amberskipper13
Newcomer
3 messages
joined May 2009
I’ve been reading through your posts all afternoon, and I honestly just stand in awe of everyone's courage and resilience. It actually prompted me to reach out—maybe you all could offer me some advice, or perhaps just a little bit of encouragement.
My mother-in-law is battling cancer. She was feeling terrible for a long time—stomach issues, mostly—but she was so terrified of getting a gastroscopy that she kept putting it off. By the time she finally worked up the nerve to go, the results were devastating. There were more tests, then extensive surgery where they had to remove quite a lot, but by then, it was too late. The metastases have spread to her bones. She’s been in the hospital since January; from then until now, she’s probably spent maybe seven days total at home. There is no saving her anymore, no more treatment options left... all that remains is a feeding tube, regular transfusions, and a massive, massive amount of morphine :-(
I’m not as emotionally attached, so I can think somewhat realistically and try not to let my emotions cloud my judgment. It’s hard, obviously, but I feel like I can endure it somehow.
But I am worried about my husband. His father made a huge mistake. He didn't want to tell him his mom had cancer, and he wouldn't even tell him how much was removed during the surgery. He just kept repeating that everything would be fine once Mom started eating again.
Once he realized things were spiraling out of control, he talked to me in early April and asked if we could tell my husband that Mom has cancer. Then, a few weeks ago, I was "given the honor" of telling my husband that there is no hope for Mom—that they are stopping treatment because her body is simply too weak to handle anything else.
This isn't my first encounter with this vicious disease. When I was ten, my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I was fifteen, she passed away. I was too young to fully grasp all the suffering and trauma my parents went through during those five years, but I remember the moment they told me Grandma had died as if it were yesterday. That moment was the trigger for all my later struggles (if you read any of my previous posts, you’ll know what I’m talking about). I never knew how to deal with that loss, and honestly, I still don't.
That’s why I’m so concerned about my husband; he is incredibly close to his mother.
His way of coping is to retreat into his own shell; he says he doesn't want to burden me with it. But it breaks my heart to see him suffering like this.
So, I’m asking for your advice. How can I help him? How can I make this remaining time for my mother-in-law as beautiful and comfortable as possible? Will it ever get easier?
Again, I truly admire your strength. Any advice at all is welcome.
Thanks!
