Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

I was there. Honestly, watching people go at each other's throats over THC to CBD ratios in oils, different manufacturing methods, treatment protocols, all these various diagnoses... it just doesn't inspire much confidence in me. You know what they say—everyone thinks their own way is the best way. So, I figured maybe there were some folks in this group who weren't just looking out for themselves and might actually give me an objective perspective.

But hey, whatever. It is what it is. I gave it a shot, at least. Thanks for the help anyway.

I check in here every once in a while... sometimes with good news, sometimes bad. Right now, it’s bad. My dad is fighting colon cancer, which was diagnosed back in the summer of 2015. At first, they gave him just a few months. It’s been over three years since then. He had some really great moments. Aside from about a month following his surgery, he was always active and kept a positive attitude. He went through five surgeries—they removed everything they could from his abdomen and had to cauterize things twice. He also went through several rounds of chemo. They didn't work, but he handled them incredibly well. The surgeries were what kept him going, even though his heart actually stopped for a moment during the last one. Now, the cancer has spread too much for surgery. His lungs are compromised. He just finished his fifth round of chemo, and he has never struggled this much. He’s vomiting constantly and can't keep anything down. He’s lost weight to the point of being near anorexia. Looking back, I realize how good everything actually was. He truly had wonderful periods. There was even a time, before his stoma was fully dealt with, when he could carry his granddaughter. He used to walk miles upon miles—more than I ever could. He’d pick up groceries for the house and help out with all the chores... But now, it’s just brutal. I’m afraid things won't get better. But then again, why shouldn't I hope?

I lost my dad fifteen years ago. He was my best friend—the kind of guy I could go to with anything when I was twenty-three, someone I truly looked up to. He was gone in just three days. He just vanished, and my whole world basically collapsed. It was just my mom, my younger sister, and me left behind. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he was gone back then, and honestly, I don't know if I can even process it now, fifteen years later. My mom stepped up as the head of the family, taking all the daily burdens onto her shoulders, and I guess that’s how we managed to keep going.
Since then, I’ve started a family of my own. I have three beautiful little girls who are my absolute world, and I love their mother—my wife is my biggest support and my rock.
Then, about a month and a half ago, I found out my dear mom wasn't feeling well. After seeing a doctor, she was rushed to the hospital, where she passed away after five days. The doctors say it was advanced colon cancer, but I still can't wrap my mind around it. How does someone walk into a hospital on their own two feet, have a routine checkup, and then suddenly they can't even walk or breathe on their own, only to pass away a few days later?
But none of that really matters anymore. She's gone, and since then, I've been in this sort of haze. I’m not functioning; I can barely get out of bed, and for the last month, I’ve been sleeping maybe two hours a night at most. If it weren't for my family, I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself, but I can't fall apart because of them. Life is just one big, senseless joke right now, and nothing seems to make any sense at all.

Maybe there’s some comfort in faith for believers... But honestly, you live with the constant awareness that you and everyone you love are eventually going to die. We celebrate birthdays, but they’re really just milestones on the road to the grave. If I were inclined to believe in the supernatural, I’d say we’re already living in hell.

My dad is being hospitalized tomorrow. He needs IV fluids. I just don't get why they can't find a way to settle his stomach. He’s been vomiting non-stop for six days now. Today, he managed to eat two slices of orange.

Lawrence Miller6 said:But honestly, none of that even matters anymore. She’s gone. Since then, I’ve just been living in this total fog. I can't function, I barely leave my bed, and for the last month, I’ve been lucky if I get two hours of sleep a night. If it wasn't for my family, I don't know what I'd do—but because of them, I can't even think about it. Life feels like one big, cruel joke right now. It just doesn't make sense anymore.

Life does have meaning. It really is beautiful. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but please, give yourself some grace. Time won't magically heal those wounds—the pain is always going to be there—but it will eventually let you focus on other things, like your wife and daughter. They bring joy to your life, just like you do for them.

Get those thoughts about ending it all out of your head. You are irreplaceable to your family. Aside from them, nobody is even going to notice you're gone.

Just take it one day at a time. Try to stay active, even if it's just a tiny bit. Don't worry about big plans or beating yourself up over how much you're struggling. Just find something—anything—to motivate you, whether it's the people you love or a hobby. The goal is just to find a way to pull your mind away from those dark thoughts of death and dying.

Dana Martin87 said:Maybe that makes sense if you're religious... But honestly? You live with the constant awareness that you and everyone you love are eventually going to die. We celebrate birthdays, but they're really just milestones on the way to the end. If I believed in the supernatural, I'd say we're already living in hell.

