologist is just pure immaturity.
"what if the neighbor sees me," "it's embarrassing," "why should I expose myself to some stranger"...
honestly, it’s all just childish excuses!
I have a few friends who are living it up—they're in their early twenties and won't even consider a checkup because, hey, they're young, healthy, and only seeing one guy.
It's basically like thinking the way my great-grandmother did a century ago.
pathetic.👎

I'm basically just hitting up my OB-GYN at this point. 🙂
And honestly, I don't know a single girl who doesn't go. 🤷

My doctor is a family friend. Honestly, it’s such a relief when you're lying there on the exam table and they just ask, "How's your mom doing?" He's a great guy, even if his sister is always a bit high-strung. But then you have the other doctor—she’s always finding some random cancer or fungal infection or who knows what else, even when you've got high acidity levels. She just hits you with all those vaginal treatments and wipes out everything that was living down there, whether it was good or bad, maybe even the cancer too. Her and her sister... they're like Batman and Robin, nothing else.

I honestly cannot believe this! Mothers are supposed to be our biggest supporters... instead, they're acting like this—good grief, what a mess...
Look, ladies, my advice is simple: either just go along with it without saying a word to avoid starting a pointless fight—since it’s pretty obvious they aren't going to change their minds anyway—or, like someone else mentioned earlier, just firmly stand your ground and insist that this is your life and your business.

For context, I started a long-term relationship at a very young age, and my mom isn't exactly naive...
She actually told me, "Sweetie, why don't you go see a gynecologist for a checkup so you can talk everything through?" She even went ahead and booked an appointment with a private specialist and handled all the details for my very first exam, where I ended up getting a recommendation for birth control pills and everything else.

Sending love to Mom!

Betty Bailey66 said:My gynecologist is actually a family friend. Honestly, there’s something strangely comforting about lying on that exam table while he asks, "So, how's your mom doing?" He’s a fantastic doctor, even if his sister is always a bit prickly. Meanwhile, the other doctor in their practice is constantly finding some random yeast infection or fungal issue—it doesn't matter if you have perfectly balanced pH levels; she’ll swoop in with those intense vaginal treatments and just wipe out every single microbe down there, good or bad! It’s like Batman and Robin, but one is a hero and the other is a total wrecking crew.

😂
My mom was telling me about this one time she hadn't seen her longtime gynecologist in ages. She’s sitting there on the table, looking at him like, "I don't know if you even remember me," and he takes one look down and just nods, "Oh, I definitely remember you." 🤣

Betty Bailey66 said:my gynecologist is actually a family friend. which is just great when you're lying there on the exam table and he's like, "so, how's your mom doing?"—super awkward. the guy is awesome, though, even if his sister is always such a grouch. meanwhile, the other girl is constantly finding some random cancer or fungal thing or who knows what else—even when your pH is perfectly fine, she’ll hit you with all those crazy vaginal treatments and basically wipe out everything living down there (good or bad), including any actual cancer. her and her sister? total Batman and Robin vibes.

😲 oh god...🙄 I could never deal with that.☕

Wait, hold up—he's a family friend of your mom too?! 🤷
And he's friends with your dad as well?🙏 😂 😂 😂

Grace Chase97 said:😲 oh man...🙄 I could never do that.☕

Wait, so he's actually connected to your mom?! 🤷
And he's friends with your dad too?🙏 😂😂😂

He isn't connected to my mom, but since there are only two doctors left, I'm staying with him. Like I said, a woman would just tell you you're dying if you have yeast, and then try to push every single treatment on you.😕
Plus, it's not even that bad. The guy has seen it all. It would be way worse if he made a face during the exam...😂

I’ve been scrolling through this thread, and I honestly don't get girls who just skip their checkups😕like, seriously, how can you not care about your own health that much? I totally get that the first visit can be super awkward and confusing, but women really need to go for themselves, not because anyone else tells them to. Most people just lean on those old clichés like "it won't happen to me" or act like "it's too late to see a doctor"—but honestly, why even let it get to that point?👎

