Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

Dad had a rough day today.
The oncologist called about the tumor bleeding 😢 saying they’ll do everything possible to keep it under control.
This is already the third time the tumor has bled... but today was the worst yet.
As soon as I heard the doctor's voice, I knew things weren't looking good.

I spent the whole afternoon crying my eyes out for Mom. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that Dad is actually losing this fight...

We’re cut from the same cloth, even if I stubbornly deny it, and besides, I’m 249 miles pretty far removed from my dad because I’m stuck working just to stay afloat..
Believe me, I get it. I don't even cry anymore; on one hand, I don't want him to suffer, but on the other, I just want him to stay with us..
I’m rooting for you too, even though we've never met. It’s the same pain.

Any updates?

We sat down with the oncologist yesterday, and unfortunately, they told us we've reached the point where there’s nothing left to try.
The radiation didn't work... the tumor hasn't shrunk at all. 😢

On top of everything, the tumor bleeds occasionally, and we're terrified he might hemorrhage, which can happen so easily.

For two days now, I've been living through a nightmare, just like everyone else here facing their own versions of this. It's hard to keep going when you know someone you love is simply fading away...

Once the radiation is finished, they'll be discharging him, and we've decided to bring him home. They offered hospice or a facility, but mentally he's doing okay—he's aware, still mobile enough to get to the bathroom.

I don't know how much care we'll actually be able to manage with the bleeding, but I just can't put him in a facility...

Things have taken a critical turn again..
I don't know what else to say—just hang in there. Cherish every single moment you have with him, because we all see how quickly life can hit you when you least expect it.

Just when I think things are looking up, everything tanks again...

Life is nothing but ups and downs. Hopefully we can carry whatever weight comes our way...

😢Every time you start feeling a little better, some new news hits and you're back to bleeding...😢

Exactly. Every tiny bit of progress is celebrated like a miracle cure, only for reality to hit hard again. I’ve dealt with so many stories lately—another family member and a close friend—where life just feels like waiting to wake up from a nightmare. Sadly, they're all gone now. My dad is still here, but at a devastating cost.

My father passed away this morning.

ruggedgardener74 said:My dad passed away this morning

Honestly, so sorry.

ruggedgardener74 said:My dad passed away this morning.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

ruggedgardener74 said:My dad passed away this morning.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Once you get logged back into Reddit, I'll have sent you a private message.

Hey everyone!
I was wondering if anyone here has dealt with something similar and might be able to offer some advice:

My mom is currently undergoing chemotherapy with capecitabine, and she’s dealing with some pretty intense hand-foot syndrome. Her feet are bright red and inflamed, and she has a few shallow sores that bleed occasionally. But honestly, the worst part for her is how much those little wounds sting and burn. It seems to calm down just a tiny bit during her off-weeks, but otherwise, the discomfort is constant. Her oncologist basically told us there isn't much they can do and that this is just part of the process.
Does anyone know of anything—creams, treatments, or even just tips—that could actually help soothe the symptoms or speed up the healing of those sores?

Thanks so much!

Robert Harris75 said:Hey
Maybe someone has some experience and can help with this situation:

My mom is on capecitabine chemo and she’s dealing with pretty intense hand-foot syndrome. Her feet are red, inflamed, and she has a few shallow sores that bleed sometimes, but the main thing is the pain and burning. It settles down a bit during her off-weeks, but mostly the symptoms just stick around. Her oncologist basically said there isn't much they can do and that it's just how it goes.
Does anyone know of anything that might help ease the symptoms or help the wounds heal?

Thanks

Hey. I wasn't on that specific treatment, but I used Immufen cream as a preventative specifically for that issue. I'm not totally sure if it's okay to put on skin that's already damaged, though. Immufen has 10% urea plus some other stuff.

There's also a cheaper, more "standard" alternative to that cream—I once got a foot cream with 10% urea as a gift. That helped my aunt, whose oncologists also told her they didn't have anything for it (her issues were milder). Anyway, nobody ever officially advised us to use creams, and I don't know how smart it is to use them on broken skin. Definitely check first. It's a shame you can't get this info right at the start of treatment; it's a mystery why most doctors don't seem to know about it... Looking at US sites, they really praise urea for preventing hand-foot syndrome, especially with capecitabine.

When you're dealing with sensitive skin that's prone to sores, I’ve found that the standard Bepanthen cream from the pharmacy is actually much better than the "plus" version—that one seems to have some kind of deficiency that just irritates the skin. Maybe it's just me, but I think the regular stuff wins. Another good option is the Hypo lanolin cream from Muller. It’s definitely more budget-friendly, though, in my opinion, Bepanthen still edges it out as the superior choice. Now, if you need to apply something to the back of a bedridden patient, the Hypo cream is great because it absorbs quickly and isn't overly greasy. It's honestly so much better than that heavy, oily Nivea lotion. For treating the legs of someone who can't move, the blue Muller cream in the round plastic tub has been my go-to. It’s a little bit richer, I guess, but it still sinks in pretty easily.

