#61 ·
Hello, everyone!
To be as concise as possible, I have spent roughly ten years struggling with various substances, primarily methadone—which has been my mainstay for about seven years now, despite several unsuccessful attempts at detoxing.🤦
What I am truly interested in pertains to the physiological effects of my usage. Back when I was consuming 20ml of solution daily (which equates to 40mg of heptanone), I existed in a state of total lethargy, essentially a zombie, while also managing a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.😵
During that period, my body weight fluctuated significantly. In the winter months, I would gain weight due to the notorious bloating associated with methadone, yet that wasn't always the case. I recall last summer vividly; my clothes were falling off me, and a colleague actually expressed genuine concern that I had reached a breaking point because I looked so emaciated. I believe I weighed well under 150 pounds, even though I stand about 5'10" and have a naturally slight build. Today, having finally hit rock bottom and after much deliberation, I experienced a sudden moment of clarity where I decided enough was enough. I find the idea of methadone repulsive now. I began tapering off very gradually—just a tiny amount each month using a diabetic syringe—and I can proudly say that today, I am down to only 8ml per day.😁 My primary question remains: how much longer until I reach zero? There are times when I have leftovers and simply discard them. IMAGINE THAT.😒 AAHhh, to think that I used to clutch my methadone and defend every single drop with my life... honestly, my perspective has shifted so completely. However, the dosage isn't my main concern right now; it is my weight. How is it possible that even though I am taking significantly less medication and living a much healthier lifestyle than I did last summer, and even though I eat very little and skip dinner, I cannot seem to shed these pounds? I am sitting at 238 pounds.🙂 It defies all logic to me. How? Why? On one hand, I suppose the weight doesn't bother me too much, because if I weren't this size, those old habits might have claimed me already, and I would likely be lying somewhere at 140 pounds at the age of 34, with no telling what kind of conditions I'd be in.
Therefore, if anyone here can provide an explanation for this mystery, I would be most grateful. I would particularly value input from those with medical expertise.
Best regards!
To be as concise as possible, I have spent roughly ten years struggling with various substances, primarily methadone—which has been my mainstay for about seven years now, despite several unsuccessful attempts at detoxing.🤦
What I am truly interested in pertains to the physiological effects of my usage. Back when I was consuming 20ml of solution daily (which equates to 40mg of heptanone), I existed in a state of total lethargy, essentially a zombie, while also managing a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.😵
During that period, my body weight fluctuated significantly. In the winter months, I would gain weight due to the notorious bloating associated with methadone, yet that wasn't always the case. I recall last summer vividly; my clothes were falling off me, and a colleague actually expressed genuine concern that I had reached a breaking point because I looked so emaciated. I believe I weighed well under 150 pounds, even though I stand about 5'10" and have a naturally slight build. Today, having finally hit rock bottom and after much deliberation, I experienced a sudden moment of clarity where I decided enough was enough. I find the idea of methadone repulsive now. I began tapering off very gradually—just a tiny amount each month using a diabetic syringe—and I can proudly say that today, I am down to only 8ml per day.😁 My primary question remains: how much longer until I reach zero? There are times when I have leftovers and simply discard them. IMAGINE THAT.😒 AAHhh, to think that I used to clutch my methadone and defend every single drop with my life... honestly, my perspective has shifted so completely. However, the dosage isn't my main concern right now; it is my weight. How is it possible that even though I am taking significantly less medication and living a much healthier lifestyle than I did last summer, and even though I eat very little and skip dinner, I cannot seem to shed these pounds? I am sitting at 238 pounds.🙂 It defies all logic to me. How? Why? On one hand, I suppose the weight doesn't bother me too much, because if I weren't this size, those old habits might have claimed me already, and I would likely be lying somewhere at 140 pounds at the age of 34, with no telling what kind of conditions I'd be in.
Therefore, if anyone here can provide an explanation for this mystery, I would be most grateful. I would particularly value input from those with medical expertise.
Best regards!