Don't lose hope. It isn't easy for anyone—not for believers, not for skeptics. Death and sickness are the great equalizers; they don't care what you believe. Try to stay positive and pass as much of that optimism onto your dad as you can. Just like you're looking out for him, he’s still looking out for you. Show him how strong you are. Be his cheerleader. Smile every single time you look at him. Just surround him with warmth and tenderness.

I know you're scared. I know how incredibly hard this is for you. I'm wishing both of you nothing but strength and peace.

Regardless of what you believe—or don't believe—losing someone close to you is a heavy burden that no one is truly prepared to carry.
I found myself in that exact same dark place, though in my case, the mental strain eventually manifested physically; the sheer volume of stress actually made me ill. Once I realized I couldn't pull myself out of the pit on my own, I finally sought out psychotherapy. Honestly, if I hadn't, I have no idea where I’d be right now—probably still struggling with the basic willpower required just to get out of bed. My therapist quite literally saved my life.
Looking at my own family, I can see how much of a difference early intervention makes. I managed to process things mentally, whereas my mother categorically refuses to seek therapy (mostly because she’s terrified of "what the neighbors might think"). Now, two years later, she spends her days in tears, refusing to engage in anything that might bring a shred of joy back to her life because, in her mind, losing her husband meant her life was effectively over. It’s completely irrational, and she’s only just beginning to realize that, but the longer you wait to deal with the grief, the harder the recovery becomes.

At the end of the day, life IS beautiful, even if it is fleeting.
I am certain that no parent would ever want their child to stop finding joy in living just because they are no longer around.
Not a single day goes by that I don't think of my father, but those memories don't drag me down into a depression anymore; though, I honestly don't know if I would have been able to maintain that mental stability without professional help.

My dad spent two days vomiting blood. He’s been struggling to bounce back at all since his last round of chemo; the nausea is constant and he's just dropping weight. He finally saw a doctor yesterday. Turns out he had a stomach ulcer we didn't even know about, and now they're debating whether or not to go through with surgery.

Hey everyone!
I’m trying to dig up some articles, threads, or just general advice on how to actually act when dealing with family or friends facing cancer... There’s so much talk out there about the stages of grief and processing the diagnosis, but
between this thread and the old private one, there are so many posts that it’s getting really hard to find the specific stuff I’m looking for, so if anyone could point me in the right direction, I’d really appreciate it.
So, here’s the deal—a close friend found out today that the cancer has metastasized everywhere, and his wife is one of my absolute best friends... It’s such a massive shock for them, and honestly, a huge shock for us too... I’m just struggling with how to show up, what to say, whether I should visit right now, tomorrow, or wait a few days, and how to even start a conversation... I want to be there whenever they need me, but I don't want to be overbearing or annoying, yet... how do you actually help in moments like this, you know... how serious should I be?
I told them to reach out if they need anything and that I'm standing by, but for today, it’s just been total shock and silence...
They’ll probably start diving into more scans and treatment plans soon, but...

If any of you have gone through this or if there are professionals here, please, I need your advice: what do I say, how often should I check in, how should I carry myself, and when is it actually appropriate to reach out without adding to their stress... what’s the right way to offer comfort?
Thanks so much in advance!
🙂

Paul Garcia said:Hey everyone!
I'm trying to dig up some articles, threads, or just some solid advice on how to actually act around family members or someone dealing with cancer. There’s a ton of stuff out there about the "stages of grief" and accepting the diagnosis and all that deep psychological stuff, but honestly? It's hard to know what to do in the moment.
Man, this thread—plus all those locked predecessor threads—is a total mess. It’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack because everything is scattered everywhere. Honestly, I'm having such a hard time actually finding what I'm looking for. Can someone please just point me in the right direction? Where am I supposed to go to read all this stuff?
So, a buddy of mine just found out today that the cancer has spread... like, metastases everywhere. His wife is one of my absolute best friends, so this is a massive shock for them, and honestly, a total gut punch for us too. I'm spiraling a bit thinking about how to even handle this. Like, what do you even say? How do you act? Should I swing by the house today, tomorrow, or wait a few days? I desperately want to be there for them if they need anything, but I also don't want to be that annoying, overbearing person who's constantly hovering when they probably just need space to process everything. But then again... how do you actually help in moments like this? How do you navigate all of it? Do I need to be super serious and somber, or is that weird? I'm just lost, man. Just trying to figure out how to show up without being a burden.
I told everyone, "Hey, if you need anything at all, just holler, I'm right here." And what do I get? Total radio silence. Just complete and utter nothingness today. Seriously, talk about a slap in the face.
They’ll probably jump straight into more tests and then start the whole treatment process, but... man, who knows?

