Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

Dad still seems pretty steady and he’s eating whatever I put in front of him, but those nutritional shakes just aren't happening. I tried to coax him into pushing through it today, but he insisted he just couldn't stomach them—he said they actually make him feel nauseous, so I didn't want to push my luck. I know him well enough to know he wasn't exaggerating; he really could have gagged. Honestly, I even tried a little "experiment" to see if it was just psychological—you know, that silly thing where you take a spoonful, then let someone else take one? Well, I had the exact same reaction as him, and now I feel a bit sick just thinking about how much I underestimated his discomfort.
I'm at a bit of a loss here. Does anyone know of a tasty alternative that might provide similar nutrition?
Getting a second opinion from another doctor has definitely helped ease my conscience, because it feels like we aren't doing anything wrong by letting this slide for now... at this point, it all comes down to Dad and how his body is going to handle the chemotherapy. 🙂

Robin Diaz4 said:Dad still seems to be doing okay physically—he’s eating what I bring him—but he just can't stomach those nutritional shakes. I tried to nudge him to push through it today, but he told me he just couldn't do it and that the smell actually makes him nauseous. I didn't want to force him; I know him well enough to know he really could end up throwing up from the sheer gag reflex. (I actually tried a little trick I saw for toddlers—taking one sip for him and one for myself—and I had the exact same reaction; honestly, even thinking about it now makes me feel a bit sick).
I’m at a loss here—is there anything else tasty that could serve as a good substitute for those shakes?
Getting a second opinion—well, consulting with another doctor—has helped ease my conscience a bit, because it feels like we aren't doing anything wrong by waiting... at this point, it all comes down to Dad and how his body responds to the chemotherapy. 🙂

Unfortunately, there isn't much choice but to wait and see how he reacts to the treatment.
The doctors mentioned that lung cancer usually responds quite well to chemo—at least, that was the takeaway from our last discussion.
As long as he’s eating normally, that’s great—even without the Ensure—the main thing is that he maintains or gains some weight. Has the cancer spread extensively?

I took his latest blood work results to his doctor today. I was actually surprised by them; I was bracing myself for much worse news. She didn't have much to say regarding the Facebook update, she only noted that the tingling sensation in his leg was due to a magnesium deficiency.

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The lung involvement isn't extensive yet, but they did find metastases in the liver... There aren't any other signs of spread for now, though I was told those are the most dangerous ones to deal with. 😢

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It’s vital to shift the focus away from yourself. Growing up, my mother was constantly lamenting her own situation and how much she was suffering, while my father, on the other hand, remained incredibly bright, optimistic, and possessed that unshakable courage he always had. Because of that contrast, I felt this innate necessity to be the strong one for him. He was always my rock, and I can't help but wonder who I would have become if I hadn't been there to lean on when he needed me most.
Of course, I wasn't made of stone. There were moments where I completely fell apart in private; the stress would manifest physically, making me feel genuinely ill. I spent countless sleepless nights wondering just how much a person can actually endure before breaking, yet somehow, I always found the strength to get back up. I was constantly hovering—making sure his therapy appointments were scheduled, ensuring he ate something, checking he was hydrated, helping him change, racing between doctors' offices and keeping up with my job... Honestly, during that final stretch, I didn't see my own child for nearly two months.
Looking back, I think I might do things differently if I could start over, though with a diagnosis like his, I often wonder how much difference my approach would even make. Regardless, I know I would face it with that same sense of hope and positivity.

Robin Diaz4 said:The lung hasn't been hit too hard yet, but there are metastases in the liver... There aren't any other signs of spread for now, but I was told those are the most dangerous ones to deal with. 😢

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Yeah, that's the reality of it.
Once I finally wrapped my head around the core principle—that the chemo's primary job is to target those metastatic cells (the smaller clusters)—it started making more sense.

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I suppose my only option left is to sit tight and wait.

