Reddit Mod Team: Thread regarding "Impotent Husband" topic

Emily Patel70 said:It’s possible. Go ahead—give me an example from your own life. 🤷

And then comes the inevitable wave of accusations and vitriol I've dealt with more than a few times. But fine, if you think I need to scrub this, I'll wipe it clean.

Edit: I've removed all the controversial parts. I'm not going to cite the examples I know. This only made sense because he was the only one actually contributing anything to the thread.

boldwalker12 said:You think I'm going to apologize on command? steelskipper132 claimed she was doing fine just because he asked for a photo. If he was lying, then I am too; it definitely wasn't intentional, and that’s all I have to say about it.

.

You don't have to apologize on command, but it would be nice if you owned up to your mistake on that thread, especially since you went after the mods right after. The reality is, the woman wasn't offering photos, and steelskipper132 didn't say she was. He just said she seemed fine, and since her first post made it sound like she was putting herself out there, he added a little eye-roll and suggested she could send a photo to prove how "fine" she actually is.

It isn't easy to keep track of every single post, and not everything here is riveting reading, but after the way you handled things as a mod, a simple apology to the woman would be the decent thing to do. It won't bring world peace or end global hunger, but it might help your credibility when it comes to being objective.

Carl Fisher7 said:To any guy with half a brain, your moderation style is honestly just pathetic and a bit of a joke. It's almost tragic, really.

In the slim hope that I might actually encounter some common sense here, best regards, Carl Fisher7.

You got a warning because you were picking apart another user and derailing the thread. You ignored the warning, so you got a strike.

I don't get why you're making such a massive drama out of this.

As for mentioning that specific user—I already told you that I personally deleted both your posts and hers when you two were attacking each other. If you see a post that shouldn't be there, just report it to me. Those posts aren't hanging around, and I don't let things slide, as you well know. So please, stop making up these ugly lies.

stormylynx4 said:He basically said she was doing fine, and since her first post sounded more like a self-advertisement given how she described herself, he just threw in a rolling eyes emoji and suggested she could send him a photo—since she’s already offering herself up, I mean, not just a picture, right? Just so he can check exactly how "fine" she really is.

That isn't true at all. I was actually trying to poke fun at the impression most people on the Reddit had right from the start—you know, how they took lady X's opening post as some selfish advertisement full of misunderstandings.

It’s nice that all the moderators showed up, but in my humble opinion, they actually messed up right away by not shutting down everyone who started swarming lady X. To me, it felt pretty shameless how they allowed the focus to shift entirely onto her supposedly "pure" intentions.
When you add a warning and a strike against the author on top of that, the whole thing looks really messy. In this context, it doesn't even matter that the moderator missed my irony, because the whole thread had already gone off the rails earlier, and honestly, that responsibility lies with the mods.

So, it's kind of insane that you guys are insisting on an apology, unless there's some specific reason you're being so difficult.

After longlong spent ages being perfectly polite to lady X—basically rolling out the red carpet and checking in to see if she needed anything dissected—Sid decides to put on his Zorro costume as the vigilante protector of wronged women and starts an inquisition against the one guy, damn it, who was actually staying on topic. That kind of scrutiny is misplaced, offensive, and basically completely nullified all of longlong's effort.
Since they already failed to protect lady X, the moderators finally stepped up when they stopped Sid from trampling over longlong, especially considering how much of a pattern that is with him.

If anyone needs to apologize, it would be me, for stirring the pot with those messages through the inbox, but hey, excuse me, I guess every idiot is entitled to their own little way of having fun.😉

stormylynx4 said:Look, you don't have to apologize just because someone ordered it, but honestly? It’d be pretty classy if you actually owned up to your mistake on that thread, especially since you went straight for the mods after that. The truth is, she wasn't offering photos, and steelskipper132 definitely didn't say she was. He just said she seemed doing well, and since her first post made it sound like she was putting herself out there, he threw in a little eye-roll emoji saying she could send a photo—you know, since SHE was being so "welcoming," maybe he should check how "well" she's actually doing... right?

It’s not like I can keep track of every single post ever written—not all of them are even worth reading, let's be real—but after those comments you made under the mod tag, a simple apology would go a long way. It won't trigger world peace or end global hunger, but hey, it might actually make you look like someone who knows how to be objective for once.

Are you the OP or do you have access to her DMs? Honestly, I have no clue whose side you're even on here.

He said he was asking for a photo, not that she *could* send one. Saying "asking for a pic" basically means "I want a pic." And since the OP mentioned in her first post that advice via DM is welcome, it's super easy to get things mixed up...