Hey, I really need some advice here—has anyone dealt with this before, or maybe you guys actually work in the medical field? Like, what am I even supposed to say? How often should I be checking in, and how should I act around them? I don't want to be that annoying person who won't leave them alone, so when is it actually okay to reach out without being a total burden? And seriously, what’s the right way to offer comfort? I feel like I'm just stumbling in the dark here.
Thanks in advance!
🙂

I can only speak from what I’ve been through myself. My mom passed away from Glioblastoma on February 16th after only 68 days... basically just two months. That day we got the PhD diagnosis? I’ll probably carry that in my head forever, along with how the medical staff at the hospital acted, all those endless tests, and all the suffering. It's just pure grief, pain, misery, and total confusion. Like, how? And why her...?
Look, there aren't any set stages or anything... everyone’s an individual and deals with this crap in their own way. I’m just a born pessimist by nature, honestly. I never, ever actually thought anything good was gonna happen.
Honestly, what I really needed was just someone close by—you know, people in this thread who have actually walked in my shoes or gone through something similar. I just needed a place to vent, to let out how much this all sucks, maybe stumble upon some life-saving tip or a solid idea that could actually help. Just a chance to cry it out, get it all out of my system, and then finally show up at her door with a smile on my face.
Those random people passing through have been driving me absolutely insane. It’s like, day in and day out—and honestly, it’s still happening two weeks after she passed—they keep hitting me with that same damn question: "How are you?" Seriously? Just shut up and say nothing. It would be so much better if they just kept their mouths shut.
Reading through all these threads, it’s finally hitting me—there’s just no real help out there. Honestly, you just have to cherish every single second you get left with them. That feeling of just... falling apart? It’s impossible to explain to anyone who hasn't lived through it. After my mom's surgery, even though we didn't officially tell her the exact diagnosis (though she definitely knew deep down), she just didn't want to see or hear from anyone. Some people still haven't wrapped their heads around that, and they're still throwing it in my face today, but I had to respect what she wanted. To her, everyone else was totally irrelevant—it was just her and our immediate family. Then, a few days before she passed, it was like she just sensed it was coming. She called a couple of people over—maybe three or four—and that was it. That was the end.
Look, I really think we just need to respect what the sick person and their family actually want... if they're asking for some peace and quiet, then for crying out loud, give it to them! If they want to talk, you'll know—you can just tell, especially if you're close to them. Just read the room, you know?
So, how am I actually holding up after all this madness? Honestly, it’s hard to say. Just... a lot. Everything feels like a total blur right now.
I’m just feeling so miserable, pathetic, and honestly? Just pissed off. Mornings are absolute torture right now... I can barely find the strength to even crawl out of bed. Everything I do feels totally hollow, like I'm just going through the motions just to keep everyone else happy. Even the spring weather and the sunshine—stuff that used to make me so happy—it all just sucks now because it reminds me of everything I'm missing. It'll be missing during my afternoon coffee, it'll be missing when I get home from work, and it'll be missing when I'm waiting for that one birthday call and card to arrive at the exact moment I was born. Then nighttime hits, and I'm just lying there replaying movies in my head, tossing and turning... I can't sleep. I can't help but feel like everyone around me has it so much easier, like they're just moving on with their lives, and part of me wants to lash out at them for it, even though I know deep down they don't have a choice. I end up visiting the cemetery every single day. I keep asking myself if I can actually get through this without seeing a professional. Will time really be enough to heal even a little bit? Everyone keeps telling me it will, but right now? I just don't believe them.

I am so incredibly sorry. Sending you all my love and deepest condolences...
Thanks so much for getting back to me.
It’s just one of those heavy truths we all eventually have to face (if we haven't already), and honestly, nothing hurts quite like losing someone you truly love...
But look, you were so lucky to have such an amazing mother who loved you deeply, and you were such a wonderful daughter to honor her wishes and respect everything she felt...
And man, that really is the ultimate wealth right there... at the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is how much love we pour into one another. That's what stays with you... that's what really counts...
I truly hope you find some peace and healing soon. There are still so many beautiful moments out there waiting to wrap around us, comfort us, and make us smile again...
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me...
🙂

I have a question here, if anyone might be able to lend some guidance... How does one go about trying to raise albumin levels when dealing with hypoalbuminemia? Are there specific high-protein supplements or perhaps certain types of recovery formulas available that can be purchased and taken specifically for this purpose? Thank you.

hiddentiger80 said:Hey everyone, I’ve got a quick question if anyone out there can lend a hand! Does anyone know the best way to try and boost albumin levels if someone is dealing with hypoalbuminemia? Like, are there any specific high-protein shakes or special recovery supplements you can just pick up and drink to help get those numbers back up? Thanks a ton!

