Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

urbanharbor15 and Rachel Williams, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss 🙂

Rachel Williams. My deepest condolences...

urbanharbor15 and Rachel Williams, please accept my most sincere and deepest condolences.
You did everything right. You should be proud of yourselves and of your mothers. Dale gave you the final lesson of life—the passing of a parent, the loss of a mother. With that, your journey into adulthood is complete. It’s only when we lose our parents that we truly grasp the realization and maturity required to feel whole in this life.
Honor them now in peace and move forward carrying those beautiful memories with you. That is what they would want, and it's what they deserve.
May they rest in peace, and I wish you nothing but peace in your hearts.

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Rachel Williams, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

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Thank you all. It’s been exactly one week since we laid her to rest, and I am still navigating this hollow reality—learning how to exist without our daily conversations and the endless stream of little things we used to share. 🙂

I felt compelled to share one final piece of medical absurdity on this thread. Just a day and a half before she passed, they discharged her from the lung ward at Rockefeller, claiming she was "too stable" for inpatient care and that they simply didn't have enough beds available for oncology patients. (As it turned out, that was nothing more than a lie.) Under any other circumstances, she would have had the backbone to go toe-to-toe with them, arguing and filing lawsuits against at least three different medical institutions in Chicago over their incompetence. But what is the point? No amount of litigation will bring my mother back. I try to find some semblance of peace in the fact that she avoided her greatest fears: dying in a hospital bed and losing her mind to brain metastases. She isn't suffering anymore. Besides, I know she would want me to focus on myself and protect the baby I’m carrying; getting worked up during a high-risk pregnancy is the very last thing I need right now.

To anyone who follows this thread in the future, my advice is this: fight for yourselves and your families. Don't hesitate or worry about offending someone, and never stop insisting on the rights you are legally entitled to.

Dear Rachel Williams and urbanharbor15!
I honestly find myself agreeing with every single thing Angela Wright said, and I just really want to send you both so much strength and nothing but positive vibes. I like to think your moms are in a much better place now, you know, somewhere without any more pain or fear.

As for me, I’m still right in the middle of this battle to help my husband recover. I’m really hoping that spring might finally bring him some improvement, though I guess we'll have to wait and see. He’s headed back for another CT scan on March 29th, so we'll hopefully get a better idea of how the chemotherapy has been working.

Angela Wright said:urbanharbor15 and Rachel Williams, please accept my sincerest and deepest condolences.
You did everything right. You should be proud of yourselves and your mothers. They gave you one final life lesson—the departure of a parent, the loss of a mother. With that, your journey into adulthood is complete. It’s only when we lose our parents that we truly grasp the realization and maturity of a life fully lived.
Let them rest in peace now, and move forward carrying those beautiful memories. That is what they would want, and what they deserve.
May they rest in peace, and I wish you peace in your hearts.

Angela Wright, I wanted to personally thank you for the support throughout my mom's illness—from the moment she got sick a year and a half ago until her passing just now. Your posts to other members here regarding lung cancer, and even some directed specifically at me, helped me more than I can say in accepting everything with Mom. I know you lost your own mother too, so all I can say is a massive thank you.🙂

Thanks to everyone for the messages of sympathy...

Rachel Williams, I hope you're holding up okay. It's been two weeks since my mom passed. My dad and I are hanging in there; the images of her final moments are slowly fading, even though we think of her every single day. I helped Dad clear out the closets, rearrange the apartment a bit, handle the small things... and next week I'm flying back to another continent after five months away. I'm just proud I was there with my dearest when she needed me most.

Joshua Kim69, wishing you and your wife strength in your fight...

Rachel Williams said:Thank you all. It’s been a week since we laid her to rest, and I’m still figuring out how to live without our daily chats and all those little things that filled my life. 🙂

I just wanted to share one last "medical gem" on this thread—about a day and a half before she passed, they discharged her from the lung hospital at Rockefeller with this claim that she wasn't a candidate for inpatient care because she was supposedly "doing too well," and they didn't have enough beds for oncology patients. (Which turned out to be a total lie.) Normally, I’d have plenty of ammunition to go in swinging, arguing, and filing lawsuits against at least three different medical facilities in New York City over their mistakes, but nothing can bring my mom back. I’m trying to find some peace in the fact that she avoided her biggest fears: dying in a hospital bed and losing her mind to brain metastases. She isn't suffering anymore. Besides, I know Mom would want me to take care of myself and protect the baby I'm carrying. Getting worked up and stressed during a high-risk pregnancy is the absolute last thing I need right now.

To anyone joining this thread later, I’ll tell you this: fight for yourselves and your families. Don't hesitate or worry about offending someone; insist on every single right you have.

Hang in there, dear. Stop by whenever you can. Let us know when the little one arrives.

urbanharbor15 said:Joshua Kim69, I just want to wish you and your wife all the best in your fight..

