Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

briskscout583 said:I need some intel:
1. which facilities are actually decent and professional (not just when they're trying to impress visitors)?
2. what's the damage looking like cost-wise?
3. where can I actually find an opening?
4. any other solid advice?

1. honestly, most places act way more high-end than they actually are.
2. expect to shell out around $4,000-$2.00 per month.
3. try calling the homes on that list Angela Wright posted.
4. once you narrow down your choices, if you can, talk to people who already have family living there. That’s how you get the real story on the service quality. Also, ask about their nurse-to-patient ratio. It sounds technical, but quantity matters just as much as quality—most places struggle with being understaffed.

In the facility where my mom stays, the owners won't even spring for a dishwasher, so instead of actually looking after patients, the nurses are stuck washing dishes!

ruggedraven29 said:The doctor down in Miami told her that modern medicine just isn't going to be able to help.

First thing you need to do is get out of Miami; honestly, very few people there actually get lucky.😢

Mom's condition took a turn for the worse today.
Dad and I showed up for a standard visit, only to find out she’d been hit with some emergency interventions this morning. Fever spiked, things went sideways—honestly, I don't even know half of it. The nurse pulled us aside later and admitted she thought it was over.
But, they pulled it off. She's actually keeping fluids down, sipping soup, even managed some pudding. They've got her on oxygen and she's mostly just drifting. Talking is getting harder for her, though. She's still lucid, for now.
Dad already called for a priest, since that’s what she asked for about a month ago back when she was doing okay.

I feel for Dad. I think he's just waiting for his own breaking point.

Amy Hayes28 said:First off, just get out of Miami! I guess only a lucky few actually make it work there.😢

Ugh, I hate to admit it, but I guess I have to agree. 😢

quietpilot87 said:Mom's doing a bit worse today, I guess.

Hey, quietpilot87. It’s tough to stay positive when everything starts going downhill, but I guess you just can't lose hope, right? Stay up! 🙂

quietpilot87 said:Mom took a turn for the worse today.
Dad and I showed up thinking it was just a standard visit, only to find out she had to undergo emergency procedures this morning. Her fever spiked, her breathing got erratic—it’s all a bit of a blur. The nurse actually pulled us aside later and admitted she thought it was over for her.
But, miraculously, they pulled through. She’s even asking for water and soup; she actually managed some pudding earlier. They have her on oxygen, and she’s mostly just resting. Her speech is getting harder to follow, but she’s still lucid, still herself.
Dad already called the priest, since that was something she asked for about a month ago back when things were stable.

My heart breaks for Dad. I think he’s just waiting for the floor to fall out from under him.

quietpilot87, we went through this exact same thing with my mom, and it was more than a year before she finally passed. Everyone was certain the end had come.
The thing is, when it actually happens, you're usually least prepared for it.
My mom was also given palliative care at that stage. She was in a semi-comatose state, but the second the priest left the room, she opened her eyes.
Don't lose hope.

Hi there! Does anyone here happen to know much about bladder cancer?

Is it benign or malignant? And if it's malignant, are we talking primary or secondary?

If you want to check for malignancy, take a look at www.zanovidan.com—they have a database covering various types of cancer
.
Our friend Grace Fowler is actually fighting a bladder tumor right now that developed as a complication from her ovarian cancer treatment. I'm sure she'll reach out to you herself.

Amanda Miller69 said:I placed my mother in care near Jordanovac, and I can say they were professional through and through. There is no charge for the first three weeks (unfortunately, my mother only lasted eight days due to advanced cancer), provided you go via a referral from a primary care physician and have the hospital write a recommendation. After those initial three weeks, you pay for one month, then there is another window where three weeks are free. Visiting hours are every afternoon and on weekends as well.
Whatever you do, stay far away from New Marof; I have heard nothing but terrible things about them from everyone.

Good luck.

I am inclined to agree with Amanda Miller69 regarding the Jordanovac location. My husband’s grandmother was there for three weeks at the beginning of the year, and both she and our family were exceptionally satisfied. They truly acted with professionalism and genuine humanity. However, once those three weeks concluded, they informed us that the option to pay for an additional month had been abolished last year, meaning Grandma had to be discharged, only for us to be told we could bring her back after a week or two with a fresh referral. We had to scramble to find an alternative quite suddenly. Since her medical needs weren't particularly intensive, I somewhat suspect they might not have been entirely transparent about the billing situation; it felt as though they simply wanted to clear the bed. It is worth inquiring further.

feralranger3 said:Hey there! Does anyone here actually know anything about bladder cancer? I'm looking for some real info.

Hey there!!!
Look, I really need you to give me a bit more info on what's actually going on here. Like, when exactly was the diagnosis made? Was there surgery involved? If so, what kind of procedure was it and how did they grade the thing? Once you get those details over to us, we'll actually be able to help you out with some real advice on what the next steps should look like—it’s hard to say anything useful without the facts. Just shoot me a DM whenever it's convenient for you.
Grace Fowler

Nancy Thomas18 said:Hey everyone... just got my test results back, all nicely packaged, and they're absolute garbage... intestinal inflammation, swollen lymph nodes in my abdomen, and some other crap on the ascending colon... I’m just sitting here wondering what the hell is going to happen next.