The OP didn't get flagged because of pictures or because she complained about a moderator. She got flagged because of a few posts earlier where she basically said she doesn't care what certain users think because of which subreddits or threads they usually hang out in.
On Reddit, everyone who actually contributes something useful to the conversation is equal. Period. You treat people the same regardless of where they usually post.

Besides, anyone on this site can appeal a moderator's decision whenever they want. There's no need for you to jump in the middle. If she wants an apology because someone wrongly claimed she was sharing photos, she can ask for it herself. You've got nothing to do with this, and frankly, your involvement in this whole mess is just... confusing.

Ashley Evans71 said:Regarding mentioning Nausicaja—I’ve already told you that I personally deleted both your posts and hers when you were insulting one another. If you spot any unmoderated posts, just report them to me. Those posts don't exist anymore, and I don't play favorites, as you well know. So please, stop making these ugly accusations and lying.

How convenient to accuse others of being liars.

Take, for instance, this post

I read through that conflict of yours, and in my opinion, your opponent's main tactic is constantly projecting feelings and attitudes onto you that you never actually expressed. But hey, I suppose some people think they can act as both a messiah and a polygraph at the same time.
Personally, I find the whole thing incredibly distasteful—a very low and dirty 'game.'

as well as this one

I find it fascinating when people criticize psychotherapy while clearly being terrified of it themselves.
I've encountered them in real life, and honestly, here on the Reddit too. They start these intense, angry outbursts, acting out because they claim I'm constantly diagnosing them and such.

regarding similar provocations from your friend Nausicaja, you reacted by deleting my replies (where the only thing potentially "inappropriate" was me telling her to screw off). So, instead of accusing others of lying, maybe take a moment to reflect on why you hold everyone to such double standards. 😉

I am only bringing this up so that someone doesn't accidentally believe you or assume other users are lying when they point out your double standards. This isn't even about the specific topic at hand—I haven't even read it.

You really think those chat messages have anything to do with this topic? They’re totally random... if you even wanted to call them insults, they were super reaching. But yours? Yours were straight-up verbal abuse and swearing, which is why they got nuked. Makes sense, right?

Emily Patel70 said:Do you really think those chat messages have anything to do with this topic? They were barely borderline offensive at most, yet somehow yours were wiped instantly because they were blatant insults and profanity.

Since the site admins are the only ones who can actually see deleted posts (and unfortunately, I didn't save screenshots), I wouldn't go making such bold accusations if I were you.

I made it perfectly clear that my response wasn't even directed at this specific thread.

Look, you can't just go around telling people on Reddit to get lost... it’s got absolutely nothing to do with this thread anyway. And honestly? It’s pretty hilarious that you’re suddenly acting all offended because someone deleted a post from months ago.

We aren't going to keep debating this here either, since we're basically just getting in the way of the admins who are actually handling this PDF stuff.

Emily Patel70 said:I can't quite figure out which side you're actually taking in all of this.

He said he was looking for a photo, not that she could send one. "Asking for a picture" means he's the one requesting it. Since the original poster mentioned in her first post that advice is welcome via DM, it's easy to get the wires crossed.

If it’s that easy to get defensive, why is admitting a mistake such a massive struggle? ☕

Emily Patel70 said:You have zero connection to this, and I honestly can't figure out why you're even weighing in on this topic.

Sorry, but what exactly are you getting at here?
I haven't criticized anyone's moderation, whether it was in the wrong place or handled poorly. Choosing not to jump into every single thread is my call, and I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation for how or when I decide to chime in. It’s my right to just lurk and only react when I feel like it. As long as I’m being civil, staying on topic, and avoiding insults, I shouldn't have to introduce myself or provide a backstory just so you can follow along.

Emily Patel70 said:You can't just go around telling people on the forum to screw off; it has absolutely nothing to do with this thread. It’s also pretty funny that you’re suddenly deciding that having a post deleted from months ago is such a major issue today.

We shouldn't keep debating this here since we're just getting in the way of the admins handling this PDF file.

My post here is strictly for demonstration purposes—proof that other users aren't lying when they say Scott Miller4 applies double standards when moderating.

By the way, if I actually broke any rules on Reddit, my posts should have been penalized accordingly. As I see it, deleting content is just a way to "silence" one side while letting the other side say whatever they want.

That's all from me. 👋

Chloe Wilson46 said:Oh, how nice to call everyone else liars.

