Rate these drafts!!!

Paul Mitchell98 said:If anyone's interested, just hit me up! Let me know if you want poetry in English or American, and I'll shoot you a DM.

Send it over, man! 🙏

Come on, guys, let me see some ratings! It can't really be that much work to give these four tracks a score. 😕

Track number one gets 8 points!
Track number two gets 7 points!
Track number three gets 9 points!

...hmm, I'll give the fourth one a ten. I like the concept.
Prika, I don't have much to critique, but being objective, it’s a bit too unrealistic—almost depressing for my taste.
If I had read this 7 or 8 years ago, I probably would have given it a higher score, but I'm an old man now, so there you go.

Anyway, keep going.

Adam Clark3 said:I suppose if everyone could just share their thoughts and give these four tracks a rating, it might be helpful, since I imagine it shouldn't be too much trouble to offer some feedback on them. 😕

Perhaps you might consider reaching out to the moderators to see if they could rename the thread to something a bit more engaging, which might encourage people to actually click on it. 🙂

Do you really think, for instance, Višeslav?

Christian Hughes92 said:Maybe you should try reaching out to the mods to see if they'll rename this thread to something a bit more eye-catching? Something people actually want to click on. 🙂

Nah, I doubt the moderators are going to change it... definitely not... 🙂

Let me know what you guys think... please... pretty please... just remember, whenever you find yourselves needing a hand with anything, I've always got your back...

Adam Clark3 said:I suppose there isn't much chance the moderator will change it, honestly... 🙂

If you could please leave some ratings... I’d really appreciate it... and if you ever find yourselves needing a hand with anything, please know you can always count on me...

As for me, I think I might try asking, because they probably will change it eventually. It would be such a shame if a great discussion gets lost just because of the title. 🙂

Honestly, I think the bars would hit way harder if they were shorter. You need more rhyme density—that’s basically the whole point of rap, right? Plus, the word order feels super clunky in some spots. Like, saying "the track is long which I have to walk" sounds weirdly formal; it’d flow much better as "it's a long track." Just my two cents.😍

And just a heads up, it's "turning," not "veering."😁

And what about in American?

hollowscout7 said:I honestly think the lines would hit harder if they were a bit shorter. Plus, you really need more rhyme schemes—that’s basically what makes rap, right? Also, the word order feels a little off in spots, like when I say "the track is long which I must walk," it sounds way better as "long is the track"... you know what I mean?😍

And just so we're clear, it wasn't a typo, I was just playing with the wording.😁

If I make them too short, though, it kind of ruins the vibe. I mean, what's a song if it's only sixty seconds long? It's barely a track at that point. 😁
I'll definitely try to work in some more rhymes, but I don't want to overdo it and make it sound cheesy...
Regarding the wording—you're totally right about how people actually talk, but if I used the "correct" term, the rhyme wouldn't land properly. So, I kind of took a little creative liberty there to keep the flow going.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback!

P.S. If you have a second, let me know what you'd rate it... 😁
Huge thanks to the mod for updating the thread title, and thanks to whoever requested that change too. Appreciate everyone!

Hey everyone
Since I notice there are plenty of musicians in this group, I was wondering what your thoughts are on these lyrics I penned a few days ago?

Jack the Ripper

Break through the fence, the dog is breaking free
The Police don't have a clue, though they'll never admit it to me
Arkham Asylum
Isn't so safe out there alone on the hill
Detective Crow asks everyone about what they've seen
"Have you seen the trouble? Is Jack the Ripper around?"

Three blocks later, the getaway begins to unfold
Three ladies flee into the darkness, escaping the cold
A long coat and a mystery hidden under a hat
Two sliced throats, while one escapes the trap
The taxi driver watched him heading this way

He is the one, he is Jack, that's his name
He is the one, he is Jack, that's his name
Jack the Ripper, prophet of insane

Now Detective Crow is clutching his head in pain
His old boss tells him, "You won't crack this case, it's in vain"
He grabs his gun in a sudden burst of rage
Only to see the taxi driver framed on the stage
While Jack drinks his milk in the local shop
A cop watches on, praying his life doesn't stop

It’s harvest season, and it serves him well enough
Lately, he's been tossing bodies down the well, acting tough
Just like his mentor, Captain Roussou, who stays in prayer
Jack is eyeing the lady, caught in his snare
To lead her to the final dance, making a bride of her soul

He is the one, he is Jack, that's his name
He is the one, he is Jack, that's his name
Jack the Ripper, prophet of insane

In an old attic on the outskirts of town
At Rosemary's Place, the barber's chair is found
She cries like a child and speaks through the grit
Jacky Boy knows he must take her last moment, bit by bit
No matter how much it hurts

Anyway, I'm 16.

^^

this track is absolutely killer...
I’m not even sure if it qualifies as a rap song or what, but it’s cool, I dig it...

My only advice would be to try using less predictable words when you're working on those rhymes...
Grab a dictionary, flip through some random pages, find a weird word that jumps out at you—something that actually fits the vibe—and it'll make building the rhyme scheme a whole lot easier...
Everything else seems fine...

So, I’ve got this band and we're actually pretty solid—just suck at writing lyrics, honestly. If anyone here is into songwriting and wants to help us out, hit me up? We’re working on our debut EP and we've got four tracks ready, but we still need four more to round it out. Obviously, we'll give full credit to whoever writes the lyrics on the album. I mean, we'd love to pay you, but let's be real—rockers are always broke, right? So if you're a writer and don't mind sharing your work, I'd be super grateful.

I honestly think there’s a specific thread designed just for people like you🙂

But seriously, if you can't even string a coherent sentence together, who on earth came up with that username of yours?🙂

Is this in English? What's the vibe, what genre, what's the deadline?

Yeah, man—rock, not punk, just straight-up rock. hehe. We’ve already knocked out four songs, but let’s be real, our lyric game isn't exactly top-tier... so if you could help us polish up some lyrics, it wouldn't even be a problem? It’s basically my job in the band anyway. We can do it in American or even English

Here is yet another little prose piece from yours truly... 🙂

Please, it’s definitely not rap—that stuff is garbage. Honestly, I already have about 25 polished tracks under my belt, so I might as well give this one a shot, even if it is a bit of a headache.

Please show some respect to the other members here! 😠

boldscout72 said:Show some respect to the other members here! 😠

Good grief 🤣

I honestly can't tell if it's 🙂 or 🙂