Support for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses (Part II)

Hi everyone. My mom is currently in the hospital fighting bone cancer. She’s been battling this for years, but things have taken a really dark turn lately.
She doesn't recognize us anymore, she won't eat, and her mental state is just... it's bad. Today, the staff at Peter Memorial Hospital told us we need to come in for a meeting because they're considering discharging her. What am I supposed to do? My dad is also sick, and our only income is $767 my mother's Social Security. She needs round-the-clock care. I honestly don't know how I'll manage feeding her or helping her with basic needs. What are my options here? Does anyone know what nursing homes actually cost? Has anyone gone through something similar? I feel completely lost on what to do next.

Ethan Roberts23 Asks:
Infected? That’s a stretch. Brain metastases typically spread through the bloodstream—hematogenous spread—rather than via the lymphatic system. So, having a swollen lymph node in your neck isn't some definitive omen that brain metastases are on the way.
Given how widespread the disease has become, finding metastases in the neck lymph nodes doesn't actually change the prognosis or our plan for treatment.

Thanks for the heads-up. Honestly, in the middle of all this chaos, that’s actually some decent news.

Hey everyone, a new association just got formed (I think it might even be the first one?) specifically for people dealing with brain tumors. Here’s the link:
I couldn't make it to the first meeting, but I'm definitely going to the next one.

Kudos to them, but honestly, I’d much prefer if the founders were just everyday people—family members or laypeople—rather than all these high-level experts... wishing you nothing but the best with everything you do.

Angela Wright said:Kudos to you, but honestly, I’d much prefer if the founders were just regular people—family members who aren't professionals. Wishing you tons of success with everything.

Basically, this association was "born" because of a medical technician whose husband passed away from glioblastoma. She's the driving force behind the group. Since we're all out here fighting this glioblastoma fate—because let's be real, it's more of a destiny than a diagnosis—it would be an absolute honor to get involved and help out. I want to see as many people join us as possible so we can share our experiences, fears, hopes, struggles, and ways to cope. We already do that here on this forum, but why not take it a step further and have actual professionals by our side? And the professionals will bring their expertise to the table too. Maybe it's actually better to have it run through the pros. After all, they are the institutions. Our oncologists, Prof. Santek and Dr. Loncar, are actively involved (or will be) in supporting this young organization. Either way, having that kind of professional insight isn't a bad thing. Best of luck to everyone.

Mom is leaving us 😢 this Monday at 6 AM. The funeral is tomorrow. Hang in there, everyone—sending a big hug to anyone who needs it right now...

Sam White62 said:My mom is heading out 😢 this Monday at 6 AM. The funeral is tomorrow. Hang in there, everyone—sending a huge hug to anyone who needs it right now...

I am so incredibly sorry; please accept my deepest, most sincere condolences. I wish you peace, and I hope she finds eternal peace where she is headed. ❤

Sam White62 said:My mother passed away 😢 this Monday at 6 AM. The funeral is tomorrow. Hang in there, everyone. Sending strength to those who need it most...

Please accept my deepest, most sincere condolences...

Sam White62 said:Mom. 😢 Monday morning at 6:00 AM. The funeral is tomorrow. Hang in there, everyone—sending a huge hug to all those who might need one right now.

My deepest condolences. 😢

Sam White62 said:My mom is heading out 😢 this Monday at 6 AM. The funeral is tomorrow. Hang in there, everyone. Sending a huge hug to anyone else out there who needs it right now...

Please accept my deepest condolences. I am so incredibly sorry about your mother and your loss. A mother is truly one of a kind—she's irreplaceable. But, she's in a better place now, far away from all the pain and suffering...
Even though she isn't here anymore, she’ll always be right there with you through every memory and every thought.

We spent the day at the Mayo Clinic today. My father-in-law needs to get his blood work done before starting six cycles of chemo (cisplatin plus FU5). The doctor is truly wonderful—exceptionally kind, warm, and professional.
She explained that everything following the surgery was handled strictly according to protocol and that no errors were made. We are now entering the chronic phase, where chemo is administered to prevent any further spread; essentially, we’re managing a terminal situation by trying to buy more time. However, I actually found it somewhat comforting how she presented it to everyone, almost as if we were discussing management for something like chronic arthritis.
She also checked the lymph nodes in his neck, which, thank God, aren't palpable.
He’ll be receiving the treatment over four days in an outpatient setting, as she suggested that this is much better for a patient's mental state than a full five-day hospital stay.

My guinea pig is my whole world.

