Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

It was honestly such a shock seeing my dad in the hospital today—they actually have him strapped to the bed... The doctors are saying he's just too weak for the aneurysm surgery right now. It’s super risky, even though doing it would fix both his aorta and his leg issue at once. So, the plan is likely to amputate the leg first, then hopefully tackle the aorta once he's recovered. I’m totally lost on what the smarter move is—risking the whole thing and having him potentially pass away on the table, or going through with the amputation and praying he recovers enough for the next step. He hasn't eaten a thing in two months and he's getting weaker by the day; he's just over it all, and I know he'll spiral into a deep depression if they take the leg and he can't even make it to the aorta surgery.
Personally, I’d even consider the amputation if it meant he had a shot at surviving the aorta surgery later, but honestly, I have my doubts. Mom is the one making the call, and I feel terrible that the weight of this is all on her shoulders... It’s hitting all of us hard, but I think she’s carrying the heaviest burden.

Jesse Ward45 said:My dad's stuck in the hospital right now. His bilirubin levels have spiked even higher, so I’m starting to doubt the shark oil is to blame. He's barely able to keep fluids down. The doctors are mentioning potential spots on his liver, and he's scheduled for an MRI very soon. If those spots are actually there, I’m terrified we’re looking at the end. Just about six weeks ago, an MRI showed absolutely nothing, and even five days ago, an ultrasound came back clear. Is it actually possible for things to spiral this fast in a single week, and is there anything left to do?

I find it hard to believe that a standard over-the-counter shark oil supplement could cause damage this severe. Honestly, I'm worried we're looking at liver metastases here. 😢Who can say for certain that the MRI and ultrasound results were interpreted correctly?

Chloe Gray5 said:It was honestly a shock seeing my dad in the hospital today; they actually had him strapped to the bed. The doctors say he’s far too weak for the aneurysm surgery, which would be incredibly risky even though it would tackle both the aorta and his leg issues at once. Their plan is likely to just amputate the leg first and then hope he recovers enough to fix the aorta later. I’m completely lost on what the smarter move is—do we risk him dying on the operating table, or do we take the leg to give him a fighting chance at surviving the aortic surgery? He hasn't eaten anything in two months, he's getting weaker by the day, and he's clearly reached his limit. Plus, if they take his leg and he can't recover in time for the next surgery, he's going to spiral into a massive depression.
Personally, I might even lean toward amputation if it guarantees he survives the aortic procedure, but I have my doubts. My mom is the one making the call, and I feel terrible that the weight of this is on her shoulders. We're all struggling, but she's definitely carrying the heaviest load.

To me, this feels like a double-edged sword. An amputation isn't some minor little procedure. You really need to seek out more opinions.
Looking at it from the outside, cutting off a man's leg only to wait and see if he can even survive to get the other surgery done feels like stripping away his dignity—it's pure agony. He's already been through hell; please don't put him through that 😢. If I'm being objective, I'd rather take the gamble on the aneurysm surgery and leave the rest in God's hands. Mom needs to sit down with him and try to make this decision together. It's an impossible situation, but ultimately, I think Dad should have the final say in his own fate.
For procedures like this, Dr. Biočina in Dubravi is the absolute gold standard, by the way.

Angela Wright said:I see this as a double-edged sword. Amputating a leg isn't exactly some minor procedure—you really ought to get a second opinion.
From an outsider's perspective, cutting off someone's leg just to wait and see if they recover feels like stripping away a person's dignity—it's pure agony. He’s been through enough already, so please don't put him through that 😢. Honestly? If it were me, I’d take the gamble on the aneurysm surgery and leave the rest in God's hands. Maybe Mom should sit down with him and try to make the call together. It’s a brutal choice, but at the end of the day, I think Dad is still capable of making his own decisions
. For stuff like this, Dr. Biočina in Dubravi is basically a legend, btw.

