Phobias/Fears

I have a phobia. Honestly, who doesn't these days?😕

It’s a fear of hysterical women. I can't stand them; I'd rather run the other way. Actually, thinking about it more clearly, my real issue is with women who pretend to be feminine until they aren't, and then they just spiral into hysteria once the act gets boring. I can't deal with that, and I'd probably end up fighting back. Just a note: I'd only fight them out of a deep, desperate love for silence.

Sending love to everyone out there.🙂

Imagine my luck. Ever since I was a child, I have been haunted by those revolting yellow ants that infest apartments. When I was little, they lived in our building and were absolutely everywhere; you’d have to bang the bread against the table before even ordering it just to scare them off. They would crawl into books, clothes, bedding—everywhere. Imagine sitting peacefully watching TV when suddenly you feel something crawling on your arm. You scratch it, thinking it's nothing, then a few seconds later, it happens again. You look down, and there it is: a disgusting yellow ant crawling on you. Or you wake up in the morning to find a cluster of ants on the wall right next to your head. 😱 😱 And that isn't even the half of it. You move, you tear apart half an apartment, you renovate everything thinking, "Finally, I won't see those vile pests again," only to spot them walking across the floor. These ones are somewhat tolerable since they stick to the walls and don't go for food, so that's fine. I can handle one or two; I'll just grab some Raid and spray the area. But once I see more than that, I become completely hysterical. I start shaking uncontrollably, on the verge of tears, rubbing my hands against my pants as if I could wipe them off. And don't even get me started on worms; seeing just one is enough to trigger me. I've had trauma from them since preschool. Once, we had cherries for dessert, and some kid opened one only to find it was wormy. He left it, but when he opened a few more and they were all infested, he decided not to eat them. However, our sick daycare teacher insisted that everyone who started eating the cherries had to finish them all. I remember sitting there, staring at that kid, watching him forced to eat those cherries while worms crawled around the bowl. Imagine how that kid felt, if I suffer this much from such traumas. As if that weren't enough, my brother played a cruel trick on me. We were at our grandmother's place in the country, and of course, there was a pigsty, though it was empty. One morning, he called me over to show me something in the pen. I thought maybe it was a cute kitten or something, but instead, it was a mass of disgusting little white worms—the kind that appear on carcasses from flies. They were all squirming nauseatingly in a pile; I assume it was a pool of dried blood. 😱 🙂 😱 I immediately made a 🙂, and once I came to my senses, I wanted to 🙂 my brother in 🙂
Most people hate spiders, but I love them. They eat ants, so I never kill them; I just let them live in the corners of the ceiling.
Advice: If you want to avoid cobwebs and spiders, just place an eagle feather in your room. I have them in every room, and I haven't seen a spider or an ant in years.

Wait, where exactly are you living these days?

I have this weird phobia about someone—or something—breaking or cutting off my fingers. Honestly, whenever I see fingers getting crushed in *Blade Runner*, I just freeze up completely. It’s bizarre, because nothing else really gets to me; I could watch a forearm get sliced off and be totally fine. But the fingers? That's different. Because of this, I guess I don't go rock climbing anymore.

To be honest,
heights (even though I live on the 20th floor in Chicago and have grown quite used to it, I still feel like I’m about to faint whenever I visit somewhere just two stories high 😁), animals,
that moment when my glasses get all smudged
or even wearing a wool sweater and getting my sleeves wet while washing my hands 😱 (can you actually classify things like that as phobias? 😕😁)
and a general fear of germs

Mosquitoes.
It’s the worst when you're just trying to sleep and one starts buzzing right next to your ear... bzzzzzzz.
so gross😲

I wouldn't say I suffer from any legitimate phobias that would ever trigger a full-blown panic attack, leaving me gasping for air or losing my grip on reality...

but... I really can't stand the sight of bugs crawling anywhere near me...
I also detest walking through seaweed at the beach. It's so slimy. And honestly, I have this nagging fear that a crab might be lurking in there, which is just... unpleasant.

And those barking dogs in my neighborhood? They aren't exactly my favorite either...

Not exactly a total klutz... but man, the anxiety...

The lightning and thunder were gorgeous, I guess, but honestly pretty terrifying. And don't even get me started on ladders...

So, last night I was trying to help my mom out by putting up those tiny little curtains... I climbed up the ladder... but there was just no way I was going to hook that curtain rod onto the bracket... noooo way... even though I was white-knuckling the door frame with one hand...

If it’s a tree—I’m at the top, no biggie. If it’s a building—I’m on the roof, totally fine... but ladders? Give me two steps and I'm basically done for...

..how could I have completely blanked on the lightning and thunder..😲 I seriously hate being stuck outside when the storms start rolling in..🙂 and out here on the coast, it’s basically constant..

..plus, getting in and out of the ocean.. I’m terrified of stepping on some jagged piece of debris.. honestly, I have a massive phobia of getting something stuck in my skin... I hate having to dig little bits out with tweezers.. one time, a huge piece of grit from a toilet seat actually got lodged in my butt while I was wearing a watch..😲 absolute nightmare...

Ugh, everyone is such a creep🙂... honestly just total dogs😲... but the absolute worst part? It’s when I spot mold or mildew—whatever you guys call it here. I’m allergic to it, like, seriously life-threatening levels of allergic. So whenever I see some fruit starting to rot or go bad, I immediately spiral into a full-on panic attack.😲

I’ve been battling a needle phobia since I was a kid. It started with medical needles, then expanded to any kind of sharp object.
In my entire life, I’ve only had blood drawn three times, and every single time, I spiraled into a full-blown panic attack and blacked out. It isn't even about the pain—I know it doesn't hurt that much—it’s just the sheer concept of a needle piercing skin. Disgusting.
When I was sixteen, I saw a psychologist specifically to deal with this. We did therapy for a year, but even she couldn't pin down the root cause. She suggested it might be some subconscious fear of death, but since this started when I was three years old, that theory doesn't hold water; a toddler doesn't grasp mortality like that. So, we hit a wall. The talk therapy didn't help one bit.
As I got older, the phobia intensified. Eventually, just the mere thought of a needle would make me lose consciousness. 😢

Now, I’m taking matters into my own hands with some self-directed exposure therapy. Everyone always says the only way to conquer fear is to face it head-on. That sounded impossible to me at first, but I decided to try it—even if it killed me—just so I could finally be free of this.
I bought some acupuncture needles and started practicing. I've been poking myself for a few days now.
I made a firm decision that I had to do this for my own sake. On the first day, I lay on my bed and picked up a needle. I spent maybe twenty minutes just rolling it against my skin. Every time I attempted to actually pierce the surface, I panicked. But eventually, I managed to break the skin and push the needle about half an inch deep. The moment it happened, my vision went dark, my stomach turned, and the room started spinning. Still, I stayed conscious and tried to rationalize that it wasn't actually that bad. The second time, it only took two minutes to get through. With every prick, the terror diminishes. After five days, I no longer feel that paralyzing fear when it comes to needles in my arms, legs, stomach, or backside. I still feel nauseous at the thought of anything near my head, though. Gross. 😢 I won't be testing that; hopefully, I'll never need to.
I even let my mom try it once. That took a few minutes too, because the idea of someone else controlling the needle is terrifying. When she did it, the pain flared up again (purely psychological, obviously) and the room spun. I barely stayed upright.
The physical pain is gone. Or rather, it only hurts if I watch the needle go in. If I look away while I do it, I feel nothing at all.
The human psyche is a strange thing. 😁
I’m moving on to standard medical needles soon. I'll be picking some up tomorrow.