I just skimmed through your posts and I'm honestly shocked by some of the weird parenting styles I'm seeing here. 😬Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with anyone's individual choices, but this approach seems totally irrational and could lead to real problems. Maybe they think by "forbidding" their daughters from seeing a doctor, they can somehow delay them becoming sexually active, but they don't realize what they're actually doing... or do they? Anyway, off-topic: the truth is that infections and diseases are spreading like wildfire these days because girls are becoming active so much earlier, and on top of that, they don't seem to care about their own health at all... not everyone, obviously, but I hear about it more and more often. It’s like someone said—it's like having a toothache and refusing to see a dentist until the pain is so unbearable you're losing your mind. Wtf...
I don't think a girl needs to rush to the gynecologist the second she gets her period; that feels like overkill. What, is it just another shock after supposedly "entering the world of women"? No. In my opinion, every girl should probably establish a file with a doctor around the time she starts high school (or sooner, obviously, if there are issues like irregular periods, extreme pain, or strange bodily changes). But she could wait for actual exams until her first sexual encounter (though she should definitely consult someone about contraception before then). That’s just my take, though. Everyone has their own views. Personally, I got my first period at 13, everything was perfectly fine, and I didn't even really feel it (unlike today, when I feel like I might die from the cramps). My records were set up, but I didn't have my first exam until I was about 19, after I became sexually active. I did all the paperwork properly and have been going for regular checkups ever since...

As for those of you dealing with complicated moms—just go. It's a standard medical appointment just like any other. Sure, it's a little awkward because it involves intimate areas and you aren't used to being touched down there by anyone except maybe yourself or a boyfriend 😬, but it isn't painful. There's really no reason to avoid it...

I’m with you—there's really no reason to rush in there the second you get your period, unless things actually go sideways.
I mean, what's a 12-year-old girl even doing at a clinic like that?! Total waste of time.☕

Like this acquaintance of mine who started at 10...

I suspect ignorance plays a massive role in why women skip their gynecological exams altogether. If sexually active women actually went for regular checkups, we might see a significant drop in infertility rates—especially in cases where issues stem from something like Chlamydia that was left untreated. I guess there are just too many instances where women remain completely unaware they were even dealing with a serious infection.

Angela Harris said:Well, Wednesday finally rolled around—I gathered every ounce of courage I had and actually went through with that terrifying exam...
Paralyzed with fear—and then he goes: Nothing to see here!
🙂

Oh, great. Just wonderful.👍 So, amenorrhea. Great.☕ I saw this coming—multiple times, actually.👍Come on, let's hope for some good luck here!🙂

I’ll never forget this absolute butcher of a doctor at the clinic in Washington, D.C.—I was just a terrified 17-year-old kid, panicking because my period had vanished. I had my first boyfriend back then—nothing serious, we weren't exactly "adults" yet, and technically I was a virgin, but hey, you never really know. We had been vacationing together in Maui, and I’d missed my cycle by about three weeks. I ended up taking an early morning ferry to Miami all by myself—which, honestly, was already a lot to handle. I didn't dare tell anyone how worried I was. I finally walk into the office, and there’s this nurse who just tells me, "Strip down behind that curtain and wait for the doctor." Only problem? The "curtain" behind her was this greasy, brownish rag barely thirty centimeters wide. And right behind that flimsy barrier were the doctor's doors. My legs were shaking so hard I could barely stand. There wasn't even a hook or a chair to put my stuff on—so I just stood there, clutching my underwear in my hand like a loser. Then the doctor calls me in. He’s this old, tiny guy with glasses—cold as ice, scowling, and just plain rude. He barks, "Sit down!" I look around—sit where? There isn't a single chair except one next to his desk, and it looks absolutely filthy and stained. I actually managed to mutter, "I'd rather stand, if that's okay," mostly because I felt like I was going to pass out from sheer misery. My head was spinning and I felt incredibly weak... He just asks, "What do you want?" I tell him, "My period is three weeks late, and I'm scared I might be pregnant, though I think I'm still a virgin." He just gives me this cynical, mocking smirk.😲 And he just barked, "Get down!" So I lie back on this old table—and he starts shoving that metal piece against me, then just slams his hand down with everything he's got, squeezing my stomach in all these spots. I was moaning, obviously—loudly—because it hurt like hell. He just keeps squeezing like that over and over and says, "What’s the big deal—why are you getting so worked up? It wasn't such an issue when you were actually sleeping around."Well, if you screw up, you just have to deal with it"—honestly, I was absolutely floored by that one. 😲 Back then, I had no idea some gynecologists could be such butchers—but I learned that lesson fast. Not that I expected to be handled so roughly or humiliated like that at seventeen—especially when I wasn't even sure if I was still a virgin myself (turns out I only figured that out a year later, once things actually happened).