Oh honey, you are going to get through this—I am absolutely certain of it... 🙂
Just stay strong, we're right there with you!!!!
Grace Fowler

Ugh, honestly, this just makes me so incredibly frustrated... 😠
You go through all that effort to fight one tumor, only to have the treatment—like radiation, for instance—actually end up causing a whole different one to crop up. 🙂

It’s just so fundamentally unfair, you know? 😢
(I can't help but feel this way after reading what happened with Grace Fowler)

Maria Fox said:Ugh, honestly, it just drives me absolutely insane. 😠
It’s one of those twisted ironies of modern medicine: you go in to fight off one tumor, only to have the radiation treatment itself pave the way for a second one. 🙂

That just isn't fair. 😢
I’m only speaking up because I just read what was posted about Dini9.

Unfortunately, life doesn't operate on some kind of fair-play system. It doesn't work that way. You get hit with problems simply BECAUSE you exist, and once they land, your only move is to deal with them as best you can and try to squeeze every bit of positivity out of the wreckage. As for Dini9—whom I’ve actually had the privilege of meeting in person—I can tell you that she is significantly more resilient, positive, and centered than thousands of us who are perfectly healthy on paper but spend every single day whining and bellyaching over absolute nonsense.
Life is just plain weird.

Angela Wright said:Unfortunately, life doesn't really operate on some kind of "fair or unfair" system... it just works in a way where you get hit with problems—just because—and then you have to deal with them the best way you know how and try to squeeze out whatever positivity you can find. As for Grace Fowler, whom I’ve actually had the privilege of meeting in person, I can honestly say she is so much healthier, more positive, and more at peace within herself than thousands of us who are perfectly healthy physically but spend every single day whining and complaining about absolute nonsense.
Life is truly strange

Well...
I totally get that life doesn't follow a "fairness" rulebook—if it did, there wouldn't be so many sick people (because nobody deserves that) and we wouldn't see massive issues like famine, wars in Africa, orphans, or homelessness out there...
My point was just that it sucks having to fight through such a terrible situation, trying your hardest to turn it into something good, only for another jerk to show up... I was just venting my frustration, and there wasn't any need for someone to lecture me on how "that's just life," because I am already fully aware of that myself...
And I've also had the chance—the real privilege—to meet so many people who just refuse to give up, who keep fighting because of their sheer will and their love for living, and I admire them every single moment... just like I admire my mother, who is going through the exact same thing (thankfully, so far—and I really hope it stays that way—she's only dealing with "just" one instance of cancer)

So, yeah, the whole point was simply expressing my frustration, even though I know it doesn't change anything... 👋

Maria Fox Asks:
Well... what else is there to say?
It’s crystal clear to me that life doesn't operate on some kind of "fairness meter." If things actually worked that way, we wouldn't be dealing with devastating illnesses—because nobody deserves to get sick—nor would we see the massive tragedies like famine, war, or the endless cycle of poverty and homelessness. Life just isn't rigged toward justice.
The whole point was that I’m exhausted from fighting this nightmare of a situation. You spend all your energy trying to spin a bad hand into something positive, only for some other jerk to show up and ruin it all. I wasn't looking for a debate; I was just venting my frustration. There’s really no need for anyone to lecture me about how "that's just life." I am fully aware of that reality myself.
I’ve had the chance to meet so many people who simply refuse to back down—people fighting tooth and nail because they have an unyielding love for life. Honestly, I admire them every single day. I feel that same deep respect for my mother, who is going through this exact same battle right now. So far, by some stroke of luck, she’s only dealing with one type of cancer, and I am praying it stays that way.

Look, the whole point was just venting some frustration. I’m fully aware that blowing off steam like this isn't actually going to change anything or get me any results. 👋

Then by that logic, venting your frustration is just as pointless, wouldn't you agree?😉

I’m sorry if you took my last post as a personal attack. That truly wasn't my intention, and honestly, that’s not what this thread is about at all. What I said was just me venting my own frustration regarding the sheer unfairness of everything. Unfortunately, there comes a point in this fight where simple frustration just gets swallowed up by much heavier, more complicated emotions—it happens when people hit those harder stages of their battle against illness, whether they're facing it head-on or dealing with the fallout. I really hope as few of us as possible have to go through that.

Angela Wright said:By that logic, expressing any frustration at all would be just as pointless, wouldn't it?😉

I am so sorry if my post came across as me lecturing you—that truly wasn't my intention, and honestly, that’s just not how I operate on this board... What I was trying to say was simply my take on the "injustice" of it all and the sheer frustration involved. Unfortunately, in this fight, those frustrations eventually get swallowed up by much more complex emotions once people hit those harder, more intense stages of their battle against illness—whether directly or indirectly. I really hope as few of us as possible have to go through that stage...

Look, forgive me, but I honestly don't see the logical thread you used to conclude that every bit of frustration—even just a gentle expression of it—is redundant... 🤷

For some people, even after they find peace with their situation, certain frustrations just stay with them until the very end...