Let's say, regarding a post like this>

as well as this one

and similar provocations from your friend Nausikaja—you reacted by just deleting my replies (where the only thing that might have been "inappropriate" was telling her to get lost), so maybe don't point fingers at others for lying; instead, try looking into why you have such double standards. 😉

I’m only saying this so someone doesn't accidentally believe you and think other Reddit users are lying when they say you have double standards. I wasn't even reading this specific thread.

Where exactly is Nausikaja attacking Sida in the post you pulled?

As for me deleting your attacks on people in the chat—yeah, I did that regularly.

Nobody told you to get lost, threatened to come after you, or insulted you the way you used to insult other users—because if they had, I would've deleted those too.

From now on, I won't be deleting your insults; I'll just issue a warning first, and then delete them. 😁

Yeah, Nausikaja is my friend, and honestly, I don't really care if that bothers you. 😉

Dear moderators,

I still find your moderation style to be exactly what I’ve described before—actually, it’s getting significantly worse. My inbox is full of proof; the emails I’ve been receiving (both recently and in the past) regarding your moderation are, frankly, a total disaster from everyone who has bothered to reach out to me. Take, for example, the very first response on a thread I opened in the Psychology section per your instructions. It’s clear from the opening post that the author feels she's dealing with an impotent partner and is herself a victim of sexual abuse, despite having given him plenty of time and support to seek treatment... which, predictably, hasn't happened. I actually tried to provoke the long-term Debt in a thread titled "Impotent Husband" to get him to reveal the real reason he isn't taking action, but the moderation stepped in specifically to stop me from doing so.

boldwalker12 said:...and you especially love to gloat over problems involving impotence.
Your fake concern for the author isn't fooling anyone. And it certainly isn't fooling the moderators.

The accusations against me are flying left, and they're being taken to ridiculous extremes—ranging from claims that if I write about impotence, I must be impotent myself, to the idea that I'm somehow "enjoying" these men's struggles or offering sexual services to their wives. They're basically painting me as a psychopath. For the record, I am not (yet) impotent, nor am I "gloating" over anyone. In fact, I just grabbed coffee with a guy from the forum who reached out to me for the second time. He’s a perfectly normal, married, straight guy—not exactly the type to seek out the company of a psychopath. And this is the second time he's done it.

It’s pretty funny when you think about it, because so far, several men have hit my inbox asking about potential causes for their RC's, followed by genuine thanks for the clarity or advice I provided—advice that clearly helped them. I highly doubt they’d be thanking me if I were the monster being described.

I've also had several women reach out with similar issues regarding their husbands. They want to help solve the problem so they can eventually return to a normal sexual life. They understand that while sex isn't the *only* thing in a relationship, it is a fundamental component that a healthy marriage simply cannot survive without long-term. I've even heard from women who, after years of fruitless effort, ended up entering affairs because they felt they had no other choice.

And then there's the accusation that I'm the reason threads like "To be a mistress" get shut down, based on this reasoning...

boldwalker12 said:That thread lasted four whole years until you dragged it through the mud with your fantasies and insults. It wasn't necessarily closed forever, but you certainly won't be allowed to communicate like that again if it ever reopens—not just there, but on any other topic. Save that vulgar, insulting, self-indulgent attitude for somewhere else; ZouD actually maintains a certain standard.

... regarding the alleged "degradation" of this thread...

boldwalker12 said:Look, I’m sorry, but asking things like "how many times a week are you having sex with your husband" or "does he make you wet" isn't some deep, raw truth—it's just degrading the topic. This whole discussion had produced a ton of high-quality posts, and now it's sliding into a cheap, sleazy level. Plus, if you hadn't noticed, the woman you directed those questions toward wasn't exactly impressed by your "logic."

... even though the questions I asked were perfectly valid and prompted for good reason. It isn't "degrading" the conversation to a sleazy level; it’s just using a slightly less polite way of getting to the point. And I use that approach intentionally.

I should mention that my inbox has actually been filled with praise and confirmation that I'm right—coming specifically from the very women you’re citing as an argument. They wrote to me privately saying they would never admit these things "publicly" in their posts because they view their own situations as pathetic or bottom-of-the-barrel, but they agreed that what I wrote was essentially the blunt truth.

One user even commented publicly that she had never read anything that was simultaneously so disgusting and so brutally honest. I’ll take that as a compliment.

A while back, I was watching a show on an American news network featuring one of their top urologists—actually, one of the most renowned experts in urological surgery globally. He mentioned that his very first question to a new patient is always: "How are your erections?" Most patients are shocked and start stuttering, but he knows a 40-year-old man isn't walking into his office because he has trouble peeing; he's there because he can't get laid. It’s not like we're dealing with an 80-year-old. Is his approach blunt? Absolutely. But he wants to hit the core of the problem immediately instead of wasting time on polite, sugar-coated small talk.