Thanks so much, dear! I'm wishing you such a smooth arrival for your little one and honestly, just so much happiness in your life.
Maybe reach out and let us know how things are going every once in a while.

My mother is currently undergoing chemotherapy for aggressive ovarian cancer—specifically using liposomal doxorubicin. Apparently, this is supposed to be the "cutting edge" approach designed to target the tumor more precisely, but she is handling it terribly. It’s been two weeks since her first dose, and she hasn't stopped feeling nauseous; even Zofran injections don't seem to touch the pain. She's vomiting two or three times a day... if she can keep anything down at all. Usually, it's just some milk or tea, provided her stomach decides to cooperate. She’s become incredibly frail—honestly, the only time she actually gets out of bed is to make it to the bathroom. I should mention that things were already looking grim before the chemo started; fluid buildup in her abdomen was pressing against everything, including her stomach, which caused its own set of vomiting issues. While the chemo seems to be doing its job in terms of reducing that abdominal fluid, she is just so weak—so profoundly exhausted and constantly unwell. We're wondering if anyone else here has gone through this specific treatment and dealt with similar side effects? Thanks. 😁

Angela Wright said:Good luck, dear. And do stop by every once in a while. Let us know when the little one arrives.

Thank you! I don't plan on leaving this thread anytime soon... if there is any way I can offer help to someone else, I will gladly do so. I have personally felt just how much that kind of support can mean when you need it most. 🙂

ruggedmarlin2 said:My mom is undergoing chemotherapy for ovarian cancer using liposomal doxorubicin. Apparently, it’s this cutting-edge chemo designed to target just the tumor, but she’s having an absolutely miserable time with it. She's been dealing with constant nausea for two weeks straight now since her first dose. Even Zofran injections aren't doing much; she’s throwing up two or three times a day. All she can manage to keep down is maybe some milk or tea, provided she doesn't reject that too. She’s become incredibly weak—her only real movement lately is making trips to the restroom. I should mention that even before the chemo started, things were looking grim; fluid buildup in her abdomen was putting pressure on all her organs, which caused vomiting as well. The chemo seems to be working somewhat because there’s less fluid accumulation in her belly now, but she’s just so frail and constantly feels sick to her stomach. We’re wondering if anyone else here has used this specific chemo and experienced similar side effects. Thanks.

Ginger tea was a lifesaver for my dad. Fortunately, he didn't deal with much nausea at all, except maybe once or twice when he was actually craving some "real" food.

ruggedmarlin2 said:My mom is starting chemotherapy for ovarian cancer: liposomal doxorubicin. Apparently, it's this cutting-edge chemo designed to target just the tumor, but she’s handling it terribly. She's been dealing with constant nausea for two weeks straight since her first dose... even Zofran injections aren't doing a thing, and she's throwing up two or three times a day. All she can manage is sipping some milk or tea, provided she doesn't toss that back up too. She’s incredibly weak; the only time she’s really getting up is to go to the bathroom. I should mention things were already heading downhill before the chemo started—fluid buildup in her abdomen was pressing on everything, including her stomach, causing vomiting. The chemo seems to be working slightly because there's less fluid buildup now, but she’s just so frail and constantly feels sick. We're wondering if anyone else has used this specific chemo and dealt with similar side effects. Thanks.

Try popping popcorn on hot air (you can grab an air popper at a place like Target), or try crushed flaxseed soaked in lukewarm water. Let it sit for 30 minutes to an hour, then strain it and drink the liquid. You can also mix the flaxseed into dairy-free cream cheese and eat it.
Coca-Cola, ginger, anti-nausea tablets... everyone reacts differently, so see what works.
To make sure Mom doesn't slide into cachexia, definitely ask her Oncologist to write a prescription for Ensure or Prosur shakes. Those are meant to replace a full meal in terms of nutritional and caloric value. To start, you might just want to buy a pack at a local pharmacy yourself.
One more thing—cannabis helps a lot of people with nausea. So... there's that.

Rachel Williams, dear, please accept my deepest, most sincere condolences... I had no idea this was so recent.
Hold on tight, honey; I went through something very similar when my father passed, so I truly understand what you're going through right now. 🙂

That being said, I am genuinely glad you have decided to channel all that energy and emotion into welcoming such a tiny little soul into this world... it is a profound blessing and, I truly believe, a massive, massive source of comfort during a time like this. 🙂

My dear mother would have turned 64 tomorrow. Tomorrow also marks exactly one month since she passed away.

I thought I was holding it together, really... but as time crawls on, this emptiness just grows. This heavy, hollow sadness that we’ve lost her forever. It still hits me out of nowhere, that sudden, jarring realization that she’s gone. At work, on the subway, even while brushing my teeth... it just strikes me.

Damn this disease.

urbanharbor15 said:My dear mom would have turned 64 tomorrow. Tomorrow also marks exactly one month since she passed away.