The surgery is urgent, though I'm not even sure if Dad is stable enough to be moved to another hospital. As for his decision, he can't really weigh his options right now because the pain is just too intense—they've had to give him sedatives, and he hasn't been lucid for days; he's been hallucinating and everything. They actually have him restrained because he can't stay still after the tests, but he forgets that so fast that he keeps trying to get up, so they had to tie him down for his own safety
. Yeah, I'm with you—I’d rather take the risk and hope for the best, because we'll end up in the same spot anyway: that aneurysm needs surgery, and there are zero guarantees about recovery
. Mentally, he definitely won't bounce back that quickly. He was in a room with a patient who had an amputation, then heard wrong that it was going to happen to *him*, and he spiraled into a deep depression that day—wouldn't talk, wouldn't eat or drink. Once the doctor cleared things up and explained it wasn't him, he felt a bit better
. The call is really up to Mom, and she thinks amputating is the better move so he can recover—she's focused on him surviving first, then dealing with the aorta later. But the real question is the recovery; this man has been in constant pain for months, bouncing between hospitals, and he's been through the wringer mentally. If they take his leg, I honestly think that would be the end of him 😢. Such a heavy choice. Personally, I'd rather take the chance and pray for the best... plus, the longer we wait on a potential recovery from amputation, the more that aneurysm expands, which just raises the stakes. I just can't wait for this all to be over so Dad can get back to being himself 😢.

Angela Wright said:I find it hard to believe shark liver oil supplements could cause this level of damage. I'm worried we might be looking at liver metastases here. 😢 Is there any way to be certain the MRI and ultrasound readings were accurate?

Yes, I agree with you. He's been in the hospital since yesterday. His bilirubin levels hit 270 units. It's frightening. He has a fever around 100.4 F. The ultrasound didn't show much besides some slight dilation of the bile ducts. He should have a CT scan today. The surgeon at Mayo Clinic spoke to us over the phone; he can't say for sure it isn't nothing, but given the sudden spike in bilirubin, he thinks it looks like an obstruction that needs urgent attention. I'm hoping they can do it laparoscopically because my dad is quite thin. We'll fax all his blood work, CT results, and other files today, and we will likely head to New York City soon. Thanks for the advice.

So my mom is heading in right now to sign the consent forms for surgery—they’re doing a bypass, and I'm assuming they'll put in stents too, otherwise there wouldn't be much point in the bypass...
Really hoping everything goes smoothly, honestly, I'm pretty freaked out 😢.

Edit: Turns out the doctors say Dad doesn't even have an aneurysm. Back in Los Angeles, they told Mom she had lung cancer and an aneurysm, just totally guessing. Then the lung scans came back and they were like, "never mind, no cancer," but they hadn't even done the angiography before sending him home—like, how does that even work?
Her external iliac artery is completely blocked, so they're thinking about doing a bypass from the aorta to the femoral artery. Just praying she's strong enough to pull through the surgery and the general anesthesia.

Chloe Gray5 said:My mom just went to sign the consent forms for surgery; they’re doing a bypass, and I assume they’ll be placing stents too, otherwise there wouldn’t be much point in a bypass...
I really hope everything goes okay, I'm honestly terrified 😢.

Edit: The doctors are now saying my dad doesn't actually have an aneurysm. Back in Los Angeles, they told my mom he had lung cancer and an aneurysm, just basically guessing. Then the lung results came back and they said, "never mind, no cancer," but they hadn't even done the angiography before sending him home—how is that supposed to work?
His external iliac artery is completely blocked, so they're thinking about doing a bypass from the aorta to the femoral artery. I just hope he's strong enough to make it through the surgery and general anesthesia.

You want to know what I'll tell you? Here is the objective truth that gives me a massive amount of hope: they actually want to treat him! That carries significant weight. In my experience, American doctors are generally quite pragmatic; if they believe a patient is beyond help, they aren't going to waste time or resources on them. They wouldn't be stepping up if they didn't think there was a fighting chance.
Lean into divine providence—that guiding hand that led you away from a closed door and toward an open window. Light a candle at Stone Gate and say a prayer. That’s what always got me through when my own mother was sick.
I truly believe your dad is going to pull through. Hang in there!