As for "arguments," people are even pulling out unmoderated posts like this one...

Carl Fisher7 said:I look forward to someone else screwing her. I'm sure it won't just be you.

Why does it matter if the post isn't sanctioned? Besides, it was just a harmless provocation intended to push the previous discussion further. If the mods didn't like it, they could have just deleted it.

I've been rightfully sanctioned a few times, and once I was banned. I didn't complain because I knew I crossed a line. But when it comes to plain old bad moderation—and yours is catastrophically bad and only getting worse—I can't just stay silent.

This morning, a user pointed out the following to me:

Basically, I've concluded that the moderators on this Reddit act completely arbitrarily and subjectively when handing out warnings whenever a post doesn't fit their specific vision... so, unfortunately, nothing new there for me on this site. At the same time, certain posts—even entire threads—pass by completely unnoticed. For example, a few years ago in the "Men's Corner," there was talk about rape in a way that glorified it as something women "loved" and "wanted," and where victims were insulted, yet not a single person was sanctioned. The same goes for...So now we have this political thread about gender discrimination that’s basically just a breeding ground for misogyny... yet, nobody is lifting a finger—in fact, it feels like people are actually encouraging it.

Does this even require a comment 🤔?

I tend to write on the edge quite often, and I have zero intention of stopping. I’m not out here trying to win anyone over, score some sexual favors, or humiliate anyone for sport—even if certain people, like boldwalker12 for instance, will obviously find it easy to label me a psychopath.

Whether you decide to sanction me, ban me, or hit me with a permanent ban... I can't stop that. But like I said, I don't plan on backing down from what I say. If my writing has helped even one single person, then the effort was worth it. And I know it has been. Writing under a specific handle gives you a certain level of recognition, but that’s just a formality; the content is what matters to me. So, if you permaban me, I’ll just pick a different name. After ten or fifty posts, people will realize which idiot they're dealing with anyway. 😁

And as for this female user you're using as "evidence"...

boldwalker12 said:The female user you mentioned wasn't exactly impressed by your "arguments."

...she actually wrote in a post that my writing helped her resolve her own issue. She went into much more detail about the same thing via private message. The mods can verify everything by checking my inbox if they really want to.

Ashley Evans71 said:Regarding the mention of that music enthusiast—I already told you I personally deleted your posts and hers whenever you two were insulting each other, and if you see any unmoderated posts, just report them to me. Those posts don't exist and I don't let things slide, and you know that, so don't come at me with these ugly lies and fabrications..

Sean Cruz provided those links above. So much for my "lying and fabricating." That person didn't just insult me. Someone who was driven away from the chat by that woman's insults reached out to my inbox to tell me how many other users she's chased off similarly. She can't drive me away, obviously, because frankly, I stopped caring about her opinion a long time ago—to put it politely. To put it less politely, her opinion is garbage, and she's just peddling smoke wrapped in a bunch of technical jargon, waving it around because she knows most users will be too impressed by her vocabulary to actually challenge her logic. I'll stick to common sense, whatever intelligence is left, and the ability to draw a logical conclusion.

Ashley Evans71 said:You got a warning because you were picking apart another user and derailing the thread into territory nobody asked for. You ignored the warning, so you got a strike. Why are you making such a massive deal out of this?

I dug through my inbox this morning and found two prime examples of how you handle moderation:

I should probably mention that my impression is this whole site is crawling with moralizers regarding sex—everyone from the religious types to people like LJES and ZouD... just trying to lecture others about their private lives, especially whenever someone wanders even slightly away from a traditional patriarchal setup...
I’ve been posting here for years, and I know exactly how this place used to be versus what it is now—and that goes for the mods, too. It’s night and day. Honestly, it makes me lose the drive to even write, especially when it comes to discussing different perspectives on sexuality.

What can I even say? This style of moderation feels like a daycare center. If you say something that doesn't sit right with the "favorite child," you're kicked out of the sandbox. 🙂 It's pathetic.

You really ought to ask yourself, dear moderator, if it isn't time to change your approach. By exclusively punishing posts and users you deem "inappropriate," you're effectively killing the very soul and purpose of this platform.

Best, Carl Fisher7.

Edit:

Ashley Evans71 said:Yeah, she's my friend, and frankly, I don't give a damn why it bothers you so much. 😉

There you have it—a real masterclass in vocabulary. 😲 So, how is mine any different? 🤣 By admitting she's your friend, you're basically proving you can't moderate her posts objectively. In the political world, they'd call that a conflict of interest.

