How do I remove splinters?

It’s like getting poked by a cactus needle right in the heel.

Luckily, I haven't had to deal with that in quite a long time. But I still remember—nearly ten years ago now—buying this thick, black ointment at a local CVS. It looked just like tar and had a pungent smell... you’d smear on a massive layer, wrap it up tight with some gauze or even just a sock so you didn't make a mess of everything, and sleep through the night. By morning, the porcupines would basically be walking themselves out
I always maintained they were leaving because of the stench—that stuff smells absolutely terrible—but at least it doesn't hurt them like when people try digging them out with needles and all that...

Maybe try a needle
it hurts—but at least you know everything's out.😁

I was reading this article about how you shouldn't go poking at ingrown toenails with a needle because of the infection risk. Apparently, you’re supposed to soak them in ammonia or something to get them to surface before trying to squeeze them out or grab them with tweezers. There are even those specialized overnight patches you can buy to pull them out.
If it looks really nasty, just go to a doctor.
I once had three splinters stuck in my big toe for almost a month and a half. Eventually, they worked their way to the surface on their own, so I just pulled them out myself. Luckily, they were lodged at an angle, so they didn't kill me every time I took a step.

When I was just a little girl, my mom used to put sliced tomato compresses on me overnight, and by morning, I’d find these tiny needles just sitting right there on the floor where they had worked their way out.

Grab a needle and some tweezers. Just start digging. It’s going to be incredibly painful, honestly driving you a bit crazy, but eventually, you'll get it out.