Angela Wright said:Honestly, if you want my take—and I mean this objectively—there’s actually a ton of hope here: they really want to help him! That’s huge. In my experience, doctors aren't just throwing things at the wall; if they didn't think there was a real shot at helping someone, they wouldn't be wasting their time or resources.
Just trust in divine providence—you know, that nudge from God that steered you away from a closed door and toward an open window instead. Light a candle at Stone Gate and say a prayer. It always helped me back when my mom was sick.
I truly believe your dad is going to pull through. Hang in there!

Thanks for the kind words—it’s just so tough when it’s someone you love, especially when you'd give anything to carry that weight for them but can't. I'm hoping to check back in with some better news next time.

Just checking in—the doctors told us amputation is the only way to go. They said there’s only a 25% chance he pulls through since his heart is struggling and he’s just so weak right now. He went under last night, and Mom tried calling around 9:30, but he was still in surgery... she tried again closer to 10, but no one's picking up. We’re just praying to God that he made it through and that we haven't heard anything because everything actually went okay and he's in that lucky 25%. 😢

Chloe Gray5 said:Just wanted to update everyone—we were told amputation is the only way forward. There’s only a 25% chance he makes it through because his heart is barely at 25% capacity and he's just too weak. They operated on him last night; Mom called around 9:30 PM while he was still in surgery, then tried again closer to 10:00, but nobody is picking up. We're just praying to God that he pulled through, that he made it into that 25%, and that the reason we haven't heard anything yet is simply because he's doing okay. 😢

😢 Hang in there, honey.

Angela Wright said:😢 Hang in there, hun

It’s honestly hard to even wrap my head around what he’s been through this past month. When I saw him yesterday, things weren't looking great—gangrene had set in and those toxins hit his bloodstream hard. He just kept saying, "I can't do this anymore." Even though the odds were slim, he actually pulled through the amputation and is in the ICU now. He's in critical condition because of the toxins, but we’re keeping the faith—if he could survive a surgery that intense, he can get through this too. He's such a fighter. I'm just praying he finds the strength to recover once he realizes he's lost the leg.

Chloe Gray5 said:It’s hard to wrap my head around everything he’s been through this past month. When I saw him yesterday, things weren't looking great—gangrene had set in and the toxins hit his bloodstream. All he could say was, "I can't do this anymore." Even though the odds were slim, he actually pulled through the amputation. He’s in the ICU right now, and those toxins have him in critical condition, but we're holding onto hope. If he could survive a surgery that intense, he can get through this too. He's a fighter. I just pray he finds the strength to recover once he realizes his leg is gone.

As long as they get him stabilized, he'll be okay. The main thing is getting him to wake up from anesthesia. They'll pump him full of antibiotics; doctors deal with this kind of stuff every single day. Just try to stay positive.

Angela Wright said:As long as they get him stabilized—that’s the main thing—he'll be fine. Once he wakes up from the anesthesia, they'll get him started on antibiotics... honestly, doctors deal with this stuff every single day. Just try to stay positive.

I'm trying to stay upbeat—it comes naturally to me—but I'm mostly just worried about how Dad is going to handle this. If he spirals into a depression, it's game over😢.
Still, hoping for the best. Heading over to see him this afternoon.

So, yesterday Dad was basically out of it—like he was stuck in this half-conscious fog. He didn't really recognize us at first, but when Mom asked if he was in pain or feeling tired, he could actually answer her. It’s just weird because he doesn't know who we are, even though he can respond to certain questions here and there. He's pretty disoriented, just lying there with his eyes shut, and they've got him restrained so he doesn't accidentally pull out all those IV lines and monitors...
I'm not sure what's causing it. Maybe he's just totally wiped out since he hasn't eaten in weeks and is super dehydrated?

A family friend who's a retired doctor told us that nobody wants to give a definitive diagnosis yet because it's such a mystery. He mentioned it could be the brain trying to protect itself, or maybe a small clot moved into his brain and left part of it without oxygen...
I'm really praying it isn't the second option. If it is, he'd be stuck in a bed, semi-conscious, for the rest of his life. I can't even imagine how hard that would be😢.