Carl Fisher7 said:So there's your little dictionary 😲 How is mine any different? 🤣 By claiming she's your friend, you're basically admitting you can't moderate her posts objectively. I guess politicians would call that a conflict of interest.

Sure, how interesting. What’s actually interesting is that neither you nor your "DM friend" have received a single red card from me. Yet here you are, accusing me of playing favorites and being unable to moderate fairly. 😉

I don't know Nausicaj outside of this site, and online, I know her about the same amount I know Sean Cruz. That bit about friendship was just a joke, really. Sean Cruz hasn't even posted on ZouD since I started deleting those offensive comments she made toward Nausicaj, which apparently made me a Nausicaj friend in her eyes.

As for the opinions of users who build their reputation by rudely dissecting others, insulting them, making false accusations, or trolling... honestly, I couldn't care less. 😉

Emily Patel70 said:On Reddit, everyone who actually contributes something useful to the discussion should be treated equally, regardless of where they're posting from.

"Aren't some users more equal than others?" (More equal? 🤔 Sounds familiar. Haven't I heard that somewhere before?)

Am I really "equal"? Because when I write "this sucks," suddenly my tone is unacceptable. But when Scott Miller4 writes it, it's perfectly fine, right?

Carl Fisher7, honestly... I didn't think you'd actually try to pull the "hooking up over email" card. That's some middle school behavior right there, not really what I expect from a grown man your age.

And besides, the whole thing about random girls on the forum sliding into your DMs? It doesn't even add anything to this argument.

You’ve rambled through a lot of nonsense here, but if we strip away all your little "extracurricular" hookups, it really just boils down to two things: you're unhappy with how the ZouD mods run things, and we're all fed up with how you treat other people on here.

Just so you know, any deleted posts are still sitting right there for the admins to see, along with any drama you've caused in your private messages, so there's zero point in acting this low.

Go ahead, be as edgy as you want, but that stuff is tolerated on ZouD. If it bothers you and your (so-called) buddies so much, feel free to take your little hookups elsewhere via email.

I think we're done here. I'm not sinking to your level.

Ashley Evans71 said:he’ll come after you or insult you just like you used to insult other users on other forums—if that were true, I would have deleted you already.

Point out exactly where I supposedly "came after someone," along with any other insults you claim I made. If you don't have the receipts, what you're saying is just a lie.

And let's be honest: you tolerate incredibly negative comments directed at users from different threads who aren't even active in the chat, yet you don't delete those insults, do you?

Yeah, a narcissist is my friend, and I couldn't care less if that bothers you. 😉

Are you actually suggesting this post should be deleted just because of some swearing? 🍿

Ashley Evans71 said:What's interesting is that neither you nor your "DM friend" have received a single red card from me. Yet you accuse me of playing favorites and being unable to moderate objectively. 😉

So now you're targeting me, claiming I'm Carl Fisher7's "DM friend"? 🤦 🤣

Prove it if you're going to make such a public accusation; otherwise, it's just another shameless lie (which it is).

Ashley Evans71 said:That whole bit about friendship was just a joke,

Well, obviously it was a joke. The real question is whether everyone else actually caught the punchline.

tearing people apart, insulting them, making false accusations, trolling...

Look, I think my choice of the word "dissecting" was just as clumsy as your comment above. I tried to clarify what I actually meant afterward, but apparently, that didn't help much either...

Emily Patel70 said:Carl Fisher7, honestly, I didn't expect you to start bringing up hooking up via DM. That’s some high school level stuff—definitely not how a grown man acts at your age.

Besides, the fact that some users supposedly slide into your inbox doesn't actually change the point of this discussion.

You've thrown a lot of nonsense out there, but if we strip away all your claims about what you're doing in your spare time, it really just boils down to two things: you aren't happy with how the ZouD mods handle things, and we aren't happy with the way you treat other people on this forum.

All those deleted posts are still sitting right there for the admins to see, along with any issues stemming from your private messages—so there's really no need to sink this low.

Be as clever as you want, but that kind of behavior isn't tolerated on ZouD. If it bothers you and your (alleged) buddies so much, feel free to take your little hookups to private email instead.

I think we're done here; I have no intention of lowering myself to your level.

Talking about how your moderation was handled in my DMs isn't "gossip." People only resort to that because you guys refuse to accept a single actual argument.

says:
What's actually funny is that neither you nor your "DM buddy"

Man, you really didn't need to go there. I was talking about dozens of emails from all sorts of different people—not some specific "friend" of mine, because, frankly, I don't have those types of friends.