A year ago, I saw my first gynecologist in Washington, D.C.—I was there for amenorrhea, but honestly, I was also terrified of being pregnant—since I started dating my first boyfriend (who ended up being my long-term partner) when I was only 15. Luckily, that doctor wasn't judgmental at all; he was incredibly gentle, attentive, and kind. He did a standard exam, checked my urine, and managed to calm me down—which was necessary, since there was no pregnancy involved, just a hormonal imbalance.

I definitely didn't see this kind of bloodbath coming.👎 The doctor basically told me, "I don't see anything here yet—check back in a month." I practically bolted out of the clinic—sobbing, face blotchy, just a total wreck. People were staring at me like I was losing my mind while I walked down the street. Luckily, my period showed up a week later.🙂 Even if I had—which I didn't—there's no way I'd ever step foot in a butcher shop run by someone that reckless again. At least I've learned my lesson on what to avoid.👎

Look, it’s true—there are plenty of total hacks out there in the butchery business. That’s why you shouldn't just pick some random guy you find in the Yellow Pages. Seriously, ask around. Get the scoop from your girlfriends about who actually knows what they're doing and where to go to get things done right.
It isn't illegal to want to avoid unnecessary trauma, is it?
An exam is an exam, as long as you're seeing a real professional.
👍

mistydrifter55 said:It's true, there are plenty of incompetent doctors out there. That’s why you shouldn't just pick any random doctor you find in a phone book. Instead, ask around—check with your friends to see who's actually good and where you should go.
There is nothing illegal about wanting to avoid unnecessary trauma.
An exam is an exam, as long as it's with the right professional.
👍

John Doe, let me tell you, I did exactly that. I went for my very first exam about 12 years ago to see Bljajić or Petrov. It was the same routine: he tells me to undress, I do, then he tells me to sit down—right on this greasy, dirty chair that who knows how many people had used before me—and I sit.🤦 I still remember it like it happened yesterday, it was such a shock, you know? And the thing is, my best friend recommended them to me. She still goes to them, she’s had two kids, and she thinks they are absolutely wonderful!

If only I had a forum back then......

Chloe Gomez6 said:Ugh, I had the exact same experience during my very first checkup with Bljajić and Petrov about 12 years ago. He tells me to undress, so I do. Then he just says, "Sit right here," on this greasy, filthy exam chair that probably saw a hundred people before me, and I just sit there🤦. Honestly, I remember it like it was yesterday, it was that intense. You know? And get this—my best friend recommended them! She still goes to him, she’s had two kids, and she swears he’s amazing!

If only I had a forum back then to warn me...

😬
I just found my first doctor through the phone book. And honestly? I got lucky, it was a total fluke.😁
But I didn't have a clue about ultrasounds, let alone how they handle cleanings.
The only thing I actually thought ahead was wearing a skirt so it would be easy to pull up.

🙏 Thank God for forums and the internet.

I’ve had my fair share of "adventures" with various gynecologists.😁 For instance, back when I was a student around 19 or 20, there was this one doctor at the Central Park health clinic—older guy, wore glasses, but wasn't exactly a brute. He just had this creepy, oily smile and would stare at me with these bulging eyes. Even though I wasn't even there for a breast exam, every single time I was lying there on the table with my legs in stirrups, he’d somehow decide to "check" my breasts at the exact same time.🙄 Now, I was strictly there for some vaginal inflammation or yeast issues, but about three times in a row, he insisted I strip completely naked just so he could poke at my breasts while I was lying down. All while leaning in toward my face with that greasy little grin of his.😲 It would go on for a few minutes until I’d start squirming from the sheer awkwardness, and then he’d just say, "Everything looks fine." After the third time, I finally walked out and found someone else.