Creams containing urea can actually sting quite a bit on certain types of skin. It’s honestly what the instructions say, too. In my experience, using a Nivea cream from a tub ended up causing actual sores on my hands. Eventually, some Beloderm I got from the pharmacy helped clear things up. You need a prescription for it, though. I also think it’s a good idea to keep some Mirobact antibiotic ointment on hand for little wounds, just so they don't get infected. Then, you should probably cover them with gauze. With dressings, you never really know how your skin is going to react. For a while, I found that using Mepilex border light—it's this very thin dressing—really helped encourage the skin to heal itself.

ruggedgardener74 said:My dad passed away this morning.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. It’s been nine months for me now, but I guess there isn't a single day where I don't think about my dad. It’s just... different. Some things used to hit me so hard—like his shaving razor, which was such a constant reminder of him. I suppose I've finally started to get used to seeing it, though. But that deep ache, knowing he isn't here, that we can't just head out together... it stays with you. We had these wonderful private physical therapists who really helped us get him settled into a wheelchair so we could spend more time outdoors. Honestly, those moments—just being outside with him without having to rush anywhere—those were some of the best times. I'll always hold onto the memory of those kind people, and even the sweet younger sister from his home care agency who was always so genuinely helpful.

Betty Ramos16 said:Hey there! I wasn't actually on that specific treatment plan, but I did use Immufen cream as a preventative measure specifically for this issue. I'm honestly not 100% sure if it's safe to put on skin that's already broken or irritated, though. Immufen contains 10% urea along with some other extra ingredients.

There’s also a much cheaper, "standard" alternative to that fancy cream—I actually got my hands on a foot cream containing 10% urea as a gift once. It worked wonders for my aunt, even though her oncologists told her they didn't have anything at all to help with it (her issues were a bit milder than what we're talking about). Anyway, nobody ever officially advised us to use creams, and I really don't know how smart it is to apply them to damaged skin. You should definitely ask around, though. It’s such a shame you can't get this kind of info right when treatment starts; it's a total mystery why most doctors aren't clued in on this... If you look at US medical sites, they rave about using urea specifically to prevent hand-foot syndrome, especially while on capecitabine therapy.

Yeah, I've heard about that Immufen cream, but I haven't been able to track it down. The folks at the pharmacy tell me it's just not available here in the States... So, I ended up grabbing a different cream that has 10% urea instead.
Exactly! Creams like that are supposed to be used as a preventative measure for hand-foot syndrome, yet the oncologists don't say a single word about it... 🤦

mistyjackal842 said:If you're dealing with sensitive skin that's prone to sores, honestly, just grab the standard Bepanthen cream from the drugstore—it’s way better than that "plus" version, which seems to have some kind of deficiency that actually irritates the skin. Another great option is that lanolin-based Hypo cream you can pick up at Muller. It’s definitely cheaper, though I still think the regular Bepanthen is slightly superior. That Hypo cream is also super handy for applying to the back of a bedridden patient since it absorbs quickly and doesn't leave a greasy mess behind. It's a total lifesaver compared to that heavy, oily Nivea lotion. For treating legs on someone who isn't mobile, my go-to has always been that blue Muller cream in the round plastic tub. It’s a bit richer, but it still sinks in really easily.

Thanks!👍

I’ve honestly tried just about everything. For a long time, I was caring for a bedridden patient. Regarding those lanolin creams, I spent some time reading through various medical articles online and eventually reached my own conclusions about them. I remember one woman who was looking after her immobile mother, and her primary care physician suggested using Cicratidin hyaluronic cream. It didn't really work for my dad, though. But then again, I guess everyone reacts differently. Sometimes, I would combine it with Mirobact ointment and use gauze to make sure nothing got infected. Those were mostly superficial wounds. They seemed to heal much more easily on his legs since there wasn't as much pressure there—he even grew a new toenail once the old one fell off. For those, I also started out by applying Mirobact ointment and covering it with gauze, just like the doctor instructed. There were times when I used Byvacin ointment too, which is an antibiotic ointment.

So, since it’s basically been banned on Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, and all those other sites since back in 2013—you know, because they don't want you advertising pharma stuff—I figured I'd try my luck here! If anyone actually needs them, I've got some CCNU tablets left over from chemo that I'm looking to part with... and honestly, way cheaper than those insanely inflated retail prices you see now. It's getting ridiculous!
The best way to reach me is just through a private message here on Reddit.