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Robin Diaz4 said:My dad still seems okay physically, he’ll eat whatever I bring him, but those nutritional shakes just aren't working. I tried to talk him into forcing himself to drink one today, but he just told me he can't and that the smell makes him want to gag, so I didn't push it—I know him well enough to know he really would throw up from the nausea. Honestly, I even tried a little trick where you take a sip, then the other person takes a sip, just to see if I could handle it, and man, I felt sick just thinking about it now.
I’m totally lost here, is there anything else tasty that could replace those shakes?
Getting a second opinion, or at least consulting with another doctor, really helped ease my guilt because it feels like we aren't doing anything wrong... at this point, it's all on Dad and how his body decides to react to the chemo. 🙂

Once I actually became aware of everything and started eating again, I realized those shakes were pretty gross too, so maybe try finding the ones in the cartons instead
they taste
different.

Dad’s gone on another feeding frenzy today... it’s almost as if his appetite is making a massive comeback out of nowhere! 🙂
He practically inhaled everything we brought him, and he even managed to polish off most of his hospital lunch too—well, "most" is being generous, but he definitely ate.
As for those shakes, he’s still giving them the cold shoulder; he won't touch the bottles or the cartons.

Does anyone here have experience dealing with a GIST tumor? My father is 74, and about a month ago, he underwent surgery to remove a 7 cm tumor from his small intestine. We just received the pathology report confirming it's a gastrointestinal stromal tumor (GIST). Most of the information I can find online is in English, so I was hoping to connect with others who have navigated this diagnosis or might have some insight to share.

steelbadger22 said:Does anyone here have any firsthand experience dealing with a GIST tumor? My father is 74, and about a month ago he underwent surgery to remove a 7 cm tumor from his small intestine. We just got the pathology results back confirming it’s a Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor (GIST). I've been digging around online, but most of what I find is in technical medical jargon, and I was really hoping to connect with people who have actually walked this path.

I know this is a pretty rare diagnosis, and if my memory serves me right, the standard targeted therapy usually involves a drug called Sutent.

Robin Diaz4 said:Dad had a bigger appetite today than he did yesterday... it’s almost like his hunger is finally coming back! 🙂
He actually finished most of what we brought him—nearly everything, really—and even managed to eat most of his hospital lunch.
He’s still refusing the shakes, though; no bottles or cartons for him just yet.

That is wonderful news!!!
I think his appetite will just keep improving from here. My poor guy finally started eating again after struggling so much to swallow anything at all. Once that initial pressure on his esophagus eased up following his first round of chemo, he turned into a total vacuum—just eating everything in sight. It’s such a relief to see things getting better day by day!

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Dad ended up back in the ER a few days ago; he was struggling to breathe because of some edema. He’s stable now, but they’ve put him on a feeding tube, and that's how they're discharging him.

Should I be worried about the tube? And honestly, how many times can someone go through this cycle—the swelling spikes, the emergency room visit, then stabilizing—before it becomes too much? The ER has already stepped in to save him quite a few times.

I had a bit of a realization today—and honestly, it’s not one I’m particularly proud of.
He doesn't actually talk about his illness all the time; he mostly just dwells on it internally. Based on how he carries himself normally, I can tell it isn't his entire existence, at least not every single minute of the day.
I, on the other hand, have become completely obsessed with it. It’s become my primary focus—all I do is talk about it, think about it, and dwell on it. Nothing else seems to matter anymore. In a way, I’ve become even more exhausting than his brother, who constantly makes up various ailments just to stay in the spotlight... And then, there was this news today: I finally found out I landed a permanent position with a full-time contract. You would think I’d be celebrating, right? But it didn't bring me any joy at all.

How do I break out of this headspace?

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ruggedfox11 said:I realized something today—and honestly, it’s nothing to be proud of.
He doesn't talk about his illness; he just dwells on it. I can't say for sure, but judging by how he usually carries himself, it isn't constant.
On the other hand, I’ve become completely obsessed with his illness. It’s all I talk about, all I think about—nothing else matters anymore. Honestly, I’ve become even worse than his brother, who constantly invents health issues just to stay the center of attention. To top it off, I found out today that I finally landed a permanent position at work. I wasn't even happy about it.