I totally respect your view regarding the association, I really do, but I know myself—I’m going to carry my frustrations with me always. I'll keep feeling them until someone finally finds a way to treat people that causes less suffering and actually works... because, well, I'm just not the type of person who can just sit back and accept things like this. If things were to take a turn for the absolute worst—God forbid—I’d probably push those feelings down just to get through it, but they'd still be there underneath...
I clearly missed the point of this whole discussion, so... there you go... 👋

Maria Fox said:Look, I honestly can't follow your logic. I have no idea how you reached the conclusion that any kind of frustration—or to put it more gently, any sense of distress—is somehow analogous to this. 🤷

With some people, even after they accept their diagnosis, certain frustrations just stick with them for life.

I respect what you're saying about the support group, I really do, but personally? I’m going to be frustrated forever. I’ll keep feeling this way until someone develops a treatment that actually works and stops making people suffer so much. I’m just not the type of person to sit back and accept things as they are. If the absolute worst were to happen, I might suppress those feelings just to get through the moment, but they wouldn't go anywhere.
Clearly, I completely misread the point of this thread, so there you go... 👋

It’s an analogy, not a logical proof.
😕
Anyway, I'm just as sorry as you are that we're talking past each other.

Ugh, I honestly don't even know where to begin... it’s all a bit of a blur... basically, I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IIb cervical cancer. A biopsy was performed back on October 20th at the local hospital, which confirmed everything, and now I’m officially on the "waiting list," whatever that means lately... the doctor who handled the biopsy told me surgery isn't on the table—it’ll be radiation followed by four rounds of chemo... and apparently, I’m supposed to wait about a month before anything starts. So, naturally, I began the whole gauntlet of follow-up tests (most results were fine, though they did catch a Type 2 diabetes diagnosis as well🙄)... then I called the specialist center in New York City to see if they could give me any idea when I might actually be seen... and well, the machine is broken, and they said it could be at least 60 days before they can do anything at all... I reached out to my gynecologist to ask what my next move should be, and she basically told me, "I wouldn't just sit around waiting, call the specialists in Oakland..." so I did—I called Oakland and the MD Anderson Cancer Center... and I got the exact same answers everywhere... everyone is looking at a three-month wait... honestly, people, what am I supposed to do? Just sit here and wait for the appointment at the main hospital? Does a two-month delay really make such a massive difference in the prognosis? And what does my outlook even look like right now? At first, I was absolutely terrified, but thankfully that passed pretty quickly, and I eventually settled into this mindset where it felt... well, almost like a minor inconvenience, like having to go to the dentist to fix a cavity... but now, all this waiting has shaken me a little, and I'm feeling quite lost. Everyone, including my gynecologist and my internist, is insisting that surgery is the way to go, yet the doctor in New York City was adamant that it's a NO. Why? Is it because there’s nothing more they can do for me? 🤷
Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm 42 years old.

Please, help.

Dear granitebadger21, I’m not sure where you’re based, but Oakland and New York City aren't the only places in America. We were at the oncologist yesterday, and she recommended radiation therapy—I won't bore you with all the medical specifics—but we took a few days to process everything before deciding. While we were there, we asked about the wait times. Her response? "If you're coming in as an outpatient, there is absolutely no wait." Wow. That flies in the face of everything I read online. It’s actually tempting to just go through with the radiation simply because there is no waiting. For context, this was at the Mayo Clinic in Indianapolis—the oncology department is small, but the people there are incredible. You should try calling them; they might be able to squeeze you in. Honestly, paying for a hotel is cheaper than sitting around waiting. When dealing with certain illnesses, you can't afford to play games. Besides, you're welcome to crash at my place—I’m near 31 miles the OS—and who knows, maybe another member here will offer you a place to stay during treatment. That’s what this forum is for, in my opinion: real, unfiltered help. Giving unsolicited advice doesn't get anyone through this.

But honestly, I’m just sitting here wondering whether I’ll be stuck in a hospital bed or if I’ll actually get to commute to those famous radiation sessions from home... I'm originally from a small town outside of Chicago, so this is all quite a change. He told us it would be about six to eight weeks in the hospital for combined radiation and chemo, adding that "if the tumor responds well to the radiation, he can head home as if nothing ever happened." When I pressed him on what our options would be if things didn't go according to plan, he was just stone-faced—absolutely nothing else. To make matters worse, regardless of whether we're at the clinic or home, the machine is out of commission, and they've informed us they "have to prioritize patients who have already started their treatment cycles." It feels like everything is working against us ☕

granitebadger21

I think Susan Ruiz76 made a really good point. Maybe you should try calling some other hospitals? It might be possible to get an earlier appointment somewhere else. I’m certainly no doctor, but waiting two whole months feels like such a long time... and honestly, there's the uncertainty of whether they'll even have that radiation machine fixed by then. If the equipment is old, it could just start acting up again. In your case, I guess it's especially critical since you aren't heading into surgery—radiation is pretty much your only shot at treatment here. It might also be worth seeking out a second opinion from another specialist regarding the treatment plan itself. Who knows? Maybe there's a better approach than radiation, especially given how long this wait is becoming.