Next up was his colleague working the opposite shift. A few women had recommended him to me. He was also an older guy—a Floridian originally from the Central Valley, which I only found out later—and he wouldn't stop interrogating me about when I planned to have kids or when I'd have more children (as if I were some old grandmother, and I was barely twenty), or if I'd ever had a miscarriage. I saw him a couple of times, but I couldn't stand answering his tedious questions for long, so I decided to head to a private OB-GYN that an old elementary school friend swore was "excellent."

She practiced over on Berislavićev. When I showed up, she greeted me with this incredibly stern, cold vibe. She was an older woman—small, thin, blonde—and honestly, she carried herself like an SS officer.🙄 I went in because of some inflammation. As soon as I lay down, she peered at me with wide, frantic eyes and said, "What is this? There's going to be all sorts of trouble here." I was terrified. Then she goes, "We need to take a lot of swabs, and then we'll see if you need hospital treatment or if we should order those special injections from Switzerland (which are pricey) to try those instead."😲 I was floored. Of course, I was willing to do whatever it took just to get better. At the time, I actually thought I might have some serious STI—syphilis, maybe😕—even though my symptoms weren't any different than my usual yeast infections. I had to go to the CDC to pick up about 15 test tubes so she could take the swabs, which I then brought back to the CDC for analysis. I waited two weeks for the results. Turns out, they found nothing except some "intestinal" bacteria. Every single test came back negative, especially for the gonorrhea she was clearly convinced I had. Still, she tells me, "It isn't what I thought it was, but you still need ten days of hospital care, or if you won't do the hospital, we have to order those injections from Switzerland."😕 Once again, I didn't get why I needed a hospital stay or those fancy injections if it wasn't even a major infection. Anyway, I decided to get a second opinion at the Mayo Clinic based on a recommendation. There, I finally met a male gynecologist (who hadn't been there long) and then a female gynecologist who turned out to be the doctor I can still rely on to this day; she managed my pregnancy and was always professional, conscientious, educated, and reliable.👍 Basically, first the guy told me, and then the woman confirmed, that those "intestinal" bacteria were absolutely no reason for hospitalization, and that I definitely shouldn't take that Swiss medication from the SS officer, because it would wipe out my entire flora and leave me with nothing left to treat with antibiotics if I got another infection.😁 My doctor prescribed me an oral antibiotic based on my lab results—took it for ten days and the whole thing was sorted. Since then, I’ve been seeing his colleague, a gynecologist who used to be the department head over at the Mayo Clinic; she retired earlier this year, but I still see her privately. Of course, I also have my regular coverage through my insurance, which isn't bad either, based out of the local clinic near the suburbs. Honestly, both of them are light years ahead of those old-school butchers and conservatives I dealt with before.👍

placidorca16 said:Oh, great!👍 So we're talking amenorrhea.☕ That's happened to me plenty of times, too.👍mig: Come on, let's hope for the best!🙂

I was on Yasmin until about two years ago for PCOS, so it's probably due to that—or just stress...
They wanted to send me for blood work, but there's no need; I've been fine ever since I stopped taking the herbal stuff 😉 anyway. My doctor is awesome—zero drama at all (at least on his end 🙄 ), actually 👍

I've dealt with ovarian issues and yeast infections forever, and I always thought it was something serious. When I finally mentioned it to my mom, she just shrugged and said, "Just go see a gynecologist," and I was like, no way 😵
Then I grew up (at age 23 😁) and went—completely on my own initiative.
Before that, I'd heard so many horror stories that I was terrified, but in the end... there's really no theory that justifies avoiding a second opinion 👎

Hey everyone! 😉
I’ve been stuck thinking about this topic lately, mostly because it hits pretty close to home for me. I’m just your typical young girl who recently decided to take the plunge into sexual stuff with my boyfriend. We’ve been officially together for almost six months now, though we actually knew each other way longer than that—you know, the classic transition from best friends to lovers story. Our first time happened about two months into the relationship. We were both totally sure we wanted to do this; we talked it through a ton before finally deciding to just go for it