So, just like the little guy, we decided she shouldn't spend her final days stuck in some hospital ward; she’s staying here with us at home.
It’s midnight, and my shift has officially started. She's exhausted from coughing so much that she's finally lying still, seemingly asleep after hours of tossing and turning. She barely touched her food yesterday, and even drinking is a struggle because of her swallowing issues. She's calm for now, but I'm terrified that when another coughing fit hits, she'll actually suffocate. It's a nightmare. The vet told us to call 911, but honestly, we were just at the ER ten days ago and she absolutely refuses to go back. That experience was traumatic for her. She made it very clear: never again.
I'm just scared of what comes next..

Did Parizer set up any kind of hospice care?
You should also get in touch with the local hospice volunteer association. They have their own palliative care teams that can walk you through exactly what to do and how to handle things in this situation.
Hang in there and stay strong—you'll get through this. God helps those who help themselves!

Yeah, both home health and hospice are involved. They practically begged me to call 911, and now we’re just sitting here waiting. They didn't want anyone taking her away—we promised her she could stay. Honestly, she's either unconscious right now or just too out of it to know where she is... or maybe she does. Whatever. The ambulance is almost here.

They’re saying it’s urgent because things are so bad that even the drive out to the vineyard would be too risky. Looks like Sekino is running out of time.

I'm so sorry... hang in there... just do the absolute best you can 😢

I stumbled onto this forum right when I found myself needing some conversation and maybe a little bit of support. I’ve had to get my Dad settled into the New York City emergency room because of a brain tumor; he’s 72 years old. Everything had been relatively okay until just last week, honestly. Nobody suspected a thing. Then, out of nowhere, his speech started getting all garbled. We initially thought he might have had a stroke. Since the hospital staff here wasn't jumping on things immediately—and I live in a small town, USA, quite a distance from the city—we went ahead and paid for a private CT scan ourselves. He should be transferred over to neurosurgery via ambulance in a few days. They suspect it might be metastatic, though they aren't entirely sure yet. The mass is about 33x35 mm, and it's causing weakness on his left side along with the speech issues. Tomorrow, they’ll let us know if they plan to go through with surgery or if they'll opt for radiation instead. I guess, what can we realistically expect at this stage, or is there even anything to expect at all? We are all just in complete shock. Thank God for any kind of response you might have

Alex, I’m really sorry... It’s tough to say what to expect here. Most likely, the brain will start radiating immediately, trying to figure out where this whole mess actually originated. Usually, when things hit the brain, they travel from somewhere like the lungs or the kidneys, but it could honestly come from anywhere. That said, you’d typically expect him to have felt some other symptoms by now if that were the case.

He’s already had surgery on a prostate tumor, and they removed his thyroid along with a malignant skin carcinoma, though they aren't calling it melanoma just yet. There is still some suspicion surrounding that skin lesion. I suppose I feel somewhat relieved that there is only one metastasis at this stage, but until they actually perform a biopsy, they can't say for certain what they're dealing with. The hardest part, I guess, is just listening to how difficult it is for him to speak. They’ve started preparing us for the possibility that he might lose his speech entirely or lose his mobility, though I really hope the therapy helps rather than making things worse afterward. I don't know. I try to hold onto some hope that because they’ve kept him in the hospital, there might still be a chance left. It feels like people are trying to brace me for the worst. Uh, I just feel so helpless, and I would honestly do anything to change this.

Rebecca Cooper15 said:He had surgery for a prostate tumor, they removed his thyroid, and he has skin cancer—though they aren't certain it's melanoma yet. They suspect the skin issue might be the source. Honestly, I’m relieved there’s at least one visible metastasis, but until they run a biopsy, nothing is set in stone. The hardest part is hearing how much he’s struggling to speak. The doctors have already started preparing us for the possibility that he might lose his speech or mobility entirely, though I’m desperately hoping the therapy helps rather than making things worse. I don't know. I’m clinging to the hope that since they kept him in the hospital, there's still a fighting chance. It feels like people are just trying to brace me for the worst. God, I feel so helpless; I would do absolutely anything to fix this.

Surgery is definitely the best move here—they need to pinpoint exactly where that metastasis originated.
He really needs a PET Scan to see if there are any other hotspots hiding in his body.
I know that feeling of total helplessness all too well, but please know that everything possible is being done to help him.
My Mom had surgery for a massive primary brain tumor, and aside from some babbling after the procedure, she didn't have any neurological issues. By the second day, they had her up and walking to the bathroom on her own. So, it doesn't always end in permanent damage; if there are setbacks, there is plenty of room for rehabilitation through therapy.
The speech issues he's dealing with right now are likely due to edema caused by the tumor; it puts pressure on one side of the brain, which kills off the centers controlling facial motor skills on the opposite side of the body (since the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body, and vice versa).
He is in the best hands possible right now, and honestly, no one can tell you with absolute certainty how this will play out. All you can do is trust the medical team and trust his strength to pull through. You have to stay composed and stay as positive as possible when you're by his side, because that’s exactly what he needs from you.
Hang in there.