Honestly, I'm super curious about this too.

Jeffrey Hernandez79 said:I’m honestly curious about this too.

Jeffrey Hernandez79, I’ve been looking into options like Ensure, Prosure, Dipsip, and Glucerna... but it’s getting confusing because even though they're all nutritional shakes, the sugar content varies so much from one to the next. I've found some that are supposedly marketed toward diabetics, yet they still seem to have high sugar concentrations, and then you read online that they aren't actually good for people managing blood sugar levels. Does anyone here have any actual insight on this? I really need to find a high-protein supplement that won't cause issues. If anyone could weigh in, I'd truly appreciate it. 🙂

hiddentiger80 said:Hey Jeffrey Hernandez79, I was looking into options like Ensure, Prosure, Dipsip, and Glucerna... but it seems like every drink has a different sugar content. I’ve found some that are supposedly marketed for diabetics, yet they still have high sugar concentrations, and websites claim they aren't actually good for people managing blood sugar. Does anyone have any insight on this? I really need a high-protein supplement. If anyone can help me out, thanks! 🙂

My mom used Prosure because it's specifically formulated for people watching their sugar.

Thanks 🙂 In the meantime, I went ahead and picked up some Glucerna, but honestly, it’s been a struggle. It causes so much bloating and just completely wreaks havoc on her stomach... it feels unsettled. I've tried having her sip it slowly instead of drinking it all at once, but it makes absolutely no difference... I'm just not sure. Is there actually any meaningful difference between the different varieties? What else can I possibly give her?

Hello there,

Someone very close to me is currently battling breast cancer. While she waits for her first round of chemotherapy—surgery is scheduled for later—I really want to do something special for her, but I’m feeling a bit lost on what might actually help. She’s having a incredibly hard time processing everything; she's dealing with a lot of sadness and anger, which, honestly, seems completely justified to me. I don't have much say in the medical logistics or the treatment plan itself—my role is mostly trying to be an emotional pillar through conversation—but lately, I feel like I'm struggling to truly reach her.
It isn't that I'm unsure of how to act; I believe I've been handling things correctly, but I can't shake this nagging feeling that I'm not making as much of a positive impact as I should.
It's as if nothing brings her joy anymore, so I'm at a loss for what to "offer" her.

Do you think people waiting to start these kinds of treatments are allowed to visit places like wellness centers, for instance? Are there any specific medical restrictions or precautions one should keep in mind regarding that?

Please forgive me if this sounds like a silly question—I am just feeling quite desperate in my attempt to support her. I worry that I might even be being a bit too persistent with my efforts, though I am trying my best to balance being there with giving her the space she needs... 😢

Carol Martinez said:Hi there,

Someone very close to me is battling breast cancer. While she’s waiting for her first round of chemo (surgery comes later), I want to do something special for her, but I'm stuck. She’s having a really hard time processing everything—mostly just feeling sad and angry, which I totally get. I don't have much say in the medical logistics; I'm mostly trying to be an emotional pillar through conversation, but I feel like I'm struggling to truly reach her.

It’s not that I don't know how to act; I think I’m doing the right things, but I can't shake this feeling that I'm not making enough of an impact.

It’s like nothing brings her joy anymore, so I don't know what to "offer."

Are people waiting to start these kinds of treatments allowed to visit wellness centers, for example? Are there any health restrictions regarding that?

Forgive me if this sounds like a silly question; I'm just feeling pretty desperate to help her. Maybe I'm being too pushy about it, but I'm trying to balance helping out with giving her space... 😢

The best thing you can do is connect her with women in her own circle who have gone through this or are going through it right now. No one will understand her better or be able to lift her up quite like they can. Organizations like local cancer support groups or national foundations are great places to find that kind of community.

Angela Wright said:The best thing you can possibly do is connect her with women from her own circle who have navigated this before—or are currently in the thick of it. Honestly, no one is better equipped than they are to step up and offer that kind of meaningful support. Organizations like "All That She Is" and Europa donna are fantastic resources where she can find that specific type of community and encouragement.

Thank you so much!
I actually believe she’s already reached out to one of those two organizations—it really seems like it'll be a huge help for her.

Hey everyone,

Has anyone here actually dealt with Dr. Shepard at the Tumor Clinic? So far, my own experience has been pretty solid, but honestly, when I stumble onto those online forums, people are just tearing him apart left and right. It’s enough to make you second-guess everything.
My sister was there recently dealing with breast cancer. They ended up removing it, and thankfully, it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes. The plan is six months of chemo followed by six months of targeted therapy. The doctors are saying we can realistically look forward to a full recovery after that.

So, what do you guys think? Has anyone else worked with him?