And honestly? It wasn't scary at all. If anything, it was beautiful and special—exactly the kind of memory you want to hold onto since it was a first for both of us. There wasn't any pain, and I didn't even bleed. To be honest, I'm kind of tripping out over that because I've heard so many different stories, and most of them aren't exactly "feel-good" tales. I read somewhere that things like being a ballerina, climbing trees, or using tampons can prevent the hymen from breaking (meaning no bleeding), so I guess I've made peace with it, but still... why didn't it hurt? Maybe it's because I never deal with crazy period cramps? I got my first period when I was 15, which makes sense since everyone in my family seems to hit that milestone a bit later than average. Since then, my cycle has been a little hit-or-miss. 🤷

So, here’s the deal: I’m turning 17 in a few days, and he just turned 20. I’ve been debating whether I should go see a gynecologist, but I’m feeling super awkward about bringing the whole thing up to my mom. She knows my relationship is really serious and that we’re responsible people (safety is our top priority 😉), but I have no clue what she’d think about us being sexually active. I doubt I’d even shock her, though, because it’s pretty obvious if you look at us, and she’s a very open-minded woman who always listens to me and gives great advice.

What do you guys think I should do? Should I go for it, or stay cautious? 🙂
I was thinking about the appointment, and part of me wondered if I should ask about birth control too, but then I get this nagging feeling that I’m way too young. Even though we’re serious, talking about pills feels so incredibly embarrassing.
I'll be waiting patiently for your thoughts. Thanks in advance! 👋

lonemoose23 said:Basically, I’ll be turning 17 in a few days, and he just turned 20. I’ve been thinking about seeing a gynecologist, but I feel kind of awkward bringing the whole thing up to my dear mother. She knows our relationship is pretty serious and that we’re being responsible (protection is priority 😉), but I’m not sure what she thinks about us being sexually active. I guess it won't shock her since it's easy to assume, plus she’s a very tolerant woman who always listens to me and gives good advice.

I’d love some advice on what to do here. Should I go for it, or not? 🙂
I thought about visiting the doctor and maybe asking about birth control while I'm there, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm too young. Even though things are serious between us, I still feel uneasy about it.
I'll wait patiently for your replies, thanks in advance. 👋

First off—why would you even need to tell your mom if you're worried about how she'll react? That's your business. Honestly, if she knows you're together, she probably assumes sex has happened (or will soon), so I wouldn't sweat that part.
I don't know what she's like, whether she's conservative or not, or if you guys have discussed sex before—that's really what determines if telling her is smart. You mentioned she’s tolerant and knows you're responsible, so I guess it shouldn't be an issue. Don't overthink it; seeing a gynecologist is perfectly normal, and women do it 🤷

Personally, I've always handled everything myself (doctor visits, buying pills, etc.) because my mom has been pretty conservative for as long as I can remember and never wants to talk about it.
When I first looked for a doctor, I asked some friends and checked online forums, found a specialist, handled the paperwork, and that was that. 😉 My doctor suggested the pill herself, and you usually shouldn't have trouble getting a prescription as long as you pass all the necessary tests and everything looks fine. 😉

And you definitely should see a gynecologist if you're active and have a boyfriend. 🤷
John Doe 👍

Honestly, I just feel so awkward about it, though I wouldn't say I'm terrified. 😉
I’d go see a gynecologist on my own right now if I could, but I guess I have to wait another year until I'm legally an adult if I want to call the shots. My mom isn't some closed-minded cavewoman or anything; she totally gets how I feel about him and can read me like an open book. We talk normally about this kind of stuff, even though we haven't been close lately, so I haven't actually told her about the whole situation that "happened." 🙂
She’d get it, and honestly, she’d probably be the one telling me I should go to the doctor if I actually opened up to her.
It’s just so embarrassing because I’m still "young," even though I know there are kids out there way younger than me who are way more reckless—which is a thought that actually makes me sick—but just the idea of being on that exam table with my mom sitting right there while I talk about my sex life... 🙂