I thought I was holding it together, but as time ticks by, this void just keeps growing—this heavy sadness knowing we lost her forever. It still hits me out of nowhere, catching me completely off guard. At work, on the subway, even while brushing my teeth... it just strikes.

Damn this disease.

Eventually, you accept it and learn how to live around the hole they left behind. Life changes forever, but you keep moving.
Hang in there. Honor her memory, let her rest easy, and give yourself all the time you need to grieve.

urbanharbor15 said:My dear mother would have turned 64 tomorrow. Tomorrow also marks exactly one month since she passed away.

I thought I was holding it together, but as time drags on, this emptiness just keeps growing—this heavy, relentless grief over losing her forever. It still hits me like a physical blow when reality suddenly crashes in. At work, on the subway, even while brushing my teeth... it just strikes out of nowhere.

Damned disease.

Honey, I understand you completely... it won't be exactly a month since my mom passed this Saturday, and it’s only now that the weight of the sadness is truly settling in and making everything feel so heavy. Not being able to call her after an appointment, asking her for some silly cooking advice, or calling her just because I saw an owl in the neighborhood... I know I'll learn how to live with this. I know she's watching over me from somewhere up above, probably laughing at my clumsiness and stupidity, but it isn't the same. And everywhere I turn, all I hear from acquaintances and neighbors is, "Oh, it's such a shame she didn't get to see her grandkids." 🙂

The other day I was visiting a friend, and she had a Supportive gesture on the table. Honestly, I just lost it and burst into tears. I really thought I had finally pulled myself together, but I guess I’m still a work in progress...
That being said, those moments where life catches me off guard and leaves me sobbing are becoming a little less frequent as time goes on.
Hang in there, ladies! :-*

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😛

Rachel Williams said:I totally get where you're coming from... It won't be exactly a month this Saturday since my mom passed, and honestly, the grief is just hitting me full force right now. Everything feels heavy... I can't just call her after an appointment to vent, or ask for some stupid cooking advice, or even just yell at her because I saw an owl in the neighborhood... I know I’ll eventually learn how to live with this void. I know she’s watching over me from somewhere up there, probably laughing at my clumsiness and all my nonsense, but that doesn't make it any easier... And on top of everything, all I hear from neighbors and acquaintances is, "Oh, it's such a shame she didn't live to see her grandkids..." 🙂

Yeah, it’s the exact same story for me—both of our families left at the same time. I can only imagine how draining it is for you, having everyone constantly bringing up that grandchild... it never stops. As for me, I’m just sitting here with this gnawing regret about moving back abroad—I'm living in Australia now. Life here moves along like I never even left, which feels completely surreal. The memory of Mom only exists inside my own head now. Like those moments on the subway coming home from work, just chatting away to her... honestly, sometimes I almost wish someone would remind me of her, instead of it just being me and Dad on the phone...

Eventually, you just accept it. You learn how to live around the edges of it... Life changes you forever, there's no getting around that. But you just keep moving forward anyway...
Hang in there. Just let her rest in peace... and give yourself all the time you need to grieve.

I was visiting a friend the other day, and there it was sitting right on the table—Supportive. I just lost it. I burst into tears right then and there. I really thought I had finally pulled myself together, but it seems I'm still not quite...
But those moments that catch me off guard and leave me in tears... they're becoming a lot rarer these days...
Hang in there, girl! :-*

Reddit thanks to Angela Wright and Robin Diaz4... 🙂
The tears just come out of nowhere... one minute I think I’m finally doing okay, and then suddenly, they're just flowing... I stumbled upon this beautiful response on Reddit about how to deal with grief, and honestly, reading it helps me so much. Once I figure out how to grab the screenshots, I'll post them here...

urbanharbor15 said:😛

Yes, I’m experiencing the exact same thing—both of our mothers passed away at the same time. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you, constantly being reminded of her through talk of your grandchild. For me, there is this nagging sense of unease because I moved abroad (I live in Australia now); coming back here, life flows as if I never even left, and the whole thing feels utterly surreal. The memory of my mother exists solely within my own mind—like those moments on the subway after work when I’d call out to her just to chat... Honestly, I almost find myself wishing someone would remind me of her, rather than having to rely on my own thoughts or my father calling me on the phone.

Thank you, Angela Wright and Robin Diaz4 🙂
The grief hits me out of nowhere. Just when I think I’ve finally found some footing, the tears start flowing again without warning. I actually came across a beautiful response on Reddit regarding the grieving process; I’ll post the screenshots once I figure out how to upload them. Reading that has been incredibly helpful for me.

I consider myself part of the "expat" crowd too, though not quite as far away as you—I'm just over in Austria. I had that same habit of calling her after work or right after a doctor's appointment... It seems we are very much alike in this regard. 🕺
Once you find that Reddit post, please share it here. I suspect others will find it just as meaningful as I did. 😉