Chloe Gray5 said:Yesterday, Dad wasn't really present—it was like he was in some kind of semi-conscious haze. He didn't recognize us, though when Mom asked if he was in pain or feeling tired, he understood her. It’s just that he doesn't know who we are, even if he can answer questions occasionally. He's totally disoriented, just lying there with his eyes shut, restrained so he won't pull out all the IV lines and monitors...
I have no idea what caused this. Maybe it's just pure exhaustion since he hasn't eaten in months and is severely dehydrated?

A family friend who’s a retired doctor mentioned that nobody is willing to give a definitive diagnosis yet because it's anyone's guess. They suggested it could be the brain going into a sort of defensive mode, or perhaps a small stroke left a part of his brain without oxygen...
I am praying it isn't the latter. If it is, he'd be bedridden and semi-conscious for the rest of his life. What kind of existence is that? 😢.

Take it slow; this is a massive trauma to process, and anesthesia takes a heavy toll on the brain too. It literally shuts the system down, and then the person has to find their way back online. You'll just have to wait a few days to see how things trend.
My heart goes out to you. Seeing someone you love go through this is brutal... I've never quite grasped the sheer cruelty of that specific part of life.
Hang in there and be the rock for your mom. She needs you to stay strong by her side.

It’s just so hard seeing him go through this—he's been through hell lately, and I’m really praying that wound heals up so he can finally get some relief from the pain. I’m also hoping the doctors can help perk him up with those supplements and get him back on his feet. Honestly, his body is just totally wiped out from the pain and not eating... he hasn't even had any fluids in two days, plus the anesthesia and that surgery—which they basically said he wouldn't make it through—just took everything out of him.
He’s such a fighter, though—I honestly don't know anyone else who could handle even 30% of what he’s dealing with right now.
I'm just holding onto hope that he wakes up, starts recovering, and finds the strength to deal with losing his leg.
We’re all pulling for him! I’m trying my best to stay strong for my mom, but I’m only 20—this feels way too heavy and way too soon for me... but I have to keep the faith and stay hopeful.
Thanks for the support, these days have been brutal for us.

Chloe Gray5 said:... We're all standing by him. I'm trying my best to be strong for Mom, but I'm only 20, and honestly, this all feels way too heavy and far too early for me to be carrying. Still, I have my faith and my hope—I have to.
Thank you for the kind words; these days have been incredibly difficult for us.

🙂 stay brave ...

Got some good news—Dad actually recognized us 🙂! They’ve got him on a lot of morphine and sedatives, but he still caught on that it was us. I told him my sister and I were there, and he just said, "You came to see Daddy" 🙂. Honestly, I'm over the moon! I think Mom finally believes he’s going to pull through now. It's such a weight off everyone's shoulders
. They told him they had to amputate his leg, so he's acting a little restless—constantly tugging at the sheets to try and peek at it even though he's restrained—but I know we'll get through this together. We just need him to find enough strength to start recovering
.

Blue, just stay brave and keep that positive mindset 🙂

My mom just went through a massive surgery last week. It was bile duct cancer—a brutal, eight-hour procedure followed by an ICU recovery that had us all on edge. Honestly, I think she’s still in the thick of it, but we're pushing through.
If we can make it past 11 days in intensive care, I’m really hoping we’ll be in the clear soon. 🙂

Susan Gonzalez22 said:Just stay brave and keep your head up, Blue 🙂

We just went through a massive surgery with my mom last week—bile duct cancer, which meant an intense 8-hour operation and a recovery period where we honestly didn't know what to expect. I think she's still in the thick of it, but we're pushing through.
If we can make it through 11 days in the ICU—which we did—we'll be fine—fingers crossed. 🙂

Thanks 🙂. Honestly, I'm starting to feel like if we can get past a surgery that brutal, things can only go uphill from here! So good luck with your mom—everything is definitely going to look up! 🙂