How do we get out of this mess?

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I know exactly what you're going through. I felt that same weight back in 2012 when my mom started her fight against cancer. If you look back at my old posts, you'll see we've had a rough road, and the battle isn't over yet. We aren't backing down. You’ll find that every positive scan—even just a slight improvement—gives you a bit of breathing room. Eventually, you start feeling like yourself again, reclaiming a life that wasn't completely taken over by this disease. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't just hit the patient; it hits the entire family.
Don't let him get the upper hand on you. That kind of lowlife thrives on nothing but our fear.
Since you landed that permanent contract, take a moment to celebrate. In this economy, that's actually a massive win.

ruggedfox11 said:I had a bit of an epiphany today—and not a particularly pleasant one.
He doesn't actually talk about his illness all that much; he just dwells on it internally. Based on how he carries himself normally, I can tell it isn't consuming him every second of the day.
Me? On the flip side, I’ve become completely obsessed. It’s all I talk about, all I think about, and nothing else seems to matter anymore. Honestly, I’ve become worse than his brother, who constantly makes up symptoms just to stay in the spotlight. Today, I found out I landed a permanent position at work. You’d think I’d be thrilled, but I didn't feel a thing.

How do I break out of this cycle?

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You get out through some serious Reddit optimization and by finally acknowledging the problem. Right now, you're still stuck in a mental loop where your thoughts can't even see past what's for lunch tomorrow.
The fact that you've actually realized this puts you on the right track.

I can honestly say I’ve undergone some serious Reddit optimization; I’ve stopped leaving my peace of mind up to forecasts or "what-ifs." Following the advice people give about staying present, I don't let myself worry about the future any further than tomorrow's lunch or my immediate to-do list... In the present moment, I just focus on whether things are going poorly (like they were yesterday) or if I have a reason to be genuinely excited (like they are today).
Yesterday was rough—my dad didn't get his pain medication until after the agony had already set in, and we spent five agonizing hours waiting for it to finally subside. Today, however, was a complete turnaround. He had his second round of chemo, but since he wasn't in any pain, his mood was incredibly bright. He ate a massive meal—honestly, probably more than I did!—and he finally finished that little bottle of nutritional supplement he’s been refusing to touch since he was admitted to the hospital. We’re taking him home tomorrow, and if everything stays on this track, he should be back in his own bed by the time his next treatment rolls around.

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Robin Diaz4 said:I can say for myself that I’ve completely optimized my mindset; I don't surrender to any more "forecasts." Following the advice given here, I simply refuse to think about the future beyond tomorrow's lunch, work, or basic errands... In the present, I only care if things are going poorly right now (like they were yesterday) or if I can actually find something to look forward to (like today).
Yesterday, my dad didn't get his pain meds until after the agony had already set in, and it took five agonizing hours before the relief finally arrived... Today, however, he finished his second round of chemo without any pain, which left him in an incredibly good mood. He ate a massive meal—honestly, even more than I did!—and he finally managed to finish that little bottle of nutritional drink he’s been refusing since he was admitted to the hospital. We're taking him home tomorrow, and if everything stays on track, he should be back in his own bed by the next chemo session.

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It’s wonderful that he gets to go home 🙂 Your spirits will all lift immediately once he's back (been there, done that) 😁 and I truly believe he'll feel much better being back in his own space 🙂

My dad was dealing with some absolutely brutal pain through the night and all morning, so he’s finally heading home this evening. It's funny how life works—he went from being incredibly optimistic yesterday to being completely miserable today.

Robin Diaz4 said:My dad was dealing with some pretty intense pain throughout the night and this morning—he won't even be heading home until tonight. It’s tough to watch; he went from being so optimistic yesterday to feeling completely defeated today.

I have a feeling his mood will lift once he finally gets settled back at home. What exactly is causing him all this discomfort?

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He’s claiming it feels like someone is literally ripping his organs out. Honestly, if that’s even half true, he’s already decided he’d rather just kick the bucket. His enthusiasm hasn't just dipped; it has completely cratered. 😢